Monthly Archives: July 2015

Hash Trash # 807 on June 16th, 2015

807puffPuff’s 65th Beerthday Hash

This week the Hares Puff the Magic Drag Queen and Dung Fu Grip summoned the pack to Bocci’s Cellar. It was a very special hash this week to celebrate Puff’s 65th birthday! Puff may be eligible for Medicare, but I don’t think he’s retiring from the hash any time soon. In fact he seems to be going strong!  According to the hash count, Puff 807bdaypuffhas 793 Surf City Hashes under his belt. He’s currently at 732 consecutive hashes. The last time he missed a hash was 3/14/02. What’s his secret to staying young? You’ll have to ask him. He’s vegetarian, collects dragon figurines, drinks a lot of beer, and loves wearing his stylish OP corduroy shorts. Here’s to brother hasher, brother hasher, brother hasher……

We had a virgin this week. Virgin Laree said Rod Lover told her about the hash. She seemed to fit right in. Six of Nine saw her and immediately started hitting on her. But then again, he hits on everybody.  Hash Flash this week is courtesy of Ho to Housewife. I have a sneaking suspicion that Puff didn’t post all the pictures she took.

Puff’s heart must still be in good shape. According to my GPS, it was a challenging, hilly 4.21 mile trail. But then again, he could’ve paid off his co-hare Dung Fu Grip to lay most of it. We did not tour heroin hill, but we did the indigenous people of Harvey West Park.  Trail headed down Coral Street past Costco. There was a check on Evergreen Street. All the FRB’s got caught by the YBF up the bike path that leads to High Street. They came 807viewback down the hill, cursing the Hares the whole way. We passed the cemetery. Someone found flour in Wagoner Grove, so we went up the trail to the steps. There was a liquor check on the trail. It was some kind of nasty flavored vodka, that I kept tasting over and over the rest of the trail. We exited the park and went out Meadow Road, went right on Spring, left on Rockridge Lane, through a little trail and around a townhouse complex and eventually up to Pogonip. There were some lovely views from the top of the hill. Thankfully, there was only one way to go but down! We descended down and out of the park on to Encinal Street. Beer check was at the end of Pioneer Street by the Goodwill.  Cock Throbbin didn’t do trail but made an appearance at beer check after 2 months to prove she’s still alive. She’s been traveling and has been nursing a foot injury.

807cakeReligion was at the other end of Pioneer Street. Accuprick was RA and appointed Suck Cockran as Beer Fairy. We started out with birthday cake and a song for Puff. Suck Cockran drank for “not seeing” liquor check. Cock Throbbin, Tits and Game and Hooker on Kronix, Bitch drank for being backsliders. A bunch of hashers, Hugh Heifer, Six of Nine, Fap Jack, Pink Cherry Licker, Twat Did You Say? and Princess Di (arrhea) 807Jizzikidrank for not going up the big hill. Dog Breath drank for showing up late to the hash. Virgin Laree told a joke and was welcomed to the hash. We had a naming. Just Tom is a kinky chef and was named Jizziki. Welcome to the hash! Groucho Cocks showed up late and drank for being a backslider. Twat Did You Say? was called up to tell a story about how the puppy she was watching ate her vibrator! Puff was given a book about Santa Cruz (in case he forgets), and Dung Fu Grip got a patch for Haring 25 trails. And last but not least the Hares…………….

Next up is the infamous Wharf to Barf Weekend!  It’s your chance to go on a 4 day bender with your best drinking buddies!

It all starts this Thursday 7/23/15 for Hash # 808, Prelude in FU-Major.  Ho to Housewife, Dung Fu Grip and Yours Truly will be Haring a most excellent trail starting at Uncommon Brewers in the Sash Mill.  They’re in # 40 towards the back next to Pacific Cookie.  They don’t have a regular tasting room, but will be open just for us!  Alec will be pouring $5 pints (cash only).  Some of their beers have a high alcohol content, so you’ll get your money’s worth for sure!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Trail 806 – Beat Your Meat

River Crossing

Trail 806 was SCH3’s annual Beat Your Meat charity event, with all proceeds going to Second Harvest Food Bank. Our cheap asses managed to pull together $1,000! Can you believe that? Knowing you guys, I hardly can.


Hanging Beginning

The evening started at the home of Little Anal Annie and Butt Balls in Aptos. Prior to trail we were all warned about one the of dog’s counter surfing and food stealing tactics, so we made sure all out food was out of Dog Breath’s reach before we headed on out. We were gifted with three lovely home brews by visiting Morning Missile, a stout an IPA and an applewiess.



As we set off on trail we immediately entered Nisene Marks and started going downhill (this means you can only go one way from there). So down we descended and rivers we crossed then I hear something up the hill to my left, it’s Dung Fu flying up the side of the mountain. Oh boy, here we go. As we go up I start thinking that this isn’t too bad, until we had to more or less scale the side of the cliff as we are also climbing over tree trunks on a trail that I can’t even call single track… I’m pretty sure it was a deer trail. This was far from the magical hikes and runs I’m used to in Nisene. Trail eventually brought us up onto the fire road where there is car access then back down again before looping up over to Windjammer where we picked up the members of the pack who did the fantastic Windjammer trail. A few of us had a beer prior to hitting up beer check and cheers’d each other celebrating our survival through this gnarly trail.


