All posts by shallowhole

Hash Trash # 882: Twisted Fister’s Beerthday Hash on 11/3/16

882haresHappy Beerthday Twisted Fister!

This week’s hash started at Aptos Street BBQ.   The place was pretty hopping for a Thursday night and even had a band of promising young musicians.  I was stuck in the usual HWY 1 rush hour traffic jam, so I didn’t get to hear them.  They have a good beer selection there, but only one bartender so I waited in line for a bit to get a beverage.

The Hares were Twisted Fister, Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp.   Trail was 2.98 miles according to my GPS.  There was a Turkey/Eagle split as promised.  The Eagles went into the darkness of Nisene Marks State Park.  It was a bit spooky, but I did not fear.  I had a bright flashlight and was accompanied by Poon Doggie.   There was a liquor check of some kind of bloody Mary shit that I did not try.  Trail went off the fire road on one of the882bc single track trails to the left.  We were almost a mile in when the FRB’s yelled “YBF!!!!”.  Those bastards!  So everyone turned around and went back to the T/E split and followed the Turkey trail down Spreckles Drive into Rio del Mar.  There was another liquor check under a bridge but the Turkeys drank it all, so the Eagles were out of luck.  Trail turned onto Moosehead Drive and went all the way up to the railroad tracks.  Railroad tracks are extra fun at night!  Poon Doggie was not digging the tracks.  Beer check was a LONG way down the tracks.

Religion was at the humble abode of Princess and Thmp-Thmp, just a short walk down the tracks. They live on a golf course so I assumed we were on the proverbial right side of the tracks.  Dung Fu Grip and Accuprick were RA and Beer Dick Fairy.  The Hares were called up first to do penis shots for Twisted Fister’s birthday.  They all got sufficiently creamed.  882namingjust kassieThere were 2 Analversaries:  Broke Bench Mountain for his 269th and Cock Throbbin for her 50th SCH3 hash.   Broke Bench Mountain accused Hangs Loose of being obnoxiously yelling “On On” every few minutes, which is a great way of pissing off the neighbors.  Way to go!  We had a naming!  It was Just Kassie’s 5th hash.   She’s a physical Therapist and made some comment about patients getting erections on a previous hash, so she was named Errection Derailer.882haresreligion



Welcome to the hash!  And last but not least, the Hares……………………………

On On,

Shallow Hole


Hash Trash # 881

881haresAnal Halloweenie Hash on 10/27/16

Our Hares for this ghoulish evening were Thmp Thmp and Princess Di (arrhea). It was a chilly rainy night and the Hares thought to buy a bunch of rain ponchos for the hash.  You guys rock!  They said cum to the Blue Lagoon dressed in a hash name inspired costume or whatever the hell you wanted to be.  There were some pretty cool costumes.  Thmp Thmp was a squirrel with tire tracks on it and Princess was a Pepto-Bismol pink nurse.  Steamy Bhaanorrhea had a blow up sheep on his head that apparently was pretty difficult to find. Pussy Wood881bar was the crazy cat lady.  Timmy!!! had a wheelchair and dressed as himself.  Pink Cherry Licker had a pink cherry outfit.  Dung Fu Grip had an Asian inspired costume.  Slonad wore fluorescent orange with rabbit ears.  Puff was “Puff”.  Big surprise.  dBASED made a good Wayne’s World character.  Occasional Rapist and cums Out My Nose had a kitty vibe going on.  Just Mishi had a cool Princess Leia costume and had her dog Just Roxy in a costume she was not thrilled to be wearing.  Broke Bench Mountain didn’t wear his costume because he didn’t want to ruin it.  Jizziki wore a panda costume because he couldn’t figure out how to come as a load of cum.  Hugh Heifer was a cow.  Bakers Doesn’t was a mutant baker.  That was all I remembered.  I googled Shallow Hole and all I got was images of dirt, so I made up a pink tiger ensemble that would keep me warm.

881beercheckTrail was 1.69 miles according to the Hares, but was slightly more if you ran the checks. I got 1.77 and Dung Fu Grip got 2 miles.  It was pretty rainy so I was happy to have a short trail.  We did a jaunt around downtown, then up past the High School to Mission and down the steps to Chestnut.  There was a liquor check on the steps.  It was some kind of creamy stuff and Dung Fu had a plastic dick and was doing dick shots for everyone.  Puff got a load of cum all over his face!  Wish someone got a photo of that one!  Beer check was at the parking garage on Cedar Street.  The Hares brought a bunch of cookies and candy in addition to beer.  The security guards drove by a couple times and didn’t seem to care.

