Hash 1184 Steel Bonnet Bummer

Happy Birthday to Rat Pussy,

That’s the only praise he will receive in this Trash. While you may believe that harsh for our Birthday Boy, this Trash will elaborate on the multitude of reasons he is a bad person and deserving of all the insults I can heap upon him.

Rat Pussy’s obvious ploy was to lull the litter into a sense of security and complacency by beginning this week’s trail from his (current) place of employment, Steel Bonnet Brewing Company in Scotts Valley. He further tried to fool us by mentioning that even though it was his birthday, duty to his company dictate he worked that day and still lay trail for us in the evening. This was intended to make us envious of his sense of dedication. Our mistake was arriving at this judgement prior to hashing his trail. We should have taken the absence of the hot dog truck as evidence the night would not progress as we anticipated. The hot dog vendor said they would not be present due to the rain. As you know, it rained very little and not even that for many hours. These people suspected Rat Pussy’s trail would go cattywampus and did not want to be associated with it.

The outdoor drinkin’ area at Steel Bonnet was filled by the flock almost to the complete exclusion of mortals. Most of them took one look out the back door and decided the inside of the building would serve their needs far better than having to deal with us.

The clan confiscates the outdoor drinkin’ area

Dishonorable Mention should be given to L’eggs who covered herself in full-on bunny attire and instructed her Virgin to do the same. I do not remember any mention of an Easter theme in the hare’s trail announcement. The RA will deal with L’eggs during Religion I feel certain.

L’eggs celebrating the non-existent Easter theme

After quaffing a commendable quantity of Steel Bonnet’s excellent ales, the hares delivered a disjointed set of Instructions of Trail. A number of hounds actually listened but mainly to accumulate charges against the hare-pair for use during Religion. Shall we say they were not disappointed either. There was a warning not to cross Scotts Valley Drive without the benefit of a designated crosswalk area. After hares-out, socializing was renewed, everyone wishes to put aside our impending tragedy. Upon the passage of the fifteen minute lead time, co-GM’s Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain called for a Circleup for Introductions and heard responses from the following hounds: Cold Smegma Kamikaze, dBASED, Occasional Rapist, Leaky Rubber, Baker’s Dozen’t, Ska-Skank Redemption, Steamy Baanorrhea, Dung-Fu Grip, Clearly Not A Hooker, Cum You Will Not, L’eggs(in bunny attire), Accuprick, Hugh Heifer, Virgin Ashley(in Alice in Wonderland outfit), Pee Skool, Pink Cherry Licker, Courtesy Flush and Puff the Magic Drag Queen plus our four-legged hounds, Boulder, Spott’d Dick and Junk Puncher. There’s this week’s cast of characters, and I DO mean characters. Action!

Apparently, there were a number of trail options this evening. I will briefly recap the one I chose.

Trail proceeded to Scotts Valley Drive and a check. dBASED, stating he’d seen the hares cross over, did the same. He would soon fade into the distance and become an unintentional FRB. True trail proceeded on-left one block to another check at Butler Lane. It was on-left onto Butler, on-right onto Victor Square when Butler ends and this eventually brought us back to Scotts Valley Drive. This hare-pair is of the opinion it’s never too early on trail for a circle-jerk. Across the street there was a whichy-way. The correct direction was on-left towards town. This was NOT the direction chosen by dBASAED. Somewhat farther along a sharp-eyed Accuprick noticed a hare arrow across the expanse of Scotts Valley Drive. This would send us onto El Pueblo Drive. El Pueblo Drive is a rather boring stretch of asphalt which, upon reflection, was basically the theme of this entire trail. Eventually an on-right onto Carbonero Way was indicated soon to be followed by the LC mark.

Hugh Heifer and Accuprick ponder whether to imbibe or not
Broke Bench Mountain rolls into Liquor Check. Note Ska-Skank Redemption covering her mouth

Whatever was in the unmarked bottle at Liquor Check, it was sweet and potent.

Staggering away from Liquor Check, the pack arrived at Scotts Valley Drive…again, and were pointed across(with benefit of a crosswalk) and then turned on-right. At Willis Road, a hare arrow, which would become invisible in the soon-to-fall darkness, turned the troops on-left and one block later we were pointed on-right onto Grace Way. Grace Way performs a mild but nonetheless perturbing on-up. Thankfully, there was purpose to this, Beer Check was located part way on-up the hill.

Beer Check. Note the abandoned Hashit. dBASED has actually turned his back on it. Shameful behavior!

Upon the completion of our duty here, on-in was on-up Grace Way, on-right on Hacienda Drive to Scotts Valley Drive(yet again) and on-right to Religion. Once safely in residence at our usual gathering spot, Dung-Fu Grip assumed the reins as RA and gave Accuprick a break. Here’s a partial listing of the down-downs issued: dBASED for unintended but nonetheless massive short-cutting; Pink Cherry Licker, Cumz Out My Nose, Pee Skool and Courtesy Flush for avoiding trail though Courtesy Flush did manage to catch the pack at Beer Check(of course!); Baker’s Dozen’t convicted of chivalry on trail for throwing chalk all the way across Scotts Valley Drive to Leaky Rubber and Leaky Rubber for not HAVING chalk in the first place; dBASED for wildly and haphazardly swinging the Hashit along trail like it was a scythe; L’eggs and Virgin Ashley crooned a tune they conceived along trail; Virgin Ashley was welcomed to the Hash; L’eggs honored for completing her 25th hash with us; L’eggs was awarded the Hashit for having her Virgin dress in costume for a hash that HAD no theme. Oh, yeah. The RA also dragged the hare-pair to the altar to sacrifice them to an unsatisfied pack. Deservedly so, I might add. After dispensing with the hares, the RA declared and end to Hash 1184 and I hereby do the same for the Trash that has chronicled it.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the nineteenth day of April in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,



Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe

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