Grocery Hash

As the pack headed to beer check a few hashers stopped at Safeway to pick up some ice for Dog Breath, who may have gotten a little tipsy at the 4th of July celebration and did his own fireworks show from his mouth to celebrate.


dB Ice

Once we got to religion, Dog Breath punished us for punishing him by showing us all how quickly his privates could contract into his body by dropped trow as he sat on the bag of ice. We also tried to punish dBase for his (shitty) trail but after Dog Breath’s bare ass sat upon the ice he refused to sit. Broke Bench wasn’t having it and lifted him up and dropped him on the ice, ripping his pants in the process. Here we learned how much dBASED loves the hash since even the back of his boxers say “On On”. Not sure how Snapping Twat wiggled her way out of being put on ice, but she did.



During religion we thanked the homeowners, and especially Butt Balls as he came home from a grueling overseas con-call to a house-full of drunks, called out those who did the Windjammer trail, punished the backsliders and celebrated dBASED’s 650th analversary. Once all the formalities were over we moved onto the eating!



Butt Balls grilled up all the meats and hashers loaded this plates with side dishes while enjoying Morning Missle’s brews. I managed to find the other lonely vegan (who brought the amazing Chao cheeze & veggie burgers so good I saw meat eaters taking second tastings) along with the vegan sausages Dung Fu brought I was in vegan heaven. There was plenty of all types of food to go around that pleased everyone’s tummy.


Beat Your Meat

That about sums it up half-minds. May the hash go in peace! See ya’all for Puff’s 65th Beerthday tonight. If you can’t make it, don’t worry… he won’t know, his mind isn’t too good these days 🙂

Hash Trash # 805 on July 2, 2015

805haresThe Anal Fourth of July Weenie Roast!

And what’s more patriotic than drinking at the VFW?  Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp went all out and rented the picnic area in back of the VFW in Santa Cruz for this week’s hash.  They don’t allow outside alcohol, so we had to go inside and buy pitchers, but they were only $8.75.  The poor old guy bartending was getting quite a workout pouring beer.  There were only 2 other patrons in the bar besides hashers.  Not exactly the most happening place in town.   The last time I drank at a VFW was in the 80’s.  I was an underage college student.  We went to our friend’s house for the weekend and her Dad let us go drinking with him at the VFW.  Beers were only 35 cents!   Even broke college students could get pretty shitfaced on that price!  Accuprick was busy practicing his kinesiology taping technique.  We had some visitors from CAN’D hash this week.  Dildo Shaggins, Ahhhto Bahng Stander.   Shady Curtains is more of a backslider than a visitor.   He was hashing with us pretty regularly, but we haven’t seen him for a while.   He said he was too busy studying Russian to hash.

805packMy GPS measured trail at 2.13 miles.  It was a little loop that went down Rodriguez, to 7th Avenue, around to Capitola Road, back across Rodriguez, to Paul Minnie Avenue to beer check in a parking lot on Bostwick lane.  Nothing too exciting.  Dildo Shaggins not only looked like a hobbit, but he ran barefoot the entire trail.  We found out that Dung Fu Grip knew Dildo Shaggins from Lansing, Michigan and was the hasher who named Dung Fu.  Small hash world.   Accuprick said he saw some druggies.  I guess you see more scenery when you walk.    I tried like hell to get dirt on Just Stephanie for her naming.  It was like pulling teeth!  We knew she works at a bait shop.  The only thing I got was that she was shacking up with Rat Pussy, they have a bunch of pets and pineapple makes her throw up,

805religionReligion was back at the VFW.  Accuprick was RA and Six of Nine was Beer Fairy.  Shady Curtains, Accuprick and Twat Did You Say? drank for being backsliders.   Rat Pussy was punished for dropping a beer bottle on the ground at beer check.  Alcohol abuse!  Dildo Shaggins and Ahhhto Bahng Stander were called up for a welcome to the hash down down.  Dung Fu Grip also drank because Dildo Shaggins was his “hash daddy” responsible for his name.  Occasional Rapist, Twat Did You Say? and TIMMY!!! drank for all wearing matching beer socks.  Dung Fu grip and Just Foot Pussy had matching haircuts.  Shady Curtains got blamed for some mystery W written in chalk.  Bacon Queef and Dung Fu Grip drank for using peoples mortal names at the hash.  There were 2 Analversaries.  Stub Rub celebrated 805haresreligionhis 25th and Princess Di (arrhea) celebrated her 175th SCH3 hash!  Get a life!   Shady Curtains was accused of chivalry on trail.  Apparently while out on trail, he came across a nurse pushing a crazy guy in a wheelchair.  The guy in the wheelchair started freaking out and Shady Curtains had to subdue him.  Sorry I missed that!  Snapping Twat drank for autohashing (again).  This is becoming a pattern with her.  She was drinking margaritas at some other bar.   And the Hares……  Thmp-Thmp got a patch for haring 25 trails.    We took a805ds break from Religion to eat a bunch of weenies, coleslaw, and more beer.   After everyone was sufficiently stuffed, Religion resumed for the very important job of naming Just Stephanie.  After much deliberating, she will forever be known as Deadliest Snatch!  Welcome to the hash!

On On,

Shallow Hole