If only all elections were this easy! It’s been a very emotional week in American politics, but let’s focus on the positive. Hash politics! In the Surf City hash world, Half Minds from all walks of life (usually) get along. WE DON’T CARE about race, color, religion, food preferences or sexual orientation! All we care about is shitty trails and drinking beer! It’s a dysfunctional family that seems to work just fine. Believe it or not, the hash doesn’t run on it’s own. There are folks who volunteer for mismanagement positions and usually run unopposed. That was the case again this year. Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack are continuing their 2 year term as GM’s. I think they did a fabulous job this past year! It’s not easy to herd a bunch of drunken cats. We drank a lot of beer, had some great events and stayed out of jail!
Trail was short and shitty and included a tour of San Lorenzo Park, liquor check at Callahan’s and beer check on top of Oswald’s Parking Garage. Religion was inside El Palomar. Dung Fu Grip was RA. Nurse Milkacockus, Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy were punished for throwing food. They were actually trying to catch pieces of candy in their mouths. There were a few Analversaries: Puff celebrated his 869th, TIMMY!! celebrated his 550th, Fap Jack celebrated his 150th , and Bacon Queef celebrated her 69th SCH3 hash! Get a fucking life (especially Puff). Wicked Retahted was called up for a down down “just because”. We all drank to celebrate the legalization of pot in California! The current year’s mismanagement was called up for a down down thank you. There was another naming! Just Doug was luck to have his 5th hash land on AGM, when Wankers are extra rowdy and intoxicated! All I know about him is that he used to hash in Japan, but was never named there. Well The pack though of a name pretty easily. And not in the traditional fashion. It was while we were waiting for Just Doug to arrive at Beer Check. And from this day forward, he will be forever known as Cold Smegma Kamikaze. Welcome to the hash!
Best Trail: Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp Thmp for trail through Henry Cowell to observation deck.
Worst Trail: Cum Fartzone and Jizziki’s pre-layed trail through Capitola
Biggest Wanker: Hangs Loose (who was not present)
Stupidest Act: Cum Fartzone’s noon pre-lay that upset the paranoid neighbors and set off terror on Next Door.com
Look at Me Award: Tie between Taco Tramp and Hangs Loose. She accepted the ball gag in his honor.
Election Results: Year 16 Mismanagement:
GMs: Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack
Hash Flash/Cash: Puff the Magic Drag Queen
Haberdasher: Occasional Rapist
RA’s: Accuprick and Dung Fu Grip
Hare Raiser: Twisted Fister
Social Secretaries: Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp Thmp
Beer Meister: Rotating position this year. Please see the GM’s if you want to volunteer for a stint.
Hash Scribe Raiser: Pussy Wood. Please email her to sign up! Pblaimont.email@example.com
Why should only a few select individuals have all the fun of writing Hash Trash every week? I’m sure you’re all pretty sick of me after 5 years. As a typical Half Mind, I forgot when I first volunteered for this job. After some research, looks like I started being Scribe with Occasional Rapist in 2011. Damn! No wonder I was sick of it! We were both new to the hash at the time and dBASED persuaded us to volunteer. Anyway, just like Hashers sign up to Hare trails, Hashers can sign up to write Hash Trash for the week. Pussy Wood will post it for you on the website. No writing experience necessary! Every computer has spell check. Unfortunately it doesn’t recognize weird spelling of hash names. You don’t even have to be sober to write it! Some of my best work was under the influence of alcohol. There are no rules! You can use whatever format you want. It will be good to get a different flavor each week. I only write from the FRB perspective. I’m sure there’s a lot more drama and debauchery going on further back in the pack. And this way, there’s not a long term commitment. Just give it a try and sign up for a week. I’m not going anywhere. You’ll still hear from me occasionally.