All posts by dbased

My unique memories of Pearl Necklace

I have two small semi-unique memories of Pearl Necklace.

The first was my 40th birthday party in 2001 where he appeared as couple for the first time (to me) with Last Call Norm.

The second was a story of him haring with Banana Basher. Banana told him to set a false up some street – which would typically be around a block. Instead, he went many, many blocks. And, as they say, that’s when the trouble started (that day).

April Showers (Hash CMIV)

April Showers are supposed to bring May flowers. However, I contend we’ve already got Flowers, so what did April showers bring us this week? I think just cold and wet Hashers. I always like my Harriets wet, so that is not a bad thing.

Junk Puncher and I left the house at 4:30 before the hash with pre-hash business to attend to. I had not been paying too much attention to the weather and the last thing I heard was Thursday night showers. Doesn’t that mean after the sun goes down? So, I prepared for a coolish weather, but not wet weather. When Junk Puncher and I finally headed to the hash start it was full on raining. I figured, well at least hopefully this is the last wet hash for some time. I had not had the opportunity to check on final hash business and it seemed unlikely the end to remain at Seabright beach, but without intel otherwise I parked there anyway. Junk Puncher and I arrived at the Hash start, Johnny’s Harborside, moments before circle up. I have yet to be inside this establishment and the trend continues.

When circle up commenced I saw Deep Stroke wave good bye for her car. As we departed

Hash 904

I saw Twat did you say wave goodbye too as she stayed at the bar. I imagine Wicked Retahted did the same. Circle up was largely up against the side of the building as Hashers attempted to remain dry as long as possible.

There was a barely recognizable check right by circle-up. I figured this was a bad omen. However, it turned out to be the only check that was washed out.

Trail proceeded up the West side of the harbor to a check at the North-West end. Would we take the tree over the creek once again,

Hash 904

or would it be across the pedestrian/bike bridge to Arana Gulch? Bridge it was to another check at the bottom of Arana Gulch. I figured trail had to go one way or another to the outlet at Broadway. So, I ran a giant loop. As I returned from my giant loop I came up the pack still try to solve it. Well, there was only one way remaining – down the other side of the harbor, and so we went.

A check in front of Frederick Street part resulted in an on-up through Frederick Street park, then another other check as we departed the park. I figured down Frederick St and reentering the harbor. Thmp-Thmp had the same idea and I followed him about a 1/2 block behind. However, this direction provided no results and we to had to reverse course.

At this point trail headed towards Windham and past Seabright to Cayuga and another check. Apparently true trail turned left in Cayuga here. However, I proceeded straight, then left on Pine to return back to the trail and another check at the beloved five corners – the site of many checks in the past.

Apparently trail continued on down Cayuga again. However, I went down Buena Vista, cut left on Idaho and once again caught trail on Cayuga. Cayuga ends above the railroad tracks. There was brief trail above the railroad tracks, then down and across to Pilkington. I was impressed with all the fallen trees behind the Natural History Museum.

A final check on East Cliff and I said to myself and Junk Puncher, the beer check has got be at the San Lorenzo river overlook – and so it was.

Hash 904

Our hares, Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack said the timing was excellent as they had arrived moment earlier.

After starting to turn into a Popsicle, I was glad to have my car nearby. Hugh Heffer joined me. Religion was to be held under the Glenn E Coolidge Memorial Bridge (aka Murray Street bridge), near the start. We figured it would take Hashers much longer to get back, so waited in warmth in the car for 10 minutes. As Hugh Heffer and I approached religion we saw it was going in full force. I have no idea how Hashers got there so fast!

Religion was cold because it was so windy, but at least it was not wet. I only remember 3 things there.

  1. We tried to name Just Wendy, but were too cold to do so.
  2. We almost didn’t name Just Chuck, but he got Pansy in the end.
  3. Hugh Heffer got a down-down for New Shoes.Hash 904
    Then it was off to Engfer Pizza so I am told for those that wanted more merriment. I went home to be warm.

