Hash 876 – New Kids and HangsLoose Birthday Hash

This last thursdays hash was just a circle jerk around town by our lazy hares New Kids on My Cock, HangsLoose and dBased. We started off at the Food Lounge where we were the only customers!

We were alone in the place!

We were alone in the place!

Trail was relatively straight forward from there around town until we found ourselves at the turkey eagle split where Turkeys found themselves at a rather far YBF. We could not recall the last check (we are still convinced it did not exist but New Kids claims it existed…lies!) I thought TIMMY was going to blow his lid he was so pissed at that. The Turkeys decision was to turn the fuck around and head over to Pono for a drink but miraculously we came upon trail coming down water street which led us right into the Rush Inn for beer check! We enjoyed a few pitchers there before making it over to religion on top of the cedar and locust street parking garage.

Rush Inn Beer Check

Rush Inn Beer Check

Rat Pussy stepped in as RA as it was a relatively small pack that night and we were lacking our usual RA’s and he chose Trans-Cunt-n-Anal as his beer fairy. The first tale from the trail which I rather enjoyed was Steamy Baaahnorhea’s discovery of a bag of shit on trail which he referred to as “salsa and tortilla chip” and Genital Tongs said the real liquor check was apparently hidden under the ass of a homeless lady – which Steamy confirmed was true with his “pornographic memory”.

Our useless hares

Our useless hares

dBased ended up getting a down down for that as he is apparently the one who placed the liquor check there for the homeless lady for “boofing” (look that up on urban dictionary). I am frankly rather glad I did not do Eagle, it seemed to be a shit show…literally. Genital Tongs also called herself out for blood on trail as she apparently started her period on trail. Turkeys did not even get a chance to find the liquor check because the trail was such a disaster! We were then able to move on to far more depressing affairs, like the fact that Puff hit 800 consecutive hashes, I mean shit! Get a life man!

Celebrating Puff's 800 Consecutive Thursdays of Bad Decision-Making

Celebrating Puff’s 800 Consecutive Thursdays of Bad Decision-Making

We discussed some upcoming announcements, Fog City RDR happened on Saturday, PCL can no longer go on the Aids ride so feel free to go but the organizer has dropped out! We then sang happy birthday to our useless hares!

On-on

Pussy Wood

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Hash Trash #873 – Nisene Marks

My first hash back after running around France and it sure was shitty!

Making sure to take the class of Severino's down a few pegs as hashers start to take over the patio

Making sure to take the class of Severino’s down a few pegs as hashers start to take over the patio

Got things started off at Severino’s where the average age is 85 I would argue as I passed the lady with the eye patch and oxygen tank on the way to the bathroom. After taking the classyness of the joint down a couple notches we got things started. Our hares Accuprick, Little Anal Annie and Butt Balls were our hares. We went up to Soquel and crossed the road and got confused a bunch before finding trail leading us up to a trail into Nisene Marks.

Beer Check in the woods!

Beer Check in the woods!

We wandered around in the woods a bit but trail was short and sweet like this trash (my favorite) and we found beer check in a nice open area down below. PCL was running around marking people with chalky handprints and Dung fu was feeling cocky with his water gun. We left beer check and headed out and back in the direction of Severino’s to have Religion in the parking lot of the offices next door. Dung fu was our religious advisor and threatened people with his cock (scary stuff!). Vaginal Repair Kit was first up for blood on trail!

And the Hares

And the Hares

We had a couple of backsliders including myself (my bad). Broke Bench and Cumz out my Nose autohashed (lazy bastards!). There was an AWFUL singing of a new pirate song, the lyrics were wrong and it was bad, going to have to have a re-do on that and Courtesy Flush who printed them out was given a down down for the awful typos and trusting the internet. And of course, the hares got what they deserved! On on on was at Burger and things I am sure got out of hand there as well.

On on,

Pussy Wood

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Hash Trash # 872 Turtles and Train Trestles on 8/25/16

872bardBASED and Cum Fartzone summoned the pack to New Bohemia Brewing on 41st Ave in Capitola for this week’s hash.  Since I did not attend, this hash trash is based on pure fiction, pictures, a Garmin map and one eyewitness report.  I’m running a marathon in a week and I am paranoid about getting sick, hurt, or poison oak.  Last time dBASED hared, he took the eagles bushwacking through a poison oak grove.  Then there was that super shiggy trail in Aptos a while back where we had to climb through a creek bed.  Occasional Rapist and Cums Out My Nose decided to skip the hash and take a painting class.  Nice turtles ladies!

