Monthly Archives: February 2013

Hash Trash #674

This was Thmp Thmp’s almost “over the hill” birthday hash, he and Princess Di-arrhea the hare pair, but I suspect Princess was too sick to lay trail so we can blame this hazardous night all on Thmp Thmp. We met up at the Surf Bowl or “Coaster’s” bar. It was a cold night, and a small packed formed, maybe 15 of us (see hash count) braved the cold.  Some canine hasher’s we’re in attendence. As Nipple-less butt and I approached the entrance of Coaster’s , there was a smaller dog tied up, initially I thought it was Kai (Hugh’s daughter’s dog) this dog was growling like a mad dog toward’s Nipple-less butt! Ok we’ll no friends there. We had Hogazm return to hash, she is officially moved from the Big Island mo’  better, so we shall be seeing her more often, Welcome back! As it turned out that mean dog is hers! Hares had already left when I got to the bar so soon we began to circle up. Trail led us all around to hell and back. We eventually did go over many hills, and down them hills. We got to see just how many fuckin’  hotel/motel’s there on up on those hills. Trail was ~3.5 miles short you can see this link where dBASED ran way off trail (how does he always find beer check when he is off trail?), anyhow we made it to beer check finally under the tressel by the depot/new marine museum. Now My little bony showed up but didn’t do trail, his friend Just Allen looked like he was going to do trail but then we never saw him. He apparently has never paid for any hashes, He was heard stating “you have to pay to hash?”,  so although he said it ws his 5th hash, we’re giving him 2. So keep cuming Just Allen and maybe you’ll get named. He apparently was scared away by Serial box, as that was how long he has been away, he stated she kept asking him “show me your dick” all during his last hash sometime in the year of 2010? Religion was on top of the bowling alley on a roof top parking lot, who knew that was there!! Accuprick was RA, his beer fairy Hogazm.  Just Allen and My little bony took the first down down for shouting about SB’s tale stated above, Hugh’s dog Kai, took a shit on trail, so we sang her a Shit Tonya song. Hairy Fuck 2.5 got his 50th anal-versary, and Hogazm got her 125th anal-versary patch!Hash 674 Cumcerto had to leave to move Deep Strokes RV (yes DS is still here-butt she decided to go find Deep Snow in Tahoe that week) so her down down went to the hare pair. And the hares……We then moved on to South Beach Pizza, Princess Di-arrhea treated us to pizza to celebrate Thmp-Thmp’s nearing over the hill birthday! Whoo hoo we all had a great time! Happy Birthday TT! C U all at Crepe Place Thursday 2/28/13 for Hash Trail #675!

On on….Occasional Rapist

Hash 674

Hash Trash # 673, V-Day Hash 2/14/13

V-Day Mini Skirt/Kilt Hash

Our Hares, Occasional Rapist and Mortal Enema chose Brady’s Yacht Club as the start for this week’s hash.  It was Valentine’s Day, and love and liquor were in the air.  Hashers were asked to wear mini skirts or kilts.  What could be sexier than a bunch of drunks running around in skirts?   Several folks took advantage of the couples kilt sale on Sport Kilt website.  Princess Diarrhea and Thmp-Thmp looked marvelous in their new matching kilts.  Puff the Magic Drag Queen and TIMMY!!! sported their matching kilts.   Pink Cherry Licker learned the lesson of never taking fashion advice from her Dad.  Deep Stroke wore a sexy school girl skirt, with her Beaver fever hat.  I know many of you are asking the same question.  Will she ever leave?  She is searching junkyards far and wide for parts for her RV.  This was the first Hare experience for Mortal Enema.  She hasn’t been around for a while.  In fact, the last time we saw her was in December, the night she got named.  She claimed to work late on Thursday nights, which prohibited her from hashing.  Vince Lamblowme showed up- but not wearing a mini skirt, thank God!  We had 2 virgins, Virgin Christine and Virgin Laura (girlfriend of Just Zach).  I’m sure Virgin Christine gave him hell for dragging her to a hash for Valentine’s Day.  Not your typical romantic date.  Occasional Rapist and dBASED started the week by giving each other a rash.  No, it wasn’t VD.  Just a nasty case of poison oak.  They blamed it on the dog.  Poor Nippless Butt.   I wonder if it’s the same thing as when someone farts and blames the dog.  Just Sayin…….

Our Hares sent the pack on a drunken wild goose chase through Seabright neighborhood streets and ended up on Seabright Beach.  The Hares ran out of flour on the beach.   Just when we figured we were fucked, we saw the lights coming from the fire pits on the beach.  We headed in that direction and found beer check.  The Hares, Wicked Retahted, Cuff my Muff and Dirty Dolmas were all warm and cozy around the fire with beer, a box of wine, candy and had flowers for the ladies.

