This last thursdays hash was just a circle jerk around town by our lazy hares New Kids on My Cock, HangsLoose and dBased. We started off at the Food Lounge where we were the only customers!
Trail was relatively straight forward from there around town until we found ourselves at the turkey eagle split where Turkeys found themselves at a rather far YBF. We could not recall the last check (we are still convinced it did not exist but New Kids claims it existed…lies!) I thought TIMMY was going to blow his lid he was so pissed at that. The Turkeys decision was to turn the fuck around and head over to Pono for a drink but miraculously we came upon trail coming down water street which led us right into the Rush Inn for beer check! We enjoyed a few pitchers there before making it over to religion on top of the cedar and locust street parking garage.
Rat Pussy stepped in as RA as it was a relatively small pack that night and we were lacking our usual RA’s and he chose Trans-Cunt-n-Anal as his beer fairy. The first tale from the trail which I rather enjoyed was Steamy Baaahnorhea’s discovery of a bag of shit on trail which he referred to as “salsa and tortilla chip” and Genital Tongs said the real liquor check was apparently hidden under the ass of a homeless lady – which Steamy confirmed was true with his “pornographic memory”.
dBased ended up getting a down down for that as he is apparently the one who placed the liquor check there for the homeless lady for “boofing” (look that up on urban dictionary). I am frankly rather glad I did not do Eagle, it seemed to be a shit show…literally. Genital Tongs also called herself out for blood on trail as she apparently started her period on trail. Turkeys did not even get a chance to find the liquor check because the trail was such a disaster! We were then able to move on to far more depressing affairs, like the fact that Puff hit 800 consecutive hashes, I mean shit! Get a life man!
We discussed some upcoming announcements, Fog City RDR happened on Saturday, PCL can no longer go on the Aids ride so feel free to go but the organizer has dropped out! We then sang happy birthday to our useless hares!
My first hash back after running around France and it sure was shitty!
Got things started off at Severino’s where the average age is 85 I would argue as I passed the lady with the eye patch and oxygen tank on the way to the bathroom. After taking the classyness of the joint down a couple notches we got things started. Our hares Accuprick, Little Anal Annie and Butt Balls were our hares. We went up to Soquel and crossed the road and got confused a bunch before finding trail leading us up to a trail into Nisene Marks.
We wandered around in the woods a bit but trail was short and sweet like this trash (my favorite) and we found beer check in a nice open area down below. PCL was running around marking people with chalky handprints and Dung fu was feeling cocky with his water gun. We left beer check and headed out and back in the direction of Severino’s to have Religion in the parking lot of the offices next door. Dung fu was our religious advisor and threatened people with his cock (scary stuff!). Vaginal Repair Kit was first up for blood on trail!
We had a couple of backsliders including myself (my bad). Broke Bench and Cumz out my Nose autohashed (lazy bastards!). There was an AWFUL singing of a new pirate song, the lyrics were wrong and it was bad, going to have to have a re-do on that and Courtesy Flush who printed them out was given a down down for the awful typos and trusting the internet. And of course, the hares got what they deserved! On on on was at Burger and things I am sure got out of hand there as well.
dBASED and Cum Fartzone summoned the pack to New Bohemia Brewing on 41st Ave in Capitola for this week’s hash. Since I did not attend, this hash trash is based on pure fiction, pictures, a Garmin map and one eyewitness report. I’m running a marathon in a week and I am paranoid about getting sick, hurt, or poison oak. Last time dBASED hared, he took the eagles bushwacking through a poison oak grove. Then there was that super shiggy trail in Aptos a while back where we had to climb through a creek bed. Occasional Rapist and Cums Out My Nose decided to skip the hash and take a painting class. Nice turtles ladies!
The Eagle trail was about 4 miles and went down 41st Avenue into the Jewel box. Harriettes ogling at young guys with no shirts on playing soccer in Jade Street Park. They staggered across 47th and shortcut through the trailer park to 49th. There was a liquor check in a small park above the railroad tracks. Trail continued down the trail along the tracks. Turkeys went down the steps and left on Wharf Road, Eagles went across the train trestle. Puff got separated from the pack by trying to get around the train trestle. They continued along the tracks all the way to Monterey Avenue, left onto Bay. There was some circle jerking around the neighborhood before going right on Riverview Drive and into Perry Park, across the bridges and up to Wharf Road where the Eagles rejoined the Turkeys. Trail went right on Wharf Road a short distance, crossed the street into some woods & did a steep on-up into the backside of the Toyota dealer on Auto Plaza Dr. and went left on 41st and behind the businesses. Not sure where beer check was since my eye witness lost trail at that point and went straight to religion across from New Bohemia. I suspect there was beer at beer check.
Timmy was RA. Genital Thongs complimented Dog Breath for doing a good job marking trail. Jizziki celebrated his 50th SCH3 hash! Get a life! Dog Breath got another down down for going back and trying to find Puff who was lost on trail. Luckily Puff is alive and well. And last but not least, the Hares………..