Religion was held on top of Oswald”s garage. The rain had subsided by then but it was still cold.  Our RA was Dung Fu Grip and he was so inspired that he took off his pants and did his duties in a thong.  Pink Cherry Licker was Beer Fairy.  For the evening, down downs were offered in either a black or white dick.  Two new drinking vessels were broken in.  Rat 881namingPussy broke in the Flabongo and Puff broke in the Drag-on.  Beware of the Flabongo.  It has a hole in the ass and it pees!  Slonad got a patch for 50 hashes.  And it only took 6 years!  Timmy!!! got brought up for his escapades on trail.  The wheelchair proved to be a problem.  Jizziki was pushing him for a while but kept bumping into things.  Then Timmy!!! got out and was pushing it himself and fell.  But in true hasher style, he didn’t remember that he fell.  Super Taco Tramp pulled a Courtesy Flush and stopped to get a taco on trail.  We had a naming!  Just 881haresreligionMishi is apparently a big Star Wars fan and was named “Cum You Shall Not”.  Hugh Heifer and Yours Truly got called up as backsliders.  Puff bought us candy and stuffed beavers at Marini’s to bribe us to stay!  How sweet!  Dung Fu Grip won best costume.  Wicked Retahted, Occasional Rapist, Cums Out My Nose, Broke Bench Mountain and Finger Nips drank for not doing trail.  And last but not least, the Hares……………….

On On,

Shallow Hole (and my beaver, who on closer inspection is really a dog named Duke)


Hash Trash # 872 Turtles and Train Trestles on 8/25/16

872bardBASED and Cum Fartzone summoned the pack to New Bohemia Brewing on 41st Ave in Capitola for this week’s hash.  Since I did not attend, this hash trash is based on pure fiction, pictures, a Garmin map and one eyewitness report.  I’m running a marathon in a week and I am paranoid about getting sick, hurt, or poison oak.  Last time dBASED hared, he took the eagles bushwacking through a poison oak grove.  Then there was that super shiggy trail in Aptos a while back where we had to climb through a creek bed.  Occasional Rapist and Cums Out My Nose decided to skip the hash and take a painting class.  Nice turtles ladies!

872haresThe Eagle trail was about 4 miles and went down 41st Avenue into the Jewel box. 872LC Harriettes ogling at young guys with no shirts on playing soccer in Jade Street Park.  They staggered across 47th and shortcut through the trailer park to 49th.  There was a liquor check in a small park above the railroad tracks.  Trail continued down the trail along the tracks.  Turkeys went down the steps and left on Wharf Road, Eagles went across the train trestle.  Puff got separated from the pack by trying to get around the train trestle.  They continued along the tracks all the way to Monterey Avenue, left onto Bay.  There was some circle jerking around the neighborhood before going right on Riverview Drive and into Perry Park, across the bridges and up to Wharf Road where the Eagles rejoined the Turkeys.  Trail went right on Wharf Road a short distance, crossed the street into some woods & did a steep on-up into the backside of the Toyota dealer on Auto Plaza Dr. and went left on 41st and behind the businesses.  Not sure where beer check was since my eye witness lost trail at that point and went straight to religion across from New Bohemia.  I suspect there was beer at beer check.

872haresreligionTimmy was RA.  Genital Thongs complimented Dog Breath for doing a good job marking trail.  Jizziki celebrated his 50th SCH3 hash!  Get a life!  Dog Breath got another down down for going back and trying to find Puff who was lost on trail.   Luckily Puff is alive and well.  And last but not least, the Hares………..

On On,

Shallow Hole


Hash Trash # 869: Dung Fu Grip’s Birthday Hash on 8/4/16

869haresDung Fu Grip and Fap Jack brought the pack to the Golf Club Drive entrance to Pogonip for this week’s trail. A pretty good size pack showed up, not knowing what horrors awaited them.  There was a large canine contingent as well.  We were pretty sure to get our shiggy fix, lots of hills and possibly run through some homeless encampments.  My Fucking Precious, who was missing since 2009, made her second hash in the past month.  Way to go!  Synphomaniac was visiting from Germany.  Dr Kraut, a part time Santa Cruz resident and founder of the Penn State Hash, showed up.  Genital Thongs brought a Virgin named 869viewMarty.