    Hash 904

I know I have the Surf City Hash record for haring the Southern most Hash in La Selva Beach. I’ll contend it was also the coldest Surf City Hash. I contend I also have the record for the warmest Surf City Hash – a fateful date in Scotts Valley that is so long ago only Puff can remember it. Well, the Southern most record is going to be broken this week when Butt Balls and Little Anal Annie subject us to Virgin Hash territory at Manresa Uplands Campground. Official Operating hours there are until Sunset. Let’s hope the rangers do not come for a visit.

FACU style trail (hash 895)

I’ve purposely not signed up to be a scribe and probably never will, and here’s why. I know I’ll pick up the slop. On the way home from this weeks Hash Occasional Rapist and I discussed whether there was a scribe or not, and that I’d be willing to do it if no one else signed up. So, there you go.

In my last write-up, 2 weeks ago, I was discussing people who were not there and missed discussing two. They were there this week, but that doesn’t change any thing. First, is Dog Breath – international man of mystery. Rumor has it that whenever he is not at the Hash he is starting a war somewhere. All must have been quiet on the Western Front this week, so he made a guest appearance. The last thing I want to say about Dog Breath is that I have heard reports that more than 1 Harriet has discovered some of the Dog Breath’s mystery, including a virgin he appeared to have deflower at my house a few years ago.

Second is Banana Basher. My thoughts on Banana Basher is he flips a two headed coin with Bailas Con Burros each week as to weather can come to the hash and she gets to call the coin. This week Bailas Con Burros must have thought the promise of a FACU style trail was safe for his bulkyness and he was allowed to attend. However, I’ll note she has a very short leash as he left before down-downs.

The next Hasher of honorable mention is Thmp-Thmp. The hares had promised we might see a groundhog, and Thmp-Thmp provided the groundhog as himself in what other weeks would be considered a squirrel costume.

The last Hasher to have honorable mention is Puff The Magic Drag Queen. My last write-up was his last hash to attend. He started a new streak at 1 this week. However, as of this writing, travel outside of Santa Cruz county is perilous. So, if he makes it out on Thursday, who knows if he’ll make it back. For those that want to read about last time Puff missed a hash click here.

This weeks Hash featured one the founders of the FACU hash, Accuprick, as one of our hares. His co-hare was his (very) close friend Butt Balls. We were promised food on trail in a dry location and more food at the end. While the hares provided lies about trail, other Hashers tried to maim each other with giant Jenga blocks.

Trail started into the neighborhood on Seacliff drive.  Now, if you are going to do a short trail, there are two alternatives. The first is go down Beachgate way and take the trail to the beach. However, there is a giant sink hole on that trail right now and the trail is closed. There was a giant false right in front of that trail that somehow Dog Breath missed. He was awarded a down-down at religion for missing it. The second alternative is to double back to State Park Drive somehow, which is exactly what we did. From there it was over Highway 1, and could we be headed any place other than Butt Ball’s garage?  The FRB’s did a little clockwise loop through the cemetery and nearby neighborhood. The rest the pack made a beeline for Butt Balls house.

There we were rewarded with a supposedly vegan Curry soup courtesy of Fap Jack and chicken wings from Lil Anal Annie. The soup was quite spicy, but quite tasty. Occasional Rapist tells me she asked for the recipe, so I am hoping to sample it again soon.

After the food was gone, the hare’s asked if we wanted a trail back, or just a straight on in to religion behind Point A. A straight On-In was universally expressed.

At religion we had one significant back slider. That would be Puff. When you don’t miss a trail for nearly 15 years, 1 is a big deal.

There were also numerous anniversary celebrated. Courtesy Flush and Genital Tongs for 50 and Just Foot Pussy and Bacon Queef for 75.

There was also the lost dog/lost Hasher debacle with Just Alisha and Just Kem. First the dog was missing, but quickly discovered. Finding Just Kem was another matter.

After religion it was back to the Med for more food! This time our chef was Jizziki who provided some sort of Tofu dish and something else I cannot remember. And, the Med also featured more attempts by Hashers to maim each other with falling bricks (Jenga).

