First of all, Last Call Norm was originally a Monterey Bay Hasher. My recollection is she started hashing with Monterey Bay in the late 90’s and she definitely got her name there . She was the first Monterrey Bay Hasher to “discover” the Surf City Hash. She discovered the Surf City Hash because she found flour in downtown Santa Cruz and knew it was not from a Monterrey Bay Hash. The interesting thing is that when she first discovered it, she didn’t let anyone else know. As memory serves me (13 1/2 years later) somehow the info got out about a week later and with that the Monterey Bay Hashers started checking out the Surf City Hash soon afterward.
In case you don’t know how she got her name, here is the story. At that time, she had her name on the wall at 99 Bottles something like 40 times. 99 beers gets your name on the wall once. 9 X 99 gets you a bar stool. 25 X 99 gets you a brick. Go check it out. She has had a brick at 99 Bottles in downtown Santa Cruz forever. Anyway, besides all those times being on the wall at 99 Bottles, her last name is Peterson – like Norm in Cheers. So, Last Call Norm.
I have many fond memories of events with Last Call Norm. Here are a few.
I convinced her to run the Calistoga to Napa relay TWICE. I think she hated it in the middle of night each time. I was never in her van. She even bought a vehicle specifically designed as the perfect relay vehicle. It was not too long, had beds and a toilet. One year we had 2 teams, some from Southern California and I convinced her to let a crop of strangers spend the night the night before.
She hated driving over bridges. She could not keep her eyes open.
The inauguration of her rec room. If you’ve been there, there is a narrow stairway up to the top level. Hashers were appointed the task of trying to get a couch to the rec room. Many engineers tried. All failed that evening. If you ever go the rec room, look for the couch and wonder how it ever got there.
The animal house New Years party at her house in Surf City Hash year 2.. It was a joint Surf City/Monterey Bay event. I was not there, but I got numerous reports of an orgy that happened in what is now Pearl’s “train” room. Because I was the GM of the Monterey Bay Hash, I apologized for the actions of Hashers, even though I was not there. This was last time she has an over night party in her house for Hashers.
Surf City Hash 32 where she I got Hashers to go through tunnels at the Fish Hook. Read about it here: http://web.archive.org/web/20031027095908/https://sch3.net/ht_0032.htm#Trash
She was the Beer Meister for the Monterey Bay Hash and had a room pretty much dedicated to being the Beer Meister.
She was the first Surf City Hasher to arrive at the start in a cab.
If I have my history right, she was the Surf City GM from 2006-2008. During her tenure we passed bylaws and officially became a non-profit. It should be noted that work is now null and void.
The year I got divorced (2004-2005), I asked if I could spend half my nights in a spare bedroom at her house and she accepted. I might still have a key to her house!
Her wedding to Pearl Necklace. Not a numbered hash run, but quite an event.
Surf City Hash 700 where Occasional Rapist and I had our hash wedding at her house.
Wharf to Barf was originally a Monterey Bay Hash event (even before my time) that was Sunday only. We started at Neary Lagoon (with a giant condom) and walked along the railroad tracks to the start. I think running with the giant condom is how she discovered the hash. The next year and all years thereafter, Wharf to Wharf Racist started at her house instead.
Her kids did baby sitting for me for a period of time. At Hot Wheels 3 year old birthday party, when Little Spit was 2 weeks old, somehow I got word they wanted to come to the birthday party (which included a bounce house). Last Call Norm had memories of her teen age children going to a birthday party for 3 year olds. I think we had a Monterey Bay Hash that day too.
Her kids have Hash names of Brave Fart and Fast Balls. They did many Hashes in the early years of the Surf City Hash.