The Eagle trail was 5.49 miles according to my GPS. The Turkey was shorter, but not sure the distance. The first check led the pack to a single track trail to the left.  dBASED headed out in a different direction on his own quest to ambush the hares.  He was not seen again.  There was a margarita check in the woods, pretty soon after trail began.  There was a Turkey/Eagle split.  The Eagles were treated to a long on up a huge hill, only to find a nice view, and a long back check 9!  Those bastards!  Ho to Housewife, Cock Throbbin, Symphomaniac and I took selfies on a bench and waited for the rest of the Eagles to arrive.  We didn’t want to deprive them of the lovely panoramic view.  Trail went back down the hill to a trail on the 869lostturkeysleft, and continued to beer check at Santa Cruz’s version of Stonehenge.  Dung Fu Grip was waiting at beer check when we arrived, then headed out to set the rest of the trail.  As a group of us were going back down the hill, Cock Throbbin almost got taken out by one of the dogs who crashed into her leg.  Luckily she wasn’t hurt.  Then we ran into a bunch of lost Turkeys who couldn’t find beer check.  As they were wandering around, they snared the hare as he was heading away from beer check.  They told us the direction he went.  There was another liquor check at the abandoned Lost Boys house.869liquor check

It was dark before we got back to the start. Religion was back at the start.  Dung Fu did double duty and was also RA.  Hugh Heifer was Beer Fairy.  First we heard the tale of the lost Turkeys (Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Vaginal Repair Kit, Cum Fartzone and Fingernips).  They made it out alive! dBASED was punished for missing trail.  He was on a mission to snare the Hares and did apparently ambush Dung Fu Grip 8692FCsomewhere on trail.  Way to go!  Pink Cherry Licker drank for making Twat Did You Say go up a big hill.  She left before religion started.  Hugh drank for not showing her tits at the boob check.  Virgin Marty was welcomed to the hash and mooned the pack.  There was a canine naming.  Vaginal Repair Kit’s dog Just Charlie was named Two Fuck Chuck!  Deadliest Snatch celebrated her 69th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  Six of Nine was found on trail in a homeless camp and came to religion for free beer.  And last but not least, the Hares………….

Happy Birthday Dung Fu, Fuck You!869haresreligion

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash # 870: Pinky and Fap’s White Dress Hash on 8/11/16

870haresPink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack brought the pack to the swanky Jack Oneill Lounge at the Dream Inn for their White Dress Hash celebrating their upcoming wedding. A large pack assembled for the occasion dawning white dresses and tu-tu’s.   Ho to Housewife, Cock Throbbin and I met earlier to get a quick run on West Cliff.  We quickly spotted the pre-laid flour trail and followed it all the way out to the lighthouse.  Then we saw a back check 23 (I think.  It was definitely over 20).  So we turned around870patio and counted the marks.  They went almost back to the start.  Then posed the dilemma.  What do we do?  After some discussion, we decided to keep silent.  We did not sabotage the Hares and we kept our mouths shut.   dBASED also ran before the hash, but that’s another story.  He decided to run 8 miles from his house in Soquel to the Dream Inn.

870pack870pack1I ended up getting 3.83 miles on the Eagle trail. I was accompanied by Poon Doggie.  Yes, I ran an extra 2 miles by following trail to the back check at the lighthouse and back.  It’s not bad scenery. Ho to Housewife and Cock Throbbin decided to “dBASED it” and do their own version of trail. The back check lead to Gharkey Street, and out to Bay Street.  There was a fish hook mark. The FRB’s Dung Fu Grip, Achy Breaky Snatch and Just Foot Pussy found it first.   When Deadliest Snatch and I approached, Dung Fu Grip was laying on the ground acting like he was poisoned by the evil liquor check.  We passed by and they followed directions and brought it back to the DFL’s.  Trail went down California Street, Right on Laurel.  Poon Doggie took a big shit, but his leash was equipped with bags and I properly disposed of it in the trash can.  Trail continued right on Chestnut and ended up 870beercheckat beer check on the Wharf.  I did not see the “no dogs” sign and took Poon Doggie on the wharf.  A security guard passed us and didn’t say a word because we looked so bad ass!  A bunch of hashers with dogs did not go on the wharf and were in the little parking lot across from the Dream Inn.

