All posts by shallowhole

Hash Trash # 624, 3/22/12

SCH3 Trash

This week our Hare Couple,  dBASED and Occasional Rapist, summoned the pack to Don Quixote’s in Felton.   The Hares warned the pack they would have to climb over a 4 foot fence on trail.   Wonder if that anything to do with why some folks chose to skip trail and remain at the bar.  It was a dBASED trail after all.   Anyway, the majority of the pack headed out in search of flour.  After finding a false trail on Highway 9, we headed in the other direction and found ourselves on Felton Empire Road.  I was hoping this was the first and last hill of the trail, but I was wrong.  Luckily, some neighbors spotted the Hares and told us to turn right on what I think was Ashley St.   We soon found ourselves at the Felton Cemetery.  They always talk about the circle of life, well the remainder of the trail was a loop that started and ended at a graveyard!   We saw a fence, but instead of climbing over it, Broke Bench Mountain got it open, and we walked though.  The trail proceeded through the woods.  Someone made a comment about how the woods reminded them of the Blair Witch Project.   Luckily no witches were spotted and we made it through unscathed.  The next part was through the scenic forest of Fall Creek Park.   It was sure beautiful back there.   After going through some neighborhoods, the trail lead us to Highway 9.   We turned right on Blair Street.  How ironic.   Beer check was at the end of the road by the cemetery.

We had to drive to Pro Build for Religion.  AccuPrick was RA,  Vince Lamblowme  was appointed Beer Fairy.  Down Downs were awarded to the hashers who skipped trail, Pussy Galore and Great Barrier Queef.  Six of Nine was punished with multiple down downs, which I’m sure he didn’t mind, because he normally drinks shitty beer and wanted to make sure he got his 8 bucks worth!  He was the only one to pick up the nasty old tape measure on the side of the road, and someone caught him with his fly down.  Apparently he wasn’t the only hasher caught pissing on trail.  Vince Lamblowme, Cuff my Muff, Hairy Fuck 2.5, Six of Nine and Broke Bench Mountain were all punished for pissing on trail.  Dog Breath was awarded a down down for his upcoming trip to Gay Parie.  Pussy Galore joined him because she claimed to have just returned from Gay Parie.   Puff the Magic Drag Queen was given the (self- proclaimed) Dunce of the Decade Award for not missing a Surf City hash in ten years!  Get a Life!  Thmp-Thmp was congratulated on his 25th Surf City Hash.  Slonad was (again) punished for taking over a year to complete the prerequisite five hashes to receive a hash name.   Occasional Rapist was congratulated on her 10th Haring this year!   And last but not least, the Hares………….

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash # 621 March Fools Day Death-March Hash, 3/1/12

SCH3 Trash

Cold, Dark and Dreary Ben Lomond was the site chosen by our Hares DuHHH and Pixilated Obscenity.  A small group of hashers met on the heated patio of Henflings Tavern.   Seems like the smart ones, were the ones who skipped this hash and stayed home!  We had 2 virgins show up this week.  Virgin Shane and Virgin Kyle.  Probably the last time we’ll see them, too.  Not much to say about trail, except our hares decided to put a particularly long and tricky back check on a very dark Love Creek Road that got the whole pack lost.  All of us just wandered around the dark streets of Ben Lomond looking for flour.  Deep stroke, a local Ben Lomond resident, finally sniffed out trail and lead us in the right direction.  We finally found beer check.  Broke Bench Mountain resorted to auto hashing to find beer check.  I assume some hashers gave up and went to Hugh Heifer’s house.  I recently found out that our hares are both members of the same wine club we are, and they both recently picked up several bottles of killer Pinot Noir.  My theory is that our hares decided to ditch the pack long enough, so they could hit the Tyrolean Inn’s Buffet night and polish off some Pinot!

