But no salvation…from Ho to Housewife, Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp and their convoluted conception of trail-laying.
We (foolishly) allowed ourselves to be lulled into a sense of complacency by clustering at old favorite The Crepe Place. AKA the creepy place in Hash parlance. It’s rather dark and the front room has had a stage added for live music performances. Diners are immediately ushered into the back room or the outdoor dining area in an effort to minimize their interaction with hashers. While management seems happy with our burgeoning bar bill, they do not wish to alienate the mortals that come here to sup.
For the most part, we ignored anyone other than our own and busied ourselves with socializing or watching the Giants-Dodgers baseball game.
After the passage of sufficient time, co-hares Ho to Housewife and Thmp-Thmp delivered their usual useless version of Instructions of Trail. Not that it matters anyway though, they were as usual universally ignored.
After everyone finished their drink, a call for Circleup for Introductions was issued and responding barks were heard from the following hounds: Dung-fu Grip, Occasional Rapist, Wicked Retahted, Steamy Baanorrhea, dBASED, Snake Me Anywhere, TIMMY!!, Dicky Wacker, Broke Bench Mountain, Cumz Out My Nose, Leaky Rubber, Hugh Heifer, My Little Bony, Cum You Will Not, Testacoil, Bestiality Interruptus, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Pink Cherry Licker, Baker’s Dozen’t, Courtesy Flush and Puff the Magic Drag Queen.
The first check, upon which we had circled, proved problematic. Hounds headed towards Seabright, across Soquel Avenue and toward Cayuga as well. Marker was found towards and beyond Cayuga eventually. A back check mark at Pennsylvania made the clan reverse course. Broke Bench Mountain crossed Soquel in search of marker or at the very least, a quick shot at One-Double-Oh-Seven Club. Cold Smegma Kamikaze and Puff found flour between an office and an apartment building and followed it down a driveway and then on-right to Pennsylvania. Our first circle-jerk of the evening and it portended of things to come.
Sadly for them, Kamikaze and Puff did not see the on-right off Pennsylvania and went to Broadway before deciding they’d missed something. This is the last we’ll see of these two losers until Liquor Check. Good-bye….
More observant hounds saw flour on-right off Pennsylvania and went down a driveway and through a business parking lot and we circle-jerked back to Soquel within sight of where we started. Here we were directed to on-left along Soquel and use the crosswalk over to the defunct Tony & Alba’s Pizza. Hounds farther back were able to risk life and limb if they were so inclined and shortcut across Soquel. Many did and, luckily, all survived. Once safely across, we traversed the Whole Foods parking lot to North Branciforte Avenue and executed and on-right and began a long, boring stretch of macadam. A check at Water Street was soon solved and the litter pranced across Water and continued along North Branciforte. Prepare yourself, evil is headed your way.
Marker made members on-left onto Berkeley Way and this was soon followed by an on-right onto Berkeley Court. (Court being a place these hares should be taken) The locals have wisely blocked the roadway from Berkeley Court to Dahlia Street allowing only pedestrians ingress and egress. When Dahlia intersects with Linden Street, an on-left onto Linden was indicated. At the next intersection, that with Rose Street, the pack was turned on-right, back to North Branciforte and on-left just as we had prior to this very long circle-jerk. Thanks, hares.
North Branciforte was traversed until Keystone Avenue where we were pointed on-right followed by an on-left onto Poplar Avenue which quickly gave to an on-right onto Parnell Street. One block later we were directed on-right onto Harrison Avenue and to Melrose Avenue and on-left. When Melrose collides with Morrissey Boulevard, a sorry sight was seen: Courtesy Flush splay-legged on the sidewalk, much as would a common wino, being mimicked by Testacoil’s faithful canine companion Rex. Between gulps of air, Courtesy Flush exclaimed he’s was waiting on Testacoil to arrive with transportation for Rex who had developed bleeding paws on trail. Where was Bestiality Interruptus when you needed him? Drinking somewhere no doubt. When Testacoil arrived, Rex was gingerly placed in the makeshift ambulance and the now-recovered Courtesy Flush took off in pursuit of the pack.
Melrose was utilized until San Juan Avenue where an on-right was made which brought us back to Soquel Avenue, the street on which this fiasco began oh-so-long-ago. Soquel was used until Mentel Avenue where we were directed on-right. Smelling Arana Gulch in our near future, the pack powered to the entrance where we encountered co-hare Princess Di(arrhea) resting on her haunches and sipping Cinnamon Fireball Whiskey. We joined her.
Trail proceeded through Arana Gulch and then left on Fredrick Street to desecrate the grounds of Star of the Sea Catholic Church. We exited out the rear, so to speak, and onto Effey Street. Effey was abused until Hanover Street where the pod was pointed on-right. Hanover ends at Gault Street where we went directly across to invade the home of Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy.
After our business was concluded here, we sauntered one block to the parking lot behind Lillian’s Italian Kitchen to stage Religion. Here’s a sampling of the down-downs awarded by RA dBASED: Snake Me Anywhere, Dung-fu Grip and Hand Over Piss as backsliders; dBASED for a false accusation against Leaky Rubber, dBASED for successfully, more or less, completing 25 consecutive hashes with us; Dicky Wacker for saying the only reason he fell on trail this week is because someone pushed him from behind; Bestiality Interruptus as a backslider. And that’s about it. Oh, sorry, I forgot the damn hares.
After the hated hares were roasted, the RA adjourned the pack and many retired to Taqueria Santa Cruz II, conveniently located directly across the street from the One-Double-Oh-Seven Club for some sustenance, be it solid or liquid.
That ends Trail 1158 and this Trash as well.
This was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.
By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the eighteenth days of October in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-one.
Submitted with all respect due,
Magic Drag Queen
Acting Scribe Surf City H3