While I sheepishly admit a small modicum of flattery at Courtesy Flush’s continuing biannual event; I hereby wish it known Puff himself had nothing to do with the planning and much less the execution of this trail. As a matter of fact, now that the word ‘execution’ has been bandied about, this is an act I would recommend the Hare Raiser perform on Courtesy Flush should he ever make the (foolish) suggestion he be allowed to schedule Puffathalon IV. While this may sound unusually cruel, what follows should illustrate my reasoning.
We began at a favorite, Brady’s Yacht Club, on Lower Seabright. While the inside is frequently stuffed, the outdoor area is expansive. The pack commandeered a large table and began the assembly process and attending to the requisite gossip like who did what to whom…and for how long. Hugh Heifer was seen handing Jersey Lunchbox a twenty-spot and thanking him for Services Rendered. I always believed Jersey was an intelligent man but had no idea he was an accomplished gigolo to boot. After paying Jersey, Hugh and Cum,U Will Not! conducted a safety meeting to discuss various issues they wished no one else to hear. TIMMY!! sported an excellent wig but said it’s length was easily surpassed by the hair growing out of his ears. Enough tall tales, let’s get back to Hashing.
With our GMs lollygagging in olde Mexico, dBASED was saddled with getting the hare on-out at a reasonable hour. He accomplished his task but this was to the dismay of Today Is Monday and Gary the Shit Stain who showed up five minutes after Instructions of Trail. They were forced to down their drinks in almost record time. The hare made statements concerning the toy dragons that would be concealed along trail and how to seek them out. He claimed to have twenty-nine of them. I wish he’d spent more on beer than those kid’s toys. There was mention of a semblance of a Turkey/Eagle split upon seeing there actually were a few Eagles in attendance. There would be a mark we seldom use, a Regroup, but it would be strategically located and it’s purpose would be clear. We could only hope. Hare-away.
The next fifteen passed uneventfully other than watching Gary and TIM chug their drinks. Upon their completing this task, acting GM dBASED called for a Circleup for Introductions which resulted in his hearing from the following: Clearly Not A Hooker, Bacon Queef, Steamy Baanorrhea, Cum,U Will Not!, Hugh Heifer, TIMMY!!, Jersey Lunchbox, Just Josh, Circle Gherkin’, Hareless, Dung-Fu Grip, Today Is Monday, Gary the Shit Stain and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. This week’s canine contingency consisted of Spot’d Dick, Swamp Rat, Bukkake and Bronson. Pack out.
We exited Brady’s on-left onto Cypress Avenue. Dragons began to be found almost immediately. Next was an on-right onto Doane Street followed by an on-right onto Mott Avenue. We then undertook the (very) dangerous crossing of Murray Street without benefit of a pedestrian crossing. Once across it was on-left on the railroad tracks and on-right onto Mountain View Avenue via a locals-only path through the bushes. We traveled on-up Mountain View to an on-left onto Logan Street and then making an immediate on-right into alley 1021. (Yes, many of these alleys are numbered) One alley’s length later we went on-left on Idaho Avenue and a block later on-right on Cayuga to out favorite five-way intersection.
Here we made a hard on-left onto Buena Vista Avenue to the path on-right on-down to South Branciforte Avenue, on-left on-up into Oceanview Park and then on-right on-down to East Cliff Drive. Here it was on-right a few feet and on-right into the laughingly named Jesse Street Marsh which the City filled in many decades ago. Once through here it was on-left onto Lemos Avenue and then on-right onto Ocean Street.
As we tooled along Ocean, hoping not to anger any gang members present by having donned an incorrect color, the picture below manifested itself.
It became obvious we were truly on a Courtesy Flush trail. True to his word, there was a taco truck beside trail and a few hounds partook. As if ONE was insufficient, we turned on-left at Barson Street and passed a SECOND burrito friendly business. This one contained a number of patrons as well.
A block later it was on-right onto Clay Street followed by an on-left onto Broadway. We traversed Broadway until Riverside Avenue where an on-left was dictated. Our destination soon became clear; the hacienda belonging to Clearly Not A Hooker. Yes, the LC mark was observed and it was into the backyard. That is unless your name would happen to be dBASED. He bypassed Liquor Check on a continuing quest for the dragons hidden along trail.
In Hooker’s backyard was discovered a bottle of wine. Somewhat wimpy for a Liquor Check I dare say. This will provide fodder for the cannon at Religion I imagine. After leaving here, we turned on-left onto Riverside and shortcut on-right desecrating Riverside Gardens Park with our presence. At San Lorenzo Boulevard it was on-right and then on-left onto the Laurel Street Bridge followed by an on-left onto the river levee. We soon found ourselves climbing the steps on-up to the top of Beach Hill. From there it was directly on-down to Beach Street and on-left in front of the Boardwalk. Circle Gherkin’ was stationed in front of Neptune’s Kingdom to direct us on-up to the second floor for a Guerilla Beer Check.
Once there great fun was endured. Everyone hit the pinball machines for some good fun. Soon though it became evident many hounds had begun the process of short-cutting and we would not being seeing the entire pack here. Eventually we on-outed and continued along the Boardwalk. At the trestle over the river we made a guerilla Turkey/Eagle split; turkeys taking the walkway while the eagles went directly across on the trestle.
Above we see Today Is Monday taking the impromptu Eagle trail across the river on the (unsafe) railroad trestle. The look on TIM’s face tells me he wishes he played Turkey(chicken?) tonight. He eventually did reach the other side safely. We continued along the tracks until crossing Murray Street on-right and continuing on-down to Seabright Beach. Once there we grabbed a fire pit and started one. We were later to find out it was the second fire started by our group, that will be explained during Religion.
Courtesy had done us a courtesy by providing hot dogs and marshmallows. Sadly for our non-meat eaters, the veggie dogs contained chicken pieces. Marshmallows are fine though. Once the fire was roaring Dung-Fu Grip cranked up his Religion machine. Here’s a rundown of some of the down-downs issued this night. Courtesy Flush was brought up for chatting up the security guards on the Boardwalk and warning them of our impending invasion; Hareless bailed on trail early to secure a fire pit for us, she also requested a man on the beach to light her fire, apparently he did an excellent job of lighting her fire as she was still brightly smiling; dBASED was chided for not stopping at the Guerilla Beer Check at the Boardwalk; Courtesy Flush and Clearly Not A Hooker were congratulated on attending Bay to Breakers; dBASED and Jersey Lunchbox were punished for missing/skipping Liquor Check; Cum,U Will Not! was punished for calling Jersey Lunchbox ‘Jersey Shore’ and hare Courtesy Flush was punished for serving wine at Liquor Check. Oh. The hare and his trail. There were nice things said about the Guerilla Beer Check and the food at Religion but not a kind word about trail itself. This Hash is over.
Post Script. As the Rangers were out in force and the 10PM witching hour was approaching, the usual Best Puff Costume competition was scuttled. As it is obviously impossible to perform now, I have formed an ad hoc committee of one…myself. I hereby declare Hareless the best Puff Impersonator. Why, you may ask? Many sported wigs, OPs and Greek fishermen caps but only Hareless took the time and trouble to find an anchor to attach to the front of her cap. She will therefore be awarded the grand prize, a $5 gift certificate for Brady’s.
The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.
A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.
I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind that I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-47.
By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the thirtieth day of May in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.
Submitted with all respect due,
Magic Drag Queen
Surf City H3 Scribe