Category Archives: SCH3 Trash

Hash Trash #701: 8/1/13

SCH3 Trash

This week, Dung Fu Grip brought the hash to the Golf Course Drive entrance to Pogonip park.   Walking up the road I thought to myself, “Am I in the right place?”  Who the hell are these people?  Am I tripping out?  They looked like hashers.  We had 6 visitors and 3 virgins this week!  I guess most of the hash “regulars” were either on vacation or still hung over from Wharf to Barf.   We had Fine Young Cannibal and his daughter Miss England.  We had Piss Pyle and BMX from Hawaii.   Just Jordan from Trinidad and Tobago H3 who brought 2 Virgins, Virgin Mary Kate and Virgin Hillary.  We had Tommy Hilfingerher from Long Beach H3.  Our other Virgin, Virgin Janna came to the Wharf to Barf pub crawl with Pink Cherry Licker and decided since she had the drinking part down, she would try hashing.  TIMMY!!! had a large audience for his chalk talk.

Backslider Just Shannon finally showed up.  I think she’s been avoiding coming to her 5th hash so she wouldn’t have to get named.

Trail was a long trek through the trails of Pogonip.   Many of us locals never knew these trails existed.  Dung Fu Grip stated that he found the trails while he was homeless and living in the woods.  The uphill part seemed to never end.  To ease the pain, there was a liquor check.  A bottle of tequila with a bag of salt and a lime.  There were some interesting sites on trail.  Besides the evidence of homeless encampments, we were surprised to see a koi pond out in the middle of nowhere.  The first beer check was at this grove where there were numerous piles of stacked rocks.  Some of them had pieces of paper with poems or dumb shit written on them.  Not sure of the significance of the rocks.  Were they sculptures?  Religious symbols?  Were they put there by the aliens; Wickens or just kids looking for something to do while stoned in the woods.  From the notes left behind, I suspect it’s a hangout for high school kids.  The long downhill part was easier, and lead to the second beer check near the gate where we entered the park.    

Religion was outside the park entrance.  dBASED was RA, and appointed BMX as his Beer Fairy.  Dbased brought up the visitors.  BMX, Just Jordan and Miss England were the only ones who went up there.  Next, 2 of the Virgins, Virgin Mary Kate did an unusual interpretive dance.  Just Janna told a few jokes.   Tommy Hilfingerher drank for being from Long Beach H3.  Next came a lame and unsuccessful attempt to name Just Shannon.  We haven’t seen her for so long, aside from the fact that she was carrying a pink taser flashlight that looked like a dildo, no one had any good dirt on her.  So when you wankers see her again, start digging!   Just Jordan went up and explained the Poofter Award.  A tradition of the Tobago H3, and given to someone who does something really stupid on trail.  Miss England was nominated for stating “I won” when she arrived at beer check.  Diddler on the Roofie won for short cutting trail through poison oak.

And last but not least, the Hare!  He was serenaded with a lovely rendition of Happy Birthday.

On On,

Shallow Hole

P.S.  We’re going to the West Side tomorrow night!  Wear something shiny and see you all at the Parish Publick House.  Shiny Snail Trail and I are Haring.  I can personally guarantee a very shitty trail!

Wharf to Barf Hangover Hash Trash

SCH3 Trash

It was Bloody Sunday at Pearl Necklace and Last Call Norm’s mansion. Our kind hosts were serving up bloody marys at 7:30am to revive the r*cists. It was a pretty good turnout considering what we’d all put our livers through the day before at DeLaveaga. Shiny Snail Trail came bouncing up and was really excited about showing off her carved and decorated melon helmet. It was festooned with mint springs, Pupperoni and matches. She even decorated Bloody Wanker’s melon yarmulke with a jaunty sprouted garlic clove.

Wankers stayed behind on the porch drinking while r*cists headed to the Wharf to Wharf starting line. Got Wood, Slownad and I walked over to Beach St. to join the massive throng of ridiculously sober r*nners. I had the immediate feeling that this would not only be my first r*ce ever, it would totally be my last r*ce. Too much damn healthiness. Occasional Rapist, Shiny and Diddler on the Roofie had the right idea on this course…they were sure to make a stop at Brady’s. Later, they bailed out of the r*ce for good at Over the Hill Gang Saloon.

Six miles later, the rest of us made it to the finish line at The Brit. Even though I ran the whole damn thing, I was still DFL of the hashers. Woo-hoo!!! By that time The Brit was overflowing. Waiting for a drink was now futile, so we rounded up Timmy!!! and Dung-Fu Grip and headed back to Norm and Pearl’s to fill our bellies with cold free-flowin’ beers and hot BBQ leftovers.

