Monthly Archives: April 2014

Hash #738

Hash #738

This week we started of at Tacos Moreno in 13916046232_c43952e250_bCrapitola. There was a special on pitchers, $10 and that includes chips and salsa, if you’re willing to wait half an hour to get a glass. We had a few visitors from the south, Scalded Squirrel and Bromancing the Mangina. The got to enjoy another beautiful spring evening here in Surf City.
The trail started of with a check that took us over to the mall, where we searched in vain, finding only dead ends and old shopping carts. Finally someone dodged traffic back across Capitola Road to find trial going that way. Did it make sense? Not really, but we found it. From there trail wound around the neighborhood. There were a bunch of “Amanda Jackson-Miller for school board” signs on people’s lawns. Fuckedoverfest dubbed her “Amanda Action Jackson). (But on a serious note please vote for her if you live in the Soquel School district. She likes schools and kids and learning and she’d running against a crazy-tea-party-nut-bag who doesn’t believe in public education and pushes her dog around the neighborhood in a stroller).
13939404834_09cfd5090f_bFrom there we headed down into Capitola Village. There was a false down at the end of the 13915770986_f1b6664b9e_bpier and even though they knew there was nowhere that trail could go, Dog Breath urged Twisted Fister to keep going down to the end. Maybe there was a liquor check. Maybe they were supposed to jump off the end and swim. Nope. It was a false. The liquor check turned out to be on the stairs going up from the beach. It was Malibu rum. Mmmmmm….tastes like sin screen and hangover.
We went up the stairs, across the railroad tracks, and into the jewel box for a bit, before 13939101184_df7841904e_bending up at beer check. As I strolled up with the rest of the DFLs (and found that Fap Jack had squirreled me away a Mike’s, yay) everyone kept asking, “Where’s 13938493815_6c5794d07c_bAcuprick?” We hadn’t seen him since the beginning of trail. Wicked Retahted was missing too, but that was no surprise. I said that Accu was probably hanging out with his BFF, but others were skeptical until we arrived at beer check and there they were. All of Surf City should know by now that Accuprick and Wicked Rethated are thick as thieves. Accu’s story goes that he wanted to give Wicked a chance to be a leader and read the marks. That went about as well as you’d think it might and they wandered around lost for a bit before heading over to beer check.
Religion was held at the house of a friend of Occasional Rapist. Thmp Thmp passed out our new happicoats! They are awesome. We had two analversaries, Cumcerto at 50 and Thmp Thmp at 125. We had a naming, a13915344112_5f5c1cf46f_bnd Just Janna will forever be known as Hooker on Kronix, Bitch. dBASED totally fucked it up in the Hash Count, but it’s still a very cool name. He left out the most important part, the comma! We decided early in the naming, that whatever the name it would be followed by, bitch. Dung Fu Grip decided to reward our host with a song “Her, her. Thank her,” and DogBreath rewarded him with a full beer dumped over the head. Then Dung Fu shivered. And the Hares! dBASED and Occasional Rapist were brought up for their shitty trail.13915090632_463bc88fc2_b
On, on, on was back at Taco’s Morenos.13914920751_6553161d12_b

