Monthly Archives: February 2015

Hash 785: Beer. Boobs. Beads.


Screen Shot 2015-02-25 at 10.34.17 PMBoob checks, boob checks, boob checks with some package checks tossed in.

It was Pink Cherry Licker’s 30th birthday hash and she celebrated with Mardi Gras beads and boob checks to earn them. Hashers met at Louie’s Cajun Kitchen for some New Orleans flair to start this hash off right. There were mounds of beads and masked hashers eager to throw, and earn, them…hashers are a lot of things, but shy isn’t one of them.

The hares
The hares

Our hare trio, Pink Cherry Licker, Shallow Hole, and Electric Labia Land, set course from Louie’s. As Hashers slowly spilled out the door a while later, they were lost almost immediately which became a sign of what was to come. This is the hare trio who brought us the Pirate Hash last year that no one could forget.

Hashers had a hard time solving the first check at Cooper and Front street so gathered on the corner waiting to see if someone could solve it. After some aimless wondering, most hashers finally found trail in the other direction. There was a risky mission crossing Mission street and the group stopped for another boob check then parted ways.

Screen Shot 2015-02-25 at 10.34.34 PM

ThmpThmp, Shartickle Physics, Cock Throbbin & Ho to Housewife split in one direction to end up being the only hashers to do true trail, that headed up Escalona. Some hashers ran to the Old Sash Mill that ended in a YBF. Most made it to the hurricane check, which was a swanky set up. The true trail four caught the end of the hurricane check when Dirty Dolma & Twat Did You Say were climbing in a cab heading to Religion. That’s right, a cab. We think it was Twat’s Tinder date for the night who was the cab driver.

The swanky hurricane check
The swanky hurricane check

After more boob checks and more beads, trail ended by the old mission with a scenic lookout over downtown.  Hashers made their way to religion shortly after where Dung Fu Grip was the Religious Advisor and Stub Rub was our precious Beer Fairy.

No surprise, hashers were pretty rowdy by this point with all the boobs and beer. Reeling them in was no easy task.

Fap Jack was given a down down for missing the hurricane check. Then he complained about hurricanes and was given another.

Screen Shot 2015-02-25 at 10.32.19 PM

A whole lot of back sliders were given down downs:
Summers Yeast
Twat Did You Say
Dirty Dolmas
Apple Bobber


Then the two virgins were called up. Virgin Suzi was brought by Dirty Dolma and Virgin Randy (the taxi tinder date) was also brought by Dirty Dolma. Tinder Randy told what was kind of a joke and hashers groaned and Just Suzi was all about the cleavage.

The hares Pink Cherry Licker, Shallow Hole, and Electric Labia were called up for a shitty trail that lost hashers again.

Celebrating 25 hashes, Electric Labia Land and Just Foot Pussy were given down downs.

There was a pink cake and birthday song for Pink Cherry Licker who said farewell to her innocent twenties.

Happy Birthday PCL!
Happy Birthday PCL!

Hashers made it full circle and ended back up at Louie’s Cajun Kitchen for on-on-on.

Next week the hash meets at the Big Foot Museum, hoping to run into Sasquatch who might be able to direct them to true trail.

May the hash go in peace!

Cock Throbbin


Hash 784

Valentines Day inspired the Surf City Bondage Hash last week. These hashers know safe words, ropes, and chains, but it’s probably the first time they ran toward a siren instead of ditching beers and running for cover.

Hashers gathered at Tampico Kitchen & Lounge where some hashers had to slip in under the radar since they’re on a watch list for this fine Santa Cruz establishment. Hares Shallow Hole and Hugh Heifer took off for this A to A trail promising bondage on trail, spank checks, and the need for safe words.

Hares Hugh Heifer & Shallow Hole are ready to leave these hashers behind
Hares Hugh Heifer & Shallow Hole are ready to leave hashers behind

There was no shortage of leashes, corsets, collars, whips and cuffs. Rope-tying tips were exchanged on trail so it’s safe to say bondage is welcome with these hashers. The bondage made some feisty as Sacramento Hash visitor Pork and Beans begged for spankings throughout the night and Co-GM ThmpThmp dished out even more s**t than usual.

Shortly after the Hares left, hashers were off their leashes. The promise of spanking on trail made hashers run faster than usual with everyone running every which way at the first check at Cathcart and Cedar. After losing trail for a little while, these half minds found it again at Washington and New Street.

Lost Hashers
Lost Hashers

Trail took hashers through some neighborhoods and into Light House Field where there was a Bum Wine Check that tasted like the regret most of these Hasher’s remember from their Valentines’ Day last year.

Lonely hasher Pork & Beans at Bum Wine Check
Lonely hasher Pork & Beans at Bum Wine Check

There was a hare snare on West Cliff. Hashers caught up to dBASED who led the hare snare and kept tailing them after they took off. Other hashers took the time for a picturesque whiskey check along the coast supplied by Just Foot Pussy. Hashers polished it off in a pre-religion taster.

