Hash Trash #963
“Run on Grass – the day before 420 trail”

Hares are Cold Smegma Kamikaze and Courtesy Flush. They are becoming quite the team. Some serious bro bonding going on.
Lots of pre trail scouting going on…hmmmm????

The point of this trail is to start at the dog friendly outdoor patio at Boardwalk Bowl before the summer clusterfuck approaches. In other words….stay the fuck home for the rest of the summer cause the crowds will descend en masse upon all Santa Cruz county beaches.

Eagle trail is  a mere 3.5 miles and Turkey Trail  a measly 2.5 miles…perfect for most of our pack.

Given this turtle pace you should be able to behold a magical sunset just as you get to the beach. But that’s assuming all goes according to plan.

Despite all their planning and best efforts to thwart the pack, the hares ran into some trouble!

We had a double hare snare!!

Nevertheless the pack continued….and ended up having some fun.

Cunt Jungle Gym is a beast of a gal. Don’t mess with this harriette.

On the approach to the Boardwalk trestle bridge was this ominous sign.

I know for a fact some of us are not thrilled to have to cross this death trap. Luckily Cap’t Morgan was there to save us!

Or maybe we had to save Cap’t Morgan?

Hash trash # 969

We started at the “renegade lot” on the side of Hwy 1, near Wilder Ranch.  This hash was billed as “EndofPavement Day”. Seems fitting…renegades/hashers, end of pavement aka shiggy. I like how they use those endearing terms to lure you in.

So many happy folks just waiting to encounter shiggy, ticks, and mountain lions.

Vag Repair kit is beyond ecstatic.

So is

Ho to Housewife.

Curtesy Flush is leaping in an attempt to fling off some tagalong ticks.

And  the hares decided to be twins for a day!

At the start we were warned that  should the Eagles misstep or slip, they might even get their shoes wet. A few unfortunate folks did get moist.

Dog Breath promised/lied to keep the checks to a minimum on Eagle Trail. Still people managed to get somewhat lost and when they finally got back to civilization they shouted and waved frantically along with excessive whistle blowing.

. Religion will be in the clearing near the Green Leachate Release Valve box.

Beer check and religion were a few steps apart. Great planning.

Thump found a headlight on trail…turns out Bakers lost more than that as he was haring….he also lost a jacket and his sanity. But he was rewarded for 100 hashes…so it must have been worth it.

DBased bragged about his dry shoes at Religion…only because he short cutted trail. CumYouWillNot, Timmy and Goldiloxxx had wet shoes, meaning they actually did the official trail.

Gorilla Whorefare and DBased wore some confusing clothing but in these days of gender mindf8cks these guys have no problem wearing girlie tights. Most of the pack took their chances with the ticks and PO but Vag simply refuses to wear long pants or shiggy socks…yet complains loudly about the dreaded poison oak.

We were told that back in the day all the women wore the required Mennonite costume to protect them from the critters and lecherous men.

Timmy was a FRB as a self proclaimed old guy. He was not gonna leave that bottle of LC at the beach cave. He ended up doing a few extra miles to ensure he would get a long pull on a short bottle.

Backsliders included Beach Cummer and Twist the head and *&%$!!

Fun evening, great views, and mandatory tick checks!

On On On

CumFartZone

Hash Trash #962 Aptos Golf Course antics and impromptu red dress exchange.

ButtBalls, Little Anal Annie and Dog Breath putting their feet up to enjoy the last rays of the day…..and the red dress fashion preview.

DBased gleefully set this trail to celebrate his 30 years of hashing.

And much to everyone’s surprise this was a really nice trail, a pleasant trail, a trail devoid of endless circle jerks and miscommunication, a trail with very little shiggy and only a handful of geocaches to distract us from the real purpose of hashing. But don’t tell that to DBased or CuntJungle, who are getting quite adept at multi-tasking on trail!

Pinky was also enthralled that the golf course bartender  would make her a “TO GO” cup…..and trust me it was not filled with an “Arnold Palmer”.

Great Sunset

good beer check

Dress to the 69’s Themed Hash. Not sure if this is a reference to 1969…..or dressing to the nines or tens or if this means simply just getting out of the pajamas.

Come one come all, break out those fancy clothes because the weather is nice and perfect for our 4th Anal Dressed to the (sixty) Nines hash.

Dust off that fedora, put on that silk tie, and be prepared to run, walk, stumble, meander, lollygag, or otherwise engage yourself in the fancy frivolity that is the hash.

Let’s start at the  Crepe (creepy) Place and let’s do some public groping. Broke Bench can have a good time wherever he goes.

Hares FapJack, PCL, and Bakers DoZen’t did their best to make sure this was an extra special hash. They arranged for special fancy drink and they announced way in advance that we should dress up for this one….but I guess Steamy either did not get the memo or he considers putting on shorts “getting dressed up”!

I am sure that he wasn’t the only one….

