This last thursdays hash was just a circle jerk around town by our lazy hares New Kids on My Cock, HangsLoose and dBased. We started off at the Food Lounge where we were the only customers!
We were alone in the place!
Trail was relatively straight forward from there around town until we found ourselves at the turkey eagle split where Turkeys found themselves at a rather far YBF. We could not recall the last check (we are still convinced it did not exist but New Kids claims it existed…lies!) I thought TIMMY was going to blow his lid he was so pissed at that. The Turkeys decision was to turn the fuck around and head over to Pono for a drink but miraculously we came upon trail coming down water street which led us right into the Rush Inn for beer check! We enjoyed a few pitchers there before making it over to religion on top of the cedar and locust street parking garage.
Rush Inn Beer Check
Rat Pussy stepped in as RA as it was a relatively small pack that night and we were lacking our usual RA’s and he chose Trans-Cunt-n-Anal as his beer fairy. The first tale from the trail which I rather enjoyed was Steamy Baaahnorhea’s discovery of a bag of shit on trail which he referred to as “salsa and tortilla chip” and Genital Tongs said the real liquor check was apparently hidden under the ass of a homeless lady – which Steamy confirmed was true with his “pornographic memory”.
Our useless hares
dBased ended up getting a down down for that as he is apparently the one who placed the liquor check there for the homeless lady for “boofing” (look that up on urban dictionary). I am frankly rather glad I did not do Eagle, it seemed to be a shit show…literally. Genital Tongs also called herself out for blood on trail as she apparently started her period on trail. Turkeys did not even get a chance to find the liquor check because the trail was such a disaster! We were then able to move on to far more depressing affairs, like the fact that Puff hit 800 consecutive hashes, I mean shit! Get a life man!
Celebrating Puff’s 800 Consecutive Thursdays of Bad Decision-Making
We discussed some upcoming announcements, Fog City RDR happened on Saturday, PCL can no longer go on the Aids ride so feel free to go but the organizer has dropped out! We then sang happy birthday to our useless hares!
Even so, it’s still barely enough to eclipse the tragedy of Trail 875
Everyone waiting to get on with it already!
A really, REALLY long YBF to begin a trail with puts the pack in a pissed-off mood, a theme which a continuing terrible trail only served to reinforce our disappointment. We now know why Pink Cherry Licker hared this trail alone, any hound with compassion refused to participate with her in committing this capital crime.
The trail started off at Callahan’s and went around town and by the levee. Beer Check was on the cul-de-sac end of May Avenue at Grant Street Park. There was a playground that was not safe from hasher use.
Scaring off the children
Accuprick was the RA with Genital Tongs as his beer fairy. Just Foot Pussy managed to reach 69 hashes, get a life dude! Virgins Mishi and Gaby contemplate their options for Joke, Song or Body Part. Mishi spit out a joke while Gaby went the bare-ass route. Sorry, harriers, Puff is retaining that picture for ‘personal use’. And the hare… Pink Cherry Licker. This trail reeked to high heaven of pre-lay but being so very crafty about it, no one was able to snare the hare.
On-on-on was as Sake restaurant and was well-attended. Here we see Genital Tongs, TIMMY!, Hangs Loose, Pink Cherry Licker, Fap Jack, Just Jo, Bacon Queef and CumFart Zone waiting on the first (of many) rounds to be delivered.
Genital Tongs ordered tea but said she wished she’d ordered sake. Our chef said, Open wide and received my liquid load! She could barely swallow what he deposited in her mouth!
The trash for 874 and 875 are going to be a mix of bold-faced lies and straight up plagiarizing from Puff’s Hash Flash emails since the scribes decided to skip the thursday bullshit and I thought Courtesy Flush was worth putting trust in (my bad!)
Start at Moe’s Alley
We’ve survived an attack by three horrible hares. Lots of uphill, lots of poison oak, a cemetery and a beertendress that couldn’t wait to get the hell rid of us. None of these characteristics are indicative of a good trail. A trail employing a trio of hares, especially ones of such low quality, exhibit an innate tendency towards a high degree of entropy. Curse them and their progeny.
It appears the start was at Moe’s Alley and trail went through a variety of golf course like areas and forest, all of it looked like bullshit from the photos. Beer check was by Harbor High School and religion was led by Accuprick and Milkacockus was beer fairy.
Trying to escape the hell that is trail!
Courtesy Flush, Pink Cherry Licker and Broke Bench Mountain were punished for missing trail. That explains why Courtesy couldn’t fill in as scribe as he said he would! Hangs loose got a down down for his pansy ass fear of PO. Zion got his official name of Junk Puncher and his parents got a down down for that as well. Our hares found some nice alliteration with Slonad, Stubrub and Steamy Baaanorhea and we hope they don’t find each other again.
And the hares!
We set another milestone on Flickr the past week. Viewings of our Flash have passed the two-and-a-half-MILLION mark. you’re an international laughing stock.
My first hash back after running around France and it sure was shitty!
Making sure to take the class of Severino’s down a few pegs as hashers start to take over the patio
Got things started off at Severino’s where the average age is 85 I would argue as I passed the lady with the eye patch and oxygen tank on the way to the bathroom. After taking the classyness of the joint down a couple notches we got things started. Our hares Accuprick, Little Anal Annie and Butt Balls were our hares. We went up to Soquel and crossed the road and got confused a bunch before finding trail leading us up to a trail into Nisene Marks.
Beer Check in the woods!
