Hello there wanker-kanker-soress’s. Did we not have a blast last Sunday playing our own “Super” bowl? The Waxes hosted a knarly paartaay, we even had our own resident “in the house” band! Greatful Dead song’s we’re a balarin’, “safety” meetings happening on the hour every hour (we know who you are). And oh ya, we even decided to go for a romp run in the rain. The hare’s decided to for-go the original trail d/t rain, otherwise Shallow Hole would not have let us come over after (muddy and all wet):) So instead, around 1:30pm, after sharing a bottle of Proseco, Chardonnay, and a few beers had by some, the hares took off. It was hard to leave since the music was so good. But off we went. The first thing we see out of the driveway was a “BM” signage? WTF does that mean?, we all said outloud. Umm first thing I thought was maybe Shallow was having a work flash attack, since BM’s are something to watch for in TF/TPN feedings. BUT lo and behold it ended up being dBASED that wrote it! He meant to put BW check, LOL. It didn’t matter much as the wine ended up being a sweet blackberry Merlot, so they both we’re off the hook so to speak, (although dBASED got the down down later). Trail was fucked up for us DFL’s we ended up going almost a mile longer than true trail. Ever hear the term “may all your up’s and down’s be in bed”? That could have applied to this day’s trail, where we went up we went down and so on. But we drank all the time whilst doing it! The game was fun, I liked watching all the funny commercials and half time entertainment. The rest of the gang played “card’s against humanity”. Did I tell you all the good food we ate? We had some hasher’s show up just to bring us food and visit, Choka Cola, Hairy Potter and their gorgeous baby girl, Micah and ‘Twat did you say?’ The Pulled pork sandwiches we’re devine, as was the spanikopia, salsa and spinach dip’s, and all the other stuff. A fine time had by all indeed. Who really cared about the game? In the end the enclosed patio was our little area of singing hash song’s, drinking, and laughing as we we’re all dry inside! We like hashing like this!  Thanks again to the Waxes for hosting this stupor bowl!! We love ya man!!

On On

Occasional

This week, Hugh Heifer brought the pack to Callahan’s.  This was my first time in the joint.   There are some dive bars in Santa Cruz that are even too low life for hashers , and I figured there must be some reason why we never frequent this place.  It wasn’t as bad as I expected.  The chick tending bar was super friendly and we got served quickly.  There were rumors this place had a stripper pole at one time, and certain hashers were the reason they decided to get rid of it.  The ladies room was a shit hole, but you can get a “love kit” for 50 cents!  Damn!  I didn’t have any change!

Hugh somehow persuaded Dung Fu Grip to be her Co-Hare, AKA her Back Check Bitch.  I’m sure there was some bribery involved.  After the Hares left, some hashers amused themselves by straddling the saddle and playing rodeo cowboy. 

The pack headed out and followed the flour across Ocean St, through the courthouse parking lot to San Lorenzo Park.  I was the lone FRB at that point and some concerned homeless folks spotted me searching around for flour and asked if I was ok.   This took me off guard, since it seems more likely for them to ask me for spare change or if I want to get high.  There was a check on the river levee and the rest of the pack caught up with me.   Trail continued past the Warrior Arena, up the stairs to Beach Hill and down to the Boardwalk, over the train trestle, left on East Cliff Drive.  We crossed through a field and found beer check at Hugh’s friend Jim’s house on Pearl St.  Hugh really has a way with men!  This guy let us invade his yard, use his bathroom and cooked us a bunch of food!  Trail was 3.33 miles according to Occasional Rapist’s GPS.

Religion was in the medical office complex across the street from the bar.  Accuprick was RA, and Occasional Rapist was Beer Fairy.  Dirty Dolmas and Twat did you Say? were punished for short cutting trail.  Wicked Retahted was called up for doing reverse cowgirls on the saddle at the bar.  Ralph Crammed-In was punished as a backslider and for being so damned skinny.  Yours truly, Shallow Hole, was also punished for being a backslider since I missed 2 weeks while traveling.  Pink Cherry Licker made accusations of shitty markings on trail.  There was also an accusation of an assassination attempt by dog leash.  Twat did you Say?  got tangled up in Nippleless Butt’s leash.  dBASED accused her of not running fast enough.  Twisted Fister was accused of being a wino drinking on the railroad tracks.  See what hashing will do to you?  Phyllis Driller was not seen on trail, but showed up at the end.  Accuprick thanked Jim, or beer check host.  Hugh made him cum!  He said he was from Surf City, NJ.  It’s a town on Long Beach Island.  It’s a cool place.  My friends and I rented a house there for vacation many years ago and we tripped out on the beach.

dBASED was congratulated on his 575^th hash!  He was ecstatic.  Can’t you see the excitement on his face?  And last but not least, the Hares………………….

