Monthly Archives: May 2014

Hash Trash # 744 on 5/22/14. The Big Lebowski Hash

744haresThis week, our Hares, Dung Fu Grip, Pink Cherry Licker and Hugh Heifer decided to do a Big Lebowski themed hash.  The pack met up at Tampico, Hugh Heifer’s favorite joint.   Hashers were asked to dress like a character from the movie.  There were several Dudes in bathrobes, Pink Cherry Licker and Broke Bench Mountain dressed like Walter, Hugh was Donnie, Princess Di (arrhea) and Finger Nips were Maude and yours truly was Bunny Lebowski.  Waxi Pad showed up as “The Big Pavelski”.  Puff dressed like Puff.  He has said on several occasions that he dislikes “themed costume hashes”.  He’s the first drag queen that I met that doesn’t like to dress up.  WTF!  Come on Puff!  It’s fun!

There were 3 trails and the intricate plan was devised after the hares smoked a lot of weed.  There was a Dude trail (Dung Fu), a Walter trail (Pink Cherry Licker) and a Donnie trail (Hugh Heifer).  All trails lead to a white Russian check in the beach flats and ended at the parking area on east Cliff Drive overlooking Seabright Beach.  744beercheck

Donnie died, and so did his trail, after the white Russian check, however no one found his ashes.  Several cars honked at yelled cat calls at Princess Di (arrhea) for her outfit.  There was a nut job on the beach and Just Jeff started yelling pirate shit at him.  Some chick approached the group and asked for help solving a crossword puzzle.  Pink Cherry Licker gave her the answer and she went on her merry little way.

Religion was in the parking lot above the bowling alley.  Hairy Potter was RA, Thmp-Thmp was Beer Fairy.

744namingJust Jeff was up for naming.  The last 2 hashes, he showed up dressed like a pirate.  Aside from being an asshole, he also was a bee keeper.  He was named Bee Qeefer.  Welcome to the hash!  Virgin Evan was called up next.  Moose Turd Pie made him cum.  That dude seemed like he was on his own trip.  Possibly an alien from mars.  He told a lame joke.  There were 2 analversaries- Broke bench Mountain celebrated his 225th hash and Puff the “I don’t want to dress up” Drag Queen celebrated his 669th consecutive hash!  Get a life!  Accuprick, Choka Cola, dBASED and Puff drank for not wearing costumes.  Religion was cut short by some asshole tourist who couldn’t park his minivan.  He got out of his vehicle and yelled “you don’t belong here!”  He got on his phone.  We suspected he was calling the cops, so the hash left in peace.  And the Hares…………

See you Wankers on Thursday!

On On,

Shallow “Bunny” Hole


Tidal Hash, Hash 743

Our Hash scribets have had had a perfect system of recently. They schedule Occasional Rapist when she is either on vacation or about to head out on vacation, so I get to do it instead. Last time Occasional Rapist was scheduled to be the scribe she was working from Las Vegas. This time she was headed to Rotan Honduras for a scuba diving trip in less than 36 hours after the Hash. I’m supposed to be getting some compensation for being her replacement, but it has not happened yet.

During this past Thursday’s Hash it had completely slipped my mind I was the scribe. I was reminded from Honduras on Sunday I had agreed. So, anything I write now must have been really noteworthy. Occasional Rapist misadventures in Honduras seem much more interesting right now, but you’ll have to ask her about those when she gets back. I am also interested to hear about our adventurers to Bay to Blackout. I am sure those details will be forthcoming soon as well.

Hash 743 started from the hotel bar of The Dream Inn called Jack Oneil’s lounge. The Dream Inn will always be memorable for me as it’s where I consummated my current marriage. Of course it is quite nice, so I’ll probably never have an occasion to spend another night there.

This area of Santa Cruz is turning into a popular hashing spot of recent. Of course we had just been by here last Saturday for The Red Dress run. Hash 733 also started at Jack Oneils and Hash 732 went close by. Hash 744, The Big Lebowski, this next Thursday is in the neighborhood as well. I am happy to report that at least hash 745 will be not be in the vicinity. It will be in Scotts Valley.