My last order of business to discuss this week’s upcoming trail. One of our hares is Dung Fu Grip, or perhaps he should be better know as the bearer of rain. We’ve had two exceptional rainy Hashes this season and Dung Grip was a hare for both. It appears he will be doing it this week. Perhaps all California needed in the past was for Dung Fu Grip to hare more often! Dung Fu’s consort for the evening is Ho To Housewife. We’ve not seen much of her of late and the last was within hoofing distance of her abode. Will she be able escape Scotts Valley on this rainy evening? The last two times these jokesters set trail  from the Boardwalk bowl it was the same trail and no one followed all of it either time. This week they are going for the three-peat.

Sausage fest

This hash trash was originally supposed to be written by Occasional Rapist. The day went like this:

1:06 My legs are sore. It’s going to rain. I have to help a friend with a project. Can you write the hash trash?
1:13 Never mind, I am doing the project now.
2:46 Even though my legs are sore, I am going.
5:26 I have too much work to do. I am not going.
9:00 Did you remember you are writing the hash trash?

I should have made Occasional Rapist be the scribe any way. Not attending is no excuse. This reminds me of many moons ago when I was the On-Sec for the Long Beach Hash. Back in those days we had a weekly printed hash trash. The scribe was different every week and back in the those pre-internet days I got the write-up in all sorts of interesting manners. One of my most frequent contributors was Doggy Style. She was quite good and always made her deadline. However, one week she fucked up. I happened to be in Boston the week of that week’s hash. So, I wrote the hash trash and every third sentence was “Fuck you Doggy Style”, in an attempt at humor. Some saw the humor, others did not. I got a Pie in the face from Riff Raff over that Hash trash. We had an “On-Disk” (97-Sex) who was in charge of mailing out the hash trash to members who did not attend. She considered my write-up pornography and tore it off every Hash trash that was mailed. This was later reported back to me and I think I was supposed to be upset, but I just laughed. (BTW, I am hoping Finger Nips reads this and gets it to Doggy Style – whom I am told she and Riff Raff still know).

Hash 893 was the lowest attended hash in years. Because so few of you attended, I’m sure this is likely to be the most read hash trash in years as all those that missed are curious to know what happened.

There there 14 humans and 1 dog (Junk Puncher). There were only 3 humans of the female persuasion, and one of them only made it to the beer check (Ho To Housewife – who walked there from her house and was a pseudo hare).

There was impending rain in the forecast, but we were sparred the rain, which did not cum until a few hours later. I’m sure if this had been a Dung Fu Grip trail the rain would have been upon us. Perhaps we need to have Shallow Hole hare more often as she seemed to be able to fold off flood waters.

The most interesting topic at the start of the hash is why people were not there. Occasional Rapist and Pink Cherry Licker were reported to have work obligations. Timmy was at some fancy smancy concert. New Kids on Cock, who works just up the street from the start, was apparently still recovering from the demolition derby caused by fallen trees at his house earlier that week. Du Fu Grip reported to me a few days something like, he just wasn’t feeling up to it, or he couldn’t get a ride, or something like that. I’m imagining that Deadleast Snatch and Rat Pussy were afraid the THE Scotts Valley would might simply fill up with water and they would either be trapped there or need to swim for safety.

We’ve not seen much of Shallow Hole of recent. She seems to think her elderly dog and sometimes her blind husband (Waxi Pad) have higher priority than us. Even her initial co-hare, Cum Pumper, abandoned her. Last we saw Cum Pumper she reported she had had a date in Scotts Valley and might have reason to see us more often. I’m guessing that didn’t work out, or Cum Pumper would have some how made it to Scotts Valley for her haring obligation. Shallow Hole’s priority to the Hash was on full display tonight as the distance of the hash matched the attendance. I’m guessing she planned it on a small cocktail napkin the night before.

Our special guest star tonight was Deep Stroke. She is a street walker this days. That is, she delivers the mail and says she is on her feet 6 hours a day. In spite of this, or perhaps because of it, Deep Stroke claimed injury and was told me at the start she was not doing trail. However, somehow she made it to beer check unscathed to the mortal eye.

