No, the photo above is not a picture of the Milky Way taken by the Hubble telescope.
It is, sadly, what Occasional Rapist and dBASED believe is an appropriate commodity for use as trail marker. Hansel and Gretel may have appreciated having this available to them but it’s for damn sure Surf City found little if any use for it.
Allow me to put this in the context in which we encountered this useless crap.
Surf City assembled it’s traveling kennel inside the Castaways on Portola Drive. We have not been here in many, many moons and if you’ve ever been here you know why. This, of course, was the whim of the hares so that right there tells you the quality of our hare-pair. Part of their Instructions of Trail included proudly displaying the above material which they said they’d be using as trail marker. I will gladly purchase flour for them next time they hare although personally I hope that does not happen within my lifetime. After IoT was completed, they hopped on-out placing a check near the front door. Thirteen minutes later, Banana Basher corralled the critters and a circle was formed and introductions completed. It was noted this was Just Brian’s fifth hash and he would be named during Religion, assuming he survived this trail. Speaking of ‘this trail’, here’s how it went. You will not find this very uplifting so fill you glass with that in mind.
Cuff My Muff had seen the hares earlier so the first part of trail was both quick and pleasant. Let’s fast forward to a check on Portola near 32nd Avenue. TIMMY traipses across Portola and soon sounds the on-on south on 30th towards the bay. This lasted, predictably, until the locals-only path on-right leading into the woods surrounding Moran Lake, or Moron Lake as we hashers know it. Sure enough, that was the path chosen for us and we proceeded towards East Cliff Drive. And, I feel I should mention, at a high rate of speed when passing the waste treatment plant. A check encountered at East Cliff was almost ignored. Many hounds thought to go directly across the street and intercept the hares. But, owing to the fact trail was so short up to this point, stupidity got the better of the pack and we followed true trail on-right on East Cliff. The next check was viewed at 26th. On-right proved false and everyone then turned on-left toward the beach. Chad continued along East Cliff but was called back by the on-on sounded from the beach. Apparently though, true trail actually did continued along East Cliff until the beach is reached just past 23rd. It seems only TIMMY did this section of trail. Trail was discovered on the beach at 26th before Chad found marker on East Cliff.
I don’t need to tell you what transpires now. Hounds howl in horror as their shoes fill with sand and dodging the incoming waves became a popular hobby. Just as we passed the beach across the street from Moron Lake, back check was yelled. One and all reversed course and headed back to East Cliff. Jill found marker and, after holding a brief service for the deceased bird we passed, on-on was sounded on East Cliff toward the Point. In the continuing quest to jerk the pack around, the circle-jerk of South Palisades was utilized before trail continued along East Cliff. At Pleasure Point Drive and East Cliff, a check was discovered. TIMMY found nothing on 32nd and returned. A false was found further along East Cliff. At this point the pack’s movement slowed as we were rapidly running out of options.
It was then Hairy crossed the fence posted with Keep Out and Danger signs and went into the construction zone. He made his way to yet another set of steps and started on-down to the beach. He was soon able to sound the on-on. Many hounds though remained on East Cliff and paralleled those pounding sand. This was a mercifully short jaunt on the beach and a check was found once going on-up another set of stairs. Trail was located continuing along East Cliff but only until yet another set of accursed stairs. Once on the beach,trail headed back in the direction we’d just come from. Soon though the hare-pair was found merrily slurping away on Beer Check beer in the shadow of a home on the cliff wherein resides surfing legend Jack O’Neill.
After a strenuous and dangerous climb on-up to East Cliff, the mongrel horde headed on-in for Religion at Brian’s house on Hawes Drive and 30th.
Accuprick was elected Mob-rule Religious Adviser and he immediately appointed Vince his Beer Fairy. Here is a partial list of the down-downs Accuprick awarded: Hairy and Bloodweiser for running right past Beer Check and dBASED for retrieving them; Waxi-Pad for being an Eagles fan and due to the impending battle with the 49ers; (Authors note: The Waxi-Man is NOT happy right now!) Brian for telling everyone where his two bathrooms were and then peeing on the side of his house anyway; Hugh and Brian for toking-up three feet from circle; Bloodweiser for singing a song and saying ‘him’ instead of ‘them’ as it was for two people; Banana, Bony and Brian for extreme short-cutting; Bony and Hairy for playing ‘pocket pool’ in circle; Occasional Rapist, dBASED and Shallow Hole for being Surf City’s ambassadors to InterAmerica’s Hash in Savannah, Georgia; and last but not least we had the pleasure of hosting a naming ceremony, Just Brian is gone and shall forever more be known as Wicked Retahted. (Blame Accuprick for the bizarre pronunciation) Something that was NOT pleasurable was dealing with these hares. Even before on-out I knew we were in for Trouble-on-Trail. The Rapist delivered Instructions of Trail with the calm serenity of a person who is mentally deficient. Even after the Rapist told us all we needed to know, dBASED droned on. He is quite comfortable being the only active participant in a conversation. In summation, this trail was as forgettable as my last girlfriend’s phone number.
On-on-on, while being sparsely attended, was held at the Chop House, for many years the Portola House, on Portola.
By appointment of His Royal Majesty “G”, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the second day of October in the year of our Hash two-thousand eleven.
On-out,
Puff the Magic Drag Queen