Monthly Archives: July 2016

Hash Trash #863 on 7/14/16: Puff the Magic Drag Queen’s Beerthday Hash

863puffHow old is Puff? He’s old enough to be a member of AARP, to collect Medicare, but still young enough to still set a trail (with the help of Dung Fu Grip’s young speedy legs).   He’s old enough to have survived 849 (and 787 consecutive) Surf City hashes since 12/28/2000.  Get a life!  So is running and drinking beer the secret to a long healthy life?  Who knows, but it seems to be working for Puff.  His complexion is not yellow, so his liver must be holding up pretty well.  I don’t see him retiring from hashing any time soon.

The pack met on the side of HWY 1 at Wilder Ranch State Park. It was a foggy evening and 863packthere was a pretty strong head wind (who said head?) on the coastal bluff trail. There was a turkey and eagle trail.  Both trails were a loop around the coastal bluff trail.  The turkey trail was 2.8 miles and was the shorter loop.  There was a cool liquor check in the fern grotto.  Thmp-Thmp and Rat Pussy explored the cave a bit because there was flour in there.  But they turned around when they hit a dead end and used condoms.  Turkeys passed the farm house, crossed the tracks and 863grotto863ingrottoheaded to beer check on the outskirts of the parking lot.  The eagle trail was a larger loop, around 6 miles, crossed the beach, continued down the trail and came back around through a farm along the railroad tracks.  Only 4 hashers did the eagle (dBASED, Dog Breath, Steamy Baahnorrhea and yours truly).   There was another liquor check on the edge of a cliff.  I tried the shit and it was nasty!  I was lucky enough to carry Puff’s very large and bulky 863LCcamera, and felt obligated to take numerous pictures of birds, tractors and other scenery.  Dear Puff, you really need to get a new hash camera.  I’m sure there are nice, pocket sized, point and shoot cameras at a reasonable price.  I was so busy taking pictures, the rest of the eagles took off and I was the official DFL.

Religion already started by the time I got there. Accuprick and Butt Balls were RA’s.  Just Foot Pussy was called up for making loud mating calls along trail.  A couple of Harriettes (including his wife) recognized the mating calls from a distance.  How’s that for animal magnetism?  In honor of Puff’s birthday, we heard stories of the olden days of Surf City.  Puff apparently had his own Circle of Jealousy and group called the Friends of Puff.  When Puff was Hash Scribe, he used to post a trivia question and if someone got it right, they would get a free hash.  These were the days of no google, so I’m sure it wasn’t easy to find the answers.  dBASED said he would try to solve the trivia questions to get free hashes.  I got a down down for being DFL and drank with the other 3 brave eagles who ran the 10K.  Just Dee was called up for having strep throat.  We met Virgin Daniel.  Taco Tramp made him cum!  He choked and told the worst joke ever.  Other hashers had to tell a joke for him.  Courtesy Flush and Bareback Unicrack were called up for wearing cute matching jackets.   Accuprick drank for not showing up at the hash the week before.  He claimed to be driving around and unable to find the start location on Graham Hill Road. And last but not least, the Hares…………………..

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash # 861- Beat Your Meat on June 30, 2016

This year’s Beat Your Meat was held at Drill Me’s house in Scotts Valley.

861viewSomehow dBASED talked his dentist into hosting the event.  I’m sure it’s a decision that she surely regrets by now.  Drill Me used to hash with Monterey Bay, and hasn’t hashed in the 15 years since Surf City H3 has been in existence.  dBASED said she put a lot of work into clearing trails on her property for the event.  She has a gorgeous property with friendly horses off of 861horsesVine Hill.  The event was a huge success!  We raised over $800 bucks for Second Harvest Food Bank!  Yay!  We really are a legitimate nonprofit organization and not a bunch of drunks who don’t care!

dBASED and Drill Me were the hares. The 861haresEagle trail was less than 2 miles on my GPS.  And it was all up hill.  My calves were burning like hell.  Damn you hares!  There was a decomposed skunk carcass on trail, but we did not encounter any live animals.861trail

The potluck was awesome and Accuprick and Butt Balls cooked up all the meat and meat alternatives. Instead of their fancy gas grills, they managed to cook everything on 2 small charcoal grills.  The food took a little longer to cook so hashers mingled around the grills salivating, and patiently waiting for their meat to cook.  Dog Breath was caught trying to steal Timmy’s steak, but gave it back (with a few bites missing).   He’s a typical dog that steals food from little kids and handicapped people.