See all you Wankers on Thursday at Salsa’s on Mt Hermon Road in Scotts Valley.  The place was formally known as KFC.

On On,

Shallow Hole

Phyllis Driller hared for her first time on this night! At first we thought she was haring alone, but she recruited Thmp Thmp at the last minute. We met at the infamous Cole’s BBQ on Portola/26th Ave. It was a warm Junuary evening.  So sitting outside for a beer was ok. We had 2 virgin’s show up, Ryn (Wicked’s neighbor) and Kenyon, friend of the GM’s. Now Phyliis has been hashing since May 2009, and finally she felt comfortable enough to sign up to hare at last years AGM, way to go Phyllis! Lately we have been having split trails, a Turkey AND an Eagle. Why we need to do this is beyond me. Let’s keep it simple folks! In short, the Turkey trail was (if we ended up at BC when we we’re suppose to ~1.5 miles.), and Eagle ~3 miles. Trail led down 26th to East Cliff where Turkey’s went right and Eagles to the left down East Cliff. What a clear gorgeous night I thought! The view by the beach with a clear starlite sky was beautiful.  We worked our way back to Portola (I was with the Turkey trotter’s) and when we saw our first BN signage over by Ceasar’s Pizza at Portola and 17th Ave. it was ~ 1.26 miles on my GPS, and part of me was a little happy to finally get to BC (then trail led to  shoreline middle school). But this is where it got interesting, we kept walking and walking until we saw yet another BN signage (which turned right away from the school), and then just true hare arrows that continued back to Portola thru neighborhood. Then I saw TIMMY! coming toward’s me down Portola, this is when we suspected we truly missed BC and decided to back track. Sure enough we bumped into Princess Di-arrhea whom explained we needed to go back to Shoreline Middle School to the BC, the HARES we’re late to their own damn BC!! Way to go half minds!. Good tastey cold beer awaited, and many laughs later we then resumed trail to religion which was behind the library on Portola. Cuff my Muff didn’t do trail and decided to let Dung-Fu-Grip play RA for the evening. Dirty Late-Cummer was his beer fairy. Noted was lame joke by Kenyon, and Ryn decided to show us her knee! Hugh Heifer got a down down for 25 consecutive hashes, and Puff for 650 consecutive hashes! GET a life! Amazingly no cops showed up to Religion, so we all then headed back to Cole’s where the pack split up to On On’s (Engfer’s Pizza and or Cole’s).

and the Hare!

This week’s trail will start at The Crepe Place, Puff is Haring!

On On half minds…

Occ. Rap

This week, Twisted Fister, New Kids on my Cock and Achy Breaky Snatch summoned the pack to Kouboi in Aptos.   Hashers know this place as the old Britannia Arms, which closed and reopened as a sushi place.  Note to self.  Next time order the $3 Japanese beer instead of the 8 ounce glass of Belgian beer for $8.30.  I knew it was a bad sign when I heard that the last time New Kids on my Cock hared a trail was in 2006.  Achy Breaky Snatch was probably sill in elementary school.  Now she’s all growed up and haring her first trail!  Her family must be so proud!   The last time Twisted Fister hared a trail he was stoned.   The Hares said there would be a beer, liquor and a turkey eagle split.

Second Cuming showed up.  Pink Cherry Licker and Just Shane brought Virgin Adam.  He fit in pretty well sporting a moose antler cap.  Despite sightings of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez in Aptos this week, they did not show up at the hash.  I heard the idiot got arrested for throwing eggs at his neighbor’s house.   We used to throw eggs and toilet paper the neighbor’s house and never got caught.  The best part is he got caught by his own security cameras.  More proof that you don’t need brains to be in the music business.

The pack was reluctant to leave the bar, but set out looking for flour.   The trail went through the parking lot, past Aptos BBQ, and then the pack found themselves on the railroad tracks.  There was a pretty long stretch of tracks, but we were rewarded with the first liquor check at Princess and Thmp-Thmp’s house.  The Hares left a large bottle of tequila, bag of limes and salt.  After a shot or two, we continued on trail through the golf course.  We ran through some nice neighborhoods, then down to the beach.  Trail continued on the beach, along the sea wall to Rio Del Mar.

