Cumcerto led us all to the Parish Publick House on Westside of SC. We had a good turnout. We had a virgin, Chip, whom both PCL and Electric Labia Land made cum. We also had a couple Just’s, Mara and Mike whom returned. I was proud of Just Mike as he came to the start after all the hasher’s left and was able to catch up with the pack by BC. Nice job! dBASED and I can recruit! We all know how Cumcerto loves to run, she felt so ambitious as a hare she laid two trails, Turkey and an Eagle! I mean who does that? She’s starting to make us all look bad…nah. Trail led through lovely neighborhoods, through Lighthouse field to West cliff drive. Such a pretty clear night. Around Woodrow Ave. is where the trails split-Eagle trail continued down West cliff and Turkey trail went down the walk path of Bethany curve, both immerged back together on Plateau Ave. at the walking trail path. We then stammered to BC at Garfield park. By my calculations Turkey trail was ~2.5 miles and Eagle per dBASED was ~3.8 miles. We invaded that park like it was our own. Some of the pack decided to use the swing set, slide down the slides, Dung Fu had the highest swing for sure. Now there were some young boys hanging out on the other side of the park where we usually have the BC and slowly made their way to us to bum beers, someone told then off. Hugh had time to proposition them though as only Hugh can (I guess they weren’t 18, LOL). Pack then walked together on to religion which was in the parking lot behind Safeway as usual in this area. Cuff was the RA, Accuprick co-RA, Banana Basher the beer fairy. Lot’s of down down’s had by all (including myself and Achy Breaky “just cause”), our Virgin showed us his right nipple, now cum on, I think if Electric Labia Land wasn’t there he might have shown a little more…Anyhoot, Just Mike did great following trail on his own, that’s a good sign to the hare! I think he’ll cum back again. Canadian Penny Slut also has been joining us more recently, yaay we like it! And the Hare…..
Ok peeps what else to say, but On On and see you wankers tonight at JJ’s in Soquel, let it rain let it rain let it rain, bring it! Prepare to get wet and muddy, bright your light’s!
Occasional Rapist on out
This week was the VD Hash, brought to us by Occasional Rapist and Shallow Hole. We started out this week at Suda, which is way too swanky for us, so we had to stay outside. Luckily there were heat lamps. It was probably for the best because it was yet another theme run. This week’s theme: pink, red, miniskirts, and kilts. The couple dining in the front window bore the full brunt of our intrusion as Dung Fu Grip stripped down to his red lingerie no more than six inches from their faces with only a thin piece of glass between them. And he didn’t even offer them any of his boob candy. The boob candy seemed pretty popular with everyone else, but somehow I abstained.
Wicked brought another virgin and they, once again, they skipped trail. Paki Sack showed up warning us of a “FHAC-U invasion.” It turned out to be an invasion of just him.
Trail headed out south on Portola, right past Frenchy’s. Maybe that’s where we lost Wicked. He was probably running low on giant dildos and lube so he figured it was a good time to stock up. A few other hashers ventured inside, but when there were no treats for us (ala Deep Stroke’s B-Day Hash) we continued on.
It turned out to be a pretty straight shot down through the Opal Cliffs neighborhood and then right back again. I think there was some circle jerk on the railroad tracks, but as a DFL, I got to skip all of that. The majority of the way back was along the beach, with a beautiful view of the ocean and the starry sky. There was a kiss check! Hugh Heifer pulled her pants down and told Broke Bench and Fap Jack to kiss her ass. Fap Jack decided to wait there for me instead. Awwwwww.
There was a lot of going away from the water and then going back toward it again. Somewhere in a dark alley there was a champagne check. How romantic.
Somewhere along the way trail went through the backyard of Virgin Alice. She and her boyfriend, Virgin Ryan, were just returning from a run and Paki and Thmp Thmp convinced them to join us. I wonder if they knew what they were getting into.
We lost a few people when we were near Wicked’s house and it became apparent that the trail continued. But for those of us that made it all the way to beer check down at Pleasure Point, there was a beautiful check waiting for us with candlelight and cock-shaped cupcakes. They were a little smushed, and I hear this was Wicked’s fault for not helping to carry them down. Squished or not, everyone got their pick of black or white cock with their beer.
We heading on in to Wicked Retahted’s backyard where there was a fire and pizza waiting for us. It was very tasty pizza. Dung Fu Grip chose Princess Di as his beer fairy because she was already wearing a tiara. Virgin Lannette (Wicked Retahted made her come) sang “Yellow Submarine.” Virgin Alice showed her butt! Virgin Ryan told a joke about whales, but all the interruptions messed up the timing and then no one laughed. So he also showed his butt. I wonder if that’s how they thought their evening would go.