At least everyone knew how to get to Religion at Hugh Heifer’s house.  Hugh was named RA for the night and named TIMMY the Beer Fairy (or Troll, since he had on his big blue hash coat on).  Broke Bench Mountain was punished for auto hashing (kind of a smart move, if you ask me), Cuff my Muff was congratulated on completing her 100th Surf City Hash!!!  She was awarded a lovely patch.  Virgins Kyle and Shane both told lame jokes.  Six of Nine showed up at religion to avoid paying his 8 bucks (again).  Great Barrier Queef was in town, so she stopped by for a beer.  Down Downs were awarded to the Non-runners:  Great Barrier Queef, Six of Nine, and Dr Nappy-Headed Ho.   And last but not least, the Hares……………

On On,

Shallow Hole

PS. Don’t forget the St. Patty’s Day Green Dress (or Kilt) Run will be Thursday 3/15/12 in Downtown Santa Cruz.  Come out and be Irish and drink some beer!

Hash # 620 Lil Bony’s Birthday Hash 2/23/12

SCH3 Trash

My little Bony summoned the pack to meet at Last Call Norm and Pear Necklace’s house.  This turned out to be one of the only good things I can say about this week’s hash.     My little Bony left his bar stool at the Double Oh long enough to join the pack for a beer, walk off, throw a little flour, and go right back to the bar.   His stool was probably still warm when he returned.  We know this because Virgin Kalena (friend of Pearl and Norm), stopped at the bar to use the restroom and spotted him sitting at the bar.  We found this out at beer check.

Anyway, the pack headed out, following a flour trail that lead us to the Shoppers Corner parking lot and seemed to end there.   Someone finally found flour way over across the street in the Buttery parking lot.   The drops of flour were few and far between for the remainder of the trail.  Some of the marks did not make sense (square around a fire hydrant).  The trail switched sides of the street multiple times, and was described as a cluster fuck, schizophrenic, and traipsing trail backwards.  We were directed to stop at a church, probably to pray for the trail to end.  We ran into a wacky Asian guy who was hanging out on the corner near a senior center, who asked what was going on, then ran away yelling something about promising us eternal freedom.  At that point, all I wanted was a cold beer!

Beer check was in the parking lot behind the Buttery.  The Mystery Co-Hare was revealed.  It turned out to be Loose Stool, an old friend of My Little Bony, who doesn’t hash anymore.  He took off before Religion.  Tiny Whiny Bitch, Hairy Fuck 2.5, and Cuff my Muff missed Beer Check and were found back at Pearl and Norm’s house.

Tiny Whiny Bitch was RA and appointed Cuff my Muff as his Beer Fairy.  Bony ‘s first, of many down downs was for a cluster fuck of a trail and received a lecture on how chalk is our friend.  Cuff my Muff took a down down.  Shallow Hole and Occasional Rapist were given a down down for writing lies in last week’s Hash Trash (not quite sure what we lied about though).  Wicked Retahted was punished for peeing on a fence and ridiculed for shaking it more than 3 times.  Bony was serenaded with a Lovely rendition of Happy Birthday.  Crimes on trail included Cuff my Muff for posting on Facebook while on trail.  Banana Basher  was congratulated on his 600th Surf City Hash.  Back sliders Pearl, Norm and Loose Stool (Bony did his down down for him).  Virgin Kalena was introduced to the pack and told a lame joke.

And the Hares………………..  Give them chalk!

Many thanks to our hosts Last Call Norm and Pearl Necklace for letting a bunch of unruly hashers gather in their back yard.

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash # 618 Valentine’s Day Hash 2/9/12

