Hash Twelve-Oh-9 A Blight In Seabright


This is the first word that comes to mind when thinking back on this trail. Pink Cherry Licker, knowing things went tragically awry with her trail last week, attempted to right that wrong employing a previously failed technique: Two wrongs make a right! Again, this was proven false and she now has two strikes against her. Taking advantage of Baker’s Dozen’t as co-hare by drafting him did nothing to improve her status in the Hash. Or HIS for that matter either.

Beginning at Seabright Social, notorious for lackluster service, order a beer rather than some hard stuff and you instantaneously attain second class citizen status. Speaking of poor service, that brings us back around to trail again. The pack assembled outside the designated drinkin’ area. Either we did not wish to be associated with them or they would prefer real customers not to think we frequented this establishment.

A minuscule pack awaits their fate

We were joined by Sister Mary who has not been here in over twenty years! Too bad she picked THIS trail on which to rejoin us. It may be twenty years till she shows again. Broke Bench Mountain wisely scheduled a presentation for some where just far enough away he’d only be able to make on-on-on. Accuprick left the State. Bailas Con Burros and Banana Basher, who reside a five minute walk away, closed the curtains and turned off the lights to avoid detection. The list of escapees far exceeds that of attendees. Those that DID show were soon to learn why so many did NOT show.

Acceptably late, co-hares Pink Cherry Licker and Baker’s Dozen’t delivered Instructions of Trail. The only promise kept was Liquor Check and Beer Check. Admittedly, those are the only two aspects of trail we care about anyway. Hares-out.

The ensuing fifteen minutes was passed as are they all, imbibing and ignoring; imbibing some beer and ignoring impending trail. Upon completion of those fifteen, GM Cumz Out My Nose called for Circleup for Introductions and heard from the following hounds: Steamy Baanorrhea, TIMMY!!, Occasional Rapist, dBASED, Sister Mary, Cum You Will Not, Clearly Not A Hooker and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Just Danielle would show only for Religion claiming the instructions were unclear as to where the start actually was. This same fate befell Just John who, in a major case of extreme embarrassment, left prior to the pack arriving at the site for Religion. Junk Puncher and Spot’d Dick represented our four-legged contingency. Pack away.

Trail led the litter on-right on the accursed railroad tracks to the locals-only on-right onto Mountain View and a check.

Sister Mary guards a check

An on-left proved correct here and we weaved our way to East Cliff and the Turkey/Eagle split. It’s too nice to not fly with the Eagles, let’s follow that trail. Eagles crossed East Cliff and went on-down to the railroad trestle and crossed the river and made their way to Beach Street. Beach Street was used all the way to Cliff Street. Gorilla Beer Check at the Surf Bowl, maybe? No such luck. Cliff was taken to it’s apex and then on-down the steps and on-right on Laurel Street Extension. From there, we went under the Riverside Avenue bridge, on-right and over the river and on-right again onto the river levee pathway until it ends. We crossed dangerous East Cliff Drive and traipsed on-up into Ocean View Park, exited onto Ocean View Avenue and on-right onto Ocean View Way, across to Peck Terrace, on-left onto Caledonia . Then it was on-left onto Windham Street and one block later on-right onto Pine Street and past a former abode of Choka-cola and Hairy Potter. This would bring us to the glorious intersection of Cayuga, Pine and Buena Vista, everyone’s favorite five-way cluster.

A check was solved here turning the troops on-left to Windham Street and on-right there all the way to a shortcut on-right onto Glenview Street to Fredrick Street and on-right to Fredrick Street Park. Liquor Check was staged in the bushes at the entrance to the park. This is also where Sister Mary and Puff met two guys who had just spoken with the FRB’s and recognized us as hashers as well. They kept their distance from us. Trail proceeded through the park and took an on-right that leads to the locals-only path the rides the hill between the harbor and the houses fronting on Fredrick Street. This path could use some maintenance!

At the end of the path, stairs took us on-down to the harbor and on-right. This was good until passing by the original location of Aldo’s and onto the jetty where Beer Check was located at the Walton Lighthouse. Upon completion of our appointed task, we sloughed across Seabright Beach to Religion near the Third Avenue stairs. Once reassembled, now with the addition of Just Danielle, dBASED called for Hash Hush and began issuing down-downs.

Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued: Sister Mary was punished as a (20 year) backslider; Danielle was punished as a backslider too; dBASED was labeled a short-cutting cheater; Puff for a false accusation the Hash Count was incorrect and TIMMY!! for failing to snare the hares at the 5 way intersection.

In hopes of making it to Engfer’s Pizza before the curtain fell, we’d already missed Seabright Social, dBASED declared an end to the Hash and I do so for this Trash as well.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose to not complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind that I recounted the events that comprise Hash Twelve-Oh-9.

By Special Permission of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the thirteenth day of September in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with al respect due,



Magic Drag Queen

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