Boob checks, boob checks, boob checks with some package checks tossed in.
It was Pink Cherry Licker’s 30th birthday hash and she celebrated with Mardi Gras beads and boob checks to earn them. Hashers met at Louie’s Cajun Kitchen for some New Orleans flair to start this hash off right. There were mounds of beads and masked hashers eager to throw, and earn, them…hashers are a lot of things, but shy isn’t one of them.
The hares
Our hare trio, Pink Cherry Licker, Shallow Hole, and Electric Labia Land, set course from Louie’s. As Hashers slowly spilled out the door a while later, they were lost almost immediately which became a sign of what was to come. This is the hare trio who brought us the Pirate Hash last year that no one could forget.
Hashers had a hard time solving the first check at Cooper and Front street so gathered on the corner waiting to see if someone could solve it. After some aimless wondering, most hashers finally found trail in the other direction. There was a risky mission crossing Mission street and the group stopped for another boob check then parted ways.
ThmpThmp, Shartickle Physics, Cock Throbbin & Ho to Housewife split in one direction to end up being the only hashers to do true trail, that headed up Escalona. Some hashers ran to the Old Sash Mill that ended in a YBF. Most made it to the hurricane check, which was a swanky set up. The true trail four caught the end of the hurricane check when Dirty Dolma & Twat Did You Say were climbing in a cab heading to Religion. That’s right, a cab. We think it was Twat’s Tinder date for the night who was the cab driver.
The swanky hurricane check
After more boob checks and more beads, trail ended by the old mission with a scenic lookout over downtown. Hashers made their way to religion shortly after where Dung Fu Grip was the Religious Advisor and Stub Rub was our precious Beer Fairy.
No surprise, hashers were pretty rowdy by this point with all the boobs and beer. Reeling them in was no easy task.
Fap Jack was given a down down for missing the hurricane check. Then he complained about hurricanes and was given another.
A whole lot of back sliders were given down downs:
Summers Yeast
Twat Did You Say
Dirty Dolmas
Apple Bobber
backsliders!
Then the two virgins were called up. Virgin Suzi was brought by Dirty Dolma and Virgin Randy (the taxi tinder date) was also brought by Dirty Dolma. Tinder Randy told what was kind of a joke and hashers groaned and Just Suzi was all about the cleavage.
The hares Pink Cherry Licker, Shallow Hole, and Electric Labia were called up for a shitty trail that lost hashers again.
Celebrating 25 hashes, Electric Labia Land and Just Foot Pussy were given down downs.
There was a pink cake and birthday song for Pink Cherry Licker who said farewell to her innocent twenties.
Happy Birthday PCL!
Hashers made it full circle and ended back up at Louie’s Cajun Kitchen for on-on-on.
Next week the hash meets at the Big Foot Museum, hoping to run into Sasquatch who might be able to direct them to true trail.
Valentines Day inspired the Surf City Bondage Hash last week. These hashers know safe words, ropes, and chains, but it’s probably the first time they ran toward a siren instead of ditching beers and running for cover.
Hashers gathered at Tampico Kitchen & Lounge where some hashers had to slip in under the radar since they’re on a watch list for this fine Santa Cruz establishment. Hares Shallow Hole and Hugh Heifer took off for this A to A trail promising bondage on trail, spank checks, and the need for safe words.
Hares Hugh Heifer & Shallow Hole are ready to leave hashers behind
There was no shortage of leashes, corsets, collars, whips and cuffs. Rope-tying tips were exchanged on trail so it’s safe to say bondage is welcome with these hashers. The bondage made some feisty as Sacramento Hash visitor Pork and Beans begged for spankings throughout the night and Co-GM ThmpThmp dished out even more s**t than usual.
Shortly after the Hares left, hashers were off their leashes. The promise of spanking on trail made hashers run faster than usual with everyone running every which way at the first check at Cathcart and Cedar. After losing trail for a little while, these half minds found it again at Washington and New Street.
Lost Hashers
Trail took hashers through some neighborhoods and into Light House Field where there was a Bum Wine Check that tasted like the regret most of these Hasher’s remember from their Valentines’ Day last year.
Lonely hasher Pork & Beans at Bum Wine Check
There was a hare snare on West Cliff. Hashers caught up to dBASED who led the hare snare and kept tailing them after they took off. Other hashers took the time for a picturesque whiskey check along the coast supplied by Just Foot Pussy. Hashers polished it off in a pre-religion taster.
