Last week we met at the end of some road in Scott’s Valley. We jammed out to Electric Labia Land’s mini speaker and did our best to drain the trough before the trail began. Some folks we hadn’t seen in awhile showed up, Cum Lord, Slownad, The Human Pube, Shiny Snail Trail (with her mom, Virgin Carolyn), Achy Breaky Snatch, Fucked -Overfest, and three visitors who were taking a class in Monterey, Virgin Maxine, Virgin Chris, and Cock Chaser (known to his virgins as Cock Follower).
We headed down a dirt path, into the woods. After coming back from a false, we climbed up a horrible muddy hill before discovering that trail actually went down an easy little road. That was the end of the trail being easy as we headed up and down, up and down, on a trail that wound around through the woods. We crossed a creek several times, avoided poison oak, and tried not to fall in the mud.
We passed many points of interest, marked by numbers. Unfortunately, our hares, D’BASED and Occasional Rapist, failed to hand out the trail guide. I did some research and here are some of the things you could have seen. 19- Chinese Redwood: There are three species of redwood tree. This is a dawn redwood, indigenous to China. 18 -The Lover’s Trees: If you look up at these two tree they form the shape of a heart. 17: This tree was burnt in a fire in the 70’s. You can see how the middle of the tree has been consumed by fire, and the bark still survives. 16-Poison Oak Glen: Why not have a frolic? 15-Look carefully and you can see symbols carved into this tree by hobos in the 1930’s. Most of them were driven out of these parts after the Great Hobo Uprising of 1941. 14- Harry Love’s Grove: This grove was a favorite spot of Captain Harry Love, head of the first law enforcement agency in California and name sake of Love Creek. He kept a man’s head in a jar on his desk. 13- See that tree? No you don’t, because it has a cloak of invisibility. 12 – It’s that plant from Little Shop of Horrors, feed him, Seymour! 11- This tree is very tall. 10- This tree is very tall, but not quite as tall as number 11. 9 – General Hooker’s Tree: Civil War soldiers used to pick up prostitutes at this tree. Not during the war, because that wasn’t fought here, but later probably. 8- Stargate: Pretty self explanatory, it’s a portal to ancient Egypt or something. 7- Tanbark Oak: The Ohlone Indians ate the acorns from this tree. But don’t try them without cooking them first or they are poison! Aren’t you glad you have a pamphlet to tell you what is poisonous? It would be irresponsible to sent people out into the woods without this pamphlet. 6 – This is a good place to hide in the event of some sort of zombie plague. 5- Haunted Campsite. 4 – There is no 4. 3 – This tree was saved from loggers by some fairies. They made a movie about it called Furn Gully.
After going past all of the numbered tress (which you are now well versed in) we found ourselves in some sort of amazing Christian summer camp. There was a fantastic ropes course hanging from the trees. I’m surprised Dung Fu Grip wasn’t up there immediately. Actually, I don’t know that he wasn’t because I was miles behind by that point, but I didn’t hear about it and he doesn’t have any plunging related injuries so I assume it didn’t happen. But we all wanted to.
We finally found ourselves in the perfect setting for a horror movie, a summer camp in the off season at night. But it was really nice. They have a water slide and fancy outdoor lighting. And Canoes. We circle jerked around there for awhile, crossing many, many bridges,

before finally making it to beer check, back near that awful muddy hill.
Religion was back at the start. Timmy was RA and I was his beer fairy. We had three Virgins. Virgin Maxine told a joke, Virgin Chris showed us his butt, and Virgin Caroline showed us her tits. People drank for other things. A good time was had by all. On on on was at Salsa’s, home of the Giant Burrito!

See you all at the Red Room for the Lamp Shade Run!
PCL