We wandered around in the woods a bit but trail was short and sweet like this trash (my favorite) and we found beer check in a nice open area down below. PCL was running around marking people with chalky handprints and Dung fu was feeling cocky with his water gun. We left beer check and headed out and back in the direction of Severino’s to have Religion in the parking lot of the offices next door. Dung fu was our religious advisor and threatened people with his cock (scary stuff!). Vaginal Repair Kit was first up for blood on trail!
And the Hares
We had a couple of backsliders including myself (my bad). Broke Bench and Cumz out my Nose autohashed (lazy bastards!). There was an AWFUL singing of a new pirate song, the lyrics were wrong and it was bad, going to have to have a re-do on that and Courtesy Flush who printed them out was given a down down for the awful typos and trusting the internet. And of course, the hares got what they deserved! On on on was at Burger and things I am sure got out of hand there as well.
dBASED and Cum Fartzone summoned the pack to New Bohemia Brewing on 41st Ave in Capitola for this week’s hash. Since I did not attend, this hash trash is based on pure fiction, pictures, a Garmin map and one eyewitness report. I’m running a marathon in a week and I am paranoid about getting sick, hurt, or poison oak. Last time dBASED hared, he took the eagles bushwacking through a poison oak grove. Then there was that super shiggy trail in Aptos a while back where we had to climb through a creek bed. Occasional Rapist and Cums Out My Nose decided to skip the hash and take a painting class. Nice turtles ladies!
The Eagle trail was about 4 miles and went down 41st Avenue into the Jewel box. Harriettes ogling at young guys with no shirts on playing soccer in Jade Street Park. They staggered across 47th and shortcut through the trailer park to 49th. There was a liquor check in a small park above the railroad tracks. Trail continued down the trail along the tracks. Turkeys went down the steps and left on Wharf Road, Eagles went across the train trestle. Puff got separated from the pack by trying to get around the train trestle. They continued along the tracks all the way to Monterey Avenue, left onto Bay. There was some circle jerking around the neighborhood before going right on Riverview Drive and into Perry Park, across the bridges and up to Wharf Road where the Eagles rejoined the Turkeys. Trail went right on Wharf Road a short distance, crossed the street into some woods & did a steep on-up into the backside of the Toyota dealer on Auto Plaza Dr. and went left on 41st and behind the businesses. Not sure where beer check was since my eye witness lost trail at that point and went straight to religion across from New Bohemia. I suspect there was beer at beer check.
Timmy was RA. Genital Thongs complimented Dog Breath for doing a good job marking trail. Jizziki celebrated his 50th SCH3 hash! Get a life! Dog Breath got another down down for going back and trying to find Puff who was lost on trail. Luckily Puff is alive and well. And last but not least, the Hares………..
Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack brought the pack to the swanky Jack Oneill Lounge at the Dream Inn for their White Dress Hash celebrating their upcoming wedding. A large pack assembled for the occasion dawning white dresses and tu-tu’s. Ho to Housewife, Cock Throbbin and I met earlier to get a quick run on West Cliff. We quickly spotted the pre-laid flour trail and followed it all the way out to the lighthouse. Then we saw a back check 23 (I think. It was definitely over 20). So we turned around and counted the marks. They went almost back to the start. Then posed the dilemma. What do we do? After some discussion, we decided to keep silent. We did not sabotage the Hares and we kept our mouths shut. dBASED also ran before the hash, but that’s another story. He decided to run 8 miles from his house in Soquel to the Dream Inn.
I ended up getting 3.83 miles on the Eagle trail. I was accompanied by Poon Doggie. Yes, I ran an extra 2 miles by following trail to the back check at the lighthouse and back. It’s not bad scenery. Ho to Housewife and Cock Throbbin decided to “dBASED it” and do their own version of trail. The back check lead to Gharkey Street, and out to Bay Street. There was a fish hook mark. The FRB’s Dung Fu Grip, Achy Breaky Snatch and Just Foot Pussy found it first. When Deadliest Snatch and I approached, Dung Fu Grip was laying on the ground acting like he was poisoned by the evil liquor check. We passed by and they followed directions and brought it back to the DFL’s. Trail went down California Street, Right on Laurel. Poon Doggie took a big shit, but his leash was equipped with bags and I properly disposed of it in the trash can. Trail continued right on Chestnut and ended up at beer check on the Wharf. I did not see the “no dogs” sign and took Poon Doggie on the wharf. A security guard passed us and didn’t say a word because we looked so bad ass! A bunch of hashers with dogs did not go on the wharf and were in the little parking lot across from the Dream Inn.
Religion was under the bridge. The cleaned it up and put lights down there so the usual degenerates were not present. Dung Fu was RA. Cock Throbbin, Ho to Housewife and dBASED were called out for running before the hash and short cutting trail. Dog Breath ran past the beer check and had to be apprehended by the Hares of the wharf. Occasional Rapist, Vaginal Repair Kit, Hugh Heifer drank because their dogs pooped on trail. Courtesy Flush, Giant Asexual, Hugh Heifer, Occasional Rapist and Bareback Unicrack drank for making a burrito stop on trail. Vaginal Repair Kit was called up for picking a fight with a car who almost ran him over. Giant Asexual drank for being a backslider. Best costume nominees were Bacon Queef, New Kids on my Cock, Shallow Hole and Pink Cherry Licker. Pink Cherry Licker and New Kids on my Cock had a blow up strap on cock fight for the award, and New Kids emerged as the winner. Fucked Over Fest tried out his act for America’s Got Talent and tried to stack 2 beer bottles on Cock Throbbin’s head. He did not succeed. I hear beer is good for your hair. Dung Fu celebrated his 169th Surf City Hash! Get a life! And last but not least, the Hares…………..
Congratulations Pinky and Fap! You guys make such a cute couple. Wishing you many years of love and happy trails! xoxo