On on,

Lampshade Hash Trash #736

The trio of hares for this hash, Pink Cherry Licker (PCL), Shallow Hole and Twisted Fister had us start at the Red Room downtown. By the time the hares had left for trail, the bar was packed! It was a great turnout, and most hasher’s did don some type of head gear that represented some type of lampshade. Wet Fereal Pussy was the most creative, and it fit her name (and her profession). Lot’s of people got creative in their style of decor. We had 4 new virgins: Aaron, Nancy, Marisol and Jeremiah! It was nice to see a few backslider’s also like Finger Nips, New Kids on my Cock, Hairy Potter and Choka Cola! Trail proceeded down the Pacific Mall by New Leaf and then toward’s the levee, on the far side down Soquel toward’s–you guessed Riverside Lighting & Electric, for our anal Lampshade Photo Check.  We had instructions at each check where a small lampshade cup type thing had written instructions of what to do. At the photo check there was red plastic dixie cups that we’re passed out. Why? I got excited, I thought wow already we get a drink treat. But alas we just carried the damn thing. Running with a lampshade can be challenging to say the least, so many of us wanker’s did the walking thing. We headed toward’s San Lorenzo park down by the courthouse, past over Water and continued on the Levee until close to the Prison where we had Liquor Check. There was a giant ass Sky Vodka Bottle, and the first thing I thought was, I wish there was juice to chase it with.  I mean what was all the fuss about wasting a red plastic cup anyhow? We can just swig from the bottle like we always do. Well in the end there was juice (what kind we’ll never know) but apparently we didn’t read the instructions enough or the chalk signs, as well before LC there was chalk signage telling us where the juice was (in a bush?). We then proceeded towards the Sash Mill, and up over the foot bridge over Hwy 1 (by Holy Cross Church). Once we crossed the bridge we realized BC must be near as we thought oh PCL lives close by! Sure enough that is where BC was! We all gathered in the dark in her yard drinking into merriment in our lampshade get-ups. I measured ~ 2.5 miles, my trail map does not include the long ass walk back to Religion which was on top of the River Street Garage. Cuff my Muff was RA and her beer fairy Hairy Potter. First up to the alter was Dung-Fu Grip, to celebrate his analversary with sch3 50th Hash!, and to suck down some beer with chips for flavor out of his brand new vans! Yeah man! Other analversaries was Wicked Retahted’s 69th Hash with us! Finger Nips, drum role please, 175Th hash run with surf city! Get a life, get a life,  get a life life life!! OK and then the namings. Just Mike and Just Daniel it was both their 5th Hashes with us. So we started with Just Daniel, many names we’re offered but in the end we chose, “Giant ASexual”! As it was discovered he likes the Giants and the A’s! Welcome to hash my man. Unfortunately (or maybe its  good thing) Just Mike’s naming was shelved, too much information to name two in one night we like to take our sweet time! Next up the Virgins! Aaron said a joke I think, Nancy sang some song? Marisol told a joke too, but funniest thing of all was Jeremiah whom added “What is orange in the front, hairy in the back, and beautiful all over?” Then he dropped his drawers and showed us his orange cloth and white ass! LOL, a hasher is born. And the Hares! Thanks for the fun! On on we went to Woodfire Pizza where we made so much noise at our table we almost got kicked out, Trivia was going on, LOL, shhhhit.

On On see you wanker’s at Bocci’s Cellar tonight!

Occasional Rapist

Hash Trash # 737 on April 10, 2014

737bridgeOur Hares Ralph-U-Crammed-In and dBASED summoned the pack to Bocci’s Cellar.  dBASED appeared to be in a supporting role this week.  Back slider, Diddler on the Roofie returned!  He claimed that work was interfering with hashing.  Lame excuse dude!  We had a Virgin.  Virgin Don met the hash in Scotts Valley on Conference Road.  He heard us having Religion and came out of his driveway to see what all the ruckus was about.  Someone offered him a beer, and instead of calling the cops, he decided to join us this week.  Banana Basher made his second appearance in the past month!  It was Just Mike’s 6th hash and was up for naming this week.

You heard the story about the tortoise and the hare, right?  Well this is the story of the hare that was the tortoise.  There was not just one, but three hare snarings.  The customary 15 minute lead time was apparently not enough.  Surf City usually does live trails.  However, this was the case where a pre-lay would’ve been the way to go.

The pack followed flour on Encinal Street, and then headed towards Harvey West Park.  We followed flour through the park into the woods.

737fenceThe hares ignored the “closed trail” sign and continued on a single track trail, over a bridge to the end of Meadow road.  There was a big 6 foot chain link fence blocking the exit.  Dung Fu Grip’s first instinct was to climb the fence.  He got yelled at by a neighbor.  Luckily the fence was movable, and hashers got through without climbing it.  During all the fence fiasco, Dung Fu Grip snared the hares.  The guy who yelled at Dung Fu knew Puff, so he didn’t call the cops.  The pack waited a bit to give the hares some time to get away, then proceeded down Meadow road, left on Sheldon Ave, left on Highland.  As the FRB’s were going down the hill, we spotted the hares for the second time.  Everybody hung out waiting for the hares to get away.  The stoners got stoned.  Dog Breath had time to do 25 sit ups.  After about 10 minutes, the pack continued down the hill to High Street, down the trail back to Coral Street.  The trail continued down Coral Street to the railroad tracks to Pioneer Street.  Non-runners, Banana Basher and Wicked Retahted caught Ralph-U-Crammed-In on Pioneer Street.  He handed them the flour and they finished marking the trail to Beer Check at the end of Pioneer Street.

Religion was at the usual spot on Pioneer Street by the railroad tracks.  Accuprick was RA and Shiny Snail Trail was Beer Fairy.  Diddler on the Roofie was called up for being a backslider.  Broke Bench Mountain was called up for not doing trail.  He’s been dieting and did a “real run” to burn more calories.  Watch out!  He may turn into a racist!  Dog Breath made some false accusations.  What else is new?  Shiny Snail Trail, Occasional Rapist and Yours Truly were called up to perform the African Donkey Dick Dance we made up on trail.  Virgin Don said we all made him cum and sang a song.  Welcome to the hash.  Second Cumming was called up for thinking today was Easter Sunday.  Accuprick reoriented her to time and place.  Dung Fu Grip, Cumcerto and Yours Truly were called up for snaring the hares.  Thmp-Thmp was rewarded for chivalry on trail.  He helped hashers and Nippleless Butt over a fence.  Just Carolyn was called up for being a sissy.  She got cramps and couldn’t finish trail.  She met up with Banana Basher and Wicked Retahted in the cemetery and told incriminating stories about Shiny Snail Trail.  Finger Nips was called up to tell the pack about some type of weed she smoked that gave her a 2 hour orgasm.  Hot Damn!  Hugh Heifer, Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp represented Surf City at Silicone Valley’s Red Dress Run last weekend and lived to tell about it.

