All posts by shallowhole

Hash Trash # 948 on 1/11/18

Hash # 948:  Dark and Stormy, Hot N Ready Hash on January 11, 2018

948haresDespite the name of this hash, the weather was actually clear and very pleasant on the east side of Santa Cruz.  Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp Thmp summoned the pack to Castaways on Portola.  A bunch of backsliders came out of the woodwork for this hash.  Honeymooners Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch left their bedroom for once.  Speaking of honeymooners, Fucked Over Fest has been reclusive since he got married.  Somehow he got a pass to come out to the hash.  My Little Bony left his bar stool at the Double O for the evening.  Occasional Rapist came back from vacationing in Cuba and Twat Did You Say? Was able to get a babysitter for the evening.   Six of Nine showed up and tried to lure Virgin Tia into taking a ride with him.  She declined.

Trail started out he back door (of course), but circled around the front to Portola.  It took a while to get started.  We had to solve a tricky back check on Portola, but we finally found our way.  We toured a lovely trailer court, then ended up going left on 38th.  There was a long trek down the nasty railroad tracks, only to find a YBF and a boob check.  After that nastiness, we then headed towards Opal Cliffs.  We circled back to 41st ave and were 948coconuttreated to a circle jerk around Frenchies parking lot.  There was a liquor check on 41st ave with the best coconut rum I’ve ever had.  I just read that coconut oil helps improve brain function in patients with Alzheimer’s.  I wonder if the same is true for coconut rum?  It’s worth a shot, right?  Trail then continued down 41st Ave to East Cliff Drive.  But instead of going straight along the ocean, we got detoured inland a couple times before finding beer check at the end of Rockview Drive.  The Hares treated is with Dark and Stormy cocktails and of course beer!  I got 3.58 miles on my GPS.

948virginReligion was back at Wicked Retahted’s house where a bonfire and hot and ready pizza awaited us.  Courtesy Flush was super excited to find Zima in the cooler.  Pink Cherry Licker was also on the Zima bandwagon.  We had a couple Analversaries.  Dog breath celebrated his 325th and Courtesy Flush celebrated his 75th Surf City Hash.  Get a life!  Virgin Tia told a lame joke.  Welcome to the hash!  The back slider list was too big to count.  Achy Breaky Snatch 948hashshitand yours truly got some free save the horses shirts that no one else wanted.  Pink Cherry Licker tried to get rid of the Hash Shit, but no luck.  It’s all yours baby!  And 948haresreligionlast but not least, the Hares…..

On On,

Shallow Hole


Hash # 945 Xmas Hash and Tacky Gift Exchange with FHAC-U on 12/21/17

945houseTis the season for the Anal Xmas and Tacky Gift Exchange Hash with FHAC-U.  Worm opened up his house to host this hash for the umpteenth year in a row!  We did not see his wife, who was reportedly hiding out somewhere in the house.   There was a big turn out for the event.  I counted 15 Surf City hashers who made the trek over the hill to Los Gatos.  Pink Cherry Licker drove a bunch of them over in her van.  There was plenty of food and 945puffhoundsdrink to keep everyone jolly.   Puff was a big hit with the canine residents of the house who got a whiff of the treats in his bag, and then wouldn’t leave his side.

Worm and Drink n’ Squirt were the Hares.  It was a clear, but brisk night in the 40’s and only a handful of hashers actually did trail, including myself, dBASED, Achy Breaky Snatch, Courtesy Flush and Puff.  The rest of the pack ate and drank at the house.


The first part of trail was a roughly 2 mile loop around Worm’s hilly neighborhood and back to his house.   We got to warm up for a bit and enjoy a cocktail before heading back out into the cold night.   The945BQJFP second part of trail was a short jaunt to downtown Los Gatos to the Black Watch bar for kamikaze shots.  Downtown Los Gatos was pretty festive with some  nice light displays.  However, the most colorful characters of the night were the hashers.  The locals were quite entertained at the freak show parade.  We stopped a 2 more bars before heading back to the house.  I got 4.59 miles total.