Monterey Bay Hash 300. The Hash starts on the East side of Henry Cowell and ends on the West side of Henry Cowell. It crosses the San Lorenzo river 3 times. Last Call Norm falls and hits her head on a rock and gets blood everywhere. Brave Fart is 9 at time and doing the run with her and rather freaks out (as you would expect a 9 year old to do when her mom’s face is covered in blood). At the end the Hash, I get reports “Last Call Norm has fallen in the river”. Well, it’s a long way from where I am to where she is. I have an off duty Fireman with me (No Fucking Response) who at one point advises I call 911, which I do. They eventually arrive, they take all my vital statistics and hers, and she refuses services. Today, I’m amazed no fines were levied. Perhaps that’s because we didn’t mention beer.
So, here’s to you Last Call Norm. You were true blue!
Our Hash scribet’s seem to all be burned out on scribing, so despite not deciding to be the scribe until numerous days after the fact, I will dive on it this week. I suggest that others offer in future weeks. I will help you get your work published. In years before the internet, I once saw a writeup done as a hand drawn map with stick figures I think. I once did a writeup when I was around 3,000 miles away when the hash happened. About every third sentence in that write-up was “Fuck you doggy style!”, and I was not even mad, just trying to be funny. Some people got it, some people thought it was pornography. Some people thought it both.
This weeks meetup started at Brady’s Yacht club and pirate’s ruled the roost. I got questions about whether this was some sort of annual pirate day and had to explain we only dress up like pirates periodically, but drink somewhere every Thursday.
On this day we had 3 hares and I’ve always believed as the number of hares grows beyond 2, the chances for fucking up grows exponentially. While I didn’t personally experience an egregious fuck ups on this trail, it’s probably because I ended up running inside or outside the true trail most of way. However, comment from the pack and even the hares, suggest it was impossible to run true trail without running through a false.
Trail started innocently enough towards Seabright beach. I figured a tour of the yacht harbor was in order, so as the pack headed down Cypress Ave, I paralleled on Seabright Ave, anticipating a left turn towards the yacht harbor. When I reached East Cliff and no trail appeared, I figured I would loop around and somehow connect back with the pack. It appears true trail crossed Murray at Mott, however I took Murray towards the boardwalk anticipating a river crossing there.
When I found no trail at the railroad trestle, it was time for a gentle loop back. So, first I headed up Buena Vista, hoping to possibly catch trail going into the backside of OceanView park, or possibly at 5 corners. I eventually found trail on Price St, and the pack trying to solve a check at Windsor and Seabright.
Trail at this point headed down Windsor, but I figured there was a 50/50 chance it would come back to Seabright, or least go to top of Yacht Harbor at Arana Gulch. So, I proceeded up Seabright, with a right on Soquel, then a right on Mentel into Arana Gulch. I encountered the pack again at the top of the Yacht Harbor.
Now, the only way for the pack to get where I saw them then and when I saw then last was to go through Frederick Street park. And, indeed that is how they went. However, apparently the only way to find trail leaving Frederick Street park was to run through a false, which someone how the pack figured out. The pack I encountered found trail going left out of Frederick Street park. DFL’s later turned right, went through a false, also found trail. Somehow, it was later determined these DFL’s were the only hounds to follow the entire true trail.
As I encountered the pack, they were exiting the Yacht Harbor on Brommer. Taking Brommer had only one logical consequence to me – an eventual Yacht Harbor crossing On Murray. So, I am abandoned the pack for third time, and made my first good decision. I headed down the far side of the Yacht harbor and encountered a check just below the railroad tracks. Naturally, trail proceeded across the Yacht harbor on the railroad tracks.
At this point I was by myself. No sign of any Hasher anywhere in the vicinity. I figured I was WAY in front of the FRB’s. I encountered Liquor Check across the bridge and in the bushes and brought it out to easily found by the pack. Ew was that Liquor Check some nasty moonshine! I had one taste and spit out.
I then continued on down the railroad tracks, but soon discovered that trail did not. I doubled back and found a pack arrow across the street from where the Liquor Check was. So, there were some FRB’s in front of me!
