Monthly Archives: October 2017

Hash 930: Dogbreaths revenge

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*NOTE: The entirety of this trash is copy-paste from Puff’s flickr photo captions of this trail.

First Responders Today Is Monday, Dual Tools, TIMMY!!, Princess Di(arrhea) and Jizziki unabashedly raided the beer trough with impunity. Due to the Fear Level, only a small pack assembled at Wilder Ranch for another Dog Breath-Baker’s Dozen’t Death March. Co-hare Baker’s Dozen’t mentally concocts the lies he wishes to mislead the pack with for Instructions of Trail. As hares Baker’s Dozen’t and Dog Breath prepared to deliver Instructions of Trail, I noted the heft of their flour bags. I fear even the Turkey’s are in for a visit to mortal Hades this evening!

The hares
The hares

Eagle Trail hare Dog Breath tells us about the beautiful scenery and history we will see. I fear some of us may become part OF history while attempting this trail. Virgins Obe and Paul listened intently as dBASED explained the marks they may see along trail. As this turned out to be a major Shiggy Fest, they saw little other than flour and, after a hell of a long time, the BN. The most dangerous creature we encountered this evening was our hare-pair. Cum You Will Not and Princess Di(arrhea) were no doubt humming the Beatles’ tune, The Long and Winding Road before reaching the promised waterfall. A few more hundred degree days and it will fade into history though.

The remnants of a large lime kiln were seen,  with an LC mark. Sadly, all the Eagles were shorted here as one of the Turkey hounds absconded with the Jagermeister! Stay tuned though, this thieving dog, which turned out to be Cum-you-will-not will be punished during Religion.

Virgin
Virgin

Virgin Obe sang a song for Joke, Song or Body Part. Here we see him serenading us with a drinking song from his native Norway. Someone recorded this tune and translated it via a computer program. According to the translation, Obe found us repulsive, foolish and large scale drunkards. Thank you, Obe!! Dual Tools(Up My Ass) and Today Is Monday served the role of ambassadors from the FHAC-U H3. Just an excuse for a free beer knowing these two jokers though. And the hares… Baker’s Dozen’t and Dog Breath. Trail scenery was beautiful but an ATV would have been a vastly superior means of conveyance though. On-on-on was held at Burger.

Finally, the end of that trail
Finally, the end of that trail

The vast majority of the pack hit the bar first thing. Yeah, it was a long 5 minute drive here from Religion, I can understand how everyone got so damned thirsty after such a long time without a drink!

On on,

Mostly Puff the Magic Drag Queen, copy-pasted by the worst scribe in SCH3 history Pussy Wood

 

 

Hash 928: M-Word Hash Redux, nothing learned from prior mistakes!

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*NOTE: Completely&Shamelessly copy-pasted from Puff’s flickr

Real Boring Bitch lectured those that would listen about his expectations for this trail. Incidentally, none were fulfilled. Co-hare dBASED, wearing the same shirt from 4 years ago, gave details about this redo of his M-Word Hash(marriage) to Occasional Rapist. Sadly for us, this trail proved far less successful than has their marriage.

36425819170_ce5f1cea67_oPearl Necklace’s front yard looked like Sunday Wharf to Barf again but at least no one’s throwing up this time! …yet… Junk Puncher and Hugh Heifer anxiously awaited a check to be solved. Hugh says, I’m not getting any closer to beer standing here!! The San Lorenzo River isn’t sure what to do when it gets to the Boardwalk, part wants to visit the Boardwalk and part wishes to merge with Monterey Bay. A river fording had to happen but luckily no drownings this time around.  Even early on Thursday the Santa Cruz Boardwalk was beginning to fill with people. We almost lost trail when crossing the Boardwalk and later learned janitorial personnel ‘cleaned-up’ the flour placed by the hare almost as soon as it was dropped!

36425799890_5ddd46a98f_oBridge under construction and not safe for pedestrians yet? Hey, not a problem for this hare, just move the damn fence and let the poor hounds fend for themselves as the pack moved across probably illegal property.