945kamakaziThe tacky gift exchange did not disappoint!  Someone got a bag of rocks, someone got a bunch of condoms, Achy Breaky Snatch got a freaky “love kit”.  But the best gift of the night had to go to Pink Cherry Licker!  She chose the biggest box and got a LOG!  Yes, a real log.  Hope they have a fireplace!  945log


It was a fun night!  A great time was had by all!  Thanks to Worm for hosting!

And last but not least, the Hares, for a shitty trail!




On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash #943: Toys for Tots Hash on 12/7/17

Hash # 943- Anal Toys for Tots Hash on 12/7/17:  Will drink for the children’s sake!


Hashers have few redeeming qualities, but once a year, they will cum out in droves to drink beer on a chilly night to collect toys for needy children.  Instead of 8 bucks, hashers needed to bring a toy to donate.  I remember Banana Basher telling us years ago that doing charity events makes the hash more socially acceptable in the community.  Ha ha!  We tried to tell that to the cops one year and they told us “We should be ashamed of ourselves for collecting toys for charity while drinking alcohol!”   943hares943barOur Hares were Stub Rub and Steamy Baanorrhea.  We gathered at JJ’s saloon in Soquel dressed in festive holiday attire.  Summer’s Yeast has a Toys for Tots collection box at her salon.  We were allowed inside the salon briefly to drop off the toys, but were ushered out quickly so we didn’t destroy anything.  I guess she’s learned her lesson from previous years.

Trail was a death march.  Not!  It was a whopping 2.23 miles according to my GPS.  We had a short shiggy section down a steep ravine and had to climb up the other side.  We passed through the Soquel High School grounds through the trails.  There was a liquor check.  It was a jug with some kind of white stuff in it, that tasted surprisingly not so bad.   We ended up going down the slide through Blue Balls Park and ended up at beer check at Lion’s Park on Main Street.

Religion was in back of JJ’s.  Accuprick was RA.  Deadliest Snatch was Beer Fairy.  Princess Diarrhea, Wicked Retahted, Rat Pussy and My Little Bony got called out for not doing trail.  There were a couple Analversaries.  Summer’s Yeast celebrated her 50th and Baker’s Dozen’t celebrated his 75th Surf City hash!  Get a life!  A bunch of hashers drank for not carrying a bottle opener.  Hashers always need to be prepared folks!  Pussy Galore drank for being a back slider.  She’s been hanging out in Bangkok these days.  Testicoil brought a goat’s foot with him.  Not sure why.  Said he bought it at a flea market and his wife chases him around the house with it.  Nice foreplay.  Must turn him on since they are expecting.  Timmy got called out for not bringing the hash shit with him.  Give him a break.  He has dementia.  And last but not least, the Hares……………..943haresreligion

Once again, S H I- T T Y- T-R-A-I-L!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash #920- Trail of Bromance!

940brosWe started at East Cliff Brewing with the Jersey Shore Boys in full regalia. We got the memo from Courtesy Flush about his sacred costume hash complete with step by step instructional videos on how to rock the complete Bro look. All week long we practiced our best squats and pumped up the guns to look bad ass. We ran out to KMart to pick up a new white wife beater tee. We raided our Mom’s jewelry box to search for the most appropriate and obnoxious gold chain. We slathered on the dippity do, spritzed ourselves and everything else within 20 feet with crappy cologne and cheap perfume. Hair was teased up to dizzingly high heights and lips were glossed and perfectly pouty. The eyeliner was slithered on neatly with sleek black lines extending  far beyond the reaches of the eye and good taste.  The nauseous blue eye shadow glittered and sparkled. These bro and bras were ready to hit the town… least attempt another shitty Surf City trail.

Much ado was made about this trail…complete with not one but two Liquor checks, weenies and marshmallows roasting over an open fire pit, and copious amounts of muscle milk.

The excitement mounted over a few pre trail beers and much primping and posturing. A quick Dollar Tree foray was rewarded with extra hairspray, glitter and really shitty perfume. I mean really –  who expected Channel #9 from the dollar store??

Finally we set off on this exciting beach side trail….strutting our stuff and meandering through a few neighborhoods, finally emerging at the Santa Cruz Harbor. Once beyond the Crows Nest we had to navigate huge tractor made mountains in the sand as the water lapped dangerously close to our toes. Amazingly little 4 legged Two F*ck Chuck was able to keep up despite missing many of the most recent hashes.