Religion was held on Watson Street near Pacific Edge.  Accuprick was RA.  He nominated yours truly, Shallow Hole, as Beer Fairy because I posted something sappy to my hubby on Facebook for Valentine’s Day.  Pink Cherry Licker got the first down down.  Something about wanting her and Accuprick to go down the slide at Ocean View Park.  Next, the two newly named Harriettes, Dirty Dolmas and Pink Cherry Licker were called up to the altar.  Accuprick wasn’t present last week and wanted to know how they got their names.  There were several tails from the trail.  We had a “hole down down”.  Deep Stroke told a tale of how she fell into a shallow hole on the beach.  Occasional Rapist fell into the same hole, and Mortal Enema tripped and fell when they were laying trail.  And I drank because my name is Shallow Hole.  Vince Lamblowme and Hugh Heifer drank to congratulate Hugh Heifer for getting laid at a Super Bowl Party.  Good for her!  Virgins Christine and Laura showed frontal body parts.  Welcome to the hash!  Thmp-Thmp shared intimate details about his sex life.  Apparently claiming that his “pussy” hurts.  Princess Diarrhea was blamed (of course).   Princess Diarrhea and Hugh Heifer drank again for wearing hats.  Pink Cherry Licker was serenaded with a hideous rendition of the hash birthday song.  And last but not least, the Hares…………

On On,

Shallow Hole

Hash Trash #672


Hare Hugh Heifer kicked off trail at Tampico downtown this week. If you thought Hugh started in SC because she wanted to spare us from criss-crossing Highway 9 in the dark woods of SLV, you’d be totally wrong, man. There was a rumor that Hugh has a thing for a certain caliente bartender at Tampico. That was bogus, too. The real reason was so Hugh would be close to the Catalyst, where hippie jam band Grandpa’s Chili was gonna noodle their way straight into her heart (and pants).

The pack was a mix of ragamuffins. We had CAN’d hashers Phantom Fluffer, Anthrax Asshole, Ghetto Man, and pooch PB & Vajayjay. We had young nubile girls, crusty old codgers and everything in between. We had virgins! We had namings! We had major backsliders! There was trouble to be had. Of this we were certain because our hare was already drunk and disorderly.

The bag of chalk was being passed around as usual at circle-up. I was carefully picking out a chalk stick like it was a cucumber at the market. It had to be, like, totally choice, ya know? Introductions suddenly ended and the pack took off. I was the sucker left holding the chalk bag. I could’ve stuffed it down my sports bra or something—I even had a free pocket! But instead, I let it flop around like a bag of swinging dildos and headed for the first check at Pacific and Laurel. Trail took us past the new Warriors arena and up the Beach Hill stairs. Then it was down to the bowling alley and onto the beach. Trying to find flour on the sand in the dark is no bueno, especially when the hare is stingy with it. Trail went cold halfway through the volleyball courts. The front of the pack went to higher ground to scout around the wharf entrance. After much bumbling and no flour to be found, I came across a crude arrow pointing towards under the wharf that looked suspiciously like it was frantically scratched in the sand by a dirt-loving hippie hopped up on the vodka. BINGO!!!

The beach trail popped out at the Dream Inn and we hustled up the hill to West Cliff Dr. The sound of the waves and the lights of the wharf were lovely as we made way towards the lighthouse. Trail took a turn on-right at Lighthouse Field, where there was a big commotion. Some wack job was coming towards Puff, Timmy!!! and me on trail hollering nonsense at the top of his lungs like, “YOU’RE TRACKING ME AND IT’S BEEN CONFIRMED!!!” Uh, we’re actually tracking beer, dude. And you’re our biggest obstacle, so fuck off. I might’ve thought it was just a fake diversion our hare schemed up, but Thmp-Thmp found Hugh waiting for us nearby at the beer check wielding a big stick to defend herself against the raving crazy.

At beer check, the best way to “chug” a jello shot was up for debate. My favorite technique is to gently squeeze the bottom while sucking it from the top. Deep Stroke totally vetoed that demonstration, but the guys didn’t seem to mind it. 😉 Hugh was showing jello shot rookies Just Sarah and Cumcerto how to tear open the paper cup and snarf at its innards.

It became evident that this would be the one and only booze check. WTH? We were about a mile and a half from the on-in and this was the END??? Well, Hugh got a bunny earful from Timmy!!! about that. Hugh was in such a hurry to get her some of Grandpa’s Chili, she only laid half a trail (as half-minds will do). We took a nice stroll along the water back to downtown.

