Hot and Ready but No Fucking Treats!
Aloha Island Grill was to start location this week. Hashers invaded the place and disrupted a bunch of folks eating dinner. Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp promised a normal Surf City trail, of normal fucking distance, no fucking theme, no fucking costumes, none of that fucking shit. Fuckin A man! They tried to explain to a bunch of halfminds a new trail mark- a fish hook thing that meant FRB’s had to go back and find the DFL’s and share some kind of treat. I don’t think many of us were listening. Then they took off.
My GPS measured trail at 3.59 miles. The pack followed marks down Portola, across the street and lead to Schwan Lagoon. There was a long shiggy section that lead to dirt trails. We just came back from Louisiana, so to me, the lagoon looks like a swamp minus the alligators. Lots of poison oak though! We saw the fishhook mark and it had what looked like a 3 next to it. WTF? The FRB’s scoured the area searching for our treats but only found an empty bottle of some nasty shit. We didn’t know if it meant back check 3 marks, so we even tried that. No treats, but we were there so long that the DFL’s caught up with us. The very thirsty pack proceeded to the railroad tracks where LC was spotted. Could the treats be found? No! I See Naked People even looked inside the metal electrical box next to the tracks. Oh well, so the pack went on. Dehydration was really starting to set in. There was a check on the corner of Brommer and Live Oak. Some hashers searched someone’s yard, but luckily no one came out with a gun. On On was called and we headed right on Brommer, then right on El Dorado into Simpkins swim center. There was a long stretch down 17th avenue that led to a long stretch down Felt Street to 24th Avenue. We eventually made it back to Portola. There was a check that was particularly difficult to solve. It was then when we found Fucked Over Fest who arrived late to the hash and followed trail on his own. He couldn’t figure out the fishhook thing but eventually found the pack. The last place to check was through a condo complex. Sure enough, the Hares put chalk arrows through there and we were finally on on! Trail went down Corcoran Avenue to Clearwater Court, to Coastview Drive where the illustrious BN was spotted. The Hares were waiting for us with hot and ready Little Cesar’s Pizza. Apparently there were 2 bottles of liquor. One at the fishhook mark and one at the liquor check but no one found them. Food has a way of making hashers more docile, so once we had pizza and beer all was good in the world.
Religion was held at the Live Oak Library. Dung Fu was RA and Puff the Magic Drag Queen was Beer Fairy. Since the cleaning folks were still in the library, the pack whispered in true library fashion. It was a quick and quiet Religion. Curtesy Flush drank a down down for his usual pattern of stopping on trail for a burrito and eating it on trail. Not sure how you can eat a big burrito and still run without puking, but this guy does it. Pink Cherry Licker drank for a comment she made about getting “swamp thumb” and Bacon Queef cured her of it, so it doesn’t appear to be a fatal condition. We had 2 virgins this week! I See Naked People made Virgin Jake cum. He sang you’ve lost that loving feeling. I was behind him for most of trail and couldn’t help notice his unusual running form. It looked like he was prancing and holding his hands up like hooves. Hooker on Kronix, Bitch made Virgin Brittany cum. She flashed her boobs. Fucked Over Fest drank for showing up late. And last but not least, the Fucking Hares……………………
Word on the street is that dBASED and Occasional Rapist were allowed to flee communist Cuba and made it back to Santa Cruz alive, so Occasional Rapist will be haring this week. Until then…………