Monthly Archives: March 2016

Hash 845 – St. Paddy’s Day

Let’s start by saying Severino’s is way too classy for our crew.

A sight that made the poor servers want to quit

A sight that made the poor servers want to quit

I don’t think older people have ever looked so scornful and ashamed for my generation as they did when I walked across the floor in front of their little jazz band set up in my lepre-pussy shirt, tiny kilt and beer socks. Actually, upon further thought, I think Just Foot Pussy showing his gigantic ass bruise on the back patio probably brought more shame.

The lepre-pussy's! Matching shirts planned, matching beer socks was just luck of the irish!

The lepre-pussy’s! Matching shirts planned, matching beer socks was just luck of the irish!

Accuprick and Thmp thmp our hares led us all over the place! We pissed off an old man because traffic signals are hard! There were mudslides (not the alcoholic kind) rather the kind that took Genital tongs down on her ass (I guess the alcoholic kind could do that too). There were shamrock shakes at liquor check and that was pretty awesome! What wasn’t awesome was not finding trail when we hit the check at the end of the rail road tracks. Apparently they swear there was some at the gas station (we never verified so its probably lies).

 

Despite it all, we managed to make it to beer check at Deadliest Snatch and Rat Pussy’s place!

Beer check thanks to Deadliest Snatch and Rat Pussy!

Beer check thanks to Deadliest Snatch and Rat Pussy!

They had some amazing stew, corned beef and cabbage, jello shots and all sorts of goodness for us including a salamander! (maybe I’m the only one who gave a shit about that)

We managed to make it over to religion in the parking lot of the palo alto medical foundation. There was a slight change of rules, no beer fairy, just Dung fu chucking beer at people if they chucked beer on him with Brokebench of course being the first to test these rules.First down down was for those who didn’t even get as far as making first liquor check (pathetic!). The Betty Ford wankers who got to experience the final drunken bacteria-filled Jacuzzi fuck fest got their down downs. Apparently doing trail is not even involved because dBased was the only one to do trail and everyone else knew the rules that you never follow dBased.

Betty ford wankers!

Betty ford wankers!

We found out just how old Hangs Loose was because he could not manage to internet properly, I bet if Puff’s hash flash link said “spam titties” he would have found it no problem. Down downs were then given toCumfart Zone and Vaginal Repair Kit who got the free crossfit beer, I personally try to stay away from that sort of activity. We were then blessed with two virgins! Virgin Minnie and Virgin Laura. Virgin Laura made a big impression on Banana Basher by threatening his manhood the first time they met and will TEMPORARILY be known as “just the Big O” if she can manage to stick around long enough to earn it (or something worse!). The night just kept getting better from there as we got to see shamrock pasties on some of our harriettes Bacon Queef and Occasional Rapist. To top that Puff seems to be suffering from dementia because he surprised and concerned us all by wearing brand new shoes! And he drank out of both. Gross! Lucky for you if you didn’t make it this week you can watch a video of it here:

Hash 845

The backsliders of which there were many, drank their down downs. And last and actually probably least the hares!

What is thmp thmp reaching for in there?

What is thmp thmp reaching for in there?

This week stay tuned for some Zombie Jesus debauchery with me and Electric Labia Land!

On on,

Pussy Wood

 

 

Hash Trash # 844 on 3/10/16

844haresThis week’s hash was the Betty Ford Prelube Hash. GM’s Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack promised a short trail and did not disappoint.  A bunch of wankers had to get up early to drive to Palm Springs. We started at Tampico downtown. How short was it?  I got < 2 miles.  It was so short that I didn’t break a sweat.  Poon Doggie wasn’t even tired!  A significant portion of the mileage was a very mean YBF down the entire wharf!  I was ¾ of the way down when the FRB’s came back and proclaimed the bad news.  After all, we ALL know it’s a dead end!  Why did Dung Fu Grip, Ho to Housewife, Steamy Baanorrhea, yours truly and several others fall for the evil trick?  We thought there might be a beer or liquor check.  Them!  Them!  Fuck Them!  Beer Check was replaced by a Mojito Check and was located in the little park near the entrance of Neary Lagoon.844beercheck

