Hash 1191 Hill Climbing Challenge


Is how we now view the Red Room. Our most recent experience there has soured our feelings over this venerable watering hole. We never expected such a trail of terror from Baker’s Dozen’t and Steamy Baanorrhea. They had always been such nice people prior to this outing. We fell for the Good Guy ploy yet again.

Feelings were jovial as the gang assembled; some ensconced in the brilliant red interior and some partaking of the outdoor drinkin’ area.

Cum You Will Not, Spott’d Dick, Broke Bench Mountain, Boulder and Swamp Rat enjoy the outdoor area

There were a number of canine companions in the Red Room besides our own entourage, one of whom actually sat on a stool at the bar. While I did not personally witness him imbibe, he most certainly eyed his companion human’s beer closely. The Flash contains a video of him.

Not long past the promised time, hare-pair Baker’s Dozen’t and Steamy Baanorrhea hopped in front of the pack and relayed Instructions of Trail. While vague on specifics, they were precisely what we anticipated hearing from these two jokers. So, no harm, no foul. Not informative but then again it was exactly as expected.

The next fifteen minutes passed too quickly. Socializing was it’s usual fierce self but eventually co-GM’s Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain requested Circleup for Introductions and received responding barks from the following hounds: Dung-Fu Grip, Cum You Will Not, dBASED, Occasional Rapist, Wicked Retahted, Whackoff Smirnoff, Clearly Not A Hooker, Accuprick, Rubik’s Pube, Courtesy Flush and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Representing our four-legged contingency was Junk Puncher, Boulder, Spott’d Dick and Swamp Rat. The teams have been chosen, let the game begin.

Trail proceeded south on Cedar Street to an on-right onto Walnut. This was good until Chestnut Street where an on-right was dictated. At the small park bordered by Rincon, Chestnut and Church streets a check was encountered. This sent hounds scurrying in a number of directions on a sniffing quest for trail. Eventually, on-on was sounded continuing on Chestnut past the (huge) Green Street hill and to the intersection with Center and Cedar streets. This would appear to be a massive circle-jerk as the Red Room is within sight.

Trail curved to Mission Street where it was indicated we should cross and then we found a check. On-right proved to be correct followed by a shortcut through Scope Park on-left onto North Pacific followed by, and you could smell this one coming, taking on the Anthony stairs on-up to the top of Mission hill. Then it was School, Emmett and High streets to the pedestrian bridge over Highway 1. Once back on terra firma, the promised Turkey/Eagle split was observed. The Turkeys were pointed on-right onto the pedestrian path and on-down into Harvey West Park. The Eagles will continue on-up on High Street. It’s a beautiful evening, let’s fly with the Eagles. I’m certain trail will be worth it. Of all the skills possessed by the human mind, playing tricks appears to be the most important. This is unfortunate.

Eagles continued on up High with a check at Highland. Dung-Fu volunteered to make the on-right and challenge the (ridiculously) steep portion of Highland but soon returned. Trail continued on-up High (past the abode of old hasher Sheep Rocker) all the way to Laurent Street. This is a steep climb exceeded only by that of it’s obscenely long length. At Laurent the pod was pointed on-right. Laurent was utilized until Highland Avenue became available where an on-right was taken.

You may remember passing this house on Highland in darkness a while back. It’s even more beautiful in daylight

Highland was used until an on-left onto Sheldon Avenue followed by an on-left onto Ortalon Avenue and then on-right onto Meadow Road only to pass Sheldon again for the evening’s second circle-jerk. Once on Meadow, we all know there’s only one way out: Wagner Grove. And it was so done. And there was no rejoicing.

Once through Wagner Grove and into Harvey West Park, Eagles went on-right on Evergreen Street and joined back with the Turkeys and all made the turn onto Coral Street. We traipsed along to Fern Street where we went on-right and past Shanty Shack Brewing, Shabby Shack in hash parlance, where a number of hashers staged Gorilla Beer Check. The RA will give them a nod during Religion. Just Past the brewery, an on-left took us down an alley behind homes and ejected us onto Encinal Street where we went on-right to Highway 9. This was a kindness by our hares as they did not wish to make us attempt the crossing of Highway 9 without benefit of a traffic signal.

Once across, it was through the Tannery Arts Center to the levee walkway and on-in to Beer Check on the second floor of the River Street parking structure.

Beer Check illegally staged in the River Street parking structure

Our business completed here, it was a steep but short jaunt on-up to the roof of the garage and to Religion on the Front Street end as we wished to avoid interrupting the sword fighters on the River Street South side. Once here, Accuprick fired up his torture machine. Here’s a sampling of the down-downs issued this night: those that held a Gorilla Beer Check at Shanty Shack, Cum You Will Not for making a provocative statement about the sword fighters ‘whacking each other hard!’, Whackoff Smirnoff for moving to Santa Cruz, Courtesy Flush for bringing his own beer to Beer Check(cheap bastard!) and Puff celebrated an Analversary. Oh, yeah, the hares.They reaped more complaints than compliments I dare say.

Having to deal with the hares made Accuprick decide to declare and end to this Hash and I hereby do the same for this Trash.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the first day of June in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,



Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3

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