At this point, it was basically a jaunt down the Yacht harbor and to Seabright beach. Apparently, Pink Cherry Licker and Electric Labia Land were on the cliffs above launching water balloons at the pack. Perhaps because I was a lone Hasher at this point, none were sent in my direction that I could decipher. It was a right turn on to the soft sand and another Liquor Check before the beer check. Apparently the Liquor Check was somehow initially buried in the sand, but the FRB’s unburied it by the time I got there.
It was a long wait at the beer check for pack to finally arrive and I went to back to Brady’s to get warm clothes and by the time I returned the pack was beginning to migrate to religion.
Religious Adviser for the night was Dung Fu grip with a beer fairy that I cannot recall. We had down downs for our scribes who are failing to their duty of recent, for the three Hashers (Occasional Rapist, Just Paul and Shameless Butt Plug) who were reported the only 3 Hashers to do the trail completely and correctly and a ceremony around the return of Can’d Hashit that Dog Breath had stolen which required intimate body parts from all 4 Can’d Hashers in attendance. Then, 2 Black and White units showed up and it was time to get out of dodge.
I headed home at this point, but evidence from the Hash Flash indicates that a second naming opportunity for Just Lori resulted in Summer’s Yeast and that Just Heather become Ho to Housewife. I’ll note that Summer’s Yeast name somehow reminds me of Winters Bone. No, it’s not a porno. Look it up. It was nominated for 4 academy awards and had Jennifer Lawrence in it.
Our Hash scribets have had had a perfect system of recently. They schedule Occasional Rapist when she is either on vacation or about to head out on vacation, so I get to do it instead. Last time Occasional Rapist was scheduled to be the scribe she was working from Las Vegas. This time she was headed to Rotan Honduras for a scuba diving trip in less than 36 hours after the Hash. I’m supposed to be getting some compensation for being her replacement, but it has not happened yet.
During this past Thursday’s Hash it had completely slipped my mind I was the scribe. I was reminded from Honduras on Sunday I had agreed. So, anything I write now must have been really noteworthy. Occasional Rapist misadventures in Honduras seem much more interesting right now, but you’ll have to ask her about those when she gets back. I am also interested to hear about our adventurers to Bay to Blackout. I am sure those details will be forthcoming soon as well.
Hash 743 started from the hotel bar of The Dream Inn called Jack Oneil’s lounge. The Dream Inn will always be memorable for me as it’s where I consummated my current marriage. Of course it is quite nice, so I’ll probably never have an occasion to spend another night there.
This area of Santa Cruz is turning into a popular hashing spot of recent. Of course we had just been by here last Saturday for The Red Dress run. Hash 733 also started at Jack Oneils and Hash 732 went close by. Hash 744, The Big Lebowski, this next Thursday is in the neighborhood as well. I am happy to report that at least hash 745 will be not be in the vicinity. It will be in Scotts Valley.
Today’s Hash was supposed to be set by Achy Breaky Snatch and step dad New Kids on My Cock. She informed me that since she signed up, he job hours have changed and she has to work 4:30 – 12:30, so will not be seeing us for a while. Twisted Fisted filled in as a stunt hare.
As I sat at the bar next to Cumz out my Nose at the start, she informed me she had spotted the hares pre-laying. Their comment was, it is fucking hot! Is not the temperature the same for the pack as for hares, or did the hares think there is a dramatic temperature shift between when the hares leave and when the pack leaves? While the hares were worried about the temperature, apparently the one thing they did not take into consideration was the tide.
While trail seemed to be commonly observed as a cluster fuck by the pack, I missed the fucked up part. There was a check in front of the wharf and a long ass false to Neptune’s Kingdom at the Boardwalk. I suspected the hares really meant Back Checked, so I headed up Cliff Street, then left on 2nd. I figured to hit trail somewhere by Depot Park. At Depot Park, I saw Hashers retreating on the railroad tracks. In my mind, this left one option open to the hares – take West Cliff Drive and return via Neary Lagoon. So, I took Neary Lagoon to where I had been the host for the hurricane check outside of Neary Lagoon for The Red Dress Run. No marks there, so I stuck my tail between my legs and took Bay back towards West Cliff, figuring to find trail somewhere along the way.