872haresThe Eagle trail was about 4 miles and went down 41st Avenue into the Jewel box. 872LC Harriettes ogling at young guys with no shirts on playing soccer in Jade Street Park.  They staggered across 47th and shortcut through the trailer park to 49th.  There was a liquor check in a small park above the railroad tracks.  Trail continued down the trail along the tracks.  Turkeys went down the steps and left on Wharf Road, Eagles went across the train trestle.  Puff got separated from the pack by trying to get around the train trestle.  They continued along the tracks all the way to Monterey Avenue, left onto Bay.  There was some circle jerking around the neighborhood before going right on Riverview Drive and into Perry Park, across the bridges and up to Wharf Road where the Eagles rejoined the Turkeys.  Trail went right on Wharf Road a short distance, crossed the street into some woods & did a steep on-up into the backside of the Toyota dealer on Auto Plaza Dr. and went left on 41st and behind the businesses.  Not sure where beer check was since my eye witness lost trail at that point and went straight to religion across from New Bohemia.  I suspect there was beer at beer check.

872haresreligionTimmy was RA.  Genital Thongs complimented Dog Breath for doing a good job marking trail.  Jizziki celebrated his 50th SCH3 hash!  Get a life!  Dog Breath got another down down for going back and trying to find Puff who was lost on trail.   Luckily Puff is alive and well.  And last but not least, the Hares………..

On On,

Shallow Hole

 

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Hash Trash # 870: Pinky and Fap’s White Dress Hash on 8/11/16

870haresPink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack brought the pack to the swanky Jack Oneill Lounge at the Dream Inn for their White Dress Hash celebrating their upcoming wedding. A large pack assembled for the occasion dawning white dresses and tu-tu’s.   Ho to Housewife, Cock Throbbin and I met earlier to get a quick run on West Cliff.  We quickly spotted the pre-laid flour trail and followed it all the way out to the lighthouse.  Then we saw a back check 23 (I think.  It was definitely over 20).  So we turned around870patio and counted the marks.  They went almost back to the start.  Then posed the dilemma.  What do we do?  After some discussion, we decided to keep silent.  We did not sabotage the Hares and we kept our mouths shut.   dBASED also ran before the hash, but that’s another story.  He decided to run 8 miles from his house in Soquel to the Dream Inn.

870pack870pack1I ended up getting 3.83 miles on the Eagle trail. I was accompanied by Poon Doggie.  Yes, I ran an extra 2 miles by following trail to the back check at the lighthouse and back.  It’s not bad scenery. Ho to Housewife and Cock Throbbin decided to “dBASED it” and do their own version of trail. The back check lead to Gharkey Street, and out to Bay Street.  There was a fish hook mark. The FRB’s Dung Fu Grip, Achy Breaky Snatch and Just Foot Pussy found it first.   When Deadliest Snatch and I approached, Dung Fu Grip was laying on the ground acting like he was poisoned by the evil liquor check.  We passed by and they followed directions and brought it back to the DFL’s.  Trail went down California Street, Right on Laurel.  Poon Doggie took a big shit, but his leash was equipped with bags and I properly disposed of it in the trash can.  Trail continued right on Chestnut and ended up 870beercheckat beer check on the Wharf.  I did not see the “no dogs” sign and took Poon Doggie on the wharf.  A security guard passed us and didn’t say a word because we looked so bad ass!  A bunch of hashers with dogs did not go on the wharf and were in the little parking lot across from the Dream Inn.

Religion was under the bridge. The cleaned 870bridgeit up and put lights down there so the usual degenerates were not present.  Dung Fu was RA.  Cock Throbbin, Ho to Housewife and dBASED were called out for running before the hash and short cutting trail.  Dog Breath ran past the beer check and had to be apprehended by the Hares of the wharf.  Occasional Rapist, Vaginal Repair Kit, Hugh Heifer drank because their dogs pooped on trail.  Courtesy Flush, Giant Asexual, Hugh Heifer, Occasional Rapist and Bareback Unicrack drank for making a 870bestdressedburrito stop on trail.  Vaginal Repair Kit was called up for picking a fight with a car who almost ran him over.  Giant Asexual drank for being a backslider.  Best costume nominees were Bacon Queef, New Kids on my Cock, Shallow Hole and Pink Cherry Licker.  Pink Cherry Licker and New Kids on my Cock had a blow up strap on cock fight for the award, and New Kids emerged as the winner.  Fucked Over Fest tried out his act for America’s Got Talent and tried to stack 2 beer bottles on Cock Throbbin’s head.  He did not succeed.  I hear beer is good for your hair.  Dung Fu celebrated his 169th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  And last but not least,870haresreligion the Hares…………..