Across the street is a newly formed residence of Shallow Hole’s employer – Kaiser Permanente. It is also a residence of my former employer – Embarcadero Technologies. Most of people I used to work with there were laid off in the past year and I wondered if everyone who remained now worked from home. However, as we left the start I saw lights on, so it appeared someone was home. A few minutes into the hash we passed the back side and I saw people inside – so I know it’s not just a facade – people really do still work there.

The start of this hash started with a button hook through a housing complex just behind Kaiser and Embarcadero. We then hit San Augustine Way with a check. Another check was found at San Augustine Way and Hacienda. I figured Shallow Hole had to throw in a hill or two, so I checked left. However, trail continued on straight and through the only bit of shiggy of the night with short trail that connect to Sandrays Heights Rd.

In this brief section of trail I had cause to discuss a notorious Hasher in my past, Fruit of the Loom, with Thmp-Thmp.  Fruit of the Loom is kind of the Puff of the Long Beach Hash with one exception – no one likes him. When I left the Long Beach 25 some years ago, I got reports of him being punched out twice in the first 6 months I was gone. And that was 25 years ago. My children had heard me describe Fruit of Loom for years and the first time they did a Long Beach hash they picked him out of a crowd. Anyhow, somehow the discussion of staying on trail regardless of the conditions come up with Thmp-Thmp and I commented how Fruit does this religiously. His mantra is – “Try Hashing – you might like it”. I heard this a lot from him back in the day. It wasn’t too popular in a Hash were short-cutting was consider an art form.

A final check was encountered at Sandray Heights and Glenwood. Trail turned left on Glenwood, then right at the bridge that connects with Siltanen Park and beer check was found in the parking lot next to Siltanen Park. We were greeted with some sort of warm chocolaty drink that was yummy and found our hostest Ho To Housewife serving the drinks. Urban legend says that Scotts Valley has no regulations against open containers, yet Shallow Hole seemingly found one of the few places in Scotts Valley was alcohol is not allowed – because there is sign saying so as you enter the parking lot.

After all arrived, we departed for a location were alcohol was allowed for religion. That would be Siltanen part across the street. There was even an amphitheater. I recall two significant down downs of the night. First was when Princess Diarrhea led a song she couldn’t sing. I got brought forward as well as I couldn’t sing it either. The second was finally to our sausage fest when both our virgins showed their’s! Ladies – you missed it.

It was cold and the attendance was small, so down-downs were short. Afterward, many had to be directed as to where the start was and most walked back.

History Repeats Itself

It is often said history repeats itself and so I feel the desire the recant the events of exactly 11 years previous to this years hash. That would be 12/8/2005. I checked the historical records ( and believe I have my date correct. On this night it presented the unique combination of rain, hashing downtown and Snow Night (now called WinterFest), the same as we have this week. As you might guess, religion was held at the Soquel/Front parking garage – just as is scheduled this week. Due to inclement weather, the collective decided to have religion one level down and avoid being wet. This resulted in a large volume of sound being generated. Because it was Snow Night and there were many families to hear it and many nearby police to respond. The police believed it was fight. Religion was held in a corner by the stairs. The cops pinned us in. One cop coming up the stairs on foot and two cop cars were coordinated to arrive all at the same moment.

When the cops arrived, they were kind of dumbfounded – expecting a fight, only to find people drinking. They said, dum-dee-dum-dum – you gotta go. Hashers fled the scene of the crime as quickly as possible and no arrests were made. Banana Basher took one for the team and negotiated with the cops. Perhaps his truck full of toys helped (it was Toys for Tots night). I had no alcoholic beverage in my possession when the coppers arrived, so I stuck around to see if Banana need to be bailed out.

The end of the story is Banana’s vehicle was not parked in a parking spot and the coppers requested it be moved. However, Banana was no condition to operate a moving vehicle, so he requested I do it. It only need to moved around 5 feet. However, Banana had some sort of funky transmission and it took me about 5 minutes to move those 5 feet. Banana knew exactly what was going on and was laughing inside his head the entire time while the police watched.

So, I believe the lesson to be learned for this week’s hash is should conditions occur such as religion is moved down one floor, it is done with contemplation.