737namingWe had a successful .  He will be forever known as Hertz Indianus!  Welcome to the hash!







And last but not least, The Hares………………………







On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash #735 The Bridges of Santa Cruz County

13521790725_63f064fa16_bLast week we met at the end of some road in Scott’s Valley. We jammed out to Electric Labia Land’s mini speaker and did our best to drain the trough before the trail began. Some folks we hadn’t seen in awhile showed up, Cum Lord, Slownad, The Human Pube, Shiny Snail Trail (with her mom, Virgin Carolyn), Achy Breaky Snatch, Fucked -Overfest, and three visitors who were taking a class in Monterey, Virgin Maxine, Virgin Chris, and Cock Chaser (known to his virgins as Cock Follower).
We headed down a dirt path, into the woods.13521422003_95a59a6418_b After coming back from a false, we climbed up a horrible muddy hill before discovering that trail actually went down an easy little road. That was the end of the trail being easy as we headed up and down, up and down, on a trail that wound around through the woods. We crossed a creek several times, avoided poison oak, and tried not to fall in the mud.
13521090653_faefe2efb5_bWe passed many points of interest, marked by numbers. Unfortunately, our hares, D’BASED and Occasional Rapist, failed to hand out the trail guide. I did some research and here are some of the things you could have seen. 19- Chinese Redwood: There are three species of redwood tree. This is a dawn redwood, indigenous to China. 18 -The Lover’s Trees: If you look up at these two tree they form the shape of a heart. 17: This tree was burnt in a fire in the 70’s. You can see how the middle of the tree has been consumed by fire, and the bark still survives. 16-Poison Oak Glen: Why not have a frolic? 15-Look carefully and you can see symbols carved into this tree by hobos in the 1930’s. Most of them were driven out of these parts after the Great Hobo Uprising of 1941. 14- Harry Love’s Grove: This grove was a favorite spot of Captain Harry Love, head of the first law enforcement agency in California and name sake of Love Creek. He kept a man’s head in a jar on his desk. 13- See that tree? No you don’t, because it has a cloak of invisibility. 12 – It’s that plant from Little Shop of Horrors, feed him, Seymour! 11- This tree is very tall. 10- This tree is very tall, but not quite as tall as number 11. 9 – General Hooker’s Tree: Civil War soldiers used to pick up prostitutes at this tree. Not during the war, because that wasn’t fought here, but later probably. 8- Stargate: Pretty self explanatory, it’s a portal to ancient Egypt or something. 7- Tanbark Oak: The Ohlone Indians ate the acorns from this tree. But don’t try them without cooking them first or they are poison! Aren’t you glad you have a pamphlet to tell you what is poisonous? It would be irresponsible to sent people out into the woods without this pamphlet. 6 – This is a good place to hide in the event of some sort of zombie plague. 5- Haunted Campsite. 4 – There is no 4. 3 – This tree was saved from loggers by some fairies. They made a movie about it called Furn Gully.
After going past all of the numbered tress (which you are now well versed in) we found ourselves in some sort of amazing Christian summer camp. There was a fantastic ropes course hanging from the trees. I’m surprised Dung Fu Grip wasn’t up there immediately. Actually, I don’t know that he wasn’t because I was miles behind by that point, but I didn’t hear about it and he doesn’t have any plunging related injuries so I assume it didn’t happen. But we all wanted to.
We finally found ourselves in the perfect13520071565_41d2952bff_b setting for a horror movie, a summer camp in the off season at night. But it was really nice. They have a water slide and fancy outdoor lighting. And Canoes. We circle jerked around there for awhile, crossing many, many bridges,





13517814734_6f53b680a6_bbefore finally making it to beer check, back near that awful muddy hill.
Religion was back at the start. Timmy was RA and I was his beer fairy. We had three Virgins. Virgin Maxine told a joke, Virgin Chris showed us his butt, and Virgin Caroline showed us her tits. People drank for other things. A good time was had by all. On on on was at Salsa’s, home of the Giant Burrito!

See you all at the Red Room for the Lamp Shade Run!