Religion was at the Silver Bullet (Oswald) garage and dBASED was our do-it-all RA/beer fairy. Everybody was freezing and doing the pee-pee dance, so it was straight down-down to bizness and only the shortest of songs. Serious backslider Vince Lamblowme has finally returned to our little ragtag bunch, where he belongs. News flash! Deep Stroke still has not left the building! This week, the flu and her RV’s leaky exhaust manifold sabotaged her escape.

We played a little game of “find the foot patch” with Thmp-Thmp to reward him for his 69th hash. He managed to find it deep within my massive heaving boob cleavage and pulled it out with his teeth. Virgin Shannon sang a song about how she’s “got a good feelin’”. I’m pretty sure some of the hasher guys would be more than happy to give her a good feelin’…if you know what I mean. Virgin Jerri told the longest, but not necessarily lamest, blonde joke ever.

At long last, it was time for Just Andrea to be named. Does anybody know if she’s ever actually done trail? Or has she just paid off Puff 5 times over the course of a year? No matter, she’s legit now. She’s naughty and she’s Greek, so from this day forward she is Dirty Dolmas! Apparently Just Sarah learned to appreciate our unsophisticated sense of humor. For lowering her standards, she was rewarded with a new name: Pink Cherry Licker! ‘Cuz she loves them fancy girlie drinks, even though she’s never had classy beer without a twist-off cap. Welcome to the kennel, bitches!!!


As if on cue after the namings, our little shit show was shut down by rain. The pack scattered in all directions and hopefully all roads leaded to a toilet and warm shelter. On on on was back at Tampico and then to the Catalyst, but Thmp and I headed home. We didn’t need no frijoles or Grandpa’s Chili because we’d already survived a case of the r*ns tonight.

Next week we’ll be sporting hottt legs galore! Occasional Rapist will be haring a mini skirt/kilt hash that meets up at Brady’s Yacht Club in Seabright. Panties are optional.

Hash Trash #671

It was a TIMMY! hared trail, we all gathered at the newly fav. hash spot Burger. on Mission. We we’re happy to see our CAN’d H3 neighbor’s Anthrax asshole, Ghetto man and Sealed snatch show up for trail! Just Brian showed up again too but we didn’t see him until he was on trail. I think Anthrax assholes last hash trail with SCH3 was green dress run back in 2012 so he said anyhows. We all enjoyed a cold one, and commenced to trail start. TIMMY! led us towards King and tricked us up a YBF/false trail up Laurent, but we quickly sped back to King and down Van Ness to Mission again down some dark alleyway, this was to be the first of many alley ways we we’re to be led through! Alleyman!! We headed towards the Neary Lagoon. I was actual happy to run through the lagoon as I only had hared one trail never hashed it. TIMMY! was crazy though as the DFL’s went through just in time before the security guard was locking up! I saw him eyeing the flour trail but didn’t say much except, “are there any more behind you guys?” He didn’t even see where the TC, “tequilla” check was. I think he was stoned. On and on we went down Bay then over to more side streets and alley ways, parkway, wilkes circle way, Pendegast ave. to Garfield park where BC was. This time we we’re treated to smirnoff cooler’s, a nice refreshing change, many including hares enjoyed this choice, myself included. Now did I mention we had a few canine hashers in this group, Porter, Kai, Nipple-less butt, ok so 3. Now for some reason Broke Bench decided not to drink for the month of January but he couldn’t wait until 2/1 as he was swiggin’ away with Tequilla like there was no tomorrwa at TC, Beer check, and he even ripped off the tops of my underpants to get at the beer trough during religion! Geez man, maybe you shouldn’t deny yourself dude. Trail was a decent 3.3 miles,. Now I have notes of Deep Stroke and Candy ass ash? WTF? Ok moving on. Accuprick was RA, he appointed the lovely Sealed snatch as his beer fairy, down downs we’re a plenty but I’ll stick to the important ones, we gave a down down to our neighbor CAN’d H3 visitors as mentioned before, Schlong Division couldn’t think of a song so he also drank with them, dBASED for his what? 525th Hash? dude get a life, or maybe a wife thats cool, Hugh amazingingly enough got a down down for running 25 consecutive hashes! Here here! Sealed snatch got down down for being a Baltimore Ravens fan (but in the end she was stoked because they fuckin’ won!), Just Andrea and Cuff my muff got down down for not running trail, and we tried hard to name Just Sarah, but in the end, nothing stuck! We’ll get ya Sarah! And the fuckin’ hare….TIMMY!Hash 671

We might have 2 namings to think about this coming week if Just Andrea decides to show up, and Just Sarah! OK wanker’s this week hash trail #672 starts at Tampico’s on the Pacific mall.

On On half mind’s!!

Occasional Rapist