SCH3 Trash

Hash # 618 Valentine’s Day Hash 2/9/12

Lovebirds Choka Cola and Hairy Potter summoned the pack to Arana Gulch for the start of this week’s hash.  After some lame directions, the hares were off.   The pack was soon to follow, and headed down Agnes St, followed the trail through an alley and found themselves on Soquel Ave.  We solved the check and headed towards Capitola Rd.  The trail went left, up a hill to what looked like a dead end.  We found flour on the sidewalk and followed trail down a path behind the houses and to a Bum Wine check.  The chocolate flavored wine looked pretty gross in the bottle, but was actually quite delightful.  Tasted like Baileys.  The trail lead past Holy Cross Cemetery and back out to Soquel.  We crossed Soquel and headed up the hill on La Fonda, past Harbor High School.   We followed a path through the grounds of another school and found ourselves on Roxas.  From there, we wandered through neighborhood streets until we found beer check at a house on Alamena St.  The house belonged to friends of the hares.   We were served yummy chocolate Valentine cupcakes and candy.  Then things got a little foggy for some of the pack.   And I thought everyone was going in the house to use the bathroom.  We all stumbled back to Arana Gulch for religion.  Accuprick serves as RA.  SpongeBath NoPants was appointed his lovely beer fairy.  Broke Bench Mountain was called up for something he said.  He seems to have an affinity for the song,  My Girlfriend is a Vegetable.  dBASED and SpongeBath NoPants were reprimanded for an encounter they had with a cat on trail.  dBASED did his third down down of the night for calling Choka Cola Korean.  For Valentine’s Day, the couples were called up.  Choka Cola and Hairy Potter, dBASED and Occasional rapist, and Puff the Magic Drag Queen went up with Banana Basher.  Funny how all the married people left their spouses at home!  And last but not least, the hares………

On another note, Surf City had a grand showing at the Monterey Can’d Hash 2nd Anal Red Dress Run this past Saturday 2/11/12.  In attendance were:  dBASED, Occasional Rapist, Wicked Retahted, Hugh Heifer, Deep Stroke, Just Kim, Just Rosie, Thmp -Thmp, Princess Diarrhea, Cuff my Muff, Zipper Lips, Swiss Army Cock, and yours truly.  There were 4 beer checks at local bars and the trail ended up at the Mucky Duck.  A great time was had by all.  Some single hashers found some new friends.  Hugh wasn’t one of them (again).

See the link below for my photos

http://www.flickr.com/photos/76500969@N02/sets/72157629293539579/

P.S.  Our St. Patrick’s Day Green Dress Run will be 3/15/12.  All you wankers better start dress shopping!

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash # 612: The Creature from the Neary Lagoon Hash 1/5/12

SCH3 Trash

For the first hash of 2012, the pack headed to downtown Santa Cruz.  Our Hare, Broke Bench Mountain, chose Hula’s Island Grill and Tiki Room as the meet up spot.  He brought a co-hare this week, Just Bennett, instead of his trusty dog Porter.   Speaking of dogs, our Prunetucky resident, Dog Breath resurfaced after 4 months!  He ordered himself a blue girlie drink at the bar and claimed he’d been traveling to Europe and Asia for work and picking up trash on the side of the highway (just for fun).  Banana Basher returned from his “hash free” holiday with his liver rested and ready to make up for lost time.  Six of Nine “officially” hashed this week.   Puff took a photo to prove he actually paid his 8 bucks (and as evidence, if his $ was counterfeit).  Deep Stroke brought a virgin with her.  Virgin Kim teaches deaf children, so naturally she fit right in with our pack of half minds.  After circle up in front of Hula’s, the pack followed a hare arrow left on Cathcart St and after a bit of trouble solving the first check on Cedar, someone yelled “on on” and everyone headed left down Lincoln, to Chestnut, and left on Walnut, and found ourselves at Santa Cruz High School.  The trail lead out to California St, into the depths of Neary Lagoon.  It was dark and a bit freaky when the pontoon walkway started moving under our feet.  No creatures were spotted, but we did scare a bunch of stoned teenagers who were back there partying.  The trail went through the parking lot of an apartment complex and out to Laurel St.   Beer check was in Just Bennett’s backyard.  Hugh Heifer, Canadian Penny Slut, Six of Nine and Virgin Kim mysteriously got there first by “getting lost” and short cutting trail.  Luckily, they left a few beers for the rest of the pack.  Hairy Potter impressed Virgin Kim with his knowledge how to say curse words in sign language.