Back to West Cliff, and I still found no trail, so I headed back towards the last known mark and found where disaster had struck. I found pack marks towards the beach and Thmp-Thmp retreating. Apparently, there was a liquor check down a ways, and trail was supposed to continue on and up the stairs. However, the tide had come up since the hares were there, and the trail was impassible. That is, unless you are Puff. If memory serves me right, the last time a hare tried this technique, was Cockiss with Hash 100. On that day around 12 years ago, Puff wrote:
If we had the feet of a mountain goat, we might, and I mean might, just be able to scratch and paw our way up the rocks used as a breakwater. I’m not swimming to the stairs at Lighthouse Point so I’ve no option really. By holding on to the hound in front and forming a human chain, eventually all hounds reassembled on West Cliff Drive and continued westward ..
On this day, Puff decided if he had done it 12 years ago, he could do it again, and scrambled down the rocks to the stairs. All others retreated and looped around to West Cliff.
From there is was a fairly uneventful trail. There was a back check 7 and back check 11 though from our villainous hares along the way though. The trail looped through the neighbors, through Lighthouse Field to a liquor check (Whisky) across West Cliff and a back check 11 which Shallow Hole and I found. Shallow Hole and I grabbed the Whisky knowing no one else from the pack would come there. Beer check was soon discovered in the trees in Lighthouse Field.
Rumor has it, beer check was inhabited by numerous mosquitoes. However, I have been in many places in the world where many people have been attacked by mosquitoes and I have felt none. So, I noticed none.
Eventually, we reconvened under the railroad tracks across from the start for religion. RA number 1, Accuprick, was not there. RA number 2, Dung Fu Grip, showed his snout at the end but had not done trail. So, RA number 3, Timmy was elected and he elected Finger Nips as his beer fairy.
Pink Cherry Licker got her 69th Hash patch and she appeared to pickled pink about it.
We had one Virgin in Virgin Andrew. He’d heard about the Hash via friends in DC and found our local Kennel on the Internet. He told some lame joke.
He had travelers from afar (Lake Tahoe) in Dickens Chickens and Cheek and Dong. Cheeck and Dong has an interesting memory. He thinks his hash count should be around 25, but in fact, it is 4.
The On-On-On was a South Beach Pizza. May the Hash go in Peace!
Seeing as how Puff and I were the only two Hashers in attendance that were at Norm and Pearl’s wedding 11 years ago, it somehow correct that I was the scribe for this hash. Looking back at Hash trashes back at that time, I can find no mention of Norm and Pearl’s nuptials. Since Puff wrote most of them, I can think of only one reason those nuptials were not mentioned – Jealously. Ya see, as many may not know, Puff used to date Norm. However, I know there were many in between Pearl for Norm. As best as I can determine, there have none since for Puff.
Norm and Pearl’s wedding was technically a Beer Trollers Hash. Never heard of the Beer Trollers? That’s because I think that might have been the last one there was. Norm was the founder of Beer Trollers and it was a periodic pub crash hash. No running involved usually. Still, if I recall correctly, we might have run some for their M Word run. Norm (and Pearl) wanted to be able to do their M Word run their way, so they decided Beer Trollers was the way to go. I guess the current tyrants of the Monterey Bay Hash (Me) or the Surf City Hash (Giant Athletic Supporter) were not tolerant enough for her composition.
I barely heard the hares pre-run brief or anything else before the pack departed as I was too preoccupied with making sure that this weekend 12 Hashers leave Santa Cruz and return home in one piece after running 191 miles. However, this comment should be ignored as while it has to do with Hashers and some beer, it has nothing to do with Hashing.
