Our hares dBased and Jizziki took us on another Capitola Trail seeking to redeem itself from the worst trail of the year award. It appears that Trail # 884 may have already exceeded anyone and everyone’s expectations and is already in the running for an Academy Award for most outstanding, scenic trail of the century.
All of this thanks to the Super Moon, and I am not talking about Hangs Loose’s behind.
Fap is already not feeling this trail
We gathered at It’s Wine Tyme in Capitola once again for a few tasty draft beers and a hearty glass of Zin. I’m thankful they put up with us, cause I don’t think my neighbors were too thrilled with our repeat debauchery around my pool……but I digress…….
Back to the start…..which appeared to lead us up those miserable stinking stairs that some idiots use as their gym. Really are they too good to use a treadmill? Whatever! We got a big fat empty circle for our efforts. Yep, nothing, nada, zip….a big backcheck.
Just a bunch of wankers
But do not despair as we headed off enthusiastically towards Capitola Beach. All the true trail arrows pointed to the left….which is usually covered in water. Really cold water. Really big waves and really cold water crashing up against the crumbling cliff. There is no walkway, no path, no road………just the big bad Pacific Ocean up ahead………so how where we going to cross the Monterey Bay?
Our clever hares pulled a fast one out of their asses…….did a few mathematical calculations and equations and with the proper quotients surmised that the waning Super Moon would produce a MINUS TIDE….such that the usually impassable route from Capitola to New Brighton Beach would be accessible…..for a short window of time for those quick and nimble bodied hounds scanning the distance with their shining headlamps.
The four legged dogs frolicked in the tide pools, leaving steamy droppings along the way, marking our path in case we needed to make a hasty U Turn to beat the rising tide.
Everyone smiling because trail is over!
Once the pack reached New Brighton Beach a choice was necessary to continue as an Eagle or a Turkey. Some of us turkeys wandered through the parking lot, which has been closed due to a rather large and foreboding sinkhole. Nevertheless these wankers cut through the CAUTION tape and proceeded to claw their way up a steep hillside to escape the sink hole monster.
Once up at Park Av we wandered aimlessly through a sleepy neighborhood only to be redirected back across Park Av and onto the railroad tracks.
Some lost and grumbling souls found their way to Beer Check just in time.
For some reason we seemed to be missing a huge contingency…..and it turns out those jokers decided to go straight to religion….or as Accuprinck, the YBF guy, declared…he didn’t need no stinking BN….He was heading to the real trough of beer – the mother lode!
Once at religion – the site of the infamous naked pool party a while back – the gang annoyed the neighbors with their antics, booming voices and off color jokes. Well, what else is new.
Crimes of trail….well it turns out that Accuprick and his prison gang did not complete the trail…so they were all called up for a Down Down….too many losers for me to individually acknowledge but you know who you are…..PCL, Finger Nips, Bacon Q, etc!!
Too make things interesting we were graced with 2 virgins….both “friends” with Just Foot Pussy. I thought he had reached his quota of friends so he picked these 2 up at the truck stop. During our usual embarrassing virgin spectacle we were thankfully graced by viewing some lovely silicone mountains by virgin wendy, we also had to endure a lame joke about cherry floats thanks to virgin chuck. Way to go Chuckie. The already unruly crowd was not too happy and turned up the volume. Finger Nips especially loves to chit chat while the RA is frantically trying to quell the crowd. Dung Fu up on the chair is so imposing. I think we need to get him a megaphone.
And the hares!
Accuprink once again was called up completing a measly 225 runs…….and got NO stinking patch. Geesh, what is our club money going for when you can’t get the dude a patch??!!
HangsLoose was reminded that he won the Biggest Wanker award and thus had to take his down down from the squirting penis. He was not thrilled…seems he has no experience with the “bi” thing.
He also missed AGM because his DOG was not allowed inside a public food serving venue. IMAGINE THAT!! Note to self…..get the dog a service dog certification and VOILA….instant access everywhere. Now no more excuses for missing the MOST IMPORTANT EVENT OF THE SURF CITY HASH YEAR. (We still love ya Hangs)
PCL was ecstatic the whole evening as she keep yelling, “I’m FRB, I’m FRB”. Well good for you missy……..we think she missed the whole trail and simply went straight to religion. Hmm, would that be called cheating? Perhaps the hard wood punishment ruler is in order. I heard it stings. She gloats when she uses it on her students. Maybe a taste of her own medicine….
Moving On……some of us went to ON ON ON at the Brit. John Michael crooned us with some Sinatra tunes and Nips redeemed herself by dancing and singing along. What a lively group we are! Check&Dong reminded us to check out the South Lake Tahoe Hash events. Who wants snow and mushrooms??
Well that’s all from Lake Woo be gone, aka Capitola………till next time……….and a thousand BN’s to you my friends.