Monthly Archives: December 2015

Trail 832 – Surf City and FHAC-U Joint Hash on 12/17/15

Christmas Lights

Trail 832 brought coast-side Surf City hashers over the hill and through the woods to inland Los Gatos for a joint with FHAC-U. Don’t get too excited if you missed it, we didn’t all smoke the peace pipe together, we simply drank, searched and ate together. The event was hosted at the home of FHAC-U’s Worm, who will likely never invite us again if he’s smart.

On Trail

Trail was concocted by Surf City’s Accuprick and FHAC-U’s Drint-N-Squirt and was nothing more than a wiggly figure 8. Trail immediately went downhill, both figuratively and literally. As we were going downhill I literally said “Car Back” to dBASED and another hasher at least 6 times. They were so engrossed in conversation I had to run by them saying “there is still a car behind you” to get their attention. I don’t think it was my words that got their attention more than it was that I was passing them. This whole time, I thought it was only my husband that never hears a word I say.

Inside Black Watch

We dropped down by a school and took a trail behind the field over into the neighborhoods behind downtown before hitting our first bar stop, The Black Watch where we all received a personal kamikaze. If you don’t know about The Black Watch, they are famous for their pitchers of kamikazes and it’s a cool, dirty bar with some dart boards in the back. After ruining ever mortal’s life with an absolutely horrible version of the 12 Days of Hashing we set out on trail again.

Inside Carry Nations

Trail took us right down the middle of downtown Los Gatos where Surf City hashers drunkenly ran the streets singing Shallow Hole’s “we don’t care” because we don’t live there and don’t know anyone! Our hares crossed back over their trail and took us for a pint at Carry Nation’s. With all this alcohol flowing shit is a little hazy but I’m pretty sure we sang Today is Monday before leaving these mortals stunned and repulsed.

So Much Food

The whole gang reconvened at Worm’s and started feasting in on the food everyone brought for the potluck. There was seriously so much food and I for one left with a slightly rounder tummy.


The hit of the evening was the gift exchange. If you weren’t there I’m sure you can imagine the plethora of dick, tit and ass themed presents brought by hashers. The gift that stole the show though, was the cock painted by PCL which went home with Just Foot Pussy and Bacon Queef. I cannot even begin to describe it in words, so thank goodness for Puff and his trusty camera.

On-On, may the hash go in peace

Hash 830 – Toys for Tots

This week the hash really had balls! Lots and lots of balls!

Balls! Lots of Balls!
Balls! Lots of Balls!

Balls for the children to kick and juggle! The annual toys for tots was upon us and the hares, Summer’s yeast, Stub Rub and Fifth hole got the party started at JJ’s where Finger Nips was sharing her willie warmers with the crowd, in this cold weather I hope they can handle the shrinkage!

A bunch of wankers
A bunch of wankers

After some drinks and some group pictures that even managed to get the elusive Puff who stays behind the camera, we wandered over to Redz and dropped off the toys. Then trail really started, leading us pretty quickly to a YBF at main and soquel. Once we got back on trail we wandered through a nice neighborhood and had a Liquor Check in the dark forest and we almost ended up in a river! A  hare arrow from Dung Fu looked a lot like “JPF” and we thought Just Foot Pussy forgot his own name (not entirely surprising). We carried on through neighborhoods before finally making it back to Redz where the party really got started!

Shady and the spread
Shady and the spread

Shout out to Summers Yeast for letting us do beer check and religion in her salon and tarnish the fine establishment! The cheese, crackers and various other snacks were great!

Religion was a shit show. Poor dung-fu could not quiet our loud asses!

Shady Curtains was our beer fairy since he is leaving to Narnia soon *insert going back into the closet joke here*  and we will miss him dearly! Hugh Heifer got a down down for abandoning her coat in a bowling alley at North-South but she will get it back in due time. Ho to Housewife and Dog Breath were given down downs for playing in puddles.

Nips and Virgin Phil
Nips and Virgin Phil

We also had a Virgin! Virgin Phil who Accuprick picked up at JJ’s, a fellow rugby player. He fit right in with his song knowledge, turns out Rugby playing and hashing go hand in hand! He also reminded me of the awful performance given by Russel Crowe in Les Miserables the movie. We also discovered he lost his virginity in an el camino. Virgin Phil also serenaded Wicked Rehtaded and the other lazy bastards who didn’t run trail!

Just Foot Pussy bled on trail and

And the hares!
And the hares!

Fifth hole also earned her first Haring patch!

Dbased got his 669th hash (Get a life!) and Cumfart Zone hit the 25 mark! On-after happened was at Tampico’s and it appears some willie warmer modeling happened. Fhac U is next week and I am sad I will not be seeing you hashers until next year! Happy Fucking Holidaze Wankers!




Pussy Wood

Trail 829 – The day after Thanksgiving

Inside The Med
Inside The Med

Trail 829 was held on a Friday this year, due to Thanksgiving. We all showed up WAY TOO EARLY at The Med in Aptos for a daylight trail. I saw crusty eyes, hungover faces and round bellies all from the day before. Why did we hash so effing early you ask? Because some hash animals were heading down to Paso Robles for North-South, a bi-annual hash event. Wait, does that mean twice a year or every other year? Whatever…. No one reads this shit anyway.


