Sante Adairius Portal,
Became a portal to Hades rather than one to beer on the evening of September twenty-second. Lead hare My Sister’s Dildo used a rather large one on us this night aided by Just Kamryn on her Virgin haring. We can only hope Kamryn does not believe this is how trails should always be laid and that Womb View A View appropriately punished (current) wife My Sister’s Dildo when he got her behind closed doors.
So, there we were,(there we were) lulled into laxity sitting in early evening sun on the first day of Fall. Not a care in the world, giving no thought whatsoever to what impending evilness two cute harriettes had in store for us. Half-minds one and all, we will never learn.
My Little Bony and Cum You Will Not had apparently been partaking of an intoxicant other than our usual alcohol. Bony’s smile resembled that of Pennywise the clown and Cum You Will Not continually asked people if they had eaten yet. Just John and Just Danielle were discussing their last trail where they misinterpreted the directions and attempted to begin trail from the site of Religion, this did not work well for them. When hounds are acting this illogically, it does not bode well for trail. We also had the Jolly Giant, visitor Nature Runner, towering over the proceedings and 24 Hour Manchanic prancing from group to group inquiring about their sexual proclivities. I opted not to inquire as to whether she was writing a book or merely looking for new ideas.
Eventually the hare-pair made a trail announcement while standing in the doorway to the bar. The way they were talking led me to believe they’d made an extended visit to said bar too. They made the standard hare lies: Trail is short, flat and fast. It will possess a Liquor Check as well as a high quality Beer Check. While mostly ignored and universally believed to be untruthful, they provided a much needed chuckle to the assembled throng. Hares-out.
The fifteen minute lead time provided the hares, allowing them to lay trail from the comfort of their car I believe, had the upside of allowing hounds to sample the wares here at Sante Adairius and dull their senses knowing they were soon to be offended by trail. When launch time arrived, co-GM’s Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain assembled the clan for introductions and heard responses from: Jersey Lunchbox, Cum You Will Not, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Accuprick, dBASED, Occasional Rapist, 24 Hour Manchanic, Pink Cherry Licker, Nature Runner, TIMMY!!, Steamy Baanorrhea, Womb With A View, My Little Bony, Just John, Just Danielle, Just Sam, Rainbow Butthole, Wines Like A Bitch, Just Ben and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our canine contingency was out in full force; Scratch and Sniff, Spot’d Dick and Junk Puncher. Pack-away.
We left the parking lot and went towards Safeway and came to Poplar Avenue and executed an on-right but only for one block. When we reached Melrose Avenue we were turned on-right again and then on-left onto Morrissey Boulevard. This street was used until Fairmount Avenue where the promised Turkey/Eagle split was encountered. The Turkeys will be crossing over Highway 1 while the Eagles go on-left on Fairmount. It’s the first day of Fall, Winter approacheth. Let’s fly with the Eagles before the darkness of Winter arrives.
Fairmount was an uneventful excursion ended only by North Branciforte Avenue. Here an on-right was indicated taking the Eagles across Highway 1 and continuing until it makes an on-right and becomes DeLaveaga Park Drive. This will take an curve on-right and morph into Prospect Heights, took us past the well populated Pacheco Avenue dog park and then an on-left onto Park Way. This side of Park Way is short, dark and desolate and has been the site of Beer Check before. No such blessing this time though, it was an on-right onto Old Vineyard Trail East. This dark stretch of unrefined trail was taken through mountain lion country until making an on-right onto a locals-only shortcut to Paseo Del Mar, on-left onto Burton Drive and it was there we rolled into Liquor Check.
From Liquor Check it was on-down (back to) Prospect Heights. It was a short block to an on-left onto Fairland Way. When Fairland ended it was on-right onto Oak Way which brought the brood to La Fonda. Here it was on-left and back over Highway 1. This is when things got kinky. Not long ago we were pointed on-right through these woods. However, these particular hares saw no reason to take a trail blazed by the local high school kids but rather pointed the pod into perilous turf where no path existed. (And still doesn’t!) Eventually, stumbling and stuttering, and negotiating a ravine of great depth and a hill of great height, we emerged onto school grounds to be gawked at by parents leaving a meeting. At least they did not summon police. Hurrying through school property, we soon found ourselves on Park Way and mercifully viewed the BN mark. It was on-right on Park Way to an illegal drinking party staged, even stupider, under a streetlight.
After completing our business here, a rather long on-in(one mile) was undertaken. This was comprised of Roxas Street to Soquel Avenue, transition to Water Street and back past Sante Adairius(where many of wish we had remained) and then to the parking lot behind Safeway. Once all were safely reassembled, Accuprick cranked up his Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued: backsliders were punished; visitors were welcomed; Bony was mocked for claiming to be a Virgin again; those that used their finger to point with on trail; Broke Bench Mountain for explaining squirrel splooting; Pink Cherry Licker for completing trail against her wishes and those that participated in the beach cleanup this past Saturday. Those were the main low lights but there was a high light as well: the naming of Just Sam. To cut to the chase, there was a time when Sam was dating two people(at LEAST two) and soon discovered one of them lived two doors down from the other. Hence the name of our newest kennel mate: Two Dicks Down. Oh, I almost forgot, the accursed hare-pair. Everyone appreciated a Beer Check AND a Liquor Check but that was because the more intoxicated they were, the less pain they felt from shitty trail. This trail was offensive to every major religion in the world.
The encounter with the hares prompted Accuprick to declare an end to this Hash and I do the same for this Trash.
The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.
A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.
I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mine I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-11.
By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-eighth day of September in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.
Submitted with all respect due,
Magic Drag Queen
Surf City H3 Scribe