Once we survived the Sub Saharan death march we we rewarded by the promised bon fire.  We settled in to enjoy toasted marshmallows and leftover spiked muscle milk…..Gag me.

CumfartZone wedged her tush on a soggy log in order to take notes and enjoy her beer in comfort around the crackling blaze. It was short-lived.

Unfortunately our new RA used her ill gotten power to expel CFZ from the log and partake of the first down down. Grrrrrrrrr.

Banished to the cooler, CFZ meekly cowered and did her dutiful scribe duties without any more fuss.

Bare Back Unicrack was called up for peeing on trail THREE times….and CumYouWillNot, who has no shame, apparently peed right on the driveway in front of a house. A modicum of discretion would be nice so we all don’t get hauled into the local jail!

Crimes included RealBoringBitch pointing with his fingers. Luckily CuntJungle set him straight.

CumYouWillNot comes off the beach trail and runs gleefully up to the first fire ring she sees and asks “where’s the beers dude?” All she gets are blank stares. Pay Attention Missy!! Those were 12 steppers…..NOT hashers!

UrineCider apparently five fingered someone elses shades….Not cool Bro.

Our new beer meister for the night parked the beer truck at the wrong location. With all his gadgets, GPS, Geocaching skills and giant alien like headlamp he still could not find his way to religion. Way to go Dbased.

Meanwhile all the Bros and chicklets were called up for a Down Down. These folks took the time to READ the description of the trail and made an EFFORT to dress up appropriately. Curtesy Flush, Baker’s Dozen’t, Just Sean, Urine Cider, Just Andrea, Shallow Hole, Cunt Jungle, BareBack, CumYouWillNot, PCL, Puff, Fap Jack, Real Boring Bitch, Wicked…in other words the whole pack.

Well done people.

Curtesy Flush handed out some prizes for the best Flex, best squat, and best clean and jerk.

He lovingly made some BROceltes(translation….bracelets) for the winner. He is such a metrosexual kinda guy…..kinda like Vag Repair Kit…..they both read Architectural Digest, love fresh flowers in the home, iron their sheets and make their own bread. One day they will make a girl very happy.

Shallow stepped into her new role as GM easily and effortlessly. How hard could it be to supply and pass out the chalk, set the timer once the hares are off and offer introductions at the starting circle? Well, for some this is a monumental task….but Shallow rose to the occasion. Only 103 more hashes to go!!

Good luck Girlfriend.

Oh and we had a Birthday…Curtesy Flush…who else!!940hares

So, onto Thanksgiving festivities and overeating….so what else is new.

On On On,



Hash Trash # 939 AGM on 11/9/17

In with the old, out with new….and so it goes for the  “AGM”. I am assuming this stands for Annual General Mismanagement….or Another Gross Mishap. It’s like an early New Year’s, or a late fiscal year wrap up. What do I know….I only take some lousy notes every now and again.

At this annual fiasco we mingle a bit at El Palomar, in a private room in order to keep us away from the normal patrons. We are swigging beer and slurping margaritas while desperately trying to remember all the antics we participated in over the past 12 months. We huddle together to fill out the ballots, nominating the fools who will lead us into another 12 months of purgatory, into another year of shitty trails and warm beer. Then we do a short crappy obligatory farewell 1.18 mile trail laid by the outgoing GM’s…the General MisManagers, the head honchos, those worthless bums….Pinky and FapJack.

The hares took us a few blocks around downtown Santa Cruz and in and out of a few establishments. Perhaps they thought we could do some light reading and sip a latte. But no time to dilly dally…… as we just had to go down by the levee for one last look at the druggies and the homeless. Hope everyone is up to date on their shots and vaccines! And watch out for the dreaded Hep A hanging out on the public sidewalks.

As a friendly shout out to CumFartZone…the Queen of the endless BN (Beer Near) markings…..Pinky and Fap lovingly placed BN marks on the stairs heading up to the top of the parking garage. I think I stopped counting after 144!!

