Monthly Archives: June 2017

Hash Trash 914: Poop Chute/Shoot my Ass!

For the record….I did not do this trail….but I gleaned enough helpful nuggets to assist me in writing the trash. So here goes.
Lost in the woods, perhaps better to just leave them there
Lost in the woods, perhaps better to just leave them there
It was a drizzly wet day in the hood so some hoodlum decided it would be a novel idea to go hiking. That chap was Dung Fu….who has clearly lost his grip…..on reality and how to read a trail map. Even in this digital age his coveted GPS couldn’t save him. He started out early in order to scout the route….however he got hopelessly lost and turned around. Something in his gut told him he was going the wrong way and it wasn’t his vegan bean burrito. Instead of looking for an outhouse or as we country folk like to call em…a “shitter”….Dung Fu decides he is now training for Everest and ascends up to the heavens. When he finally realizes that he is in a different country he kicks into high gear and lets those 6 ft long legs fly in order to get back to the start before 6:33 pm.

Plenty of signs to be ignored by wankers
Plenty of signs to be ignored by wankers
I’m sure it was a wonderful hash along a beautiful meandering trail with overflowing waterfalls, glistening streams and naked butts.
Speaking of butts…..I saw the evidence – the infamous digital evidence of some half minds getting their weekly bath. And speaking of evidence we all got a harsh lesson in privacy thanks to our resident educator. Some things are best left unseen. Especially Dog Breaths hairy ass!!
Hare snare sandwich
Hare snare sandwich
I am now seeing a therapist over this tragedy.
As part of my therapy I am now required to fabricate “Pineapple Upside Down Cake Jell-O shots for the next hash. I think they call it “art therapy”.
I call it another excuse to drink!!
On On On
Yours truly,

Hash 913 – Hoppy Beerthdays

What a delightful evening with the Birthday Hares….Fap and Shallow. 

Beerday Hares
Beerday Hares
This “trail” started off with so many checks that I thought they were advertising for a breakfast cereal.
Every 2 blocks there was a check – Does someone have a Obsessive/compulsive disorder?
Wanker Takeover
Wanker Takeover
I heard that cold smegma was utterly confused by these checks and found himself down by the river where he literally ran into the hares. Only problem was that he didn’t know who the hares were… they escaped unscathed.
Bakers D, Rabbit hole, and Dung Fu decided that the magnificently confounding checks were better left to some half minds so they set off on their own “Team Christmas” trail???
Checks for days
Checks for days
The rest of us had to make sure our immunizations were up to date…especially for Hepatitis. Meandering over the rail road tracks is not for the faint of heart. With every step there lurks danger. Discarded needles littered the path along with the usual assortment of junkie homeless trash. All the 2 legged and 4 legged creatures had to be extra vigilant.
Not easy to step gingerly after all those tasty beers.  
Moving on, I was told it was supposed to be a 2.25 mile trail but I think they doubled the distance, well just because they can…..and they did.
Along the way, a lazy but resourceful hasher decided a Costco shopping cart was the way to save some miles and thus was forcefully and gleefully pushed along by 2 other wankers.

Twat Did You Say having a Garbage sale in her front lawn, everything free to whoever will take it
Twat Did You Say having a Garbage sale in her front lawn, everything free to whoever will take it
The light at the end of this tunnel of love adventure was the lovely beer check venue, complete with fruit and nuts and other tasty morsels….plus INDOOR plumbing!!
At Religion we had not one but TWO namings.
Folks gathered the requisite dirt as we crawled along on our little adventure. I discovered that Ms Cat has a fear of vacuums and Just Oscar is trying to live the American dream in his stylish Ben Franklin shiggy socks.
Newly christened "Bunsen Banger"
Newly christened “Bunsen Banger”
These poor plebes answered more embarrassing questions and then were led of so we could decide their fate.
According to Puff, who records everything precisely….
Just Oscar morphed into Testacoil – although there is some discussion regarding the spelling of this new name.
Just Cat will now be known as Bunsen Banger.
Newly christened "Testacoil"
Newly christened “Testacoil”
We had some hearty visitors from San Diego…they are authentic runners. We could use a lesson from them.
Cum you will Not passed the 25 hash mark and was given a lovely patch.
The non runners and most elegantly dressed were Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch. They almost ended up at Ross for a costume change and a new pair of keds.
The Birthday Hares totally represented and were thus rewarded by lots of singing and gifts. 
Happy Beerthday to Shallow Hole and Fap Jack.
On On On