Hash 927: NOT a walk in the park!

Well, I was late to the party…..but thanks to Courtesy Flush I was able to find the start location. And

The trough beckons thirsty hashers

The trough beckons thirsty hashers

I was able to find an older couple standing guard by Bacon Queef and the entrance to the woods. They seemed miffed. When I showed up they lectured us that we were on private Soquel Water Company property….blah blah blah….Whatever!!….then they noticed the chalk arrows………Cripes, Am I under arrest here?? I am seriously late and now I am being detained by private citizens who are overly nosy. I compose myself, smile and explain nicely that my friends left me a sign and an arrow so that I could find them in the woods….since I was fucking late!

Finally I am released to the dark recesses of the forest….but I am not sure which way to turn. So I am wandering around in poison oak for a while till my beer instincts kick in and off I go…..But I  have no idea how far ahead the pack is and I am running out of daylight.
I see the famous “Advocate Tree”…laying on it’s side….so sad…toppled by the ferocious winter storms of 2017.
Evening wood

Evening wood

I march on, lamenting the tree but searching desperately for another sign, a mark, an arrow, a pile of poop, anything…..and I finally come across the Turkey/Eagle split.
However the turkey is not well marked so I am in a quandary as to which way to go. I make the fatal mistake of taking the Eagle trail only to find myself faced with one of my little fears…..Crossing a huge giant log that stretches for what seems like half a mile over the stream. My backpack is laden with a full liter of some nasty LC liquid, plus my own provisions. I am dreading this log crossing but I have no choice. I am all alone and the light is fading, along with my cell phone service. I take a deep breath, try to steady myself and climb on up as if I am mounting an eager lover. Using calming self talk I guide myself slowly, one foot in front of the other, across the massive tree. Surely Bear Grylls is waiting for me on the other side. I pretend I’m starring in his reality outdoor adventure show and I can not fail. That is not an option.
When I successfully manage to make it to the other side, there is no cheering, whooping it up, fist bumping or high fiving. Only my heavy breathing interrupts the forests silence. Nobody witnessed my greatest feat. Kinda like being the guy whose once in a lifetime fish gets away….Darn it.
Drink it down down down

Drink it down down down

Suddenly my private fantasy celebration is hijaked by MacGayver and How much dick do you need. They appear out of nowhere like a desert mirage. MacGayver is furious as he found stinging nettles rather than the proper trail. He is now covered in welts from those nasty weeds. She fared better by not following him blindly into the open field.
But they still do not know the way out of this maze. By some miracle Courtesy Flush appears and offers to lead us back to beer check. We waste no time in hightailing it outta there.
When we finally reach Beer Check aka Religion there is some scuttlebutt about someone(MacG??) not picking up their trash/beer bottles. Bacon Queef is not pleased.
There was a hare snare by Timmy, I think.
Dog Breath came from behind and Bakers made it to the Beer check first ( I never saw no damn Beer check!)
I got some flack for not following up on my promise to Bakers after my last rescue mission.
Religion was short but not sweet.
On After was at Burger.
A fun time was had by all.
On On On,
CumFartZone
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