Puff the Magic Drag Queen here, resurrected as Scribe once again. Scribe Shallow Hole was a co-hare and we learned long ago not to allow a hare to concoct the Trash for their own trail. Invariably, they sing the praises of a trail they contend will be emulated for years to come. Another of our Scribe Triad, that being the Illustrated Woman, Cock Throbbin’, is somewhere back in the sweltering East visiting her parents. Note they only wish to see her once a year and even then not for very long. That leaves naught but our flamed-headed heroine Ho To Housewife. Rumor Central has two theories as to her absence this week. First, she has reputedly contracted shingles. She is far too young for such a malady but if she were to have them it would obviously be due to her piss-poor diet. The most accepted cure for this ailment is chicken noodle soup. I have a large assortment using many varieties of that fowl creature. Respond to this Trash, H2H, and I’ll bring my favorite over. The second possible cause for her unexcused absence is said to be a STD. If this is true, we now know what she does on those nights she’s not out getting drunk with her kennel mates.
Most any disease would be preferable to having attended Trail 804 in the wilds of Henry Cowell Redwood State Park off (closed) Highway 9. We were not the only group of hoodlums assembled there though. Mountain bikers from far and wide descended on this remote outpost to destroy the environment believing no Rangers will bother driving up a closed road. We met a group from San Jose that had just completed their search-and-destroy mission and were on their way into Santa Cruz for beers. Well, at least they had SOME redeeming social value.
We had a fair-sized pack and I could only hope enough of them survived to have a decent Religion. Just Mirit has decided to forgo hashing for a year and move to Singapore. So what does she do on her last hash? Why, bring a Virgin of course. This goes to illustrate our old adage: A half of a mind is all it takes. Hot Wheels, one of dBASED’s two (known) offsprings, drove himself to the hash as he no longer wishes to be associated with his old man. In that case, Hot Wheels better get a car big enough to carry everyone in the pack with the possible exception of dBASED’s (second) wife Occasional Rapist. Cumfart Zone showed up after a missed week wearing little more than a bra above the waist. Just Tom stared off into space and just smiled. Just Nate and Just Stephanie stood around with sheepish grins on their faces trying not to doing anything extraordinarily stupid as this is their fifth hash and a naming ceremony is in their immediate future. Just Foot Pussy and Bacon Queef have returned to the fold after their honeymoon to Alaska and Hawaii. I’m certain they are now finding out what the expression ‘The honeymoon is over’ really means. Conspicuous in her absence was Princess Di(arrhea). Thmp-Thmp was somewhat vague as to why she chose not to attend but claimed it was not a pattern to be repeated again anytime soon. Maybe she has the same ailment Ho To Housewife has contracted.
While the pack was left unsatisfied, at least it prompted the hares to finally leave.
There can be precious little details related about trail as we simply followed the Rincon Road Trail to the depths of the San Lorenzo River Gorge. There were a number of river crossings on the Eagle Trail.
Here we see but a few of the dangerous traversals of the San Lorenzo River the clan was coerced into. As if they are not inherently dangerous enough on their own merits, you can see Cumcerto carrying the leftover from Liquor Check, a bottle she sucked on profusely herself I might add. She began swaying as if she was becoming unhinged from this earth and Just Foot Pussy flew to her rescue. Of course all he did was take the bottle from her and left her to fend for herself in the raging river.
There was poison oak aplenty. Below is the front bumper of TIMMY’s truck. Even the parking lot was inundated with this frequent visitor to the hash. We should probably give poison oak a hash name and be done with it!
Beer Check, while scenic, was again marred by Dung-Fu Grip and Dog Breath shedding their clothing and splashing around like Cro Magnon man undoubtedly did when he was covered in fleas. Mercifully, we were spared the triple-header due to the absence of Sharticle Physics. Sharticle probably wouldn’t even have put his clothes on for the trip back to the start.
Speaking of the trip back to the start, it was the Turkey Trail in reverse. And, even worse, uphill damn near the entire way. I’m not sure if this illustrates poor planning or simple vindictiveness on the part of the hare-pair and I don’t really care because they both amounted to the same thing from the pack’s point of view.
Back near the start, Religion was convened with TIMMY acting as Religious Adviser and Puff the Magic Drag Queen as his Beer Fairy.
Above we see these two ancient fools conferring as to whom should be reamed first. Ultimately, it was decided everyone in attendance showed poor judgement simply by driving way-the-hell up here so everyone deserved a down-down.
Here’s a quick down-down recap: dBASED for disappearing into the forest at the very first check and missing both Liquor Check as well as Beer Check, (how rare!); Dog Breath and Dung-Fu Grip for another of their infamous skinny-dipping expositions; Fap Jack who managed to shed blood on trail; Cumcerto received a No Life Award for completing her 75th hash with us; Just Mirit was given a farewell down-down, she’s off to Singapore to teach, I feel sorry for her students; Virgin Brad was welcomed, then we found out he’s from LA and just came up to ‘visit’ Mirit, good-bye Brad. Okay, now it’s time for Nate and Stephanie’s naming ceremony. Nate, who said pussy is his favorite food (I wonder if Stephanie knew that?) and his favorite animal is a rat (yuk!) pretty much named himself. Allow me to introduce…..
However, poor Stephanie. She spends so little time with her kennel mates, (she told me she’s scared of most of them) that we were unable to concoct a moniker for this little monkey so she remains…….
The Dreary Lass
And the hares…
Shallow Hole received a patch for horribly haring 25 trails for us. She was told this would suffice for a long time and she need not sign up at AGM this year for so damn many trails.
On-on-on was reputedly to be at Bocci’s Cellar but the place was jammed with a country band in the restaurant and a burlesque (!) show in the outdoor dining area.
By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty “G”, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-eighth day of June in the year of our Hash two-thousand fifteen.
Puff the Magic Drag Queen
Surf City H3