Hash Trash #964

Today is Monday made the trek over the hill to hare this most special hash…..a hash that celebrates a surreptitious event that brings so much joy to so many.

This passionate hasher showed off his rad baking skills and brought delicious 420 brownies to share with everyone at the start. Well everyone except CumFartZone, who is a lightweight and who must keep her wits about her in order to be a diligent scribe.

Today is Monday is either checking in with his dealer, his probation officer, or consulting GPS to ensure that nobody gets lost on his trail….well one out of three is true….guess which one.

I am sure there WAS a NO TRESPASSING sign on those barricades prior to this hash….but Today Is Monday is a fearless and reckless hare so anything goes.

He led the pack deep into the woods, into the unknown and prayed that they made their way back safely.

These two became self absorbed in the magic of the woods and starting a frenzied selfie marathon….so much so that when they finally exited the woods they realized there were missing some items: a cell phone, a wallet and their dignity.

Luckily Captain Save A Ho aka Baker’s Dozen’t gallantly retreats into the bowels of Pogonip to search for the valuable items. Despite his gargantuan efforts he emerges from the dank underworld empty handed. Luckily the two scalawags have enough sense to go back the next day day and follow their breadcrumbs and beer caps right to their most prized possessions.

Meanwhile the rest of the pack imbibes at Bocci’s Cellar and then meanders down to Shanty Shack.

  Shanty Shack provided great beer, awesome tacos, and a brilliantly played game of Jenga.

Vag and Bakers showing some love.

Yummy tacos Ho To Housewife has that magic touch.  Besides Jenga she has other marketable skills.

Finally we trudge up the road for the requisite Religion Circle.

Cum you will not and her naughty friend , Virgin Michelle, quickly dropped trow,, danced around the circle and gleefully showed us all her butt. Accuprick immediately named her Pinch the Head and Twist after she launched into her personal method for removing ticks and other pests.

Today is Monday was honored for his memorable 420 hash and of course we had to do the full rendition of his song. This was his first Surf City Haring, although I believe he has 50 hashes under his belt.

At this point the crowd was quite unruly. The backsliders were called up…..My little Bony, Six O Nine, and maybe NoFilm??

At this point the evening was a hazy blur but everyone left happy. Happy 420 week!!

On On On

CumFartZone

Get yer butt on a bike for Sunday Funday!

This was our 5th anal Gorilla Hash Bash.

Quite a crowd showed up for this lively event.

We gathered at Seabright Brewery and then took for for our first long leg of the ride. Actually we just went across the street to the liquor store! Whew, all that riding sure make one thirsty.

We made a lovely pit stop at the Santa Cruz Harbor

We surprised one of our favorite hash couples who completely spaced the bash bike event….guess their farming takes precedence over hashing.

We ran across some California fornicating cows. But I can’t show you the video as we are trying to keep this thing PG rated. Ask Broke Bench for the evidence….he delights in taking advantage of that special springtime bovine romance action.

ANOTHER GREAT BIKE HASH IN THE BOOKS!

Hash Trash #963
“Run on Grass – the day before 420 trail”

Hares are Cold Smegma Kamikaze and Courtesy Flush. They are becoming quite the team. Some serious bro bonding going on.
Lots of pre trail scouting going on…hmmmm????

The point of this trail is to start at the dog friendly outdoor patio at Boardwalk Bowl before the summer clusterfuck approaches. In other words….stay the fuck home for the rest of the summer cause the crowds will descend en masse upon all Santa Cruz county beaches.

Eagle trail is  a mere 3.5 miles and Turkey Trail  a measly 2.5 miles…perfect for most of our pack.

Given this turtle pace you should be able to behold a magical sunset just as you get to the beach. But that’s assuming all goes according to plan.

Despite all their planning and best efforts to thwart the pack, the hares ran into some trouble!

We had a double hare snare!!

Nevertheless the pack continued….and ended up having some fun.

Cunt Jungle Gym is a beast of a gal. Don’t mess with this harriette.

On the approach to the Boardwalk trestle bridge was this ominous sign.

I know for a fact some of us are not thrilled to have to cross this death trap. Luckily Cap’t Morgan was there to save us!

Or maybe we had to save Cap’t Morgan?

Hash trash # 969

We started at the “renegade lot” on the side of Hwy 1, near Wilder Ranch.  This hash was billed as “EndofPavement Day”. Seems fitting…renegades/hashers, end of pavement aka shiggy. I like how they use those endearing terms to lure you in.

