I will make this short and fucked (just like trail) but not without a little treat for all of those who comment to me how much they love my writing style and can’t wait to read my hash all they time, so I will start with telling you that we all met up at the Aptos St BBQ in Aptos which is the second location of the Mission St BBQ in Santa Cruz, a popular place for locals and visitors alike and then after we all met up and had a few beers Twisted took off to finish his pre-laid trail, but not without ditching his dog with Thmp-Thmp because managing a pre-lay and a dog is a lot for any half mind and then after we all thought it was long enough the pack took off and we stumbled across our first check which was at the entrance to Nisene Marks, it was quickly solved (or so we thought) and the entire pack started to run down hill on Spreckles heading towards the water, we passed street after street after street until in the distance we saw the two FRB’s, Dung Fu Grip and Cock Throbbin turn around to face us and this is when we knew we were in trouble, the entire pack had to turn around since they found a nice little YBF (You’ve Been Fisted) and so as we are running back I see thmp-thmp and our visitor Clownmydia from Portland, Oregon chatting it up with a couple of guys who were smoking something which apparently turned into the first guerilla beer check on trail and so we all go up this hill, or at least all of us expect TIMMY!!! who believed the mis-guiding street signs and went off trail but luckily wondered back onto trail somewhere; so up the hill we go back to Soquel Drive and find ourselves back at the first check where there are now new marks at leading us towards Nisene Marks and so the pack follows the marks and there is Twisted with his shit eating grin laughing at all of us for running up and down Spreckles when true trail was really only about three-quarters of a mile long, I overheard Finger Nips call him a genius (which she was later given a down-down for) and I soon learned of a second guerilla beer check which transpired in front of the home of Just Kate and Just Jackson who claim they forgot hashing is on Thursday nights despite the email and Facebook invitations they receive, but at least they are kind and share beer with the people who read their email before sending it directly to the trash folder; so after a little fun and games we headed off to religion where we celebrated the arrival of a new virgin, Mirit and her dog Mosey who haven’t seen seen since and maybe this is because the beer fairy, Cock Throbbin didn’t give her a big enough pour, we had one backslider that evening, New Kids on My Cock and then the pack was drunk and out of control so things were wrapped up and a bunch of the group headed back to Aptos BBQ to grab some munchins and libations before calling it an evening and that’s about all there was folks!

Run-On-On,
Ho to Housewife

It doesn’t take much for hashers to make fools of themselves.   We are halfminds after all.  The Anal Lampshade hash is the perfect opportunity to throw a lampshade on your head and run around town like a bunch of fools.  Ho to Housewife was scheduled to co-hare, but was under the weather.  Too much partying at Betty Ford!  Dung Fu Grip agreed to fill in at the last minute to hare with Cock Throbbin’.    It was a small pack this week.  A lot of hashers were still hung over from Betty Ford.  It sounds like everyone survived the weekend despite the ungodly 100 degree heat. If I am correct, this might be Surf City’s first visit to KC’s Sports Bar & Lounge on Pacific Ave.   It might be the last.  There were plenty of fashionable bedazzled lampshades this year.   I went for the pink, feather Vegas show girl look.  Hugh Heifer sported a bovine inspired shade that captured the essence of her hippy vegetarian cow persona.  Fingernips wore a really tall lampshade that lit up.  It was definitely a fashion statement.  Luckily she’s not tall or she would have issues getting through doorways.  Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack had a mod vibe going on with their Devo inspired shades.   dBASED sported a little kid inspired shade with crayon drawings on it.  Occasional Rapist, TIMMY!!!  and Cock Throbbin” went for the clean look.  Stylish but not fancy.  Dung Fu Grip had rabbit ears sticking out the top of his.  Wicked Retahted attached his shade to a baseball helmet, so it didn’t fall off.   My Little Bony wore a red Fez.  But the best had to be Banana Basher’s bubble making frog lampshade!

