Call for Nominations! AGM is Cumming Nov. 12!
Harriers and Harriettes,
It’s time to start setting your half-minds on erecting your new Mismanagement for Surf City’s Year 15! Feel free to nominate who you think the Hash could rely on for any of these positions (as long as they agree to it first–consent is sexy!):
GM (Grand Master)
Social Sec (new position!)
Descriptions of all of the positions are at the bottom of this message. Your new GM might make a few changes to the descriptions and delegations after the erection, but it’s a good guideline for now. Every position is important for pulling off the joy of Hashing every week. It takes fucking village! Yes! You can nominate yourself for something. Send nominations to Princess Diarrhea by emailing chadandjill -at- hotmail.com.
We also want your nominations for:
Stupidest Act on Trail
AGM – Surf City H3’s Anal General Meeting
Thursday, November 12th, 6:33pm
El Palomar, in the “fiesta room”, 1336 Pacific Ave, Santa Cruz, CA 95060
$25 will feed, booze and schwag you. Bring extra $ in case we have to cut you off.
Hares Princess Di(arrhea) & Thmp-Thmp will be off at 7:00 for a short trail.
Please RSVP if you can cum so we can get a head count (who said head?). You can do this by emailing me chadandjill -at- hotmail.com or replying to the Facebook event. https://www.facebook.com/events/719618854835936/
Princess Di(arrhea) & Thmp-Thmp
Surf City H3 Mismanagement Positions – Year 14
We are a disorganization of officers who work for free. All regular funds are spent on beer, snacks, haberdashery, events, and other necessary kennel expenses (like Valtrex™). All charity event funds are donated. These Wankers do their damnedest providing for good times each week. Honor!
This is unquestionably the most important position in the Hash. The Beer Meister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of Hashing is available at each and every Hash event. He/she keeps constant vigilance to find the finest beers at reasonable prices, always has coolers in the back of his truck, cases of beer in his garage, and reliably brings drinks and snacks for after trail. He transports kegs and disposes of the recycling and trash. While this might be a pain in the ass job, it’s undoubtedly the most important one to the Hash.
Grand Master/Grand Mattress (GM)
Thmp-Thmp & Princess Diarrhea
The grand poobah of the Hash. Gispert’s legacy. The GM has the distinctive dishonor of misleading Mismanagement, setting the year’s Hash events calendar, planning and coordinating events, delegating duties, calling meetings, and occasionally bailing the Hash out of trouble. Weekly, the GM approves trail announcements, passes out trail chalk for the pack, provides chalk talk to Virgins and Visitors, and is the timekeeper for the night’s chain of events. Keeper of the Hashit and (somewhat) sober herder of drunk hounds at events. A successful GM makes these chores seem transparent to the pack, but it is much work nevertheless.
Pink Cherry Licker & FapJack
This is a person who has a knack for swag, a head for business (who said head?), and the showmanship of P.T. Barnum. She/he’s responsible for the design, procurement, warehousing, merchandising, and vending of items of apparel and various trinkets to the Hash. Procures kennel, award and event patches. Prior flea market or circus midway experience preferred.
She/he chooses well-thought-out locations for start, trail, beer check, religion, and on-on-on. Cums prepared to announce the trail’s start location at religion the week before. Writes up a trail announcement with trail details and submits it well before Thursday. Buys flour and brings something to carry it in to lay trail. Buys water and other fluids for beer check and liquor/bum wine check (the following week you will be paid back $2 per attendee). Always cums prepared to be lambasted for their shitty trail! Trail gives us something to do besides drink beer, so this is undoubtedly the second most important position of the Hash.
The Hare Raiser makes sure that there’s a hare (or hares) for each Hash, maintains the Hare Line on the website and makes sure the Hare makes the start location known to the Hash well in advance of Hash day. He/she recruits hares and matches new hares with experienced ones. Every Hasher is expected to set a Hash periodically. The Hare Raiser IS the hare if he can’t find anyone else to do it. Misguides inexperienced hares to prepare them to successfully lay a trail and to fully understand their hare responsibilities.
Puff the Magic Drag Queen
The stingy holder of the purse strings. Keeps track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as “the old in and out”). Collects Hash cash at the start of each Hash, records each Hash attendee’s name for the On-Sec, and provides reimbursement for food and drinks used at the Hash. Hash Cash is responsible for protecting the Hash’s assets and general accounting of the funds. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have overspent, the whimpering of those who forgot their fees, and watch out for late-comers trying to dodge the fee. This position is appointed by the GM.
Keeper of the Camera: Puff the Magic Drag Queen
Anyone can volunteer from week to week to capture for posterity all embarrassing Hash moments. The Hash flash must have an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos of and to write snarky captions about them. The Keeper of the Camera must have a small degree of reliability to bring the Hash camera and upload the photos to the Hash’s Flickr album.
Shallow Hole, Ho to Housewife & Cock Throbbin
The Hash Scribe does the write-up of each r*n and disseminates said Hash Trash. There are several good reasons to become scribe. The most important is that you get to write down anything dumb and stupid that your fellow Hashers have done on trail, while avoiding writing about all the dumb and stupid things you have done on trail.
This position is the masochist’s dream and the nerd’s delight. She/he deciphers the Hash Cash’s scribbles as to who attended, tallies the Hash Count each week, manages the member database, and updates the email Hound Directory. He’s the sch3.net webmaster, manages the Yahoo Groups email list and Facebook page and sets up the yearly Hash Google calendar. Prints the business cards. Boring stuff to say the least, but vital.
New Position for Year 15!
The slutty mouth of the kennel! She/he reliably posts and promotes event and weekly trail announcements far and wide via social media, email lists and calendars. Keeps an eye on other kennels’ postings for interesting events and shares them back with SCH3. Keeps a finger on the throbbing member of Hash events.
AccuPrick & Dung Fu Grip
Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. She/he is the keeper of the Sacred Rules of Hashing (there are no rules, only traditions) and comes up with sufficiently plausible lies to both punish and protect the (not-so-)innocent. He leads circle after trail is finished, including leading in song and namings, and doles out punishment with down-downs. Heed his warnings of “HASH HUSH!” because warm shitty beer will still be warm after your ass is frozen from parking it on an ice block.