This week, our Hares, dBASED and Occasional Rapist brought the pack to a new place. This was our first time starting a hash at Salsas on Mt Hermon Drive in Scotts Valley. Good food and full bar. And instead of kicking us out, the owner actually thanked us for cuming! I’m sure we’ll wear out our welcome when they see what we’re really like! Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp showed up in matching outfits and bride and groom hats. It was their 15th wedding Analversary! Occasional Rapist and dBASED brought a Virgin. They met Virgin Mike at a local car rental place and invited him to the hash. He’s a recent transplant from Milwaukee, once known as the beer capital of the world! So he will fit right in at the hash. Milwaukee is home of famous schwag beers, including Miller, Hamm’s, Pabst, Blatz, and Schlitz. I was a big fan of the TV show Laverne and Shirley, who worked as bottle cappers in a fictitious Milwaukee brewery called “Shotz Brewery.” Dirty Latecummer, originally from Santa Barbara, showed up. He’s hashed a few times with us.
After a brief circle up, the pack went out in search of flour. We headed right on Mt Hermon Road. There was a check next to these steep steps. Half the pack went up the steps and got caught at a false up the hill. Those bastards! The rest of the pack stayed below, crossed Mt Hermon Rd and found true trail through an apartment complex that lead down to Glen Canyon Rd. After a brief jaunt through a shiggy field, we ended up on Scotts Valley Drive near the Middle School. The pack went across the street, through an apartment complex and then back to Mt Hermon Rd. There was a check, Achy Breaky Snatch went in back of Walgreens and yelled “On On!” Trail lead to Sky Park, through a field next to the dog park, back down to Mt Hermon Rd. We crossed the street into the Safeway parking lot and found beer check in back of the tire place.
Religion was in back of Pro Scuba on Scotts Valley Drive. We were assured that the owners gave us “permission” to be there. LOL. TIMMY!!! was RA and Fap Jack was his Beer Fairy. No tiara this week because Occasional Rapist stole it the week before. Thmp were called up for an Analversary down down of love. They are too freaking cute!
Next, Virgin Mike was called up. Occasional Rapist and dBASED made him cum! I bet the Hamm’s beer reminded him of home. Moose Turd Pie was serenaded with a lovely rendition of the hash birthday song. Dung Fu Grip called out Puff the Magic Drag Queen for being too lame to come to Stuporbowl. He claimed to have “hash business” to do. He was probably just home tossing off like usual. And last but not least, the Hares………………………………………..
P.S. See you wankers this Thursday, February 13th in Pleasure Point for the VD Pink Love Hash! Start location is at Suda, 3910 Portola Dr, Santa Cruz. Wear a mini skirt or kilt and something pink! Occasional Rapist and Yours Truly will have some booze and romantic treats for ya’ll. Bring 7 bucks if you want pizza after Religion. xoxoxoxoxox
Hello there wanker-kanker-soress’s. Did we not have a blast last Sunday playing our own “Super” bowl? The Waxes hosted a knarly paartaay, we even had our own resident “in the house” band! Greatful Dead song’s we’re a balarin’, “safety” meetings happening on the hour every hour (we know who you are). And oh ya, we even decided to go for a romp run in the rain. The hare’s decided to for-go the original trail d/t rain, otherwise Shallow Hole would not have let us come over after (muddy and all wet):) So instead, around 1:30pm, after sharing a bottle of Proseco, Chardonnay, and a few beers had by some, the hares took off. It was hard to leave since the music was so good. But off we went. The first thing we see out of the driveway was a “BM” signage? WTF does that mean?, we all said outloud. Umm first thing I thought was maybe Shallow was having a work flash attack, since BM’s are something to watch for in TF/TPN feedings. BUT lo and behold it ended up being dBASED that wrote it! He meant to put BW check, LOL. It didn’t matter much as the wine ended up being a sweet blackberry Merlot, so they both we’re off the hook so to speak, (although dBASED got the down down later). Trail was fucked up for us DFL’s we ended up going almost a mile longer than true trail. Ever hear the term “may all your up’s and down’s be in bed”? That could have applied to this day’s trail, where we went up we went down and so on. But we drank all the time whilst doing it! The game was fun, I liked watching all the funny commercials and half time entertainment. The rest of the gang played “card’s against humanity”. Did I tell you all the good food we ate? We had some hasher’s show up just to bring us food and visit, Choka Cola, Hairy Potter and their gorgeous baby girl, Micah and ‘Twat did you say?’ The Pulled pork sandwiches we’re devine, as was the spanikopia, salsa and spinach dip’s, and all the other stuff. A fine time had by all indeed. Who really cared about the game? In the end the enclosed patio was our little area of singing hash song’s, drinking, and laughing as we we’re all dry inside! We like hashing like this! Thanks again to the Waxes for hosting this stupor bowl!! We love ya man!!