So many happy folks just waiting to encounter shiggy, ticks, and mountain lions.

Vag Repair kit is beyond ecstatic.

So is

Ho to Housewife.

Curtesy Flush is leaping in an attempt to fling off some tagalong ticks.

And  the hares decided to be twins for a day!

At the start we were warned that  should the Eagles misstep or slip, they might even get their shoes wet. A few unfortunate folks did get moist.

Dog Breath promised/lied to keep the checks to a minimum on Eagle Trail. Still people managed to get somewhat lost and when they finally got back to civilization they shouted and waved frantically along with excessive whistle blowing.

. Religion will be in the clearing near the Green Leachate Release Valve box.

Beer check and religion were a few steps apart. Great planning.

Thump found a headlight on trail…turns out Bakers lost more than that as he was haring….he also lost a jacket and his sanity. But he was rewarded for 100 hashes…so it must have been worth it.

DBased bragged about his dry shoes at Religion…only because he short cutted trail. CumYouWillNot, Timmy and Goldiloxxx had wet shoes, meaning they actually did the official trail.

Gorilla Whorefare and DBased wore some confusing clothing but in these days of gender mindf8cks these guys have no problem wearing girlie tights. Most of the pack took their chances with the ticks and PO but Vag simply refuses to wear long pants or shiggy socks…yet complains loudly about the dreaded poison oak.

We were told that back in the day all the women wore the required Mennonite costume to protect them from the critters and lecherous men.

Timmy was a FRB as a self proclaimed old guy. He was not gonna leave that bottle of LC at the beach cave. He ended up doing a few extra miles to ensure he would get a long pull on a short bottle.

Backsliders included Beach Cummer and Twist the head and *&%$!!

Fun evening, great views, and mandatory tick checks!

On On On

CumFartZone

Hash Trash #962 Aptos Golf Course antics and impromptu red dress exchange.

ButtBalls, Little Anal Annie and Dog Breath putting their feet up to enjoy the last rays of the day…..and the red dress fashion preview.

DBased gleefully set this trail to celebrate his 30 years of hashing.

And much to everyone’s surprise this was a really nice trail, a pleasant trail, a trail devoid of endless circle jerks and miscommunication, a trail with very little shiggy and only a handful of geocaches to distract us from the real purpose of hashing. But don’t tell that to DBased or CuntJungle, who are getting quite adept at multi-tasking on trail!

Pinky was also enthralled that the golf course bartender  would make her a “TO GO” cup…..and trust me it was not filled with an “Arnold Palmer”.

Great Sunset

good beer check

Dress to the 69’s Themed Hash. Not sure if this is a reference to 1969…..or dressing to the nines or tens or if this means simply just getting out of the pajamas.

Come one come all, break out those fancy clothes because the weather is nice and perfect for our 4th Anal Dressed to the (sixty) Nines hash.

Dust off that fedora, put on that silk tie, and be prepared to run, walk, stumble, meander, lollygag, or otherwise engage yourself in the fancy frivolity that is the hash.

Let’s start at the  Crepe (creepy) Place and let’s do some public groping. Broke Bench can have a good time wherever he goes.

Hares FapJack, PCL, and Bakers DoZen’t did their best to make sure this was an extra special hash. They arranged for special fancy drink and they announced way in advance that we should dress up for this one….but I guess Steamy either did not get the memo or he considers putting on shorts “getting dressed up”!

I am sure that he wasn’t the only one….

GoldiLoxxx is our newest hasher, hailing from Prague, Texas, and Monterey. His passport is full of stamps and I don’t have enough bandwidth to list all of his old haunts. But I am sure that he must have left his tux with one of his Ex’s!!

Speaking of XXX’s…..there was some X rated street action happening.

The girls were strutting their stuff down on Main Street and looking for a little side hustle.

They found what they were looking for at the SpeakEasy aka Snake’s pad.

After all the delicious martinis and strutting around town, it began to drizzle….which luckily didn’t put out the fizzle. Broke bench shows up with a portable heater and we all break out the umbrellas despite the hares prediction of “nice weather”.

Big white fluffy poodle almost catches his tail on fire.

Owner(Virgin Christy) oblivious….too much wine perhaps??!!

Analversaries go to Steamy with a whooping pile of 69 hashes.

Way to go mate.

And so off we went in our finery.

A good time was had by most.

On On On

CumFartZone