Trail continued down to the Boardwalk and through the empty parking lot where some hashers lost trail until an alarm signaled Beer Near inviting hashers to run toward a locked door and blaring siren. While some hashers called the authorities to quiet the neighborhood down (another first on trail), the rest talked bondage, cages, locks and beer. Then everyone set off for religion, at the top of a parking lot downtown.
Curtesy Flush was the beer fairy to Religious Advisor Accuprick.
Occasional Rapist missed trail to get her hair done, which should mean a big down down for her pretty self next week.
The Royal Business
Princess (Di)arrhea raised royal business to award the honor of 50 hares to Timmy!! His nonbreakable, metal martini glass and declaration probably made him question what he’s done with his life, but take the rewards where you get ‘em!
Timmy!!’s declaration & permanent martini glass (we’ll see if he manages to break this one too)
Several Analversaries were celebrated:
Accuprick 169 hashes
Timmy!! 25 consecutive hashes
Puff the Magic Drag Queen 769 hashes
Everyone who missed beer check was called for a down down:
Pink Cherry Licker
Fap Jack
Accuprick
FingerNips
Our Hash Visitor from the Sacramento Hash Pork&Beans was called and then left his hat on and got another down down.
Pork & Beans visiting from the Sacramento Hash
Hare Shallow Hole was given a down down for disturbing the peace.
Hare snare: dBASED, Dung fu Grip, and Dog Breath were given down downs for the hare snare.
And hares Shallow Hole and Hugh Heifer were given a down down for their shitty trail. They were given a second down down for not providing more bondage on trail.
On-on was back at Tampico Kitchen where everyone else left when hashers settled in.
Everyone better be ready for the Mardi Gras Hash next!
Hash 779 started with hashers gathered around the bar (where you can usually find them) at Palomar in the harbor and a group of harriettes gathered around backslider Penis Is Good For Me fondling his stiff necklace.
Sausage Sampler visited from Quad Cities, Iowa and showed us how they hash over there. If he’s their representative they must be a crazy batch of hashers.
After a round or two, Father Daughter Hare Duo TIMMY!! and Pink Cherry Licker set out and hashers warmed up with another beer before heading out after them.
Trail started through the parking lot and up 6th Avenue where there was a lot of confusion and circling back on each other. Eventually trail was found again and we headed further into the harbor. This trail was brutal with a YBF that extended past Simpkins and not one LC!
Finally, this trail came to an end at Twin Lakes Park where DFL Just Foot Pussy strolled in after hashers had already been boozing it up for a bit.
Hooker on Chronics Bitch was talking some trash about being Urkel then told everyone to keep it quiet. She was talking to the hash scribe so that plan was blown like a toothless prositute.
Religion was picturesque with a bonfire on Twin Lakes Beach. In a rare sympathetic moment, Co-GM ThmpThmp decided religion should move away from the AA group meeting at the bonfire next door to show some respect. That may have been a neglected crime that night. Especially considering the AA-ers torched a rocking horse in their bonfire 20 minutes later. Innocence was burned to the ground, resulting in some awesome hash trash that Fucked Over Fest threatened to leave in some Hasher’s beds if they don’t’ watch it.
As hashers circled up, Wicked Retarhded introduced himself (again) to fellow hashers. Dog Breath & Dung Fu stripped down and jumped in the ocean. Turns out shrinkage is a real thing, folks.
Accuprick was the RA and Canadian Penny Slut was the Beer Fairy.
Hashers were rowdy as usual.
Dog Breath & Dung Fu were called up for their cold water swim and hashers sang “It’s a small dick after all.”
Dung Fu lost his shorts at least once and Finger Nipps couldn’t keep her hands off his horns.
Sausage Sampler was called up for visiting from Queer City Hash.
We all know hashers are bad at foreplay and tonight was no exception, they kept starting songs in the middle of a verse then everyone else kept singing over and over and over.
Then the backsliders were called up for a down-down:
Summers Yeast
Stub Rub
Just Foot Pussy
Fucked Over Fest
Broke Bench
Anyone who didn’t have a bottle opener was called up, which included pretty much everyone.
Maybe these lazy hashers will have bottle openers next time?!?!
Occasional rapist was called out by (current) husband dBASED for technology on trail.
Then the Hares!
TIMMY!! & Pink Cherry Licker answer for their shitty trail
Accuprick accused the trail of losing hashers. Pink Cherry Licker told a story about letting her real crazy out while she ran on the tracks to ward off other crazies. The trail was 5 miles long and left some hashers in the dust looking for shortcuts.
It was the storm of the decade so hares Princess Di(arrhea), Stub Rub and Summers Yeast performed a last minute improvisation for last week’s trail. Cuminig in at less than a mile, they obviously didn’t improvise long.