While we were enjoying beer check at the top of the garage….our lookout spied the dreaded and now ever present park rangers. We quickly scattered like gazelles being pursued by the lions. Well everyone except for Puff, who was too busy taking photos that he didn’t realize he was the only hasher left to deal with the Feds. Since they are now on to us….he got the lecture about public drinking and questioned why we simply weren’t smart enough to put our beer into a red solo cup. DUH???

Yep, most hashers simply aren’t that brilliant…except for our resident PhD and our burrito esquire.

So after posting a hefty bail, Puff joined us back at El Palomar just as the slide show of shame was flashing across the screen. Lots of laughs and so much fun looking back at our crazy adventures and some epic moments of bonding over beer.

After the slide show we launched right into religion and the dreaded Down Downs.

Puff was the first recipient for the Ranger Danger award.

Analversaries went to Princess Di and Shallow Hole for a whopping 275 hashes.

Taco Tramp finally made it to her 25th hash in 2 years.

Our visitors were Dual Tools, Today is Monday and Drink and Squirt….the new GM of Silicon Valley.

We had a bunch of backsliders….including Vaginal Repair kit who is having back surgery on Dec 5th…I guess that is a valid excuse for missing most of the hashes these past 2 months.

He was joined by those missing in action world travelers, PussyWood and TranCuntnanal, and Cold Smegma who has had some foot issues, along with all his other issues.

Despite our fervent warning not to bring virgins to the AGM, one of our newbies, who can’t read, brings Virgin Andrea, who manages to belt out another lame ass joke.

“How does Lady Gaga like her steak”?  Answer…..RA RA RA, blah blah blah. Whatever! When are we going to find someone who can get with the program and show some naughty bits??!!

Onto the newlyweds, the Murphy’s. Their wedded nuptials were celebrated with a hefty down down and boisterous cheering.

We had a Beerthday song for Bakers…who was definitely whooping it up.

And Bareback Unicrack has a beerthday coming up on Nov 26th…..I’m sure it will be a festive occasion.

And then we moved on to the Academy Awards for the evening. Banana Basher performed the official counting of the ballots with his helpers, Vag, Cumz out my Nose, and Twisted….who did not want to have any dangling chads to mar the votes.

And the results of the voting are as follows:   Read em and weep.

GM- Shallow Hole

Hash Cash/Flash- Puff

Hare Raiser- Fap Jack

RA’s- Accuprick, Pink Cherry Licker and Bakers Dozen’t

Haberdasher- Occasional Rapist

On Sec- dBASED

Beermeister-rotating schedule with 4 open months

Scribe- CumfartZone

Stupidest act on trail goes to Bakers Dozen’t for dragging home a little red wagon. He garnered a whooping 35 votes for this nonsense.

Biggest wanker goes to DBased – I can’t imagine why.

Best themed hash went to “Make America Drunk Again”.

Best trail was #920…thanks to Shallow Hole, Cock Throbbin,Ho 2 Housewife & Princess Di. This was the W2B prelube hash which included the boat ride to the Crows Nest beach Party and a festive bonfire.

Worst trail was a tie: #919 Puff Puff and Timmy!!! at the Oakwood cemetery trying to replicate DungFu’s haphazard trail. We all ended up covered in Poison Oak. Note to self….buy a case or two of Technu – it makes a great holiday gift.

And the other winner was CumFartZone for trail #924 co-hared with Symphomaniac, that maniac from Germany. Lots of confusing marks….what else is new, crossing their own hare marks, and crappy warm beer for beer check. On another recent trail CumFart also gets lost in her own hood while the rest of the pack is in Phoenix. Get a life and a compass.

Last years board members were honored….and thrilled to be turning over the reigns to the new folks…except a few folks were holding on to their jobs for dear life and simply would not relinquish their positions.

Beer meister is continuing to be a shared position and will rotate monthly. You can still sign up for a slot.

All in all it was a wonderful evening.

Thank you to everyone for attending and supporting our hash.

On On On




Hash Trash # 883: AGM at El Palomar on 11/10/16

agmflashBy some miracle, El Palomar let us cum back again this year to celebrate AGM and trash their banquet room.  I guess they know they can make a lot of money on alcohol sales.