Congratulations Pinky and Fap! You guys make such a cute couple.  Wishing you many years of love and happy trails!  xoxo

On On,

Shallow Hole

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Hash Trash # 869: Dung Fu Grip’s Birthday Hash on 8/4/16

869haresDung Fu Grip and Fap Jack brought the pack to the Golf Club Drive entrance to Pogonip for this week’s trail. A pretty good size pack showed up, not knowing what horrors awaited them.  There was a large canine contingent as well.  We were pretty sure to get our shiggy fix, lots of hills and possibly run through some homeless encampments.  My Fucking Precious, who was missing since 2009, made her second hash in the past month.  Way to go!  Synphomaniac was visiting from Germany.  Dr Kraut, a part time Santa Cruz resident and founder of the Penn State Hash, showed up.  Genital Thongs brought a Virgin named 869viewMarty.

The Eagle trail was 5.49 miles according to my GPS. The Turkey was shorter, but not sure the distance. The first check led the pack to a single track trail to the left.  dBASED headed out in a different direction on his own quest to ambush the hares.  He was not seen again.  There was a margarita check in the woods, pretty soon after trail began.  There was a Turkey/Eagle split.  The Eagles were treated to a long on up a huge hill, only to find a nice view, and a long back check 9!  Those bastards!  Ho to Housewife, Cock Throbbin, Symphomaniac and I took selfies on a bench and waited for the rest of the Eagles to arrive.  We didn’t want to deprive them of the lovely panoramic view.  Trail went back down the hill to a trail on the 869lostturkeysleft, and continued to beer check at Santa Cruz’s version of Stonehenge.  Dung Fu Grip was waiting at beer check when we arrived, then headed out to set the rest of the trail.  As a group of us were going back down the hill, Cock Throbbin almost got taken out by one of the dogs who crashed into her leg.  Luckily she wasn’t hurt.  Then we ran into a bunch of lost Turkeys who couldn’t find beer check.  As they were wandering around, they snared the hare as he was heading away from beer check.  They told us the direction he went.  There was another liquor check at the abandoned Lost Boys house.869liquor check

It was dark before we got back to the start. Religion was back at the start.  Dung Fu did double duty and was also RA.  Hugh Heifer was Beer Fairy.  First we heard the tale of the lost Turkeys (Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Vaginal Repair Kit, Cum Fartzone and Fingernips).  They made it out alive! dBASED was punished for missing trail.  He was on a mission to snare the Hares and did apparently ambush Dung Fu Grip 8692FCsomewhere on trail.  Way to go!  Pink Cherry Licker drank for making Twat Did You Say go up a big hill.  She left before religion started.  Hugh drank for not showing her tits at the boob check.  Virgin Marty was welcomed to the hash and mooned the pack.  There was a canine naming.  Vaginal Repair Kit’s dog Just Charlie was named Two Fuck Chuck!  Deadliest Snatch celebrated her 69th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  Six of Nine was found on trail in a homeless camp and came to religion for free beer.  And last but not least, the Hares………….

Happy Birthday Dung Fu, Fuck You!869haresreligion

On On,

Shallow Hole

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Wharf to Barf Weekend Synopsis

Warf to Barf Weekend: Jam Out with Your Clam Out!

Thursday 7/21/16: Prelube Hash # 864

864dfgFour Hares, One amazing trail! In fact, probably trail of the year!  We have 4 votes so far!  The evening commenced at the Crazy Horse Bar on Seabright Ave.  This little bar has a new name every 6 months or so.  It’s been The Blue Louse, Mad House, Seabright Lounge, the 529 and the Knight Owl.  One common denominator is that the bar has always been friendly towards us hashers.

It was a picture hash, and approximately 3 miles. Trail was gluten free!  Pink Cherry Licker864log1 read the directions to the hash in circle and gave out the first picture.  Cock Throbbin was at the first stop at the climbing gym, and Shallow Hole (and Poon Doggie) were at the bridge into Arena Gulch.  FRB’s were sent to the log in Arena Gulch where they were greeted by Dung Fu Grip in a wizard costume with a bottle of Jager Meister.  Walkers were sent to Cock Throbbin’s wine check near Aldo’s.  The FRB’s had an additional stop with Ho to Housewife at X864whale1 dock in the harbor before proceeding to wine check.  Everybody went to the whale at the Natural History Museum where the wizard made a second appearance.  Beer check was at the end of East Cliff at the overlook.