Talk back at the mansion was that Cuff My Muff got manhandled on the course by some race volunteer. As she was r*nning by, dude grabbed her by the arm, stopped her and asked if she had a r*ce bib on (it was partially covered by her jacket). She said the unexpected stop completely jacked up her finish time. Dung-Fu seemed totally into Cuff’s story…obviously because he was jealous that he didn’t get any manhandling.

Puff the Magic Drag Queen finally showed up after sleeping in all morning like a lazy sod. Banana Basher couldn’t join us, so Puff took his place haring with Pearl Necklace. The W2B Hangover Hash trail is usually only a few blocks and literally ends across the street. Good thing Puff was well rested because his trail went all the way back to his house for beer check—a whole half mile! Maybe he could sneak in an extra nap during beer check.  Hugh Heifer was a champ and carried Occasional along the trail. At least Occasional had made it back (semi-)alive from Over the Hill Gang, thanks to dBASED’s taxi. Poor Occasional was beer-stained, wine-stained and getting written on throughout beer check, so again dBASED got the car to ferry her back to the mansion and let her sleep it off.

Things were headed towards an all-out shit show at this point, so what a perfect time for religion! dBASED RA’d and Pink Cherry Licker beer fairy’d. Diddler and Shiny drank for not crossing the finish line. Hangover Hash newbies Paki Sak, Shiny, Fourth Cock from the Sun, Diddler, Bloody, Pinky, Pot Ho, and Dung-Fu all had a swig. Cumz Out My Nose didn’t make it to beer check, so she got to enjoy a warm shitty beer instead. In Occasional’s honor, Timmy!!! drank for being GM and not wearing a hash shirt during the r*ce (but he totally DID!). Bloody Wanker drank for being a visitor who was put up by Shallow Hole and Fingernips–BIG thanks to Hugh! Hugh might’ve taken Bloody in to her own abode if her daughter wasn’t visiting and her bed didn’t squeak so loud. And the hares…

For the big ass W2B finale…Shiny tried to light the matches her flaming melon helmet…

Pfffft.

Special thanks to Occasional Rapist and all of you drunks for keeping the barf in Wharf to Barf! We killed it this year!!

On-on,
Princess Di(arrhea)

Hash Trash # 699: Wharf To Barf Saturday July 27, 2013

SCH3 Trash

Hashers met at high noon at Delaveaga Park for the 3rd day of drinking.  The Pub crawl the night before ended late in the night with drunken hashers screaming hash songs at the top of their lungs at Tampico and dancing at Motiv.   Some folks that didn’t make it to the pub crawl like Shiny Snail Trail and Diddler on the Roofie, made up for it by starting drinking at 6:00 am.   

dBASED hared the Eagle trail and Occasional Rapist hared the Turkey trail.  Both trails started together and instead of going in the obvious direction of the woods, we exited the park.  I did the Eagle trail, which was approximately 4 mile big loop around the perimeter of the park, back into the park, up to the golf course, through the golf course, through the disc golf course, to beer check at the Top of the World.  The turkey trail was about 2 miles. 

We saw the cows on Miller Rd, and a couple hashers almost got attacked by a vicious dog.   No bees this year though.  Some hashers brought back souvenir golf balls. 

Hashers returned to a great spread of food and a set of great tunes by Waxi Pad’s “band with no name”.  The food was excellent this year!  Thanks to all who cooked!  Religion commenced after the face feed.  Accuprick was RA and appointed Banana Basher his Beer Fairy.  The first down downs went to Hogasm for designing this year’s cool Wharf to barf shirt, and co-conspirators Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di (arrhea).  It’s so cool to have a shirt with runners barfing instead of creepy monsters on it!   Banana Basher did a lovely explanation of the Surf City Watermelon Head tradition.  Hugh Heifer was the only past winner present.  We celebrated Fingernips’ 169th analversary and Last Call Norm’s 369th analversary!  Get a life!  Non-runners, Perl Necklace, Last Call Norm, Twat did you Say?, Fingernips, Timmy, Accuprick and Banana Basher were punished for not doing trail.  Ska-Skank-Redemption drank for not knowing a song when called upon.  Twisted Fister drank for stupidity.  He actually believed dBASED when he said the trail would be flat!  Sucker!  Pearl Necklace was chastised for being a backslider.  He was last seen in May for the Red dress Run.  We had a hare snaring’s by Bloody Wanker and Dog Breath.  Fingernips pulled down Bloody Wanker’s pants.  Nice!  DFL’s were dung Fu grip, Puff the Magic Drag Queen and Shiny Snail Trail.  The Watermelon award went to Shiny Snail Trail. 