Trail continued down to the Boardwalk and through the empty parking lot where some hashers lost trail until an alarm signaled Beer Near inviting hashers to run toward a locked door and blaring siren. While some hashers called the authorities to quiet the neighborhood down (another first on trail), the rest talked bondage, cages, locks and beer. Then everyone set off for religion, at the top of a parking lot downtown.

Safe Word

Curtesy Flush was the beer fairy to Religious Advisor Accuprick.

Occasional Rapist missed trail to get her hair done, which should mean a big down down for her pretty self next week.

The Royal Business
The Royal Business

Princess (Di)arrhea raised royal business to award the honor of 50 hares to Timmy!! His nonbreakable, metal martini glass and declaration probably made him question what he’s done with his life, but take the rewards where you get ‘em!


Timmy!!'s declaration & permanent martini glass (we'll see if he manages to break this one too)
Timmy!!’s declaration & permanent martini glass (we’ll see if he manages to break this one too)


Several  Analversaries were celebrated:
Accuprick 169 hashes
Timmy!! 25 consecutive hashes
Puff the Magic Drag Queen 769 hashes

Missed BN

Everyone who missed beer check was called for a down down:
Pink Cherry Licker
Fap Jack

Our Hash Visitor from the Sacramento Hash Pork&Beans was called and then left his hat on and got another down down.

Pork & Beans visiting from the Sacramento Hash
Pork & Beans visiting from the Sacramento Hash

Hare Shallow Hole was given a down down for disturbing the peace.

Hare snare: dBASED, Dung fu Grip, and Dog Breath were given down downs for the hare snare.

And hares Shallow Hole and Hugh Heifer were given a down down for their shitty trail. They were given a second down down for not providing more bondage on trail.

On-on was back at Tampico Kitchen where everyone else left when hashers settled in.

Everyone better be ready for the Mardi Gras Hash next!


Cock Throbbin


Trash 783, the Multi-Pre-Lay


Hash Trail 783 started at the smoke-filled Jury Room on Ocean St. Home to psychobaby, smoking locals and Santa Cruz’s ladies of the night. It was a pretty good show, lots of backsliders (who I’ll get to later) and Sharticle Physics even brought a virgin. The pack discussed marks they had seen earlier in the week, guessing at what it could mean once we hit trail. Was there a pre-lay? Is there another hash in town?


TIMMY!!! decided it was time to leave and after telling us a bunch of made up lies, he took off. Princess took our virigin out for some chalk talk and we all got another round inside, we knew we were going to be needing it for the trail ahead of us.


Before long, the pack took off and found our first check. As we were checking, dBASED and Occasional Rapist came from the other direction saying they were following an arrow. The trail was already starting to show it’s confusing face.

After a back check we were taken across Ocean and along the levee. to yet another confusing check. TIMMY!!! had hashers running in all directions, even the homeless started to help us (I think they just wanted us off their turf). Out of all people, dBASED found trail after crossing over Front then turning onto Pacific towards the ocean.

Trail then started to wind up onto 3rd, I heard there was a YBF down at the Wharf but the only thing the pack saw was a bunch of cops. We winded back down onto the other side of the levee, crossing on Riverside. This is where trail started to get good. Earlier in the week, I was traveling this exact section of the levee and ran into a true trail arrow. I searched for this arrow on trail but couldn’t seem to find it. Dog Breath claims he saw it and chalked it out. Was this part of a pre-lay TIMMY!!! started and then forgot about? On on to more. Trail took us up to the bottom of Oceanview Park onto Cayuga. All of a sudden the markings were being written with green chalk, parts of trail were marked recycled. dBASED found a YBF TIMMY!!! says he didn’t lay (or doesn’t remember). Could there be another hash in town?

Beer Check

We all assumed by now that beer check would like be at Chez Puff, or at least everyone except Puff himself. Who wouldn’t want to come home to a pack of hashers?

To go with the theme of lies, forgetfullness and general debauchery, we learned that trail was more and A to B than A to A’ and you were on your own getting back to A. Pack pack stumbled and lolly-gagged their to the medical offices on Dakota from Chez Puff’s place in Seabright.

Beer Check

Dung Fu was RA for the evening and first brought up a few hashers who decided to skip trail and just hang at the bar, fake a cold, or maybe an injury.. wbatever their made up excuse was, we didn’t believe it and each took their down-down from the 32oz bottles of miller light was it? being passed around and between each other.

ACCU Theory

We knew it wouldn’t be long until we started trying to figure out what happened with the markings on trail. First up to share his theory was Accuprick. He suggests that TIMMY!!! pre-laid trail on Monday, forgot about it, pre-laid on Tuesday, forgot about it, then went out Thursday night and laid a completely different trail. Poor TIMMY!!! in his old age can’t quite remember what he does day to day. I hear he shows up for the hash every night.

dbased ybf

dBASED thinks there is another hash in town. Maybe that’s because he ran the YBF that Dung Fu added to the trail for him. Earlier in the week, he stumbled across a check with Fap Jack, Pink Cherry Liquor and Electric Labia Land. But really folks, could dBASED be onto something? I’m sure we will know what’s going on soon.