Religion was on Seabright Beech. Dung Fu Grip was RA.  Grassy Ass from San Diego was welcomed to the hash.  Backsliders My Fucking Precious and Just Gabriella were 864beercheckchastised for their long absence.   Wicked 864haresRetahted was called up for donating a bottle of tequila to the hash.  And last but not least, the Hares…………..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday 7/22/16: The Pub Crawl # 865

865jortsHares Just Foot Pussy and Finger Nips brought the pack out for an evening of hitting up Santa Cruz’s (un)finest drinking establishments. The theme of the evening was the to get out your cut off jorts (jean shorts), great clam digging attire. The pack met at Callahan’s where you could find hashers comparing jort costumes. The hares hosted the pack with pitchers of beer, which you needed to tell a joke to Princess, Paki 865packand someone else to get your pour. I told the joke “what do you call a red-headed ninja? A ginga!” Others refused to tell a joke (Shallow Hole) and said “just give me my fucking beer”. The pack left Callahan’s, next stop was The Jury Room. When we first walked in, Shallow thought the hares had bought a fog machine and set it up for the evening, but alas…. It was cigarette smoke. After this determination, several hashers decided to walk to the next smoke-filled 865PCLbar, The Rush Inn. Luckily, we are a little more welcome there and they prop the doors open so the smoke can make a getaway before filling our lungs. The hares hosted pitchers for us at The Rush, thanks guys! Before departing, Arabian Goggler lead us in the song “Today is Monday”, which of the muggle patrons enjoyed and started to sing along. We departed The Rush and took a roundabout way to the upstairs of the Catalyst, where there were comfy couches to sink into. Myself and Shallow decided this was time to on-out because it was midnight and we were going to turn into pumpkins soon. No one wants to see that! We heard that from there the remaining hashers went to The Blue Lagoon but were quickly annoyed with terrible music and soon departed for the night.
Hash # 866- July 23, 2016

866dogThis year, our Saturday picnic was held at the Friendship Garden at Harvey West Park. We had a large area with picnic tables, big BBQ and most importantly shade!  Dbased and New Kids on my Cock were the Hares.  Trail was about 2.5 miles and immediately went up into Pogonip.  We went all the way up the stairs to Meadow Road, where the FRB’s found a liquor check and a false.  Which should’ve been marked as a YBF.  We came back down the hill and found trail again.  It was the hottest part of the day and we opted for the turkey trail.  The 866packeagles had some bush whacking and tons of poison oak.  Ho and I snared the Hares several times, but of course they did not admit to being snared.   At first I thought Ho said she saw a bunny on trail.  But it was New Kids hiding in a bush. New Kids is pretty fucking tall and was still visible behind the 5 foot tall shrubbery.   We also ran into dBASED, who sent us off in the wrong direction off a check and ended up finding a false at the bottom of a big hill.  Assholes!   We saw New Kids again when we came back up the big hill, thankfully holding a bottle of Jameson! The beer check was just at the bottom of a meadow at a parking lot of the County Educational Building off Encinal Street.   Dung Fu Grip was talking on the phone with Cock Throbbin directing her to beer check, when he got bit by Fucked Over Fest’s dog Ziggy.  Luckily there was no blood and his arm did not have to be amputated.

866foodThere was plenty of food (including clams) at the BBQ. After feasting, we had Religion.  Dung Fu was RA.  Dog Breath was Beer Fairy.  Banana Basher got the first drink for being the founder of the Hash.  Virgin Madison’s Aunt Sniff My Butt made her cum.  Dog breath cock blocked her flash.  Just Foot Pussy threw beer at him, which was well deserved.  Visitors, Grassy Ass, Something Blew, Dual Tools Up My Ass, The Arabian Goggler,  Spreads in the Sheets and Just Matt were welcomed to the hash.  dBASED celebrated his 100th Haring and 700th Surf City Hash and was awarded with his own personalized mug!  Get a life!  It was right about that time when we spotted some strung out hippy dud pulling out weeds and866GASSR dancing with them on the bocci court in the distance.  Then we looked in the other direction and saw some other drugged out homeless dude making out with a tree then rolling around in the grass.  It was quite a show!  Ho to Housewife, Dual Tools Up My Ass and Shallow Hole got a down down for snaring the Hares.  Fucked Over Fest drank for his dog who bit Dung Fu Grip.  Twisted Fister (Hare for the walker trail) drank for abandoning the walkers and going back to camp to start cooking.  We can forgive him for that.  He got another down down for getting not one, but two personalized plates for his cars.  If you see an On On plate with a flying cock in the middle, that would be him.  The flying cock was not issued by the DMV.  It was a gift from Thmp-Thmp.  The Watermelon Head award was a fierce completion this year.   In the end, the most deserving candidate was Taco Tramp.  After all, there was that incriminating naked group photo posted on the Facebook event page.  The GM’s got recognized for all their hard work putting the event together.  And last but not least, the Hares.  Afterwards, we played some pretty fun drunken games!  There was the beer bra pouring game, balloon butt bumping game and the dizzy bat race.  All of which, should be Hash Olympic sports!
Sunday 7/24/16: Blood Mary Breakfast & The Hangover Hash # 867