We had a naming.  We named the band Premature E-Jamulation, because they started playing their second set before religion was over.   And last but not least, the Hares………………………….

The afternoon ended with more good tunes.  Some folks danced.  Others were too exhausted from dBASED’s trail and passed out!   

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash # 696 on July18, 2013

SCH3 Trash

This week, our Hares, Puff the Magic Drag Queen and his young whippersnapper, Dung Fu Grip, brought the pack to The Crepe Place.  Weren’t we just in Seabright?   Our GM TIMMY!!! had an appropriate quote for the night.  He said “There are NO rules in the hash!”

 

 

Since Puff was haring, I collected Hash Cash this week.  Thank you to all who brought exact change!  I’ve never seen so many dollar bills!  Next time I’m going to wear a garter and have a little fun!  Hash Flash is courtesy of dBASED.  We had a visitor, Ascott to Mouth, whose home hash is in Germany.  Infamous Hasher, Hangs Loose “a legend in his own mind” came out of hash retirement to join in the festivities.  From the look of his beer gut, he didn’t give up the drinking part.  He said that back in the day, he was a good runner and their hash actually had a race team!  My how things have changed!  Hairy Fuck 2.5 and Just Sarah returned from their drinking tour around Europe.   Just Ron showed up for his second hash.  It only took him 8 months to come back.  We must’ve made quite an impression!  Who DIDN’T we see this week?  That would be Deep Stroke, who FINALLY left on her RV road trip.  I know Puff misses her terribly, and has been crying on his pillow every night since she left.

The pack circled up in front of The Crepe Place and headed out.  It was a little tough finding the start of trail.  dBASED crossed the street and found flour in a parking lot and yelled On On!  The pack lost trail again around Water Street, but eventually found flour and headed in the direction of N Branciforte Ave.  There was a check on the corner of Water Street and N Branciforte.  When there was no flour in the direction of the ocean or downtown, the only other direction to go was N Branciforte Ave.  WTF?  After meandering a while, trail lead left down Goss and right onto Branciforte straight toward Delavega Park.  After climbing the big ass hill into the park, trail veered off to the right on the single track trails lined with poison oak.  Funckin A!  Thought we wouldn’t need shiggy socks this week!

Nipple Butt was the only one who seemed to be thrilled to be there.  After making it to the top and traversing the golf course, the pack found its way back into the woods.  This area seemed to be a hot spot for teenagers drinking in the woods.  Along with the array of various empty beer cans and liquor bottles, we came across an empty container of Boost nutritional supplement.  What the hell was that doing there?  We use this stuff all the time for old and sick people in the hospital.   Puff is a senior citizen.  Maybe he drank it on trail to keep up with his young co-hare.  But Puff isn’t a litterbug.  Are teenagers stealing their Grandma’s Boost as well as raiding her liquor cabinet?  We’ll probably never know the truth.   After surviving the woods, we crashed some homeless guy’s living room next to the bridge on Morrissey.  Luckily he didn’t come after us.  Trail lead us back across Soquel, through a parking lot, and an alley next to the library and right on Hanover, when we saw the glorious marking BN!  Beer check was in someone’s yard.

Religion was a casa di Puff.  Puff put out a lovely display of cheese and crackers and veggies and dip!  Yay Puff!  dBASED was RA.  A miracle happened at the hash.  dBASED appointed Hangs Loose as his Beer Fairy!  Everybody knows that dBASED NEVER has a Beer Fairy!

TIMMY!!!  got a down down for going to SFH3 red dress last weekend and for growing up in San Francisco.  “Racists” Occasional Rapist, Ascott to Mouth and yours truly, Shallow Hole were punished for talking about running races.  Wicked Retahted, Banana Basher and Cuff My Muff drank for not being at the beer check.  None of them were on trail either.  Hangs Loose was chastised for being a backslider.  Banana Basher stepped in and defended him and drank his down down.  Hairy Fuck 2.5 and Just Sarah drank for being DFL’s.  Visitor, Ascott to Mouth was welcomed to the hash.  Yours truly, Shallow Hole got a patch for my 100th Surf City Hash.  Get a life!  Banana Basher said he never thought I would stick around.  Guess I’m just as demented as the rest of you wankers!  Dung Fu Grip got a patch for his first Haring of a Surf City trail.  And last but not least, the Hares…………………………………………………………………

Hope to see everyone next weekend for Wharf to Barf!  It’s sure to be a good time!  Even if you don’t remember it!  We have a Prelube hash on Thursday night, Pub Crawl Friday night, trail, BBQ and Waxi Pad’s band on Saturday afternoon, and another trail on Sunday afternoon.  The main event is drinking of course.  Cum 1 day or all 4 if you dare!

