Consider this your final warning pertaining to Countdown Trail 7…6…5, October 2nd.
I am aware that most of you received lumps of coal for Christmas when you were children. For this trail though, Dung-Fu Grip and Puff the Magic Drag Queen will take that lump of coal you so richly deserved and press it into a diamond for you.
Beginning from Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery, your hare-pair will gift you a self-guided tour of a collection of the “less-visited/seldom-seen”, shall we term them, areas of Westside Santa Cruz. A few are difficult to find, a few no one WISHES to visit and a small number could best be described by the adjective “dangerous”. With the approach of winter, dark and (hopefully) rain, we believe it incumbent upon us to separate the wheat from the chaff, the real hashers from the fair-weather variety.
Puff has noted a serious lack of flashlights on trail this month. This trail contains a section practically non-negotiable without the assistance of a torch. This trail will feature areas fun yet challenging for dogs but damn well impossible for strollers. Length, assuming you are stupid enough to finish it and smart enough not to become lost, will tip the scales around the 3 mile mark, with the obvious exception of dBASED who will turn this pleasant jaunt into a half-marathon. There will be the standard Beer Check and Face Feed, undeserving of either though you are and will be located wherever the hell we think we can get away with it. We desire no Bacon Queef-inspired encounters with coppers. Religion will be along the tracks near Mountain Brewery. Due to trail’s inherent technical difficulty, anticipate a hares-out time close to the 6:35 markings on the clock face. As an aside, this Thursday at Mountain Brewery is a benefit for Santa Cruz Public Libraries so you may wish to have two pints prior to on-out.
Best Wishes for a speedy recovery,
Puff the Magic Drag Queen
Failure to faithfully follow these simple instructions may result in physical injury. What: Hash 746. Where: Crepe Place, 1134 Soquel Av. When? Thursday, June 5, hares-out @ 6:40. Trail length: around 3 miles. Turkey/Eagle split? Yes. Dog? Yes, please. Strollers? No bloody way. Religion? Dung-Fu Grip & Puff’s place. On-on-on: Double-Oh & Mexican joint across the street. What more do ya need to know?!?
Welcome to Surf City H3’s six-hundred and ninety-sixth invitation to go hashing. This week’s excitement will feature Dung-Fu Grip in his Virgin Haring for Surf City. He will be accompanied, albeit reluctantly, by housemate Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Fun and frivolity will commence from The Crepe Place, hash-nicknamed The Creepy Place, on Soquel Avenue between Seabright Avenue and Cayuga. Dung-Fu and I waited until we got-the-hell-rid of Deep Stroke before laying this trail. We believe it will be so much more enjoyable now that we do not have someone that constantly wishes to ‘win this thing’ every friggin’ time we on-out. (Insiders tip: Park behind Johnny’s Sports on Seabright as Religion will be at Dung-Fu & Puff’s) (Second Insider’s Tip: Do not bother short-cutting to Dung-Fu & Puff’s house though, Beer Check is NOT there) Hares would like to on-out by 6:40 (That’s 1840 hours to you, Ghetto Man) because trail is somewhat intricate for Surf City and, furthermore, Dung-Fu & Puff have little-if-any confidence in your limited abilities. So, to circumcise this thing down to a size you can handle: Hash 69-six will commence at 6:40 from The Crepe Place. Shallow Hole will be serving as everything except hare and Religious Adviser. In other words: Hash Cash, Hash Flash and Scribe so please be extra-kind to her as she is a very fragile harriette even under the best of situations and this will most certainly NOT qualify as one of those.
In other hash-related gossip, assuming Just Trisha and Just Adam show snout, they will become full-fledged half-minds and receive their hash names post-trail. Everyone should know Just Trisha by now, she’s the blonde that walks around with the silly grin on her face but says nothing. As for Just Adam, he’s the poor bastard that has to act as Shiny Snail Trail’s bodyguard. Or is that booby-guard? Whatever. Better he-than-me.
That’s it from this keyboard, see ya at The Creepy Place Thursday the eighteenth.
Puff the Magic Drag Queen
This is for those of you that are not on Surf City’s Yahoo email group. First, join the damn thing!
Secondly, after joining the group, drag your carcass to Discretion Brewery on Thursday, April 28th. The brewery is located at 2703 41st Avenue behind Cafe Cruz. Parking, however, is sadly limited and it may prove advantageous to park across 41st at Home Depot which, incidentally, is the location for Religion as well. TIMMY & Puff will team up to double-team you. Short trail, A-to-B, free beer. food & beer; what more do ya need to know?
TIMMY & Puff
Here’s the scoop on this year’s Turkey Trot Hash. As there is no NorthSouth Intercourse this year, the hash will be Saturday the 24th rather than Friday. Our starting point will be the Over the Hill Gang Saloon, 3530 Portola Drive. It’s on the bay side of Portola. Plenty of (FREE!) parking around too. The hare, that’s me, Puff, will out around 3:15. Here’s how we’re going to work this thing this year. Puff will get only a five minute lead time. The first FRB to catch him will be handed a map will the trail marked out. This harrier will then get a five minute start. When this harrier is snared, they will hand the map to that hound who will then become the hare and receive a five minute head start. Dig? Sooner or later one of these hares will lead the litter into Beer Check. Religion will be nearby. That’s all you need to know and more than you deserve.
See ewe there,
As always, we need hares…..
- 565 – Feb 24 – Puff the MDQ and Clucker Fucker
- 566 – Mar 3 – Timmy!
- 567 – Mar 10 –
- 568 – Mar 17 – Hugh Heifer
- 569 – Mar 24 –
- 570 – Mar 31 – Broken Shaft – Lamp Shade
- 571 – Apr 7 –
- 572 – Apr 14 – Vince Lamblowme
- 573 – Apr 21 –
- 574 – Apr 28 –
- 575 – May 5 – TBD – Red Dress