Hashers were asked to bring toys for this annual Toys for Tots trail. The back corner of JJs bar in Soquel looked like a toy store as Christmas gifts piled in. Hashers would later drop that at toy check on trail.
Hashers at their charitable best.
As the half minds started out, Hugh Heifer asked if flares were allowed on trail and while all would agree it was dark, we wonder what sort of show she wanted to put on that needed pyrotechnics.
There was a last call to “Pull ’em out and touch your toys.” And Hashers grabbed toys for a photoshoot to prove they think of someone else at least once a year.
Trail started by crossing Porter and hashers huddled together under an awning with their toys in hand waiting for the light to change. They came quickly to a toy check at Redz Salon, the business establishment of Summers Yeast. It was after hours so apparently she didn’t have to worry about scaring away her clientele.
Trail then went up Porter toward the high school, where there was a check. Trail took hashers over the creek and around the block. High maintenance hashers Bacon Queef and Twisted Fister carried umbrellas on trail to keep their pretty locks dry.
There was a hare snare just before beer check when dBASED surprised even himself by running into the hares. He had to ask the hares if this was a snare and they sure weren’t answering.
There was a déjavu beer check that looked a whole lot like the toy check of earlier. Only this time there was hot buttered rum, beer and snacks. Summers Yeast risked hashers never leaving this place.
More hashers made their way into beer check and the place filled up. Finger Nips was double fisting beer and hot buttered rum while she spied Twisted Fister and kinky dreams danced through her head.
Cheers! (Wicked Rehtardad & Finger Nips)
Hare Stub Rub confessed he got a little lost on trail…who knew that could happen on a less than a mile trail. Wicked Rehtardad lived up to his name and tried to tell ThmpThmp that his patch was spelled wrong. Turns out he was reading it upside down.
DFL Ho To Housewife straggled in soaking wet and a little tired. It appears she reverted to her Ho days and got “lost at the high school.” All assumed the dug out was calling her name down memory lane.
As religion started, Religious Advisor Dung Fu Grip informed everyone that they had to class up their act a bit because there were no down downs tossed on the floor in this joint. That meant the swill was left over for the next hasher…mmm yum. Hashers sure are a close-knit group.
Twisted Fister was selected as Beer Fairy.
Crimes on trail:
Best toy went to Twisted Fister who cashed in all his Justin Bieber fan club points for the perfume collection set that will make some 13 year old girl very happy this Christmas.
Puff the Magic Drag Queen was given a down down for 700 consecutive hashers. Get a life!
Puff the Magic Drag Queen getting a life
Pink Cherry Licker reached the dickntenial.
Pink Cherry Licker was called back up for bad spelling when hashers asked her how she’d like to spell her name and she couldn’t decide. Since when do Hashers ask???
Finally the hares Princess Di(arrhea), Stub Rub and Summers Yeast were called up for a shitty, wet and short trail.
Hares Princess Di(arrhea), Stub Rub, Summers Yeast and their hare snare dBASED.
Next weeks trail will be hared by dBASED and hashers were warned to wear their Christmas gear.
OnOnOn was still to be decided cuz Hashers make their own path, assholes.
Hares Dung Fu and Ho to Housewife are transplants from lands further east and still have a lot to learn about tide and oceanography from what we learned on this trail, or maybe they didn’t even lay trail – we’ll never know. Hashers wandered aimlessly trying to figure out where they were and where they were going, which might have been what the hares were doing too from the looks of this trail.
Dung Fu and Ho to Housewife before the lost of lost trails
It all started at Coasters Bar and Grill at the Boardwalk Bowl. The rain didn’t stop this group of hashers who probably had nothing better to do anyway. These half-minds eyed the dry, warm karaoke stage as they drank up some stamina for a wet and what everyone thought might be an arduous trail with the typically oblivious Dung Fu and Ho to Housewife leading the way. Tits & Game was passing her own secret sauce under the table, which everyone wanted a sample of, of course. Accuprick bragged about an upcoming hot date as he muttered from table to table, “goin crabbin in the morning” and hoped anyone was listening.
Co-GM ThmpThmp finally circled the hashers up while rain pelted these (many) delicate hashers, most of them wouldn’t make it more than a half mile before turning back to the bar to wait it out until religion.
Still, the Hashers now wet & ready took off.
Trail started in front of the Boardwalk and it looked like things were starting off well when an LC greeted hashers right off the bat just before heading out to the beach. The spiced rum warmed hashers up as they headed on out. Now remember, it was raining, dark, and we’re talking about a trail laid on a beach. Trail was found close to the waterline and only one hasher braved the river in search of trail on the other side. The rest ran further down the beach. There was quicksand on trail and ThmpThmp was nearly lost until some fellow hashers pulled him through, which probably shocked him (as it should).