Today’s Hash was supposed to be set by Achy Breaky Snatch and step dad New Kids on My Cock. She informed me that since she signed up, he job hours have changed and she has to work 4:30 – 12:30, so will not be seeing us for a while. Twisted Fisted filled in as a stunt hare.

As I sat at the bar next to Cumz out my Nose at the start, she informed me she had spotted the hares pre-laying. Their comment was, it is fucking hot! Is not the temperature the same for the pack as for hares, or did the hares think there is a dramatic temperature shift between when the hares leave and when the pack leaves? While the hares were worried about the temperature, apparently the one thing they did not take into consideration was the tide.

While trail seemed to be commonly observed as a cluster fuck by the pack, I missed the fucked up part. There was a check in front of the wharf and a long ass false to Neptune’s Kingdom at the Boardwalk. I suspected the hares really meant Back Checked, so I headed up Cliff Street, then left on 2nd. I figured to hit trail somewhere by Depot Park. At Depot Park, I saw Hashers retreating on the railroad tracks. In my mind, this left one option open to the hares – take West Cliff Drive and return via Neary Lagoon.  So, I took Neary Lagoon to where I had been the host for the hurricane check outside of Neary Lagoon for The Red Dress Run. No marks there, so I stuck my tail between my legs and took Bay back towards West Cliff, figuring to find trail somewhere along the way.

Back to West Cliff, and I still found no trail, so I headed back towards the last known mark and found where disaster had struck. I found pack marks towards the beach and Thmp-Thmp retreating.  Apparently, there was a liquor check down a ways, and trail was supposed to continue on and up the stairs.  However, the tide had come up since the hares were there, and the trail was impassible. That is, unless you are Puff. If memory serves me right, the last time a hare tried this technique, was Cockiss with Hash 100. On that day around 12 years ago, Puff wrote:

If we had the feet of a mountain goat, we might, and I mean might, just be able to scratch and paw our way up the rocks used as a breakwater. I’m not swimming to the stairs at Lighthouse Point so I’ve no option really. By holding on to the hound in front and forming a human chain, eventually all hounds reassembled on West Cliff Drive and continued westward ..

On this day, Puff decided if he had done it 12 years ago, he could do it again, and scrambled down the rocks to the stairs. All others retreated and looped around to West Cliff.

From there is was a fairly uneventful trail. There was a back check 7 and back check 11 though from our villainous hares along the way though. The trail looped through the neighbors, through Lighthouse Field to a liquor check (Whisky) across West Cliff and a back check 11 which Shallow Hole and I found. Shallow Hole and I grabbed the Whisky knowing no one else from the pack would come there. Beer check was soon discovered in the trees in Lighthouse Field.

Rumor has it, beer check was inhabited by numerous mosquitoes. However, I have been in many places in the world where many people have been attacked by mosquitoes and I have felt none. So, I noticed none.

Eventually, we reconvened under the railroad tracks across from the start for religion. RA number 1, Accuprick, was not there. RA number 2, Dung Fu Grip, showed his snout at the end but had not done trail. So, RA number 3, Timmy was elected and he elected Finger Nips as his beer fairy.

Pink Cherry Licker got her 69th Hash patch and she appeared to pickled pink about it.

We had one Virgin in Virgin Andrew. He’d heard about the Hash via friends in DC and found our local Kennel on the Internet. He told some lame joke.

He had travelers from afar (Lake Tahoe) in Dickens Chickens and Cheek and Dong. Cheeck and Dong has an interesting memory. He thinks his hash count should be around 25, but in fact, it is 4.

The On-On-On was a South Beach Pizza. May the Hash go in Peace!

Hash Trash # 741 on May 8, 2014

741barA Birthday Hippie, a Hill and 2 Namings!

It was a memorable trip up to Boulder Creek this week.  Hashers took over the bar area of the Boulder Creek Brewery.   It was Hugh Heifer’s birthday and she chose the start location based on where she thought she would get the most free drinks.  Cum Lord was her Co-Hare.  741hares

Creekers like Pussy Galore, Mortal Enema, Shut Up and Run Bitch, Too Drunk to Fuck, Broke Bench Mountain, Mass Storage Device and Just Jeff showed up.  Just Jeff thought it was a pirate hash and showed up in full regalia.  I saw Goat Blower briefly outside the bar.  She said she couldn’t stay because she had a band gig.