861beercheckAccuprick was RA and Pink Cherry Licker was Beer Fairy. Visitors- Arabian Goggler, Piss Pyle, BMX, Just Matt, Spreads in the Sheets, Gay for Pay, eh?, Tipper in the Slipper were welcomed to the hash with a down down.  Waxi Pad and Snapping Twat drank for being backsliders.  Hugh Heifer and Cumfart Zone drank for somehow getting lost on the turkey trail.  Stoners!  They did manage to find their way back and hit the beer check.  Pink Cherry Licker also got lost.   She apparently texted she couldn’t find beer check.  It was just up the road from the house on the same street. Princess Di (arrhea) and Occasional Rapist couldn’t handle the difficult trail, so they turned back.  Extra money was raised by Tits and Game and Cumfart Zone for bouncing on the trampoline topless.  Virgin Matt flashed front and back.  Tits and Game made him cum!  Yellow Prick Load celebrated his 25th Surf City hash!  It took years, but he made it!  Accuprick said he was the bastard who named him in Silicone Valley.  He got his name because he liked to wear yellow, was skinny and looked like a banana.  He even has his own song called “Swallow the yellow prick load”!  Fap jack took off early, but then got blamed for not doing a good job of getting the grills started  for Butt Balls when he went to the beer check.   Goggler was his stunt drinker.  Dog Breath was punished for stealing Timmy’s steak.  Jizziki got the award for the best meat.  It was marinated in his “special sauce”.  I had some and it was really good.  So tender it melted in your mouth.   And last but not least, the Hares……………….861haresreligion

On On,

Shallow Hole



Hash Trash # 862 on 7/7/16

862towerTrash 862
Our scribes have taken to fleeing the country as of late, so you’re stuck with another Dung-Fu Hash Recycling (trash is gross.) Much like my previous one, we started off the side of a road near an entrance to one of our county’s finest natural preserves. Unlike the Can’d invasion however, we have only ourselves to blame for this one.
Pack was a ragtag bunch of regulars, backsliders, old timers, and a virgin, and we milled about the parking lot discussing charms, tie dye, and buying tequila from children. One of the turn-ins to the parking area was a fairly treacherous drop into a dusty ravine, and Shallow Hole decided to take her hybrid off-roading with predictable – albeit not entirely disastrous – results. Virgin Bradley was given chalk talk, which was immediately pissed upon by Vaginal Repair Kit’s tiny and adorable dog. A few locals took a look at us and split, leaving us ample room to circle up and get the show on the road, which we did.
Trail went about twenty meters and split. Turkey and Eagle were supposed to be about the same length with Eagle having more shiggy. And glorious shiggy it was!
We scampered through the woods, galloped down a few switch backs, hoped over a stream (or crossed a fallen tree,) climbed up some stairs clearly intended for giants or bigfoots (bigfeet?) and then ran down a long sandy patch until the trails rejoined. I hear Turkeys walked along the fire road.
It also bears mentioning, that everywhere on this trail was poop. So much poop. I’ve worked in stables with less horse poop. I once spent three entire days fertilizing an orchard with horse poop, and I was still impressed with the amount of poop of trail.
Anyway, we all rejoined at this check that caused momentary confusion, and then dBased called On-On a little back from the check and we were on-up the hill. Up and up we went through trees and shrubs and flowers, until we stumbled out to an observation deck, where our hares had packed in booze for a beautifully scenic beer check.
Those interested in the sights were also able to borrow a pair of binoculars provided by the hares to creep on some nature, or if you climbed up this little antennae on the deck, the boardwalk. While the Turkeys continued to filter in, Thmp-Thmp lugged further libations to the thirsty crowd. I should really say something snarky here, but the view was excellent, the beer delicious, and with beer check in the middle of the woods, the r*cists had the opportunity to get some extra miles.
Sort of.
There was this strange vote thing about whether or not trail should continue, and the vote against trail seemed to win even through less people voted for it, but then the hares took off anyway, and after a little time the r*nners took off after them, immediately snaring them, but then continuing on anyway. I dunno. It was fun and pretty, that’s all that matters.
Religion was in the this little clearing down from the start, and as I was RA-ing, I leave the recollection of down-downs to Puff. We seem to have had: Vaginal Repair Kit, Taco Tramp, and Fucked-Over Fest with tech on trail; Shallow for testing the suspension of her car; Hugh, noticing that no once else had fallen in the stream, took one for the team; Virgin Brady flashed us; Just Shay misread “on-on” as “onion;” and last but not least, the hares of Princess and Thmp were thanked for their excellent trail. And by that, I mean roundly cursed.862hares1
On-on-on was at Santa Cruz Diner, where only Timmy and Puff showed.
And with that, the hash went in peace, and some got a piece.