My GPS logged trail at 4 miles.  It went across the river to the lamp store for a group photo.  Banana Basher, My Little Bony and Wicked Retahted walked across the street to the nearest bar.  The rest of the pack crossed the street, followed trail down Dakota, to Broadway.  It went several blocks down Broadway, across Ocean Street, then  left on Ocean View to Soquel near Shoppers Corner.  We crossed Soquel to North Branicforte.  There was a tricky right turn through some parking lot, to a nasty bum wine check.  The rest of trail was a big loop, on that side of Soquel, around those neighborhoods, down the big hill on Berkeley Way, to a beer check on the trail along the Branciforte Creek.

Religion was on top of Oswald’s Parking Garage.  Dung Fu Grip did double duty and also served a RA for the evening.  Hugh Heifer was Beer Fairy.  TIMMY!!! was called up for a down down.  I don’t remember why.  He changed into sweats that made him look like an old guy from a nursing home.  Luckily he remembered to bring beer and chips!dBASED was called up for shooting off his mouth.  What else is new?  He told the hares how he “almost caught them”, but didn’t.  Hugh Heifer drank for auto hashing for 3 whole blocks.  Since most of the pack went to Betty Ford, Yours Truly, Dog Breath, Banana Basher and My Little Bony drank for not going to Betty Ford.   Wicked Retahted, Banana and Bony drank for not doing trail and not making it to beer check.  There were several Analversaries!  Cock Throbbin’ for 25, Dung Fu Grip for 100, Dog Breath for 250, and Puff the Magic Drag Queen for 775 Surf City Hashes!  Get a life!  And last but not least, the Hares………………

On On, Shallow Hole

Let’s go back in time to hash 786 when Bigfoot roamed the forest, then the hashers moved in.

The pack convened at the locally notorious Bigfoot Museum, where many locals have passed by but rarely stopped in. We were treated to after hours access by Michael, who is possibly a descendant of Bigfoot himself but now spends his days running this high falutin joint.

After some mingling, hares Occasional Rapist and Mortal Enema took off, literally. They threw flour here and there (possibly hanging out from a car window) and had no real trail planned. This was proven to us when the FRB’s ran into the DFL’s, trail crossed over itself and disappeared. Later we learned that the hares were hiding in a bush, stifling their laughter as we all ran back and forth looking for the end of trail. The pack gave up and headed back to the museum. Craziest of them all, Dung Fu Grip, decided to run up the beginning of trail to try to find Beer Check. He came back with promises of beer& food. He lead the pack to beer check where Occasional and Mortal were trying to attract local Bigfoot with the PB&J sandwiches and granola bars (PB&J is rumored to be the big guy’s favorite). The local neighbors were starting to stir so we headed back to religion at the Museum.

Pink Cherry Liquor was named as beer fairy. Pink twisted her ankle on trail and immediately seeked to heal herself by heading to the bar, to get ice of course! Fap Jack is always looking out for his lady and was given a down-down for accompanying her to the bar, to help her apply the ice… of course.

Shady Curtains and Mr Wiggly were awarded down-downs for being our visitors that night, even though they just came up from Monterey, something they seem to do quite often. More than often they just show up and drink all of our beer, but this time they brought us a virgin, a nice foreign one at that! He sang us a brute German drinking song.

Shallow Hole celebrated the analversary of her 175th hash with Surf City, get a life woman!

Hugh Heifer was given a down down for being our pack cougar. I’m excited to see this sexy cat in action at Betty Ford.

TIMMY!!! was awarded a down-down for trying to infiltrate the minds of Occasional Rapist and Mortal Enema. Why would you punish yourself like that man? You’re supposed to be retired and enjoying life. He was a teacher, some people are just a little masochistic I guess.

Mr Wiggly came up and gave some announcements which are of no matter now, since they have all passed. He also lifted his toga to give us a flash of the true Mr Wiggly himself.

As we were wrapping things up, our host Michael came by with one of his baby Bigfoots and we invited him over for a beer (and a song). When we were done he quickly grabbed up the beer and ran away. I can’t say I blame him.

And the hares! Occasional and Mortal were brought up and we paid respects to the departed trail 786.

On on on was held at The Cremer House, which I’m told was quite nice (Yelp tells a different story)

May the hash go in peace, or pieces… whichever….