Religion was at the Front St. parking garage.  Banana, Vince Lamblowme and Choka- cola
skipped the beer check (and most of trail), and were already there drinking when the rest of the pack arrived.  Vince Lamblowme took over his Co-Religious Advisor position, and appointed the lovely Choka- cola as his Beer Fairy.  Hugh Heifer was congratulated for her 200 th hash with Surf City (someone owes her a patch by the way).  Banana Basher, Dog
Breath, Vince Lamblowme were punished for being backsliders.  Virgin Kim disappointed the pack by telling a lame joke and “her sponsor” Deep Stroke did her down down with her.   Banana Basher, Hugh Heifer, Canadian Penny Slut, and Six of Nine were chastised for short cutting trail.    And the hares…………….Broke Bench Mountain (The Creature from Neary Lagoon) and Just Bennett for laying a shitty trail.

On On,

Shallow Hole

SCH3 Trash

Hash # 610

Christmas Picture Hash 12/22/11

This week, the pack congregated at the home of dBASED in Soquel.  dBASED gave instructions.  This was a picture hash.  There was no chalk or flour.  One hasher would be given a picture of the location the pack had to go.  When they arrive at the location, a hare would be there to give a hasher another picture of the next location, and so on.  Our hares, dBASED, Occasional Rapist, Hot Wheels and Cuff My Muff drove around in warm cars.  A smart decision on a cold winter night.

The hares weren’t out the door 2 minutes, when Hugh Heifer broke into dBASED’s liquor cabinet and started passing around a bottle of peppermint schnapps.  We met Buoy Boobs, who was visiting from Phoenix, AZ.  It was obvious how she got her name.  She said she was originally from Santa Cruz, visiting for the holidays.  We were also visited by Deep Stroke, a previously hard core harriette, who had not hashed for the past 15 years!  Bet she’s sorry she decided to come out of hashing retirement on the night of a dBASED trail!  She said her home hash was Orlando, Florida, but lives in Santa Cruz now.

This was the SECOND week on a row that Banana Basher didn’t show up.  Rumors started flying re: his whereabouts.  Did he retire from hashing?  Puff said that he drove past his house, and his car was there and the lights were on.  Was he home baking Christmas cookies, or sitting on the couch drinking beer and watching football?  The pack was toasty warm with plenty of beer and liquor and seriously considered not leaving the house.

Reluctantly, the pack headed out, first to Willowbrook Park, then to Cabrillo Gym, the Sesnon House, Temple Beth El, the Horticultural Center and a parking garage at Cabrillo College, Twin Lakes Church, Crocker Theater, Soccer Stadium, Bangkok West Restaurant, and FINALLY beer check at Mt Calvary Lutheran Church.

Religion was held in dBASED back yard.  Hairy Fuck 2.5 served as RA.  Cuff my Muff was appointed beer Fairy.  Our visitor, Buoy Boobs received the first down down.   Just Scruffy (Shallow Hole and Waxi Pad’s dog) was named.  After a few minutes of deliberation, the pack welcomed another furry hasher to the pack, forever to be known as Beer Mop!  Shallow Hole was punished for lack of cultural sensitivity for referring to the Jewish
Temple as “the Jew place”.   Occasional Rapist, Cuff My Muff, Buoy Boobs, Deep Shaft, Princess Diarrhea, Shallow Hole and Waxi Pad were given a down down for not bringing a bottle opener or whistle.  Deep Stroke received a down down for being an extreme backslider.  15 years!  But once a hasher, always a hasher.  Hugh Heifer snuck away and went into the house.  But she was caught in an act of bestiality, with Nipple Butt on her lap.  Hairy Fuck 2.5 received a down down for forgetting Deep Stroke’s name.  And last but not least, the hares, who did trail by car, instead of on foot.

Those who stayed home didn’t miss much.  This trail was a tour of churches and Cabrillo College.  We did not find the stolen baby Jesus.  At least the cops didn’t come this week. And for once, NO ONE got lost on a dBASED trail!  Waxi Pad was relieved there was no water crossing.  Maybe he should stick to picture trails!  Thanks to Occasional Rapist for the yummy homemade soup and Princess Diarrhea for the scrumptious cookies!

Happy Hashing and have a Shiggy New Year!

On, On…………

Shallow Hole