The Anal dBASED Family Christmas Picture Hash
When dBASED made the trail announcement for this week, the cold hearted bastard told everybody to come to his house and meet in the back yard. Occasional Rapist has a heart, and sent out a second trail announcement inviting everyone inside the house where it was nice and warm. Thank you Occasional! Once a year, instead of the Hares laying a trail of flour and chalk, Surf City H3 does a picture hash. The Hares give the pack a picture of a location, and the pack has to go to that location, find a Hare to get another picture of where they have to go next. dBASED, Occasional Rapist, Hot Wheels and Cuff my Muff were the Hares. Little Spit declined to participate this year. Hot Wheels now has a driver’s license, but still has 4 years to go until he reaches drinking age. However, he can now be a designated driver! Whoo Hoo! Maybe to help pay for college he could start a little taxi service to shuttle around drunken hashers.
The first picture was across the street at Women Care, the organization that the hash supports for Red Dress. The trail lead the pack on a 3 mile trail that visited a couple of Quickie Marts, churches, Caress Day Spa, a couple of Trailer Courts and had a great beer check at Sante Adairius Rustic Ales Brewery. The second beer check was at the dentist’s office parking lot near the start. I was trying to ponder if there was a theme to this year’s picture hash. The only thing I could come up with since the hares are newlyweds, one possible theme could be: Take care of your woman, throw in a few quickies, sensual massage, drink lots of beer, repent in church and go to the dentist so you don’t have rotten teeth. Who the fuck wants to kiss someone with rotten teeth?
Religion was held back at the ranch in the back yard and presided by Accuprick. He nominated Achy Breaky Snatch his lovely Beer Fairy. First down down went to everyone who wore stripes. Canadian Penny Slut, Pink Cherry Licker, Princess Di(arrhea), Thmp-Thmp, Occasional Rapist, and yours truly. I got the next down down for bringing Christmas cookies to the hash. Hugh Heifer drank for being involved in a dog fight. She is pet sitting another hasher’s dog, Zoe, who picked a fight with the sheriff’s dog! Way to go for “slowing down the man”. Nippless Butt was also hashing, but he was a good boy and didn’t get into any trouble. Pink Cherry Licker accused dBASED for screwing up the rhythm of the song Face down, ass up, etc. She schooled him on how to sing the word “cousin”. She was then commended on her kick ass poetic hash trash last week. See, there was a reason we chose her to be part of our threesome! Fucked Over Fest was punished for using his phone in the circle. He was bragging how he ran 2.5 miles to the hash, but was on the phone trying to get a ride home form some ho bag. Accuprick was trying to probe him about the chick. He described her hair as “brown like a fence” and her carpet matches her drapes. Wow, now that’s a romantic guy! No wonder the bastard is single! Hugh Heifer was punished for auto hashing. She bummed a ride off dBASED. dBASED also drank for almost forgetting to pay the tab at the brewery. And last but not least, the Hares……………………
The pack was then treated to some yummy warm chili afterwards! Thank you Occasional Rapist!
Next week’s hash will be at the Nasty Asti. Dung Fu Grip came up with a nasty theme of Krampus. I googled it. Here he is. 
He’s a scary mother fucker!
In German folklore, Krampus is like bad Santa. It’s a beast-like demon creature that punishes all the bad children who were naughty and carries them away in his sack to the underworld. So now we know why German children are so well behaved. Their scared shitless of getting a whipping for being naughty by Krampus. Anyway, dress in something nasty, mean or ugly and the hash is supposed to go through town scaring people. Sorry I’m going to miss out!
Merry Hashmus and have a Drunken New Year!
I’m from Scranton, Pennsylvania. Scranton is known for coal mining, The Office, Joe Biden and Jason Miller (That Championship Season). People talk with what’s called a “coal cracker accent”. So Jeeze God! For Christ sake! Drink a couple, two, tree beers and have a great holiday. I’ll be eating Mom’s ravioli and drinking $2 Yuengling Lager at the corner bar.
On On,
Shallow Hole
the beer and drink selections are endless there….It was hella cold out this night so we stayed in to drink. Hangs Loose and Chewy managed to find warmth on the front deck. Drinking to prepare for Cumcerto’s solo concerto as who knew what we would be awaiting:) Trail was marked fairly well, down Mission we went and then a right down Laurel St. past SC High down to….right on toward’s the flats…this is where things turned ugly. Trail continued on the train tracks. I thought for sure we’d likely run toward’s the SC Wharf (by the tressel) but low and behold it was a straight on in death march to the beer check. The longest, loniest (and dryest) walk in the dark. We cursed in the dark about a few things a.) a bum must have snagged LC cause we couldn’t find it and did not want to risk getting poked by some lost syringe needle in the bush, b.) there better not be a fuckin train a coming c.) poor Nipple-less Butt and his bare paws on all that broken glass, smartly he walked mostly on the wood slats and came out alive and well, thank god we have a vet hasher Wet Feral Pussy was there to inspect. Then we came upon the FRB’s, at beer check on the train tracks at Bay/near California. Trail was surpisingly short for Cumcerto, I guess she didn’t want us to bitch too much on a longer trail, but
RA was the duo pair Cuff My Muff and Accuprick. Noted missing from trail was Hugh Heifer, I suppose she took advantage of Twisted Fister having the beer trough (he wanted to use it for the extra night in NorthSouth) and decided to slowly make her way to the best part of a hash, Religion. Nothing was funnier to see than our appointed beer fairy, Hangs Loose wearing the crown of shame and taking a piss, god I wish Puff had gotten a shot of that, LOL. Visitors to report: Just Jenna came back
, she reported now living in San Diego as her excuse for not hashing sooner, and Dirty Late Cummer who’s in Monterey now I believe. The task for the night was in naming Just Ed, after much fun deliberations, can we hear a drum roll please…..he was named, Fucked-over-Fest, 
as we all know he loves everything about Edtoberfest. Welcome to the hasher family way of life…..And the hare…Thank you Cumcerto 
for not killing us on trail:)