Multiple choice.
That’s what Trail 583 was. You could choose between short and pointless trail or long and pointless. Neither proved an especially attractive option. Be that as it may, here’s this week’s edition of Tales from Trail.
We assembled our traveling kennel within the concrete confines of Brady’s Yacht Club in the Lower Seabright area although technically speaking, NOTHING can be much ‘lower’ that Brady’s itself. Accuprick returned to the pack after traveling the country for many months. He said a break from Surf City is just what the doctor ordered. Too Drunk To Fuck and Get Up & Run,Bitch made the jaunt down form Boulder Creek. I doubt they were able to drive home immediately after the hash but I feel certain they found things to entertain themselves after the pack was dismissed. A new addition to the kennel is Ghetto Man. He recently relocated from San Diego to Monterey. Let’s see if he’s able to adapt to hashing Surf City style.
After TIMMY delivered his typical inadequate Instructions of Trail, he went on-out dragging his incompetent accomplice Six of Nine behind him. I wonder if these two ever discussed any aspect of this trail with each other?!? After circleup introductions were conducted, on-out was undertaken on Cypress Avenue towards the bay. As we neared the bay, a man came running towards us shouting On-on! This turned out to be Ghetto Man. Being unfamiliar with the area, he had parked quite a distance from Brady’s.
The check on East Cliff at the entrance to Seabright Beach gave the hares all the time they’d need to complete their escape. Eventually on-on was given proceeding on East Cliff towards the Boardwalk. Once atop the hill, we could look over the edge of the cliff and see flour along the beach. This was as close as we got to true trail on the first leg of this two-part trail. As we neared where East Cliff makes a ninety-degree on-right, the Beer Near mark was seen. In the small park atop San Lorenzo Point we stumbled across Six of Nine guarding a beer cooler. Six seemed somewhat unsure as to where trail proceeded from this point on but it was obvious to the pack. After concluding our business here, we outed onto East Cliff and headed for it’s intersection with Murray Street. Once there, flour directed the fold across Murray and on-down the steep hill to the railroad tracks and a check. Check solved, the troops turned towards the Boardwalk, crossed the river and then were directed on-right onto Leibrandt Avenue to a check at the park.
This check proved somewhat perplexing but marker was eventually located further up Leibrandt and then making an on-right onto Riverside Avenue. The next check was located at the corner of Riverside and San Lorenzo Boulevard. The correct guess here proved to be to continue on Riverside and on-right onto Barson Street then continue to the next check at Ocean Street. Showing no mercy, TIMMY dragged the frightened flock even deeper into Beach Flats. We crossed Ocean and continued along Barson. Along here, someone yelled on-on. Looking around we saw former kennel mate Bumble Balls. He has a girlfriend now who apparently does not trust hashers, hence his absence from the kennel. Following flour, the herd migrated on-right onto Lemos Street and then on-left onto Jessie Street. A check at the end of Jessie and a well-hidden mark and the pack stacked up until finding flour in the field at the end of the street. This took the troops into the no-mans land at the base of Ocean View Park. Once past the poison oak cleverly hiding with the English ivy beside trail and up the steep hill, we were treated to a trail that actually went down a slide in the park! I don’t know how TIMMY was able to do so at his advance age. Quite impressive.
Once through the park, trail turned on-left on South Branciforte Avenue and too the next on-right, Peck Terrace. Peck goes but a block and then on-lefts onto Caledonia Street. One block later, flour funneled the flock on-right onto Pleasant Street and a block later on-right onto Pine Street. Any of you that have hashed this area before already know that we are headed to the five-point intersection of Pine, Cayuga, Buena Vista and Clinton streets. While Dog Breath and Ghetto Man try to cipher true trail, feel free to use this wasted portion of your life to go grab another beer. I assure you that’s what Puff intends to do. Tum-de-dum-de-dum…
Okay, I’m back. Hope you are too. Dog Breath has sniffed out true trail and has headed on-out on Pine Street, let’s follow him and see what kind of trouble we can get into. Not far along Pine, TIMMY chose and alley on-right for us to utilize. This area of Seabright is riddled with alleys and as hashers we gravitate towards them. This alley was only used one block though to Idaho Avenue. There we were directed on-right onto Mountain View Avenue. Mountain View was taken to Logan Street where flour pointed the pod on-left. One block later the litter was led on-right onto Mott Avenue and, even better, treated to our second Beer Near mark of the evening. In the driveway of the flop where Six crashes these days, we discovered both hares nonchalantly slurping away on Beer Check beer.
Religion was in it’s usual location, the parking lot directly across from Brady’s. Accuprick was elected Mob-rule Religious Adviser and he appointed My Little Bony as his Beer Fairy. Some of the lowlights of this session were as follows: dBASED and Hairy busted for leaning on a neighbor’s truck parked in this lot, Ghetto Man for negotiating with the truck owner getting him not to call the cops, Virgin Danny was welcomed, Six of nine for wearing a kilt, Broke Bench for ripping Six’s kilt off him, Banana for being stopped along trail by a car full of tourists and asking him where the nearest junk food restaurant was (he’d obviously know, wouldn’t he?) and last and least as well, Puff for the foolish completion of his 569th hash with Surf City. I must also mention three lovely ladies that came in search of Six but he’d already left. We kept them around for our own devious pleasures. We can only hope they make a return visit in the future. And it will NOT be necessary for them to appear with Six either!
On-on-on was a scattered affair with many ending up either back at Brady’s or Betty Burgers due to a movie being shown at Seabright Brewery which maxed the place out.
On-out,
Puff the Magic Drag Queen