Before we get on to this weeks trail, you be wondering, why am I the scribe this week? Well, Occasional Rapist was caught at work in Las Vegas, Pink Cherry Licker was caught doing her third job, and Shallow Hole’s mind was in New Orleans where she was soon headed. I’ll note that it seems Occasional Rapist favorite work activity in Las Vegas was seeing Thunder Down Under with co-workers. How is that for NSFW?
Seeing as how I had hared 3 weeks out of the last 4, I was looking forward to doing trail this week. However, my hashing senses stated there was not going to much of a trail and that turned out to be true. The Hares had a date with Santa Cruz Warriors and nothing was going to deter them. I honestly thought we might head straight to Kaiser stadium, have a beer check close by, and the hares would abandon us. Instead, the hares ran us in a 1.5 mile loop with beer check across the street from their house. They fooled a few, including me, by having beer check at some patio area instead of in the back parking lot.
When I arrived at beer check, and proclaimed the trail was 1.5 miles long, Last Call Norm proclaimed she said it felt like 2.5. I think what she really meant was 10. That happens when you Hash once a year. Before you go berating the length of this trail, I want to you to know the length of this trail was typical in old Surf City Hash days. Most of the trails we do these might have resulted in hare dismemberment. After the hares caught their breath, and soon after the pack arrived, they were off to see the Warriors. The Hasher who had the hardest time catching their breath was Nippleless Butt. He looked like had run 10 miles in the heat of the day. He did not recover unless Hugh Heffer offered him a dog bowl of water at religion.
The pack wandered across the street to religion. While there, Dog Breath fucked the cat, Diddler on the Roofie peed in the bushes, Dung Fu Grip was the RA with The Human Pube was the Beer Fairy.
The highlight of trail was when My Little Bony saw a horrific car accident and was forced to relieve his horrified eyes at the 007. This caused him to miss the beer check. Amazingly, no one else saw the car accident. He was rewarded for chivalry as well as being a backslider at religion.
The backslider of the week award went to Cumz out my Nose. The Hash caused her such displeasure she actually went to the hospital the next day or so.
Twisted Fister and Shallow Hole checked out the missed Alcohol check from the Lampshade Hash while on trail. Inadvertently, they drug a couple of Hashers with them. They discovered some homeless people had found it. They were rewarded for providing alcohol to homeless people.
This weeks’s anniversary was Timmy for his 420th hash, only a week or so after 4/20.
We had two virgins in Virgin Jessica and Virgin Shane. However, whatever they did must not have been noteworthy as I have no memory of it.
The Hash went in Peace, but I had no rejoicing that night as Occasional Rapist was in Las Vegas. She has promised me some rejoicing this week for submitting this document before Hash 740 begins.
Occasional Rapist is supposed to be your scribe here, but she asked me Friday morning if I wouldn’t mind doing it. Seeing as how she didn’t do trail and and didn’t make it to religion, my faint remembrances will be more lucid than her non-attendance.
Occasional Rapist and I started the evening by attempting to be good citizens. We tried to take the bus. Tried. Route 71 is supposed to come every 30 minutes in the evening. The first bus obviously never showed. For the second bus, we had a routine rider waiting with us. When it was 5 minutes late and he had a friend stop to give him a ride, we hitched one as well. It seems the hares had left about 5 minutes before our arrival. Timmy was outside Reds (aka Banana Basher‘s former sports grill) giving a chalk talk.
Wet Ferral Pussy had a giant costume which I thought was a mushroom, but later learned it was a Jelly Fish (makes me think of a line from Rock Lobster). WaxiPad and Shallow Hole appeared as their alter ego’s – Glam Rockers. There were a few pirates, and of course there were too many Puff impersonators to be counted. We also had numerous visitors from near and far who seemed to have heard that Santa Cruz was a cool place to be on Halloween. They were right.