We were told there would be a runners trail and a walkers trail.  According to my GPS, the runners trail was 2.33 miles, went into the woods and straight up a big ass steep hill.  After the pointless climb, hashers took the treacherous trek down the steep, slippery slope.

741accuThe easiest way seemed to be sliding down on our asses.  Despite the drought, there was a little water in the creek.  Hugh was down below at the liquor check.  Word on the street was the walker trail was carrying stuff up to beer check.  She told hashers to continue going down until we found beer check.  There was no flour, but we figured it out.  Broke Bench Mountain had to carry is trusty dog Porter to beer check.  We thought Puff was lost, but he finally showed up.  We couldn’t call him because there was no cell service in that location.  But then of course, the dinosaur doesn’t have a cell phone!  I don’t think the mountain lions would get him.  They would take one sniff and run away.

Religion was on a street.  It was getting dark and drizzling out.  Accuprick was RA and Cumcerto was Beer Fairy.  First called up hashers who fell on trail, Accuprick, Fap Jack, Just Shane.  Backsliders Mother’s Little Felcher, Cum Lord, Pussy Galore, Mortal Enema, Shut Up and Run Bitch, Too Drunk to Fuck were punished.  Pink Cherry Licker, Princess Di (arrhea), Just Carolyn, Just Shane and Just Jeff.  They all did a shot and a beer.  The Human Pube celebrated his 25th Analversary.

We had 2 namings!

741naming1Just Carolyn said she “sold stuff on ebay”.  Hashers quickly decided she was obviously selling porn and dildos.  She was named Discunt Dildo!  741naming2

Just Kevin is a music student at Cabrillo who lives with his parents.  According to his cohorts, he likes to smoke “moles”.  A bowl with pot and tobacco.  He was named

Mole Blower!  Welcome to the hash!  And last but not least, the Hares……………

Happy Birthday to Hugh Heifer, our Lovely Beer Meister!  Thank you for never buying Budweiser and keeping the beer trough full of cold ones for our enjoyment.

711 hare end hugh hare hugh3 hugh2 hugh1 greenhugh








On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash #740 Stinko De Mayo

Thmp Thmp and Princess Di-arrhea led us to Beer Thirty! I think this place will be well visited over the summer! Before they left, they asked if everyone knew about STFU, and what it stood for (they are notorious for this now). Trail started out on Main street. Right away we had to climb a hill, which luckily for us was the only real hard part of trail. I noticed this is where Fap Jack, PCL, and Electric Labia Land decided to turn around. We then traversed through towards Capitola Ave. and crossed the street bridge over into Capitola parts. Trail then led us through a very private upscale mobile home park, the Brookvale Terrace, this is where we saw STFU chalk markings. This was a surprising well managed park, I’m not one to want to live in a mobile home park but if I had to, this definitely would be the one! Trail led down the oasis Brookvale creek, and then up another hill, but well paved I might add. Then we worked our way to a very private cool little park nestled in between 3 streets, a triangle shaped park, at Cortez st., Columbus Dr., and Sir Francis Ave.’s. This is where we found a potted Cactus Pinata hanging from the biggest tree! By the time the DFL’s approached we witnessed Deep Stroke swinging away at the pinata like she was on a war path! Out flew a mini bar and Toostie Lolly-pops! There was tequila, rum, schnaaps, and hot fire flavored mini liquor bottles. A Hasher’s dream! We hung out awhile to give the hares some time to head out. It was funny as there we’re kids and parents hanging out on the playground near us and once they saw what flew out of the Pinata they left mysteriously? Trail then headed on out towards Monterrey Ave. towards Bay Ave. Beer Check happended in a parking lot off Bay at (~3.5 miles by my map), near the freeway underpass. Then it was a hop skip and no jump to the Lions Park (on Main)where religion commenced. RA was Accuprick, beer fairy Twisted Fister! We had to make religion run fast as a cop pulled up shortly after we started, lucky for us the cop was looking for a “Domestic Abuse call” and when he heard we we’re there gathering after our friendly “run”, I do not believe he even stepped foot into the park! Yaay. Noted down downs; Backsliders: Diddler on the Roofie and Shiny Snail Trail, Slonad? Also Twisted celebrated a down down for his 50th Surf City hash with us! Dung-Fu Grip drank for doing his 25th consecutive hash with us! Get a life get a life get a life life life…

And the hares!…….