On On,

Shallow Hole

P.S.  You will need shiggy socks next week!

 

 

Hash Trash 695

SCH3 Trash, Uncategorized

Trail 695 was neither short nor sweet. But that’s nothing a little shortcutting couldn’t fix! Word on the street was that dBASED was haring a trail that had been previously aborted due to “high water levels”. The unlucky pack got a second chance at soaking their socks this week. We gathered up at Aptos St. BBQ where they had a specially-dedicated beertender just for us! I can tell you now that was our favorite thing about trail right there.

dBASED made his announcements before heading off: #1 – a free M-Word Hash rego was out there for the finding. Watch for a dead animal skull along trail in order to claim the prize. Such a romantic symbol of everlasting love! #2 – there’s a SURPRISE!!! I suppose dipping your toes in ice water could be considered surprising, even though we were all expecting it. We know to actually dread any of dBASED’s surprises, because they’re never a good thing. Wise Banana Basher and Cuff My Muff were bailing trail to hang at the Windjammer. If we had any sense at all, we would have joined them.

We circled up and headed out. It was nice to see Monthly Friend had returned ahead of cycle with The Human Pube after her most unfortunate naming on 4th of July. Our plan was to casually walk trail together, but I soon realized Cumcerto was missing from the pack and went back to look for her. This caused me to get so far behind, there was no choice but to shortcut if I was supposed to get through this thing walking. Don’t know much about where real trail went, but for those who care, it was something like…Aptos BBQ –> RR trax –> Rio Del Mar Blvd. –> Rio Del Mar Flats –> Seacliff Beach stairs –> RR trax –> Aptos Village Soccer Field –> wading through Aptos Creek –> Aptos Village Park beer check!

Beer check was in a quiet grove in the park near the creek. Hashers were comparing notes about the creek slogging and their wet feet. There was a rumor the water was taint-deep, but there didn’t seem to be any dripping shorts around. The best thing about beer check was that dBASED provided enough beer this time. That almost never happens. It’s like he knows we’re likely to avoid showing up for his trails. Or he hopes we all die out there and never make it to beer check. He does what he can to try and make that happen. Good thing there was enough beer while we had a “fun” game to play: Whose Dog Just Shitted? Was it Cumz Like a Dog’s or Occasional Rapist’s??? We couldn’t quite ID it by stench alone.

Religion was held behind that old apple barn/antique mall by the post office. It was there that I realized I paid dearly in karma for my shortcutting ways by losing my really cool Fisher Space Pen along the way. If anybody found it, PLEASE bring it back home to Planet Princess! I mooched a pen from fellow scribette Shallow Hole and got back to playing religion reporter. Accuprick RA’d and Fudgina was beer fairy. Cuff, Fudge and Brokebench Mountain didn’t make it to beer check, but they were drunk anyway (as per usual). Backslider Banana had his first doctor-OK’d beer in many months…ah, sweet nectar. The sneaky bastards who hadn’t paid their hash cash–Just Adam, Ghettoman and Cumcerto–were forced to cough up the cash and drink down the shitty beer. We all learned that Fudge and Brokebench were reform schoolmates in their delinquent years. All wankers with dry shoes drank. Shiny Snail Trail (with bouncy Pippi Longstocking braids) was wearing a shocker shirt and Cuff was wearing a Save Second Base breast cancer awareness shirt. Timmy!!! didn’t know what second base is. But he does know what the shocker is. Makes us wonder if he has a reputation for hitting triples with the ladies. We ate cupcakes and cursed the birthdays of Cuff and hare dBASED before we let him know exactly how much we thought his trail sucked.

On on on was back at Aptos St. BBQ once dBASED persuaded them to stay open for us by promising at least 10 people would order food for their drunk bellies. Just Adam gets a special award for taking Pippi Longdrinking home. He’s up for naming soon, so perhaps we can reward him by giving him a name he can truly be ashamed of.

Next hash will start at the Crepe Place. But you probably know all about it and then some from Puff the Magic Drag Queen’s super duper superfluous trail announcement below. Expect his trail to be even longer than his ramblings.

