You have survived the carnal carnage of another Beat Your Meat. As if a trail co-hared by dBASED is not enough of a dangerous threat, we were then subjected to what Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain consider a party. While by definition parties are to be festive and occasionally raucous, this event bordered on debauchery itself. Depraved and immoral are also words that come to mind when reflecting back on Hash 1196 and the libertines that attended. If there had been just a few more in attendance, the neighbors most likely would have contacted authorities detailing lurid behavior and that a potential riot situation existed and the vice squad would have descended upon a certain Eaton Street address as would a plague of locust upon a field of wheat. But enough reminiscing for now, let’s deal with trail.
Starting from El Jardin on Capitola Road and Seventh Avenue has already been appreciated. Possibly not so much by the harried wait staff but certainly by all hashers in attendance. The bar area was maxed out by 6:30 and everyone was jockeying for position hoping to be the next to be served. We had a mini-FHAC-U invasion consisting of Today Is Monday, Worm and Arabian Goggler and Rainbow Butthole brought a Virgin, Sam by name.
At almost exactly 6:45 Broke Bench Mountain delivered Instructions of Trail with lapdog dBASED by his side. Where was Cumz Out My Nose though? Reputedly she would be delivering deceased animals to the scene of the party. This also had the side benefit of allowing her extra time at the bar.
At exactly 7PM, Accuprick called for Circleup for Introductions. His admonishment yielded replying yelps from the following pups: Arabian Goggler, Little Anal Annie, Today Is Monday, Wines Like A Bitch, Steamy Baanorrhea, Rainbow Butthole, Pink Cherry Licker, Fap Jack, Worm, My Little Bony, Virgin Sam, Cum You Will Not, Dung-Fu Grip, Rubik’s Pube and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Representing our four-legged contingency was Swamp Rat and Spott’d Dick.
Trail took us through the parking lot to Capitola Road Extension and on-right to Rodriguez Street. Rodriguez was used until it ends at Chanticleer Avenue. However, we were later to learn a certain hare did not place a Turkey/Eagle split on this street though the Eagle hare actually did lay the trail. I know this trail exists as I saw a portion of it walking a dog doing my volunteer work at the Animal Shelter. Be that as it may, everyone made it to Chanticleer and were directed on-right. Shortly thereafter our highly coveted LC mark was observed and we made an on-right for our first ever visit to Chanticleer Avenue County Park. BTW, it’s quite a nice park with two fenced dog parks(one for small dogs, one for large), picnic area and bike pump track. Liquor Check required crossing a fence or finding a way around but it was there. After such, it was back onto Chanticleer to Capitola Road where a Turkey/Eagle split was observed. The weather is nice, let’s fly with the Eagles.
It was on-right onto Capitola Road for the Eagles to begin a long, boring stretch of concrete. This would last until just across the street from the start on Seventh Avenue. Here we were pointed on-left onto Seventh until Eddy Lane where another on-left was dictated. This took the troops to Jose Avenue Park. We would desecrate the park grounds and cross the pedestrian bridge leading to Harper Court and then on-right onto El Dorado Avenue until it ends at the railroad tracks. Here the pod was pointed on-right and not far along observed the BN mark closely followed by a horde of hounds imbibing.
Business concluded here it was an arduous on-in to Seventh Avenue, on-left there and on-left at Eaton Street to the abode of Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain. Once preparations for the fiesta were completed, Accuprick moved the mob to Twin Lakes County Park and fired up his Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued this night: Rainbow Butthole for 69 hashes; dBASED for his 150th haring; Puff for 275 consecutive hashes; My Little Bony for using a hasher’s mortal name; Virgin Sam was welcomed; a number of hounds bitten by wasps; Worm for his inability to get his wife to accompany him from over-the-hill; co-hare Broke Bench Mountain for not following his own trail map and Little Anal Annie as a backslider. Oh, the hares. They were thanked for the upcoming party but no mention was made of trail. As it was now time to eat, Accuprick declared an end to this hash and I do the same for this Trash as well.
The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.
A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.
I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash 1196.
By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the sixth day of July in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.
Submitted with all respect due,
Magic Drag Queen
Surf City H3 Scribe