This week, Hugh Heifer brought the pack to Callahan’s. This was my first time in the joint. There are some dive bars in Santa Cruz that are even too low life for hashers , and I figured there must be some reason why we never frequent this place. It wasn’t as bad as I expected. The chick tending bar was super friendly and we got served quickly. There were rumors this place had a stripper pole at one time, and certain hashers were the reason they decided to get rid of it. The ladies room was a shit hole, but you can get a “love kit” for 50 cents! Damn! I didn’t have any change!
Hugh somehow persuaded Dung Fu Grip to be her Co-Hare, AKA her Back Check Bitch. I’m sure there was some bribery involved. After the Hares left, some hashers amused themselves by straddling the saddle and playing rodeo cowboy.
The pack headed out and followed the flour across Ocean St, through the courthouse parking lot to San Lorenzo Park. I was the lone FRB at that point and some concerned homeless folks spotted me searching around for flour and asked if I was ok. This took me off guard, since it seems more likely for them to ask me for spare change or if I want to get high. There was a check on the river levee and the rest of the pack caught up with me. Trail continued past the Warrior Arena, up the stairs to Beach Hill and down to the Boardwalk, over the train trestle, left on East Cliff Drive. We crossed through a field and found beer check at Hugh’s friend Jim’s house on Pearl St. Hugh really has a way with men! This guy let us invade his yard, use his bathroom and cooked us a bunch of food! Trail was 3.33 miles according to Occasional Rapist’s GPS.
Religion was in the medical office complex across the street from the bar. Accuprick was RA, and Occasional Rapist was Beer Fairy. Dirty Dolmas and Twat did you Say? were punished for short cutting trail. Wicked Retahted was called up for doing reverse cowgirls on the saddle at the bar. Ralph Crammed-In was punished as a backslider and for being so damned skinny. Yours truly, Shallow Hole, was also punished for being a backslider since I missed 2 weeks while traveling. Pink Cherry Licker made accusations of shitty markings on trail. There was also an accusation of an assassination attempt by dog leash. Twat did you Say? got tangled up in Nippleless Butt’s leash. dBASED accused her of not running fast enough. Twisted Fister was accused of being a wino drinking on the railroad tracks. See what hashing will do to you? Phyllis Driller was not seen on trail, but showed up at the end. Accuprick thanked Jim, or beer check host. Hugh made him cum! He said he was from Surf City, NJ. It’s a town on Long Beach Island. It’s a cool place. My friends and I rented a house there for vacation many years ago and we tripped out on the beach.
dBASED was congratulated on his 575th hash! He was ecstatic. Can’t you see the excitement on his face? And last but not least, the Hares………………….
See all you Wankers on Thursday at Salsa’s on Mt Hermon Road in Scotts Valley. The place was formally known as KFC.
Hash 726 started off at the Creepy Place once again. Puff was haring with Dung Fu Grip (Resident Back Check Bitch). We knew that religion would be at their house, but beer check would not. With Puff setting trail, Thmp Thmp took over as Hash Flash but was willing to put in the absolute minimal effort. This meant hanging the camera around his neck and pressing the button at random intervals. As a result we have a series of pictures at that most flattering angle of looking up from bellybutton height.
We headed out south on Soquel Avenue where we found a series of checks and back checks with no particular relationship to one another. Somehow we sorted our way through that mess into several construction sites and almost down to Capitola Road. A back check sent us down an ally and into the Seabright neighborhood. We headed down toward Arroyo Gultch. I was trembling, for this is where I once met my most dangerous nemesis, a ferocious snake (or a twig connected to some fishing line caught on my shoe, depending on how you look at it). Luckily we all had our flashlights, except for Phyllis Driller who reports to have excellent night vision.
As we made our way down into the Harbor, the FRBs followed what I hear was a particularly diabolical YBF up into some shiggy. Maybe up a mountain? I don’t know. I’m not a fucking FRB. All I know is that all of us doing a comfortable pace found the little space in the fence that headed toward Oceanview park. We could hear echoes of “R U?” coming from Timmy in the Harbor bellow, but no matter how many time we said “On On,” he didn’t seem to hear us. It was his favorite part of the trail.
We went up through the park where Phyllis decided to peace out. I guess using all of that night vision was taxing on the body. She went on for dinner. The rest of us persevered back into the neighborhood to find beer check. All we knew was that it was definitely not at Puff’s house. Timmy caught up and bitched a lot.
We found beer check, it was……..at Puff’s House. Or rather on the other side of Hugh’s Truck in Puff’s driveway. But we couldn’t be mad about the technicality because awaiting us at religion was a buffet of veggies, cheese, bread, and chocolate cheese cake. Yummy yummy cheese cake.
There were down downs. We sang some silly songs. It was Twat’s birthday. dBASED had returned from the 3rd world. We all got to sit in lawn chairs.
After religion some people headed over to 007 and ran into some familiar faces.
The stoners never made it out of the driveway.
Pink Cherry Licker