Visitors LCD PoundFist'Em and Just Zach on the tracks
Visitors LCD PoundFist’Em and Just Zach on the tracks

Hares Twisted Fister and Thmp-Thmp took off and the pack soon followed. They started us out on the tracks and then zig-zagging through the neighborshoods before dropping us down on Seacliff Beach by the RVs. There may have been an uncapped false, but I’m not pointing any fingers. Ok, I am… and there WERE uncapped falses. We stayed along the water, dodging tourists before going up the stairs right before crossing the bridge to Rio Del Mar.


On Up!
On Up!

Once at the top of the stairs, we were taken almost directly to Casa de Accuprick for beer near where we were fed hot peppers like candy and a little debauchery happened in the shed. If you didn’t make it into the shed, better luck next time asshole. Dog Breath was the only hasher dumb enough to pop a handful of peppers into his mouth, he was gifted an array of habaneros and serranos to light up his mouth, He quickly reached for a beer, but not before he turned bright red and almost puked.


Casa de Accu
Casa de Accu

We left Accu’s and headed to religion back behind The Med where our awesome near beer wagon was parked, courtesy of Deadliest Snatch and Rat Pussy. Since we normally hash in the evenings many of us had not seen, or noticed our old-school beer-mobile. Every hasher wanted to take their picture with that beast. Thank GOODNESS California does a smog check, I bet that thing barely passed!


This isn't sideways, you're drunk
This isn’t sideways, you’re drunk

Down-downs were given for stupid acts on trail. Of course, Dog Breath was awarded one for his pepper eating. We kept him up there for another down down for his 250th hash and he shared the spot light with PCL who celebrated her 150th Surf City hash. We also had two visitors, LCD PoundFist’em and Just Zach, from Portland, Maine.


Happy Analversary!
Happy Analversary!

A bunch of half-minds were in a hurry to get down south for the tapping of the kegs so we wrapped it up and sent them on their way.


Adios Assholes!
Adios Assholes!

Hash Trash # 827: AGM on 11/12/15

827agmHappy New Year Wankers!  Welcome to year # 15 of the Surf City H3.  According to Puff, 43 Hashers attended AGM at El Palomar this year.  Even Phyllis Driller made it out!  I don’t think she signed up to hare any trails.  Clownmydia was visiting from Portland.  It was cool to hear insider stories about the making of InterAm.  It was an epic event and a bunch of Surf City hashers were lucky enough to be there.  1500 hashers drank 302 kegs of beer and the damage bill from the hotel was only $5000!  Pretty damn impressive!

827haresOutgoing GMs Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp were Hares.  Trail wasn’t much to write about.  It was so damn short, that my GPS didn’t have time to sink up.  It was around 1.5 miles around downtown Santa Cruz.  Religion was at Oswald’s parking garage.  Accuprick was RA and Peddofiddler was Beer Fairy.  Outgoing GMs Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp got a thank you down down.  A bunch of hashers drank for being short cutters.  Give me a break!  Visitors Clownmydia and Tongue Job were welcomed to the hash.  Banana Basher, Tiny Wanker, Just Foot Pussy, Dirty Dolmas, Dog Breath, Shameless Butt Plug, Pearl Necklace, and Snapping Twat drank for being backsliders.  TIMMY!!! celebrated his 500th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  There was a boob and package check upon arrival to the top of the parking garage.  All the non-flashers were punished with a down down.  Too many to count.  Dog Breath and Ho to Housewife drank for being prone to beastiality.  Ho to Housewife saved a skunk and didn’t get sprayed.  I am told there are skunk classes you can take.  I think I’ll pass.  Shameless Butt Plug, Pussy Wood, dBASED and Wicked Retahted drank for weak bladders and pissing on trail.  And the Hares…….. 827gmdowndown

Afterward, we all went back to El Palomar for the festivities.  We ate a bunch of food, drank 22 pitchers of beer and 26 pitchers of margaritas!  We spent a moment remembering Last Call Norm who passed away earlier this year, then relived the year of shitty trails with an awesome photo slideshow.  With a tear in our eyes, we waved good bye to the outgoing GM’s 827gmsPrincess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp and ushered in new GMs Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack and a new group of mismanagement.  Cheers to Rat Pussy, Deadliest Snatch and Pussy Wood for taking up mismanagement positions this year!  It takes a village to run the hash.



Here is your new Mismanagement:        

GMs- Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack

Beermeister- Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch

Hare Raiser- Twisted Fister

Haberdasher- Occasional Rapist

On-Sec- dBASED

Social Sec- Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di(arrhea)

Scribes- Shallow Hole, Ho to Housewife and Pussy Wood

Religious Advisors- Dung Fu Grip and Accuprick


Best Trail:  #813 Dung Fu Grip and Ho to Housewife- Sinking ship across Antonelli Pond

Worst Trail: #780 Ho to Housewife and Dog Breath’s 7 mile trail with the crazy lady with the gun.

Stupidest Act:  dBASED for talking about an orgy during the eulogy at Last Call Norm’s funeral in front of her family.

Biggest Wanker:  Wicked Retahted

It may have been a coincidence, but mysteriously a large group of hashers who attended AGM received a lovely parting gift of a nasty cold.  Blame the cold weather, sharing of down down cups, or maybe even a nameless restaurant worker.  We all got sick and it sucked balls!

On On,

Shallow Hole