I had heard this was going to be a short trail. Perhaps by recent Surf City standards it could have been deemed a “shorter” trail, but I would never call it short. I measured it as 2.76 from start to beer check. In fact, by Surf City standards in the early years, this would have approached the long trail standard.
Trail started through an alley way of sorts by Reds, then over to a real alley nearby, then up Green Street. This was the first hash I’ve been healthy at in 2 months and I suddenly became an FRB. Then it was up through Mission Plaza and over the freeway. As we passed over the freeway, I knew religion was close by, so I figured we were soon to approach beer check. Boy was I wrong. After crossing the bridge, it was true trail to the right paralleling Highway 1. I figured beer check was at the cemetery. As we approached the cemetery, I saw lights and music in the distant. I figured that’s it! Boy was I wrong.
In the cemetery I noticed a small problem. My flashlight didn’t work. Fortunately, other FRB’s had caught up by then, so I used their light to traverse the cemetery. There was a check just past the cemetery, but there was only 1 logical place to go from there – up through Wagner Grove. Others around me with flashlights seemed uncertain where we were headed, but I knew, and up, up we went through the darkness. Later I was to find that Pink Cherry Licker wimped out going through Wagner Grove. In the summer she works at the bottom and was too scared to go through in the dark.
In Wagner grove we found a beloved “LC” mark. However, no liquor was discovered. Apparently it was stolen before the pack got there. That’s the second time a liquor check has been stolen here!
Someone in or around Wagner Grove asked who Wagner grove is named after. It appears to be named after John Wagner, who’s heirs sold the property to the city of Santa Cruz in 1959.
At the top of Wagner grove, we headed through neighborhoods of trick or treaters. I thought we should stop for candy ourselves.
Before Highland quickly descends to High was the only confusing check of the night. The stairs had a false at the bottom at the of them. That meant there was only one other way to go (down Highland), right? Wrong! The pack I was with descended down Highland. Timmy claimed he saw flour going down., However, at Highland and High there was nothing. It appears the pack proceeded up High and found trail. However, I alone decided to go back to the check and find The Way. The Hares found a clever passage down a driveway and down some apartment stairs, When later asked how they found it, Thmp-Thmp said “Google Earth”. This passageway included the letter STFU. Later I was learn that means “Shit The Fuck Up”.
Finally to High street, it was quick jaunt to Pink Cherry Licker’s abode, for which I had never been to. While I arrived by myself, I believe about half the pack was already there. Most amazing to me was that Wet Ferral Pussy did the entire trail in her giant Jelly Fish costume and arrived not too long afterward.
After the beer check we jaunted around the corner to Dirty Dolmas house. However, Dirty Dolmas was not there. She was off gallivanting (if you can call it that after foot surgery) with Wicked Retahted and Occasional Rapist downtown. So, we peed on the carpet, shit in the yard, raped the dog and raided the refrigerator. After that, Accuprick proceeded over down downs with Hogasm as his beer ferry.
Downs were rather a mad house with too many distractions to pay attention. I started on the swing with a group of Hashers huddled together to stay warm. The first order of business, and the only import business, was congratulations to Puff for 700 Surf City Hashes. Did he get a patch? I imagine so, but I didn’t see it as he would be giving it to himself.
We had virgins in Maria, Daniel, and Sal.
We had visitors in Cheek and Dog, Dickens Chickens and Doggie Style.
We had a butt load of Puff impersonators. The best being Dung Fu Grip and the wost being Twisted Fisted.
We had an extreme backslider in Portholeo.
We had a naming, just Christina is now Achy Breaky Snatch. I still like Spank Bank better.
Best costume went to Wet Ferral Pussy.
And of course the hares. After that we were off to the freak show downtown and finally to Tampico.
To end my evening, the bus was right where it should be and I met Occasional Rapist at home who had taken the bus one hour earlier. She said she left downtown early because she was tired of guys grabbing her ass. And, after I returned home, there was much rejoicing.