Monthly Archives: July 2011

Hash 587: Ralph Makes the Kennel Ralph

Greetings & Salavations,

It’s Friday which mean Hash 587 and the opening round of Wharf to Barf ’11 is upon us. That’s the good news. The bad news is that, in a moment of alcoholic incapacitation, Hare Raiser Banana Basher has allowed Ralph Crammed-In to hare. Hopefully, none of our guests from out of town will remember this serious error in judgement by next year or attendance will be minimal by those from outside the Surf City H3 kennel.

We have assembled our traveling kennel inside the venerable building currently housing The Crepe Place. More than just crepes now, owner Adam has turned this place into a destination spot for music many nights of the week. As this is a Friday, the pack must soon be purged as real customers will soon be making an appearance. Already the band is setting up  and has asked Adam is these misfits and degenerates will be staying for the show. Adam says, “No, not to worry. They’ll all be somewhere else drunk by the time you take the stage.”

After his usual incomplete and uninformative Instructions of Trail, Ralph outs himself. Most people had to be told the hare was out as no one paid him any attention to begin with. In due time Banana Basher corralled the herd and migrated them to the parking lot behind Johnny’s Sports and welcomed everyone to Wharf to Barf ’11. Continue reading

Hash 588: Dasterdly dBASED Disaster in DeLaveaga

Come one, come all,

To Saturday Wharf to Barf ’11. Saturday is always the centerpiece of W2B. Today though, the duty of salvaging the day will fall upon the shoulders of Waxi-Pad and his entourage of aged associates. With dBASED as hare, we have no alternative but to hope Waxi can set things right with his band.

Here we are again in the appropriately-named Forty Thieves picnic area of George Washington picnic area of De Laveaga Park. Couldn’t they have made it a little more confusing? Things started off in typical hash fashion-the park maintenance crew was unable to find the key to unlock the padlock on the barbecue grill. Next the bolt cutters they brought to dispose of the offending device were inadequate for the task at hand. Then someone suggested they try their hand at cutting the CHAIN rather than the LOCK and we were back on schedule. Disaster was narrowly averted that time. Continue reading

Hash 586: Ring Around the Redwoods

Greetings,

We find ourselves in beautiful downtown Felton, California, for this edition of the useless drivel saddled with the unenviable moniker of Hash Trash. We’re inside a building with a sign precariously perched on the roof that reads Cowboy Bar & Grill. Now to the best of my knowledge there never were any real cowboys in these-here parts but some mental midget deemed it necessary to open a place for these nonexistent cow pokes to eat. There is, I feel safe in saying, far more Wild West in our hare-pair, Hugh Heifer and Hairy Fuck 2.5 than has ever existed in this redwood forest.

Hugh has just admitted she doesn’t know the location of Beer Check. While this admission does not surprise me, it also does little to raise my opinion of these two as hares. It smacks of little planning and warns of execution of trail that promises to be even worse. It did not bother me at all to see the hare-pair hop on-out. Out of sight, out of mind is my motto when it comes to these two jokers. Continue reading

dBASED: Half a century of being a half-mind

I could refer you to many past Flashes & Trashes substantiating my above supposition but I’d rather continue heaping abuse on dBASED instead. So I shall….

Hash 585 began, yet again, from dBASED’s dreary hovel noisily-located between busy Highway 1 and pot-hole pocked Soquel Drive. There’s no parking, just ask Doctor Kraut. Parking across the street involves hoping no business owner has your ride towed away and, worse yet, trying to make it across busy Park Avenue. This poorly-paved street is used by speeding drivers pissed-off at traffic on Highway 1 as a shortcut to Soquel Drive. On the flip side of the coin, drivers pissed-off by the poor condition of the asphalt on Soquel Drive use it as a shortcut to get to Highway 1. NO one is happy as they pass dBASED’s abode…and that includes Surf City.

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W2B Info

All the information about W2B locations and times has been updated on our calendar.

Friday- July 22

  • Start – Crepe Place, Santa Cruz – 6 pm
  • Religion – Puff’s House – Seabright Avenue, Santa Cruz

Saturday – July 23

  • Start – Forty Thieves, Lower DeLaveaga Park, Santa Cruz – noon

Saturday Pub Crawl- July 23

  • Start – Rush Inn, 115 Knight Street, Santa Cruz – 7 pm

Sunday -July 24

  • Bloody Sunday 7:30 am – LC Norm and Pearl’s – 520 Soquel, Ave
  • Hash 1 pm- LC Norm and Pearl’s – 520 Soquel, Ave

Check the calendar for walk up info – and directions – and all the shit you want to ask.  ON ON

Taking terror to new heights

Ghoulish Greetings,

I consider the above salutation appropriate considering the scare that was stuck into the pack on Trail 584. Read the following if you dare. I will now recount the tragic events that comprised Trail 584. What follows is a factual accounting even if it’s not precisely the events that really occurred.

We assembled our traveling kennel inside the recently-opened Britannia Arms on the Esplanade in Capitola, colloquially referred to as COP-itola by the hash due to their strict enforcement of the seemingly-innumerable Draconian laws instituted by the City Council. For some reason, this fact did not frighten hare-pair Cuff My Muff (and someone should cuff her) and Hairy Fuck 2.5. Their delivery of incomplete Instructions of Trail did little to instill confidence in the small pack that showed up to hash their trail. They outed taking the keys to Banana Basher’s truck with them as this was an A-to-B trail. At least that’s what they told us. I hope it doesn’t really mean the trail is going to be that long.

Continue reading