867haresOn our 4th day of the weekend, things started early (7:30AM!!!!!) for hashers. There was a blood mary pre-race breakfast of champions for those who dared at Pearl and Norm’s Mansion, a long time hash tradition. We are told PCL and Fap made some pretty strong bloody mary’s. We are also told Grassy Ass wanted some pretty short jorts so Cock Throbbin helped pin them up for him. What a nice lass! Attendees for the bloody mary’s were Dog Breath, PCL, Cock Throbbin, Dung Fu Grip, Something Blue, Grassy Ass and Arabian Goggler, Princess and Thmp-Thmp.  Once the racists left for their run, Princess went for a donut run. That’s something I could get behind!

Back in the day, the Monterey Bay Hash carried a giant condom throughout the race and867pack passed out condoms like giving candy kids at the Santa Parade. These days, a few hashers legitimately enter, while others prefer to bandit race with homemade, legit looking bibs. A new tradition is on the rise, Cum Fart Zone has been hosting a post-race pool party at her abode in Capitola. A few hashers were crazy enough to run back to the start, which shall be known as the Shallow Hole Challenge! I bet they beat the buses back, I have sat on those and they suck… and they take forever.

Hashers all regrouped in the afternoon at Pearl and Norm’s for the ball-busting Hangover Hash. Should we really call this a hangover hash if people are still drunk? Princess and Thmp-Thmp were our hares for this torturous, long-ass, flip flop walk to Ocean View park, which is about a mile round-trip. While we were at the park we were spoiled with Harvey Wall Bangers and Miller Hi Life. We are also pretty sure Taco Tramp was flashing the neighbors in the apartment building next door. Note to self: don’t hare through Oceanveiw Park anytime soon. We looked for balloons to decorate Banana’s porch with, but they were gone. I guess they learned a few years ago, to immediately take those things down. Back at Pearl and Norm’s we had some pizza and Mexican delivered for our hungry asses after that ball-buster of a trail.

Dung Fu was our RA for religion and Just Foot Pussy was our faithful beer fairy. First brought up were people who attended all 4 days, but since it was most of the group many didn’t go up and there are too many names to list. So suck it. dBased was given a down down for knocking off someone’s hat. We don’t know who, we are drunk by this time in writing the hash trash. Next up was people who only cum on Sundays, Six of Nine… who enjoyed the luxury of the chair Shallow Hole brought for herself… since she ran 16 miles that day, and stuff. Damnit Janet came as well as US Oh Oh Oh, Just Nick and My Little Bony. Next up for down-downs was the Wharf to wharf runners; TIMMY!!!!, Dung Fu, Shallow Hole, dBASED and Grassy Ass. Taco Tramp lost the watermelon head (intentionally????) and broke TIMMY’s walker so was made to sit on the block of ice for her crimes. PCL brought extra ice just for this reason. Cum Fart Zone nominated herself, for something we don’t know, or pretend to understand… but showed her tits and sat spread naked on the ice. Some things cannot be unseen. Next up were people who ran with the now defunked Monterey Bay hash; dBASED, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Six of Nine, Hang’s Loose, Dog Breath and Pearl. Just Foot Pussy was given a down-down for convincing Paki to drink some beer, he is ruined forever with this peer pressure. Cums out my nose was given a down-down for playing Pokemon Go on trail. Are you for fucking real?!?!? Princess was given a down down for asking for bad jokes the night of the Pub867perl Crawl. We also celebrated Poon Doggy’s 8th birthday, his first memory in life is being picked up by Hang’s Loose in Sacramento and immediately attending a hash. What a lucky dog! Bacon Queef was given a down down for putting her hash tattoo on backwards, where it read no-no. Just Foot Pussy went down on her to try to put a new one on and Damnit Janet followed suit. JFP put a correctly oriented on-on tattoo on his penis! Pearl was brought up to thank him for hosting yet another year. The 7:30am crowd arrived prior to Pearl’s awakening and made so much noise he had to come out onto the balcony in his robe (on not?) to greet this riled up bunch. We made an honorary toast to wonderful Norm before bringing up the hares.

Here’s to another great weekend! Kegs kicked, limited blood, no hospital, no police, all good! Thanks to our GMs PCL and Fap for such a wonderful weekend!

On On,

Ho to Housewife and Shallow Hole

P.S.  This hash trash was made possible by 2 bottles of wine.  We don’t care!!!!

wine

 

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