See you half-minds at the BC brewery tonight!


Anniversary Hash

Seeing as how Puff and I were the only two Hashers in attendance that were at Norm and Pearl’s wedding 11 years ago, it somehow correct that I was the scribe for this hash. Looking back at Hash trashes back at that time, I can find no mention of Norm and Pearl’s nuptials. Since Puff wrote most of them, I can think of only one reason those nuptials were not mentioned – Jealously. Ya see, as many may not know, Puff used to date Norm.  However, I know there were many in between Pearl for Norm. As best as I can determine, there have none since for Puff.

Norm and Pearl’s wedding was technically a Beer Trollers Hash. Never heard of the Beer Trollers? That’s because I think that might have been the last one there was. Norm was the founder of Beer Trollers and it was a periodic pub crash hash. No running involved usually. Still, if I recall correctly, we might have run some for their M Word run. Norm (and Pearl) wanted to be able to do their M Word run their way, so they decided Beer Trollers was the way to go. I guess the current tyrants of the Monterey Bay Hash (Me) or the Surf City Hash (Giant Athletic Supporter) were not tolerant enough for her composition.

I barely heard the hares pre-run brief or anything else before the pack departed as I was too preoccupied with making sure that this weekend 12 Hashers leave Santa Cruz and return home in one piece after running 191 miles. However, this comment should be ignored as while it has to do with Hashers and some beer, it has nothing to do with Hashing.

Before we get on to this weeks trail, you be wondering, why am I the scribe this week? Well, Occasional Rapist was caught at work in Las Vegas, Pink Cherry Licker was caught doing her third job, and Shallow Hole’s mind was in New Orleans where she was soon headed. I’ll note that it seems Occasional Rapist favorite work activity in Las Vegas was seeing Thunder Down Under with co-workers. How is that for NSFW?

Seeing as how I had hared 3 weeks out of the last 4, I was looking forward to doing trail this week. However, my hashing senses stated there was not going to much of a trail and that turned out to be true. The Hares had a date with Santa Cruz Warriors and nothing was going to deter them. I honestly thought we might head straight to Kaiser stadium, have a beer check close by, and the hares would abandon us.  Instead, the hares ran us in a 1.5 mile loop with beer check across the street from their house. They fooled a few, including me, by having beer check at some patio area instead of in the back parking lot.

When I arrived at beer check, and proclaimed the trail was 1.5 miles long, Last Call Norm proclaimed she said it felt like 2.5. I think what she really meant was 10. That happens when you Hash once a year. Before you go berating the length of this trail, I want to you to know the length of this trail was typical in old Surf City Hash days. Most of the trails we do these might have resulted in hare dismemberment. After the hares caught their breath, and soon after the pack arrived, they were off to see the Warriors. The Hasher who had the hardest time catching their breath was Nippleless Butt. He looked like had run 10 miles in the heat of the day. He did not recover unless Hugh Heffer offered him a dog bowl of water at religion.

The pack wandered across the street to religion. While there, Dog Breath fucked the cat, Diddler on the Roofie peed in the bushes, Dung Fu Grip was the RA with The Human Pube was the Beer Fairy.

The highlight of trail was when My Little Bony saw a horrific car accident and was forced to relieve his horrified eyes at the 007. This caused him to miss the beer check. Amazingly, no one else saw the car accident. He was rewarded for chivalry as well as being a backslider at religion.

The backslider of the week award went to Cumz out my Nose. The Hash caused her such displeasure she actually went to the hospital the next day or so.

Twisted Fister and Shallow Hole checked out the missed Alcohol check from the Lampshade Hash while on trail. Inadvertently, they drug a couple of Hashers with them. They discovered some homeless people had found it. They were rewarded for providing alcohol to homeless people.

This weeks’s anniversary was Timmy for his 420th hash, only a week or so after 4/20.

We had two virgins in Virgin Jessica and Virgin Shane. However, whatever they did must not have been noteworthy as I have no memory of it.

The Hash went in Peace, but I had no rejoicing that night as Occasional Rapist was in Las Vegas. She has promised me some rejoicing this week for submitting this document before Hash 740 begins.