GoldiLoxxx is our newest hasher, hailing from Prague, Texas, and Monterey. His passport is full of stamps and I don’t have enough bandwidth to list all of his old haunts. But I am sure that he must have left his tux with one of his Ex’s!!

Speaking of XXX’s…..there was some X rated street action happening.

The girls were strutting their stuff down on Main Street and looking for a little side hustle.

They found what they were looking for at the SpeakEasy aka Snake’s pad.

After all the delicious martinis and strutting around town, it began to drizzle….which luckily didn’t put out the fizzle. Broke bench shows up with a portable heater and we all break out the umbrellas despite the hares prediction of “nice weather”.

Big white fluffy poodle almost catches his tail on fire.

Owner(Virgin Christy) oblivious….too much wine perhaps??!!

Analversaries go to Steamy with a whooping pile of 69 hashes.

Way to go mate.

And so off we went in our finery.

A good time was had by most.

On On On

CumFartZone

Hash #960  Lampshades Galore

The annual lampshade hash. We were all(almost) April fools and each wore a lampshade. Per our tradition we had our picture taken at Riverside lighting. There goes our dignity….or whatever was left of it.

Hares were dBASED and Occasional Rapist. Of course they took us all over town and back again. They love a good circle jerk.

Bareback Unicrack and Cum You will not were sure that they knew the way and wanted to shortcut to the levy….until they ran into a fence and had to go all the way back around to find true trail. Never trust those two.

Ho To Housewife had to pee like a racehorse on trail but settled for squatting like a dog. Which reminds me that Puff is our resident Dog Whisperer. He carries dog treats along with his personal flask and mini hand sanitizer.

Beer Check and Religion were held under a bridge…which is where we all belong….but we would have to kick out too many bums to make it work.

We paid tribute to Real Boring Bitch who passed away on March 26, 2018. He was an amazing athlete and a friend to many. He was the one who passed out flat orange whistles.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/santacruzsentinel/obituary.aspx?n=kemal-john-akol&pid=188648132&fhid=8818

Beer Fairy was New Kids on My Cock….who seemed befuddled by this daunting task.

A gaggle of recalcitrant hashers – CuntJungle,CurtesyFlush, BrokeBench, Deadliest Snatch,MooseTurdPie, CumsOutMy Nose –  missed hashing tonight and instead continued to drink at the HindQuarter. They managed to return to the group for religion…and more beer. How nice of them to show up.

We also had some folks who neglected to don their fashionable headgear……Bareback Unicrack, AccuPrick, BrokeBench, CumsOut My Nose, NewKids, Snatchy and Ho…only to name a few.

Soquel Circle Jerk led by Thump Thump and Pinky.

They billed this as a “GRUELING ROMP THROUGH SOQUEL”. In order to be fully prepared they actually ran and researched the trail, rather than having Pinky make it up on the fly as she has done in the past (remember the last Blue Lagoon start?)

In addition they touted the wondrous wildlife around town, and they didn’t mean us hashers. They were enthralled by the sights and sounds of nature. While scouting this hash they saw: a squirrel with a mouth full of nuts, a rat, a wood duck, and a great blue heron. And they was before the Molly kicked in!

We all met at JJ’s….a very dog unfriendly venue for future reference. Do not ever attempt to bring your pet into this establishment. The bartender apparently is not fond of dogs at “his bar” and admonished us more than once for our gross oversight. Guess the whole pack needs to leave, not just the 4 legged ones!

To make up for the mean dog hating bartender it turns out that the drinks at JJ’s are pretty cheap…just like our women….so it ended up being a wild night in Soquel.

We we warned about the impending rain and thus most were dressed appropriately in their rubber slickers. Some folks have that as their fetish….seriously it is a real thing. But since the rain held us they stashed their sexually stimulating gear in the car.

As you can see, once we left the comfort of JJ’s we became hopelessly lost. Strong drinks and misleading chalk marks had the pack confused. Or perhaps we were still reeling from the NO DOG fiasco.

Once we gathered our communal forces we found the correct path to enlightenment and figured out how to cross the street….well all except one…there is always one. This time Ho to Housewife got caught in the middle of the street, the light turned green and the cars were headed right for her. She became frozen, unable to move back to the safety of either side of the road. Perhaps this squirrel like behavior was what Thump as referring to when he said there was wildlife on the trail. Thankfully our screaming, yelling and whistle blowing jarred her back to reality and she made a run for it.

Safely back with the pack she followed demurely behind, obeying all traffic signals from now on.

Speaking of behinds….once again Cum You Will Not’s dog did his usual crap on trail….and not to be outdone, Short Stack performed a double shit on trail.

At religion, Rat Pussy got called out for wearing a kilt. St Patty’s was last week…..get a calendar dude.

  Cunt Jungle got a 25 hash patch and is damn proud of it. We welcomed back Gorilla Whorefare, newly transplanted from Long Beach, and long lost BeachCummer. She showed us her special starfish. And TestiCoil brought us all pizza. What a fun night!

On On On,

CumFartZone