Hash 761: Pirates rules, Hares drool

Our Hash scribet’s seem to all be burned out on scribing, so despite not deciding to be the scribe until numerous days after the fact, I will dive on it this week. I suggest that others offer in future weeks. I will help you get your work published. In years before the internet, I once saw a writeup done as a hand drawn map with stick figures I think. I once did a writeup when I was around 3,000 miles away when the hash happened. About every third sentence in that write-up was “Fuck you doggy style!”, and I was not even mad, just trying to be funny. Some people got it, some people thought it was pornography. Some people thought it both.

This weeks meetup started at Brady’s Yacht club and pirate’s ruled the roost. I got questions about whether this was some sort of annual pirate day and had to explain we only dress up like pirates periodically, but drink somewhere every Thursday.

On this day we had 3 hares and I’ve always believed as the number of hares grows beyond 2, the chances for fucking up grows exponentially. While I didn’t personally experience an egregious fuck ups on this trail, it’s probably because I ended up running inside or outside the true trail most of way. However, comment from the pack and even the hares, suggest it was impossible to run true trail without running through a false.

Trail started innocently enough towards Seabright beach. I figured a tour of the yacht harbor was in order, so as the pack headed down Cypress Ave, I paralleled on Seabright Ave, anticipating a left turn towards the yacht harbor. When I reached East Cliff and no trail appeared, I figured I would loop around and somehow connect back with the pack. It appears true trail crossed Murray at Mott, however I took Murray towards the boardwalk anticipating a river crossing there.

When I found no trail at the railroad trestle, it was time for a gentle loop back. So, first I headed up Buena Vista, hoping to possibly catch trail going into the backside of OceanView park, or possibly at 5 corners. I eventually found trail on Price St, and the pack trying to solve a check at Windsor and Seabright.

Trail at this point headed down Windsor, but I figured there was a 50/50 chance it would come back to Seabright, or least go to top of Yacht Harbor at Arana Gulch. So, I proceeded up Seabright, with a right on Soquel, then a right on Mentel into Arana Gulch. I encountered the pack again at the top of the Yacht Harbor.

Now, the only way for the pack to get where I saw them then and when I saw then last was to go through Frederick Street park. And, indeed that is how they went. However, apparently the only way to find trail leaving Frederick Street park was to run through a false, which someone how the pack figured out. The pack I encountered found trail going left out of Frederick Street park. DFL’s later turned right, went through a false, also found trail. Somehow, it was later determined these DFL’s were the only hounds to follow the entire true trail.

As I encountered the pack, they were exiting the Yacht Harbor on Brommer. Taking Brommer had only one logical consequence to me – an eventual Yacht Harbor crossing On Murray. So, I am abandoned the pack for third time, and made my first good decision. I headed down the far side of the Yacht harbor and encountered a check just below the railroad tracks. Naturally, trail proceeded across the Yacht harbor on the railroad tracks.

At this point I was by myself. No sign of any Hasher anywhere in the vicinity. I figured I was WAY in front of the FRB’s. I encountered Liquor Check across the bridge and in the bushes and brought it out to easily found by the pack. Ew was that Liquor Check some nasty moonshine! I had one taste and spit out.

I then continued on down the railroad tracks, but soon discovered that trail did not. I doubled back and found a pack arrow across the street from where the Liquor Check was. So, there were some FRB’s in front of me!

At this point, it was basically a jaunt down the Yacht harbor and to Seabright beach. Apparently, Pink Cherry Licker and Electric Labia Land were on the cliffs above launching water balloons at the pack. Perhaps because I was a lone Hasher at this point, none were sent in my direction that I could decipher. It was a right turn on to the soft sand and another Liquor Check before the beer check. Apparently the Liquor Check was somehow initially buried in the sand, but the FRB’s unburied it by the time I got there.

It was a long wait at the beer check for pack to finally arrive and I went to back to Brady’s to get warm clothes and by the time I returned the pack was beginning to migrate to religion.

Religious Adviser for the night was Dung Fu grip with a beer fairy that I cannot recall. We had down downs for our scribes who are failing to their duty of recent, for the three Hashers (Occasional Rapist, Just Paul and Shameless Butt Plug) who were reported the only 3 Hashers to do the trail completely and correctly and a ceremony around the return of Can’d Hashit that Dog Breath had stolen which required intimate body parts from all 4 Can’d Hashers in attendance. Then, 2 Black and White units showed up and it was time to get out of dodge.

I headed home at this point, but evidence from the Hash Flash indicates that a second naming opportunity for Just Lori resulted in Summer’s Yeast and that Just Heather become Ho to Housewife. I’ll note that Summer’s Yeast name somehow reminds me of Winters Bone. No, it’s not a porno. Look it up. It was nominated for 4 academy awards and had Jennifer Lawrence in it.

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