Next, we had to get our backsliders up there; Just Evan, Moose Turd Pie, Diddler On The Roofie and Just Nate. I didn’t hear one good excuse worth repeating here.

Virgin April

Moving onto more entertaining things, Virgin April was brought up. She was very forthcoming about the time she spends with Sharticle Physics and spared us no details, which will literally burn in our memories forever. Vrigin April gave us a two-for-one with both a song and a flash.

As the neighbors started to creep in to see what all the commotion was about, Just Nate was brought up for his naming, he graced us all with an unsolicited flash just to make sure we weren’t distracted by the strangers visit. He was asked some probing questions, from one of which we learned about his Uncle’s Farm somewhere in the mid-west where there is a bull named after Just Nate, As Just Nate was taken away, it didn’t take the pack long to come up with some ideas. Ball Juice was figuratively thrown around a little as was Gurley Hurley for his frequent wearings of Hurley gear (every hash), but we soon settled on Insem-moo-nator.

Dog Breath was being called up for who knows what, likely being a dog… when the cops rolled in. The pack dispersed and SCPD kindly asked us to just move the party along somewhere else as we were scaring the security guards. I might be scared of us too. Some of the pack re-convened at the Jury Room, others went on their way… but we all went in peace.


Hash Trash # 782 on January 29, 2015

782barWest Side Habitat Hash

Our Hares this week were Dung Fu Grip, Cock Throbbin, and Ho to Housewife, and they chose Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery as the start location.  I love that place for their great beers and dog friendly patio.  The Hares didn’t give much in the way of directions, but brought a pocket knife to give to a FRB.  We gave it to Dog Breath.     What the hell would we need that for?  Self-defense?   We’ve hashed through some pretty sketchy areas.  We were promised a turkey eagle split.

True trail arrows lead through the parking lot past New Leaf to the railroad tracks for a bit.  Trail went back out to the road, and we were on Seaside for several blocks, and then meandered in the direction of Bay.  We soon found ourselves at the entrance to Neary Lagoon.  Luckily the gate was open and the pack got through the lagoon before they locked the gate.  There was a liquor check in the lagoon.  A jar of pretty strong tequila lemonade.   782liquorcheckI heard the liquor was attached to something and the knife was to get it off.  After exiting the lagoon, there was a tricky check.  Someone yelled “on on” and we headed down Myrtle Street, but several FRB’s got suckered into a YBF!  Those bastards!  We were running around in all possible directions, but finely found flour and were on trail again.  Trail lead to Laurent, across to California.  There was another tricky spot, where hashers received help from a Good Samaritan to find trail.  We crossed Misson Street, went through Trescony Park, then a long stretch down King Street.  Finally, we crossed to the other side of Mission Street, through a parking lot and finally got to beer check at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore.  We entered through the back door, walked through a maze of furniture to find the Hares drinking and eating vegan cheese and bread.  Somehow Flip Flops on the Rocks mysteriously arrived at beer check at the same time as the FRB’s.  Not sure how that happened.  I did the eagle trail and my GPS measured 4.56 miles, but I ran around solving some checks and got caught at the YBF.  While waiting for the pack to arrive, several hashers got the pleasure of trying out an electric wheelchair.  If it wasn’t $800 bucks, we would’ve bought it for TIMMY!!!

Religion was inside the building.  Accuprick was RA and Fap Jack was beer Fairy.  Fap Jack and Electric Labia Land didn’t do trail, but were obviously drinking somewhere.  Several walkers didn’t make liquor check (Pink Cherry Licker, Fingernips, Wicked Retahted, Occasional Rapist, and Hooker on Kronix, Bitch).  TIMMY!!! and Fucked Over Fest did a wheelchair down down.  Hooker on Kronix, Bitch found a children’s book of B words on trail to add to the SLO Hash Shit.  Wicked Retahted found a rock and a hot wheels.  Fucked Over Fest and Ho to Housewife celebrated their 25th Surf City Hash.  Get a life!  Harriettes beware!  Dog Breath drank for being a dirty dog.   Wicked Retahted was congratulated on actually finding trail and there was a rumor that he actually ran!  There was blood on trail.  Pink Cherry Licker got viciously attacked by a bush and Occasional 782hashersRapist saved her.  I’ve seen people seriously injured from cactus, so stay the fuck away from those prickly bastards!  Sharticle Physics tried to hide his racist tendencies by turning his NY Marathon shirt inside out.  Dude, take it from me.  Don’t ever wear race shirts to the hash!  Electric Labia Land went off on some drunken rant that didn’t make sense.  dBASED drank for making a statement about how one check sent him from FRB to DFL.  Fucked Over Fest thought he had a tale from the trail, but forgot.  Wicked Retahted prematurely yelled “beer near” and got all the DFL’s upset because he lied.  Courtesy Flush and Snapping Twat drank for being  backsliders.  Courtesy Flush comes every 3 months and always buys a burrito on trail.  He gave a lame excuse about being date raped by Bill 782haresCosby.  And last but not least, the Hares…………………………………..

On On,

Shallow Hole