What a delightful evening with the Birthday Hares….Fap and Shallow.This “trail” started off with so many checks that I thought they were advertising for a breakfast cereal.Every 2 blocks there was a check – Does someone have a Obsessive/compulsive disorder?I heard that cold smegma was utterly confused by these checks and found himself down by the river where he literally ran into the hares. Only problem was that he didn’t know who the hares were…..so they escaped unscathed.Bakers D, Rabbit hole, and Dung Fu decided that the magnificently confounding checks were better left to some half minds so they set off on their own “Team Christmas” trail???The rest of us had to make sure our immunizations were up to date…especially for Hepatitis. Meandering over the rail road tracks is not for the faint of heart. With every step there lurks danger. Discarded needles littered the path along with the usual assortment of junkie homeless trash. All the 2 legged and 4 legged creatures had to be extra vigilant.Not easy to step gingerly after all those tasty beers.Moving on, I was told it was supposed to be a 2.25 mile trail but I think they doubled the distance, well just because they can…..and they did.
Along the way, a lazy but resourceful hasher decided a Costco shopping cart was the way to save some miles and thus was forcefully and gleefully pushed along by 2 other wankers.The light at the end of this tunnel of love adventure was the lovely beer check venue, complete with fruit and nuts and other tasty morsels….plus INDOOR plumbing!!At Religion we had not one but TWO namings.Folks gathered the requisite dirt as we crawled along on our little adventure. I discovered that Ms Cat has a fear of vacuums and Just Oscar is trying to live the American dream in his stylish Ben Franklin shiggy socks.These poor plebes answered more embarrassing questions and then were led of so we could decide their fate.According to Puff, who records everything precisely….Just Oscar morphed into Testacoil – although there is some discussion regarding the spelling of this new name.Just Cat will now be known as Bunsen Banger.We had some hearty visitors from San Diego…they are authentic runners. We could use a lesson from them.Cum you will Not passed the 25 hash mark and was given a lovely patch.The non runners and most elegantly dressed were Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch. They almost ended up at Ross for a costume change and a new pair of keds.The Birthday Hares totally represented and were thus rewarded by lots of singing and gifts.Happy Beerthday to Shallow Hole and Fap Jack.On On OnCumfartZone
New kids on my cock was supposed to be the experienced hare. Not sure exactly what pearls of wisdom he imparted upon Real Boring Bitch cause it seems that we merely went round and round and had a false trail or two until stumbling onto Beer check at the ocean’s edge. This was the only redeeming factor in an otherwise boring belabored trail.
Our regular Religious Advisors must have been advised in advance as to the deplorable conditions as they did not show up to perform their duties.
On On After turned into CumFart Zone and Vag sitting all by themselves at taqueria vallarta. Everyone else fled to the safety of their homes to disinfectant themselves from all that SHITE!
How come these trails never go down?
Finally back at the redwood abode we commandeered, most were gathered around the grill, like primitive mountain men, admiring the days hunting efforts and swilling beer.
We applauded the efforts of some serious sleep deprived and mentally unstable hashers who completed a racist event.
And yet the masochists showed up en mass at an over packed parking lot with Pinky impersonating a traffic cop. She was forcefully blowing her whistle and violently pointing and waving in order to prevent rouge non hasher cars from taking precious parking spaces.
It’s a shame they missed the torture session.
Just Foot Pussy and Bacon Queef were incredibly helpful for once in their lives and made sure I didn’t kill myself on trail.
(Vampire cave entrance.)
And then onto Religion….but once again some of us couldn’t seem to find the way home.
I love how when the hares ( Occasional and Wicked) say it will be an “easy peesy” trail as they try to lull us into a false sense of security. In the past these “easy peesy” trails have been nothing short of arduous. However, this time we were pleasantly surprised.
In fact it was so easy most folks didn’t even notice they were on a trail. These lame hashers were simply sauntering along, not a care in the world, not huffing and puffing, not even breathing hard……just taking pictures of banana trees, seagulls, selfies and pink dogs.
A few happy go lucky fools zipped right past the most primo viewing spot in all of pleasure point. People come from all over the world to gaze out upon the Monterey Bay, marveling at the surfers, seals, sea otters and the magnificent view. But no…..this recalcitrant sub pack just blew through the beer check like they were blowing a stop sign, or their drunk Tinder date. Guess they missed the rest of us lugs guzzling beer and trying to keep our hats on our heads.
Speaking of hats…..
As the pack made their way back to Wicked’s to start Religion, our other hare, Occasional, had to race back for a near empty bottle of Fireball. Can’t let a few precious drops go to waste, lamenting that it wasn’t properly stored out of sight and it wasn’t brought back by the last person who imbibed.
Speaking of Religion, it was quite a lively affair.
But that couldn’t top the call and response song we had to recite…some African diddy, thanks to our resident Olympian bicyclist, also known as MacGayver.
Some intense discussion regarding the mileage…..3 or 3.6 miles…..who cares? Apparently Princess was the authority on trail mileage. Thank god someone other than dBased keeps track of such things.