If only all elections were this easy! It’s been a very emotional week in American politics, but let’s focus on the positive.  Hash politics!  In the Surf City hash world, Half Minds from all walks of life (usually) get along.  WE DON’T CARE about race, color, religion, food preferences or sexual orientation!   All we care about is shitty trails and drinking beer!  It’s a dysfunctional family that seems to work just fine.  Believe it or not, the hash doesn’t run on it’s own.agmgm's  There are folks who volunteer for mismanagement positions and usually run unopposed.   That was the case again this year.  Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack are continuing their 2 year term as GM’s.  I think they did a fabulous job this past year!  It’s not easy to herd a bunch of drunken cats.  We drank a lot of beer, had some great events and stayed out of jail!

Trail was short and shitty and included a agmlctour of San Lorenzo Park, liquor check at Callahan’s and beer check on top of Oswald’s Parking Garage. Religion was inside El Palomar.  Dung Fu Grip was RA.  Nurse Milkacockus, Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy were punished for throwing food.  They were actually trying to catch pieces of candy in their mouths.  There were a few Analversaries:  Puff celebrated his 869th, TIMMY!! celebrated his 550th, Fap Jack celebrated his 150th , and Bacon Queef agmbbmcelebrated her 69th SCH3 hash!  Get a fucking life (especially Puff).  Wicked Retahted was called up for a down down “just because”.  We all drank to celebrate the legalization of pot in California!  The current year’s mismanagement was called up for a down down thank you.  There was another naming!  Just Doug was luck to have his 5th hash land on AGM, when Wankers are extra rowdy and intoxicated!  All I know about him is that he used toagmnaming hash in Japan, but was never named there.  Well The pack though of a name pretty easily.  And not in the traditional fashion.  It was while we were waiting for Just Doug to arrive at Beer Check.  And from this day forward, he will be forever known as Cold Smegma Kamikaze.  Welcome to the hash!



Best Trail: Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp Thmp for trail through Henry Cowell to observation deck.

Worst Trail: Cum Fartzone and Jizziki’s pre-layed trail through Capitola

Best Theme: Pussy Trail:  Rat Pussy, Pussy Wood and Just Foot Pussyagmballgag

Biggest Wanker: Hangs Loose (who was not present)

Stupidest Act: Cum Fartzone’s noon pre-lay that upset the paranoid neighbors and set off terror on Next

Look at Me Award: Tie between Taco Tramp and Hangs Loose.  She accepted the ball gag in his honor.

Election Results:  Year 16 Mismanagement:

GMs: Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack

Hash Flash/Cash: Puff the Magic Drag Queen

Onsex: dBASED

Haberdasher: Occasional Rapist

RA’s: Accuprick and Dung Fu Grip

Hare Raiser: Twisted Fister

Social Secretaries: Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp Thmp

Beer Meister: Rotating position this year.  Please see the GM’s if you want to volunteer for a stint.

Hash Scribe Raiser: Pussy Wood.  Please email her to sign up!

Why should only a few select individuals have all the fun of writing Hash Trash every week? I’m sure you’re all pretty sick of me after 5 years.  As a typical Half Mind, I forgot when I first volunteered for this job.  After some research, looks like I started being Scribe with Occasional Rapist in 2011.  Damn!  No wonder I was sick of it!  We were both new to the hash at the time and dBASED persuaded us to volunteer.  Anyway, just like Hashers sign up to Hare trails, Hashers can sign up to write Hash Trash for the week.  Pussy Wood will post it for you on the website.  No writing experience necessary!  Every computer has spell check.  Unfortunately it doesn’t recognize weird spelling of hash names.   You don’t even have to be sober to write it!  Some of my best work was under the influence of alcohol.  There are no rules!  You can use whatever format you want.  It will be good to get a different flavor each week.  I only write from the FRB perspective.  I’m sure there’s a lot more drama and debauchery going on further back in the pack.  And this way, there’s not a long term commitment.  Just give it a try and sign up for a week.  I’m not going anywhere.  You’ll still hear from me occasionally. agmshh2h

On Out,

Shallow Hole