On-on,

Princess Di(arrhea)

Hash # 693, Yacht Rock on June 27, 2013

SCH3 Trash

This week our Hares, Princess Di (arrhea) and her partner in crime Thmp-Thmp, promised a trail full of champagne wishes and caviar dreams.   Instead of an episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, this was more like Lifestyles of the Drunk and Demented.  This ship of fools docked at Brady’s Yacht Club on Seabright Ave.  The usual suspects were there.  Dung Fu Grip got a job in Santa Cruz, so he’s officially a Surf City Hasher now.  It was nice to see Banana Basher made it to the hash again this week!  Shiny Snail Trail brought a Virgin!  Virgin Adam had no idea what he was getting into!   I’m guessing he may have been bribed with sexual favors.  Twat did you Say?  was there.  She doesn’t have class anymore, so she has no excuse not to come to the hash.   In case you were wondering, Deep Stroke hasn’t left town yet.  The RV is in the shop again.  She did take a little trip on her bike from San Francisco to LA.  She rode over 500 miles for charity.  Now that’s what you call a racist!

The Hares promised beer, liquor, a Turkey- Eagle split and they sailed away.  The pack circled up out the back door, then headed out.  The trail wandered around Seabright neighborhoods, through Fredrick Street Park, down a steep embankment to the Harbor.  The trail headed left, went around the end of the harbor and up the stairs near the RV camping area.  At the top of the stairs, we found a bottle of champagne!   No caviar though.   It was too high class for Hugh Heifer, so she didn’t have any.  Not a big surprise.  The flour lead us in the direction of  7th ave, toward the ocean.

Somewhere along the way, Shiny Snail Trail spotted a big, heavy wicker chair on the side of the road that was left out for trash.  She decided to pick it up and carry it for the rest of the trail.  I bet her arms were sore for a few days.  After some confusing checks, the pack made their way back to the Harbor by the Crow’s Nest.   It was then we figured out where the Turkey- Eagle split was.  Turkeys could take the water taxi to the other side and Eagles could run around.

Beer check was at a nice spot overlooking the beach.  Waxi Pad left the Crow’s Nest beach party and found trail and made it to beer check.  The non-runners were already there.  Pink Cherry Licker is getting pretty good at short cutting, because she always seems to find her way to the booze.

Religion was held at the Santa Cruz Museum of Natural History.  dBASED was RA, and wanted to use the outdoor  amphitheater for religion.  As usual, he was his own Beer Fairy.  TIMMY!!! got the first down down for losing the hash shit and never recovering it.  Pink Cherry Licker told a story about being propositioned by a lesbian at the bar right in front of her Dad.  She turned her down.  Occasional Rapist and Shiny Snail trail drank for taking a “pee check” together.

There were a few Analversaries this week.  Deep Stroke celebrated her 69th Surf City Hash, Wicked Retahted drank for surviving 50 hashes and newbie Cumcerto celebrated her 25th hash.  Deep Stroke and Cumcerto drank again for forgetting to take off their hats.  Wicked has been through this so many times that he knows the drill and removed his hat before taking his down down.  The Hares were called up for providing champagne, which was too “high class” for the hash.  They said it cost 4 bucks and it wax expired!

Virgin Adam was called up and welcomed to the hash.   Shiny Snail trail made him cum!  He told the worst joke ever.  Slonad and Wicked Retahted were chastised for being backsliders.  Shiny Snail Trail was called up for “show and tell” with her wicker chair.  And last but not least, the Hares……………………………..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Announcements:

July 4, 2013:  Make sure you exercise your freedom to drink and to start your Fourth of July Holiday by showing up at the hash tomorrow at 11:00 am!  We’re not starting at a bar this week.  The address is 313 Pestana Ave., Santa Cruz, CA 95065.  Princess Di (arrhea) and Cumcerto are promising us weenies!

 

 

Mark your calendars for Wharf to Barf, July 25-28th.  Yes Wankers, this is the Anal Surf City event that includes lots of beer, Prelube hash Thursday, pub crawl on Friday night, Hash BBQ with Waxi Pad’s band on Saturday and another hash Sunday afternoon.   Pay up by July 4th before the price goes up!  Wharf to Barf info and rego: https://www.sch3.net/wharf-to-barf/

August 24, 2113 at 2:30 pm.  The M Word Run:  Occasional Rapist and dBASED’s hash wedding (or intervention if you want to talk her out of the real wedding) at Last Call Norm’s House, 520 Soquel Ave, Santa Cruz https://www.sch3.net/mword/mwordrun.pdf

On On,

Shallow Hole