Monthly Archives: March 2015

Flashback to Hash 786

Let’s go back in time to hash 786 when Bigfoot roamed the forest, then the hashers moved in.

Intro Photo

The pack convened at the locally notorious Bigfoot Museum, where many locals have passed by but rarely stopped in. We were treated to after hours access by Michael, who is possibly a descendant of Bigfoot himself but now spends his days running this high falutin joint.

Lost Pack

After some mingling, hares Occasional Rapist and Mortal Enema took off, literally. They threw flour here and there (possibly hanging out from a car window) and had no real trail planned. This was proven to us when the FRB’s ran into the DFL’s, trail crossed over itself and disappeared. Later we learned that the hares were hiding in a bush, stifling their laughter as we all ran back and forth looking for the end of trail. The pack gave up and headed back to the museum. Craziest of them all, Dung Fu Grip, decided to run up the beginning of trail to try to find Beer Check. He came back with promises of beer& food. He lead the pack to beer check where Occasional and Mortal were trying to attract local Bigfoot with the PB&J sandwiches and granola bars (PB&J is rumored to be the big guy’s favorite). The local neighbors were starting to stir so we headed back to religion at the Museum.

Beer Check

Pink Cherry Liquor was named as beer fairy. Pink twisted her ankle on trail and immediately seeked to heal herself by heading to the bar, to get ice of course! Fap Jack is always looking out for his lady and was given a down-down for accompanying her to the bar, to help her apply the ice… of course.

Beer Fairy Pink

Shady Curtains and Mr Wiggly were awarded down-downs for being our visitors that night, even though they just came up from Monterey, something they seem to do quite often. More than often they just show up and drink all of our beer, but this time they brought us a virgin, a nice foreign one at that! He sang us a brute German drinking song.

Shallow analversary
Shallow Hole celebrated the analversary of her 175th hash with Surf City, get a life woman!

Cougar Hugh
Hugh Heifer was given a down down for being our pack cougar. I’m excited to see this sexy cat in action at Betty Ford.

TIMMY!!! was awarded a down-down for trying to infiltrate the minds of Occasional Rapist and Mortal Enema. Why would you punish yourself like that man? You’re supposed to be retired and enjoying life. He was a teacher, some people are just a little masochistic I guess.

Mr Wiggly came up and gave some announcements which are of no matter now, since they have all passed. He also lifted his toga to give us a flash of the true Mr Wiggly himself.

Michael Bigfoot
As we were wrapping things up, our host Michael came by with one of his baby Bigfoots and we invited him over for a beer (and a song). When we were done he quickly grabbed up the beer and ran away. I can’t say I blame him.

The hares
And the hares! Occasional and Mortal were brought up and we paid respects to the departed trail 786.

On on on was held at The Cremer House, which I’m told was quite nice (Yelp tells a different story)

May the hash go in peace, or pieces… whichever….

HASH 788 The Green Dress Hash

It was the Thursday before St. Patty’s night
Hashers swarmed Malone’s to avoid a fight
The unsightly pale skin
and green dresses couldn’t win
It gave the folk of Scotts Valley quite a fright

Hashers crowded the bartender at Malone’s
She cursed hashers servicing them alone
Wishing they’d hurry to leave
Not without tipping please
She’s still uttering obscenities from home

There were hordes of hideous prom dresses
You’ve never seen more uglier tresses
Tutus, four leaf clovers
and Santa Cruz pull-overs
Completed the look of unsightly hashes

Trail sent all romping through Scotts Valley
A jaunt by the dumpster, taking its tally
Leaving the trash behind
The locals seemed to mind
Not even the DFLs would dally

To the home of the Falcons we went
Some of the hashers were already spent
And not in the good way
But not lost on the freeway
Back to the check for the drunkards that meant

Virgin Kelsi was visiting from Cincinnati
New to the group; thankfully not bratty
Ho2Housewife smelled a bush
Dog Breath gawked at her tush
While the rest of the crew smoked a phatty

Some were ready for Hari Kari
Others acting much more merry
I Saw Naked People
Dude, that guy’s medieval!
And Fucked Over Fest was anointed beer fairy

We had some guests from the Valley
Where is that?  Check Rand McNally
Yellow Brick Load got drunk
And his toga had a funk
Waiting for Arabian Gobbler’s finale



Hash Trash # 787 on March 5, 2015

787haresHash # 787 brought the pack to Pono downtown.  There were high expectations from the hare pair of Ho to Housewife and Cock Throbbin.  Their trail announcement promised not to kill anybody!  I am happy to say that they succeeded in their mission, because I am not aware of any deaths on trail.  Our GM’s Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp made it to the start, but had to ditch the pack to go to someone’s birthday dinner.  Maybe they got a tip that trail would be extra shitty and wanted to bail.  My Garmin clocked trail at 3.17 miles to beer check.  It was a little jaunt around Pono, up to Mission, to Walnut, to California, down Laurel.  There was a mysterious back check 5 that took a little while to solve because the Hares 787beercheckmiscounted.  Trail went down California to a liquor check at the entrance to Neary Lagoon.  It was some nasty red stuff in a mason jar that I was unable to identify.  We had the pleasure of a long stretch down the railroad tracks, smelling the stench from the water treatment plant.  The smell even scared away the homeless from the area!  Then we exited by the soccer field and headed up West Cliff to a beer check on the cliff with a lovely view of the wharf and boardwalk.

787beerfairyReligion was held on the top of the parking garage across from Pono.    Accuprick was RA and appointed Just Suzie as Beer Fairy.  Down downs were handed out for Steamy Baahorrhea for not having a beer in circle, 6 of 9 for not singing a song right and auto hashing, Sharticle Physics and Dung Fu Grip for going skinny dipping at beer check.  Luckily we were not subjected to the 787steamyshrinkage!  Today is Monday was welcomed as a visitor.  Twisted Fister and Waxi Pad drank for being backsliders.  Waxi avoided trail altogether.  Several of us took a bathroom stop at Fap Jack’s restaurant Munch on the way to religion.  Apparently we forgot about Steamy Baanhrrhea, because he came out of the bathroom and he found himself locked in the restaurant without having anyone’s cell phone number.  Luckily he didn’t set off any alarms when he 787haresdowndownleft and got Fap Jack to go lock up the place again.  TIMMY!!!’s drank for forgetting words to a song.  what’s new with that?  He’s old for Christ sake!  And last but not least, the Hares………………………..




leprechaun drunkThis week’s hash # 788 will be our Green Dress Hash!  We will be heading to Malone’s in Scotts Valley.  You lucky wankers will be at the mercy of Yours Truly and Occasional Rapist.  We’re celebrating St Patrick’s Day a little early, but who cares.  There will be a shitty trail and plenty of Irish libations.

On On,

Shallow Hole