Wandering the beach looking for trail that couldn’t be found, dBASED appeared from who knows where (as usual) and told Stub Rub, ThmTmp, and Twisted Fister, “I think we should go back.” Of course no one listened, but everyone knew that if dBASED is telling hashers to go back then things are pretty bad. Hashers scattered in all directions trying to find trail. There were rumors about trail on the other side of the river, on the trestle, in the beach flats, and a washed away YBF. No one knows because no one could find it. There was probably a man clicking a button somewhere that no one found either. “Are You?…Lost is what we are” became common call and response on this night.
Is that trail? Yea, no one else knew either.
At this point, most hashers were back at the bar reading over the song list and trying to stay upright on their bar stools.
Shallow Hole, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, and Just Frank left the pack and found trail on the other side of the trestle, in Seabright, and down the river levee where they found a false. Puff found an arrow by Mobo’s Sushi and nothing else after so they gave up and walked to religion. They were walking in Beach Hill and Timmy! drove by in his truck and told them where the new religion was held.
Meanwhile, ThmpThmp, Twisted Fister, Stub Rub and me, Cock Throbbin, wandered around the Beach Flats looking for trail with no success. ThmpTmp thought the moon might guide him since it was his time of the month. We think it’s always his “time” so we just nodded and followed along.
Stub Rub decided it was time to stop messing around and called in some favors, putting security on the hares. Telling then, “they gotta bag & it is NOT flour, just ask them how tide works and you’ll see they’ve lost their minds.” There were votes being cast for worst trail.
The rain started up again and these half minds gave up. There was no trail in sight and it was time to make our way to beer check, which hashers guessed might be under the train trestle by the Dream Inn. I left these wankers there walking the levee to get out of the rain that much faster and as I made my way to beer check, snared a hare! It appears there really was a trail laid and they weren’t just seeking shelter somewhere laughing down on us all.
Hashers slowly wandered into beer check with a fancy vegan buffet that helped everyone forget this disaster of a trail, at least until religion started. Ho to Housewife kept asking if anyone was allergic to nuts, but everyone was a BIG fan of nuts in this group. Tits & Game told everyone to start smearing. A charming group of trestlers, who no one had noticed sharing our shelter from the storm, confused us for nice hippy folk and approached the hashers with an offer of cheap hemp bracelets. Hashers responded by breaking into song. Just Foot Pussy compared rashes with Dung Fu and won…leave it to hashers to proudly compete for best rashes. Who knows where they got ’em and no one is asking.
Religion started in the same place since there was no other shelter to be found. Led by Religious Advisor Accuprick who asked for a volunteer beer fairy, but the only service hashers know is being serviced. So Twisted Fister was selected as the pretty beer fairy for the evening.
Religion started with what was on everyone’s minds. “Anyone who did the whole true trail come up.” Big shocker, only the hares approached and were given a down down. The major crime on trail was that there was no trail.
Six Hashers went from LC to the bar…not including who was still at the bar, of course.
CheekNDong was visiting from SLUT and invited hashers to crash at his place for a future SLUT hash. Hashers have been forewarned. He was called for hat at religion and given a down down.
CheekNDong and Accuprick at Religion
Courtesy Flush was called for courtesy on trail for saving a fish washed up on the beach. Ho to Housewife, the vegan, said “that’s so cute” while the rest of the hashers asked “can anyone save my fish?” Courtesy Flush was renamed, CourteFishy Flush for the evening.
Grocho Cocks was called out for peeing in circle and forgot his own name when he was called up and given a down down that he probably doesn’t remember.
Grocho Cocks, yes, that is your name.
Shallow was called out for her rock hard ass that hashers asked to see again and again.
Bacon Queef and Tits & Game were called up for the crime of swapping on trail. Bacon Queef gagged on her own name as she told hashers what happened then finally swallowed and confessed that Tits & Game traded her socks when she complained about chaffing on trail.
Many government names were spoken on trail and Stub Rub, Just Foot Pussy, Twisted Fister were given down downs for those crimes.
There was a Hare Snare that Cock Throbbin was given a down down for.
Hares Dung Fu & Ho to Housewife were called up one last time for what just might be the worst trail this year and given a down down.