The pack was treated to a second check, sushi/liquor at Achy Breaky’s house.   Trail continued through Rio del Mar and up Rio del Mar Boulevard to the final check, a beer check under a bridge.  

It was a long one!  Occasional Rapist’s GPS said the turkey trail was 4.72 miles!  The Eagle was about 5 1/2 – 6 miles.  I’m not sure, because I was having technical difficulties with my GPS watch.   Some whiners (Puff) complained about getting sand in their shoes.  Let’s have a pity party!   I can think of a lot worse things like getting sand in your privates, stepping in dog shit, or sewer water.  I had a drunk girl throw up on my shoe at a Dead show once.   That really sucked!

Religion was in back of Kaoboi.  Accuprick was RA and named Second Cuming as Beer Fairy.  She said she is back from a 13 year stent in Africa.  A few hashers were called up for bitching and whining about the length of the trail.  Pink Cherry Licker was given a down down for proclaiming she was FRB and “won the hash.”   Cumcerto was called up for saying that “absinthe makes her horny.”  DFL’s Just Shane and Virgin Adam finally showed up in classic hasher fashion, stumbling down the hill each carrying a bottle of liquor.  They got lost and ended up on the eagle trail.  Just Shane made Virgin Adam cum, and he told a lame joke.

It was Just Shane’s 5^th Surf City Hash and he was up for naming.  He used to flip pancakes for a living.  Dung Fu Grip came up with the name Fap Jack.  Fapping is a new term that means the sound made when jerking off.   It’s in the Urban Dictionary.  I checked.  We actually had a second naming.  I’m not sure if this ever happened in Surf City history, but the pack named a Virgin!  Virgin Adam was named Moose Turd Pie.  He was wearing moose antlers and mouthing off too much.  Welcome to the hash!  We’ll see if he ever shows his face again.

If that wasn’t enough excitement for the night, New Kids on my Cock celebrated his 100^th Surf City hash!  It only took him 11 fucking years!  Yours truly celebrated her 125^th hash.  It only took me 3 years.  My first hash was January 20, 2011.  Memories……  Get a life, get a life, get a life, life, life!

And last but not least, the Hares……………………………………….

On On,

Shallow Hole

This week started off back over at the West End Tap and Kitchen. TIMMY! And Dung Fu Grip hared. I kinda get the feeling that TIMMY! planned it and Dung Fu acted as the back check bitch.
The trail was ….. dark. We had few more of those numbered back checks, but apparently we’ve learned to count since last week because we were able to find the way this time. We wandered down past Antonelli’s Pond and into Natural Bridges.
Did I mention it was dark? The first liquor check was a bottle of fireball on a foot bridge headed down toward the beach. When it became apparent that the trail headed down to the sand and then back up to the treeline, some hashers thought they could short cut. However, the darkness was concealing a lagoon! The lagoon prevented short cutting, so we all had to trudge through the sand.
Then we headed back up to the road. The more adventurous among us hopped a fence. It was tall and not hooping friendly. The rest of us went around. Then off through the maze that is the Lower West Side. I was glad to have a good group with me when we hit the field at PCS. We all spread out in a line across the field to find the flour. You know, like search parties do when they’re looking for dead bodies.
The second liquor check was down on one of the cliffs, but I didn’t go down. Do you know why? Because every year some asshole gets swept away down there and I don’t feel the least bit sorry for them because there are signs all over the place. I hear it was the apple schnapps that we never found on the Krampus run. I hope you all had fun with that.
We (predictably) ended up at Garfield park. There was beer. We drank it.
Religion was in the parking lot behind Safeway. We have several new transplants! Little Kahuna joined us, his mother hash is in Maddison. We also had Snapping Twat from Austin. She brought Virgin Jeff. He showed us his ass. We also had Virgin Jamie, she made herself come. She told an absolutely awful joke. Twat got her 50 run patch and taught us some dirty sign language. It was Accu’s birthday (Happy Birthday, fuck you).
We were almost ready to go when someone noticed Puff’s brand new shoes! Shouldn’t he know better by now? I guess he figures it’s a way to get more beer at down downs.

See you at Kauboi!

Pink Cherry Licker