Finally we got to the end. Accuprick assumed the role of Religious Adviser and Just Foot Pussy stayed away from the altar as Beer Fairy. RA Accuprick welcomes 1-4 Ho as a visitor whom, I feel I should mention, premiered a new hash song of her own invention for us this night. Backsliders Jizziki, Just Sara, Banana Basher and Pearl Necklace were duly punished.Hugh Heifer was chided for lounging around at the back of circleup swilling-away and not participating in Religion.RA Accuprick details Virgin Eric’s options for Joke, Song or Body Part. He went the joke route. Sorry, harriettes. Hangs Loose drunkenly celebrates his 69th hash with us. He may actually remember it for a week or two as well. Non-runners Pearl Necklace, Deadliest Snatch, Hangs Loose and Broke Bench Mountain were chastised. RA Accuprick allows Dog Breath to take control of the altar and announce his Bring-your-own-pool Pool Party this October. Religion devolves into a discussion over mundane subject matter only made interesting because participants Accuprick and Shallow Hole are intoxicated. Here we see Cuntjungle ‘spooning’ with Poon Doggy. While many of you will find this ‘cute’, personally I found this sight highly disturbing and very unsettling.

35987945254_e3aa22c19d_oJust Sara awaits the RA’s announcement of the result of her naming ceremony. She appears both happy and anxious to learn her hash moniker. Let’s see if that smile survives the RA’s proclamation! Allow me to introduce our newest kennel mate: Bridge Over Troubled Twaters. She appears, well, less than over-joyed shall we phrase it!! We shan’t be divulging THIS to Mom, she’s thinking to herself.  Keeping her ‘game face’ on, Bridge Over Troubled Twaters says, At least my name is original! And the hares…the happy groom and bride(plus 4 years) dBASED and Occasional Rapist. Sadly, after THIS trail they were the ONLY one’s smiling! Goodnight from Trail 928. May the Hash go in Peace.

On on,

Puff the Magic Drag Queen and the copy-paster Pussy Wood

902: Only thing fallen farther than these trees is our hare

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Happy Spring!
       33671284085_9fa8b88796_oThat was the only good event that transpired this past week though. Dog Breath stumbled off a aeroplane Monday, updated Google maps after arriving back to his Prunetucky hovel and mapped out a trail while under the influence of an illicit substance. That’s my guess as to how we ended up being dragged through the mud of Pogonip last Thursday. As it turns out, the hills and mud were the LEAST of our concerns. As we stumbled in the darkness down through Wagner 33286975220_669b5c5c1f_oGrove, we found the place resembled the Santa Cruz Mountain in the last 1800’s; trees were down all over the damn place. It’s nothing short of a miracle that no one either broke a leg climbing under and/or over one or, worse yet, was crushed a they dislodged one climbing over it.  Almost no one escaped without a dirty scar from this section of trail. Just another reason Dog Breath has 300 hashes with us but a paltry 3 harings. Let’s keep it at that number, what do ya say?
       Next week we will supposedly be in Capitola inside Zelda’s. I don’t know why co-hares Occasional Rapist and TIMMY!! would do this to us but then again they’re only hashers, I should expect no better I guess.
     32827871194_a0503df8d0_o Personal note to Pussy Wood, no one else need bother read it. I trust my Flash-Trash will assist you in preparing your next lame attempt at Scribing. I’d say feel free to abscond with whatever will help you but by now it’s obvious you’d steal a dog’s hind leg given the chance so I assume I need not give you permission.
       Everyone also has my permission to torture yourself by viewing the Flash for Trail 902. Personally, I’d suggest waiting till Monday, I don’t want you complaining to me that viewing the pictures gave you nightmares.