Dung Fu and Ho to Housewife
Hashers went back to Coasters Bar and Grill for On-On-On. Where Puff the Magic Drag Queen & Cock Throbbin threatened to duet Islands in The Stream but Puff ran away before that could happen. Just Foot Pussy represented hashers, dominating the karaoke stage with Bon Jovi Wanted Dead or Alive and Hooker on Kronix, Bitch dominated the dance floor. That was the end of this hash that may still be going on somewhere, we’ll never know since we never really found it.
It was TIMMY!!!’s 65th birthday and it appears age might be catching up to him from the looks of this trail. Virgin hare TitsNGame may be off her game too from the way this trail went down.
The half minds met at Ye ‘Ole Watering Hole. TIMMY!!! told everyone TitsNGame had a birthday coming up too. Her (first) husband Just Nate whispered it was actually last Friday. It is the old man’s 65th so what can you expect? Turns out you can expect many more questions from what we found on this trail.
Accuprick showed up with a tapped knee. No one asked what he was doing on his knees to wear them out, probably because they were too scared he’d offer to show instead of tell. I overheard ThmpThmp, Princess Di (arrhea) & Accuprick talking about eating like a man with two assholes. I didn’t ask for details. Foot Pussy showed up with a fanny pack to soothe his ass swelling. Again, no need to ask for details, but there was something said about a motorcycle gang. Summer’s Yeast had her new shiggy socks that declared her the wino we know her to be.
Trail started off from the back of Ye ‘Ole Watering Hole where New Kids on My Cock threw down Party Snaps to get the hashers moving. This Dementia Trail as we came to call it was a maze of back checks, missing liquor checks and half minds wondering aimlessly. As the hashers set out on trail, there was quickly a check followed by another check that kept hashers moving in every direction.
Bewildered Hashers looking for the missing Fire Ball at LC
Liquor check was stashed under a bridge and while hashers found the LC, there was none of the famous Fireball Whiskey that the TIMMY!!! hashes are known for. Some lucky people beat the hashers to it. Bacon Queef was packing so some of the half minds got a LC at least. Others made their own by stopping at the neighborhood liquor store while they questioned where this trail was headed.
After that, trail went into the Bermuda Circles where some parts were never found again. There was a 5 back check, a 7 back check, and a 9 back check. At one point, hashers ran into each other as some came from the back of the trail while others ran what they think was true trail. Ho to Housewife finally just took off and found trail on her own. The rest of us suffered a little longer trying to find true trail.
Lost Hashers
Finally, everyone made it to beer check at TIMMY’S!!! where there was beer and fancy tiramisu and a rare Ms. TIMMY!!! sighting. Ms. TIMMY!!! accompanied the hashers on accordion as they sang Happy Birthday Fuck You to the possibly senile TIMMY!!! Pink Cherry Licker had put together a beer can walker to help the old guy out, it’s a good thing too because he probably needed it by the end of this night.
There was a rumor spreading around that Grocho Cocks picked up an abondoned phone at beer check to take a photo of his cock. Wicked Retarhdard said, “that sounds like a little problem to me.” Hashers considered renaming him iCock.
Religion was held behind Safeway. The trail must have really worn out Hugh Heifer and Electric Labia Land because they set up a cozy blanket and snuggled in like they were on a picnic or something. I overheard Hugh Heifer and Occasional Rapist talking about the missing liquor check and how they knew how to hide liquor down holes better than these hares. No one commented on that.
There was a resurrection on trail when TitsNGame & Bacon Queef showed up with the missing Fire Ball, preserving the TIMMY!!! legacy of making Fire Ball a part of the trail. Someone asked what Fapjack wore under his kilt, he said “several shades of lipstick thank you very much”
Accuprick was the RA. He selected Groucho Cocks as beer fairy.
Grocho Cocks, fortunately with no phone in hand
Crimes on trail included Flapjack & PCL missing liquor check, Shiny Snail Trail for backsliding (who was nostalgic for her naming in this very spot a few years ago), Dung Fu called Bacon Queef out for Chivalry on trail and Ho to Housewife was called for finding trail on her own.
We had one virgin, Virgin Jo, brought by Bacon Queef. Timmy pushed his walker through the half mind crowd hoping Virgin Jo would choose to show a body part only to be disappointed with a lame joke.
The Spotlight on Virgin Jo – wishful thinking Hashers!
We had a few birthdays including Timmy who slowly made his way up using his new walker, Tits N Game, Stub Rub and Just Foot Pussy. Happy Birthday Fuck You to all of them!
Twisted Fister celebrated hash 69. (Get a life!)
Hares Timmy & TitsNGame were called up and that made it a night for this hash.
Hashers went on to the Parish Publick House for on on on.
Boob checks, boob checks, boob checks with some package checks tossed in.