Religion was on top of Oswald’s Parking Garage. Dung Fu Grip was RA.  Rat Pussy was Beer Fairy.  First down down was to all the hashers (Hugh Heifer, Occasional Rapist, dBASED, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Hangs Loose and Poon Doggie) who braved the rain last weekend to attend Silicon Valley’s 1000th Hash.  Steamy Baanorrhea, Ho to Housewife, and Dung Fu 844jizzGrip drank for doing the entire YBF.  At least the guys were treated to a boob check, so it wasn’t a total loss.  Twat Did You Say? drank for not leaving the bar.  Hangs Loose drank for convincing some muggles to follow him down the pier.  He promised them beer.  They took off soon after because he lied.   Puff the Magic Drag Queen celebrated his 769th CONSECUTIVE Surf City hash!  Seriously dude, get a844cumfartzone life!  Jizziki celebrated his 60th birthday with a beer and terrible rendition of Happy Birthday Hash Song.   Cumfart Zone got called out for wearing new shoes.  You can tell form her expression that she really enjoyed drinking out of her shoe.  Will people ever learn?  Damn Halfminds!

844.shpdOn On,

Shallow Hole

Trail 843 – Post-trail shit show

JJs first photo

Trail 843 started off well enough at JJ’s Saloon in Soquel, a common start for the hash. We had been pounded with rain for days before and even got a teaser about an hour before trail. But really, how awesome was the sky and the DOUBLE FUCKING RAINBOW that we all saw on the way to the hash? Or at least those of us who were brave enough to face the rain. Our hares for the evening were Dung Fu and Twisted Fister. Twisted has been faking a hurt back and just spending all his time with Toilet Baby, training her to get beers from the fridge so we haven’t seen him too much lately.

Trail took us straight into the hills then directly into the shiggy. We were teased past the high school and got a cotton candy tasting nastiness LC early on trail. I took a sip of it but ditched the rest. This is also where I ditched Toilet Baby back with Twisted because despite the lies Twisted tries to tell you, she is not runner friendly… at least not with me.

On Up

After LC we hit the turkey-eagle split. Turkey trail went up the HUGE ASS HILL in blue balls park. We wrapped around then descended into some serious shiggy (There was a bitch out trail option for the sissies), where we had to use a rope to descend into a dry creek bed filled with trash and debris and probably some human poop only to have to pull ourselves out 100 yards later with another rope. Thankfully the king of the homeless camp was on top of the climb, supervising us.

Shiggy Shit

As we exited back out onto Soquel I thought for sure that trail was nearing an end as we had experienced some intensity on trail. Nope! We still had another 2 miles of circling around to complete before we ended up at beer check in Lion’s Park. Miraculously, no cops showed up! I was shocked, seeing that this was the longest beer check I have ever experienced in my life. People were missing, Dung Fu ran back and forth to the bar maybe twice looking for people before the pack decided to leave and head to religion.

Beer Check

Apparently, the extra time at beer check allowed for extra beers and BOY, oh BOY was it a shit-show at religion. Accu kept saying he wanted to get it over quick but hashers couldn’t focus for more then 30 seconds before getting into a side conversation with their drunk mate. Myself and Cock Throbbin almost made a mid-religion getaway, but how could I tell you tales of religion if I wasn’t there?

What can I tell you? Thmp-Thmp was our beer fairy for the evening, Princess let him wear the crown for a little while before rightfully taking it back. Moose Terd Pie was called up for something or another and gave us a drunk rambling of the landmark history of Soquel before being yanked back into circle. Bacon Queef celebrated her 50th hash with Surf City, happy 50th analversary… Get a Life! Right behind her was her hubs, Just Foot Pussy who was given a down down for hurting his pussy foot and hobbling along trail all gimpy and stuff. Wicked and Finger Nips were given a down down for being smart…. I mean… skipping beer check.

Vaginal Repair Kit

We even had a naming! Just TIm was given the name Vaginal Repair Kit for his handiness in repairing CumFartZone’s private jewelry with his contractor skills. We said goodbye to some out of town visitors that night too, who had to catch a 6:30am flight out of San Jose the next morning. Yes, their flight LEFT at 6:30am…. way too early for me… but they still came out to the hash!

The hares

Last order of business for the evening was the hares, who tried to kill us…. but we still love!