It was the Thursday before St. Patty’s night
Hashers swarmed Malone’s to avoid a fight
The unsightly pale skin
and green dresses couldn’t win
It gave the folk of Scotts Valley quite a fright

Hashers crowded the bartender at Malone’s
She cursed hashers servicing them alone
Wishing they’d hurry to leave
Not without tipping please
She’s still uttering obscenities from home

There were hordes of hideous prom dresses
You’ve never seen more uglier tresses
Tutus, four leaf clovers
and Santa Cruz pull-overs
Completed the look of unsightly hashes

Trail sent all romping through Scotts Valley
A jaunt by the dumpster, taking its tally
Leaving the trash behind
The locals seemed to mind
Not even the DFLs would dally

To the home of the Falcons we went
Some of the hashers were already spent
And not in the good way
But not lost on the freeway
Back to the check for the drunkards that meant

Virgin Kelsi was visiting from Cincinnati
New to the group; thankfully not bratty
Ho2Housewife smelled a bush
Dog Breath gawked at her tush
While the rest of the crew smoked a phatty

Some were ready for Hari Kari
Others acting much more merry
I Saw Naked People
Dude, that guy’s medieval!
And Fucked Over Fest was anointed beer fairy

We had some guests from the Valley
Where is that?  Check Rand McNally
Yellow Brick Load got drunk
And his toga had a funk
Waiting for Arabian Gobbler’s finale