Religion was under the bridge. The cleaned 870bridgeit up and put lights down there so the usual degenerates were not present.  Dung Fu was RA.  Cock Throbbin, Ho to Housewife and dBASED were called out for running before the hash and short cutting trail.  Dog Breath ran past the beer check and had to be apprehended by the Hares of the wharf.  Occasional Rapist, Vaginal Repair Kit, Hugh Heifer drank because their dogs pooped on trail.  Courtesy Flush, Giant Asexual, Hugh Heifer, Occasional Rapist and Bareback Unicrack drank for making a 870bestdressedburrito stop on trail.  Vaginal Repair Kit was called up for picking a fight with a car who almost ran him over.  Giant Asexual drank for being a backslider.  Best costume nominees were Bacon Queef, New Kids on my Cock, Shallow Hole and Pink Cherry Licker.  Pink Cherry Licker and New Kids on my Cock had a blow up strap on cock fight for the award, and New Kids emerged as the winner.  Fucked Over Fest tried out his act for America’s Got Talent and tried to stack 2 beer bottles on Cock Throbbin’s head.  He did not succeed.  I hear beer is good for your hair.  Dung Fu celebrated his 169th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  And last but not least,870haresreligion the Hares…………..

Congratulations Pinky and Fap! You guys make such a cute couple.  Wishing you many years of love and happy trails!  xoxo

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash #863 on 7/14/16: Puff the Magic Drag Queen’s Beerthday Hash

863puffHow old is Puff? He’s old enough to be a member of AARP, to collect Medicare, but still young enough to still set a trail (with the help of Dung Fu Grip’s young speedy legs).   He’s old enough to have survived 849 (and 787 consecutive) Surf City hashes since 12/28/2000.  Get a life!  So is running and drinking beer the secret to a long healthy life?  Who knows, but it seems to be working for Puff.  His complexion is not yellow, so his liver must be holding up pretty well.  I don’t see him retiring from hashing any time soon.

The pack met on the side of HWY 1 at Wilder Ranch State Park. It was a foggy evening and 863packthere was a pretty strong head wind (who said head?) on the coastal bluff trail. There was a turkey and eagle trail.  Both trails were a loop around the coastal bluff trail.  The turkey trail was 2.8 miles and was the shorter loop.  There was a cool liquor check in the fern grotto.  Thmp-Thmp and Rat Pussy explored the cave a bit because there was flour in there.  But they turned around when they hit a dead end and used condoms.  Turkeys passed the farm house, crossed the tracks and 863grotto863ingrottoheaded to beer check on the outskirts of the parking lot.  The eagle trail was a larger loop, around 6 miles, crossed the beach, continued down the trail and came back around through a farm along the railroad tracks.  Only 4 hashers did the eagle (dBASED, Dog Breath, Steamy Baahnorrhea and yours truly).   There was another liquor check on the edge of a cliff.  I tried the shit and it was nasty!  I was lucky enough to carry Puff’s very large and bulky 863LCcamera, and felt obligated to take numerous pictures of birds, tractors and other scenery.  Dear Puff, you really need to get a new hash camera.  I’m sure there are nice, pocket sized, point and shoot cameras at a reasonable price.  I was so busy taking pictures, the rest of the eagles took off and I was the official DFL.

Religion already started by the time I got there. Accuprick and Butt Balls were RA’s.  Just Foot Pussy was called up for making loud mating calls along trail.  A couple of Harriettes (including his wife) recognized the mating calls from a distance.  How’s that for animal magnetism?  In honor of Puff’s birthday, we heard stories of the olden days of Surf City.  Puff apparently had his own Circle of Jealousy and group called the Friends of Puff.  When Puff was Hash Scribe, he used to post a trivia question and if someone got it right, they would get a free hash.  These were the days of no google, so I’m sure it wasn’t easy to find the answers.  dBASED said he would try to solve the trivia questions to get free hashes.  I got a down down for being DFL and drank with the other 3 brave eagles who ran the 10K.  Just Dee was called up for having strep throat.  We met Virgin Daniel.  Taco Tramp made him cum!  He choked and told the worst joke ever.  Other hashers had to tell a joke for him.  Courtesy Flush and Bareback Unicrack were called up for wearing cute matching jackets.   Accuprick drank for not showing up at the hash the week before.  He claimed to be driving around and unable to find the start location on Graham Hill Road. And last but not least, the Hares…………………..

On On,

Shallow Hole