Hash 901: The return of light but these hares are still in the dark

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Good Evening,
       As a general rule, I wish to purge my computer of pictures from the Hash as soon as possible. Certain people have the right to inspect the contents of my hard drive any time they wish to so I believe it best if no photographic evidence of my Thursday evening adventures exists longer than necessary. This week, however, two complicating factors worked against me. The first being the fact I was in Palm Springs last weekend for the (hopefully) annual Hash Springs event. As everyone knows, the OC gang threw the towel in after Betty Ford Rehab Hash number 30 believing their incredible luck would soon run out and it was inevitable some poor bastard would die on trail and they’d be incarcerated for the remainder of their unnatural lives.
      33522137731_3cc004a3da_o The second reason I retained these pictures longer than usual is it gave me extra time to concoct insults for our hare-pair. These two clowns should have stuck with dating and left haring to those more capable. Which, with the obvious exception of CumFart Zone, is anyone in the club. Any trail that causes physical injury to dBASED is automatically a bad trail. dBASED has been hashing longer than many of our members have even been alive so any trail that does him in is obviously of poor design and even worse execution. The word ‘execution’ does, however, figure prominently in my hopes for the future of these two miserable humans.
    33651354125_ea7247aeb9_o   On a completely unrelated note, I wish to applaud Pussy Wood for her spate of Trashes. I can think of no more efficient method of getting people to volunteer to Scribe that by posting such a lame litany of loose literature as she just has. I slapped my computer a number of times thinking it must have contracted some virus, a terrorist plot devised to drive me crazy as such inane babble I have never seen the equal of before. I ran spell checker and in no time whatsoever smoke began leaking from every vent in my computer. It’s final response was that it was only programmed to correct English and what it was viewing was obviously not such.
      33494841342_d103da1a73_o Rumor Central contends Hash 903 will originate from Zelda’s in Capitola. Two things to bear in mind if such is true: Where are you gonna park and remember not to drink much as the coppers only have two streets to patrol.
       I bid a fond farewell to Pussy Wood’s scribing and to Trail 901 as well. If you wish to revisit 901, the link below will assist you in such a foolhardy endeavor. If you wish to read Pussy Wood’s Trashes again, I strongly advise you seek psychiatric treatment as your earliest opportunity.
On on,
Pussy Wood merely publishing Puff’s cruel words to her

Hash 904: Wet and not so Wild

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Wind and rain. It’s April, enough already. ‘Enough already’ is also something I uttered in dismay after about the first mile of this past Thursday’s trail too. Hare-pair Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack were actually able to lay a trail whose dreariness exceeded that of the weather. A sad accomplishment but an accomplishment nonetheless I guess. Deep Stroke showed up but declined the ‘opportunity’ to hash upon hearing who the hares were. That’s her most intelligent decision in years I dare say. Maybe her ONLY intelligent one upon further reflection.
       33875350486_a6b6626335_o (1)We had the potential of a double-naming but many took umbrage at not being able to question our two victims so only one was saddled with a hash handle. It’s amazing we were able to name even one of our victims considering the lack of respect being shown Religion of late. If you wish to know why things sometimes go awry during the proceedings, look no further than those that wish to needlessly flap their jaws while the VOLUNTEER Religious Adviser attempts to move the festivities along and keep you undeserving bastards entertained. 33759457702_477be7b8a5_o
       Thursday the thirteenth, which may prove as deadly as a FRIDAY the thirteenth, will feature our globe-trotting lovebirds Little Anal Annie and Butt Balls co-haring and dragging us to Manresa Beach campground. More details will follow I’m certain.
33531081050_12b3dff383_o
       dBASED reprimanded Puff for being so old and forgetful because I neglected to send out a Flash announcement last weekend. He’s probably correct, I don’t remember anyway. So, the link below will deliver you not only to this week’s Flash but to that of last week as well. Also, as a special added FREE bonus, you’ll receive the three days of the first annual Hash Springs event as well. You now have five free days of hashing to relive.
On on,
Puff’s writing pasted by Pussy Wood

Hash 912: This trail was the pits! Sand pits, that is.

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There will, however, certainly NOT be any memorial erected for Trail 912, dBASED or Really Boring Bitch. dBASED likes to create the same fiery furor feeling much like that arising from Moses’ descent from Mount Sinai. After this trail was completed, I felt not furor but fury and the only mount we saw was Mount Herman. There was, however, a considerable amount of descent, closely followed by dissent. Some of those descending descents were of such degrading depths as to have been abandoned by both deer and puma and zip lines have been installed to ease the transportation of humans. I believe both these clowns have fulfilled their haring responsibilities for some time to come.34932622006_1ca7ff588e_o

On on,

Puff’s copy and pasted words by Pussy Wood