Monthly Archives: August 2014

Hash Trash #757

Helloooooo….a lot has happend since hash 757. But let’s relive it! Shallow Hole and Dung-Fu-Grip took us up Empire Grade near Twin Gates, for the start of this shiggi-licious hash trail. Shallow brought 2 virgin’s, racist from her running group. Virgin’s Robin and Heather. One even wore a racist shirt! Slonad also brought virgins, Kory and Steve. Virgin Steve’s spouse Just Lori apparently hadn’t hashed in 2 years. Glad to see keeping it in the family! Just Tisha made Virgin Alice cum! Trail was one big loop in the park so to speak. We ran through Gray Whale Ranch part of Wilder ranch and then crossed back over Empire Grade in another loop. Just Karee was confused and didn’t think it was her 5th hash yet, but by dBASED and Puff’s observational skills or hash count it was her 5th, so the thinking caps we’re on! About 1-2 miles in there was a BW check of Manischewitz Concord Grape wine, nasty, but appreciated! A nice bridge crossing. It appeared most of the virgins made it to beer check first, LOL. I measured ~3.7 miles to beer check. (Trail map as measured by dBASED.) Check out this map, what do you see? I tried to see something but no. Beer check was beside a memorial burial of a lost cyclist whom apparently was hit by a car on Empire Grade. We drank to him! Then the long ass mile walk back down Empire Grade to Religion/start of trail. We carried the beer trough off road so we wouldn’t get busted and conducted business. Dog Breath was TIMMY!’s beer fairy. Noted down down’s are FRB’s which were most of the virgins!, Just Lori for making it back after 2 years for her 3rd hash run!, Just Karee and Bacon Queef for learning ‘just how to pee in the woods whilst hashing’, Dung-Fu-Grip’s 69th Analversary hash!! And all the Virgins we’re called up. We heard stupid jokes from most but got a nice butt flash from Kory! Then the naming of Just Karee……after much diliberation….Welcome to the hash, ‘Tits and Game!’ (can you tell where or whom she works for?). Yaay! I personally really liked this trail, running off road is so much fun! Creamy Swallow hates his name and wants a renaming. We will grant this no problemo, might take awhile but we shall come up with something far more insulting! And the Hares..!!

On On to this week’s hash which will start at El Jardin, on Capitola road, we have 2 new hares so this should be interesting!

Til then wanker’s!

Occasional Rapist

Hash 756






Do you Remember way back to Hash 756? Occasional Rapist, Wicked Retahted, and Dang Fu Grip (acting as hash historian and RBCB) started us off at Castaways where they pour a pretty strong cocktail. D’BASED went around trying to get everyone to join Life 360 so we can all see where everyone is. He says it’s so we don’t lose anyone in the woods again. I think it’s an elaborate plan to snare hares who forget to sign out. Most will remember, but there’s going to be someone who doesn’t. It’s the long con. The hares were off! They told us to look out for a liquor check and some hidden facts about the Hash founder “G.” This hash fell on his birthday.
14819118654_db27efcbff_oWe all circled up out back. We had a surprise backslider, the curly haired offspring of Mother’s Little Feltcher and Sausage Slam. They came with stroller in tow. However, it wasn’t the stroller that slowed down the pack. It was out complete inability to solve the first check. We looked every conceivable direction, some people logged a full mile before we even found on two. We finally found the tra14634804089_28a5fc9987_oil and the pack was off.
We found the liquor check out on the railroad tracks. It was some kind of pink 14821019882_b664152d03_ostrawberry mash (perfect for your scribe). There was the only fact I ended up seeing, but I’m told it wasn’t the first. We spent a lot of time on the tracks (hurray something new and different for us). We had to climb a ridiculous fence. Then we ended up going down toward Capitola Village. I’m sure that some people were a little skeptical when trail pointed down the wharf. Perhaps they remembered the YBF that caught Dog Breath and Twisted Fister last time we headed out this way. As it turns out, the first beer check was located down at the end of the Wharf at the Wharf House. There was only one employee for the whole front of the house and she didn’t give a whale’s fart about us. There were no pitchers, so the hares provided a few pints for us to share. But that’s ok, we could buy some cocktails! Or not. I’m not sure who you had to blow to get a drink around there, but we all wondered off before figuring it out.
14817942771_33a0febdee_oWe gave the hares a few minutes to set the rest of the trail and then followed them down the coast. The final beer check was at Privates Beach. Dung Fu Grip and Dog Breath stripped down to swim in the uncharacteristically warm Santa Cruz water. Then we dragged the coolers back up the stairs and headed to Wicked’s casa for religion.
There was a nice spread with chips and dip and home made hash courtesy of Dung Fu 14840456493_23c9c9394e_oGrip. We sat around a roaring camp fire enjoying some well deserved beer. Timmy served as RA and picked Twisted Fister as Beer Fairy. Hugh Heifer got called up for yelling on-on when she should have said on-one back at that first check that confused us so much. Wicked had invited a few virgins14797571796_4cc143619d_o, and not told them anything (of course). Virgin Randy did the whole trail in flip flops. Both Virgin Randy and Virgin Preacher told jokes. Then it was time to call up the hares!

Here are Dung Fu Grip’s fun facts about our founder:


Here are my fun facts in order of appearance:

1. Hashing is based on the British school game “Hare and Hounds” or the Paper Chase c.1800
2. Modern Hashing originated in late 1938 in what is now Malaysia, organized by Albert Stephen Ignatius Gispert (G) and 11 others
3. The “Hash House Harriers” take their name from the Royal Selangor Club, or “Hash House” where several hashers lived
4. The original 4 tenants of hashing are:
1. To promote physical fitness among our members
2. To get rid of weekend hangovers
3. To acquire a good thirst and to satisfy it in beer
4. To persuade the older members that they are not as old as they feel
5. G was killed in action on 11 February 1943. However, the original hashers reformed after the war and the second kennel was created in 1962, and spreading from there.

The inner historian would like to point out that this is a drastically simplified version of the events, and liberties were taken to increase the prominence of G, as while he is the holy martyr of half-mindedness, he was merely a first amongst equals in the original hash house.

Save Water, Drink Beer! Official Wharf to Barf 2014 Recap

755cakeWharf to Barf is a great opportunity to spend quality time with your drinking buddies, meet new friends and make great memories that you won’t remember the next day.  This year, many hashers suffered from alcohol induced amnesia, so it’s taken a week to gather all the facts to report.  We had 10+ visitors this year representing Monterey Can’d H3,FHACU, and SLO H3.  Thanks to Hugh Heifer who hosted several of them at her house and Finger Nips for letting hashers stay at her house while she was off hashing in Belgium.

7/25/14 Pub Crawl- Racists, Chicken Man and Downtown Santa Cruz Debauchery.  Pink Cherry Licker is supplying the juicy details, since I wasn’t there.

7/26/14 Hash # 755 and Picnic at DeLaveaga Park

This year, we had games!  Thmp-Thmp and Twisted Fister invested in a corn hole bean bag toss game and a beer pong table with Surf City logo on them.  There was also a golf toss game and Pink Cherry Licker brought a game called King Cup.  Beer pong seemed to require too much skill and King Cup required brain cells.  Even though there were rules written on the cup, it required far too much thinking for a drunken Harriette like myself.  I did better tossing bean bags.

755traildBASED hared the Eagle trail which was 5.75 miles according to my GPS, and TIMMY!!! hared the Turkey trail which was approximately half as long.  The Turkey Eagle split was at the disc golf course.  We were greeted by Achy Breaky Snatch.  There was a boob and “package check”.  No one understood the chalk drawing of a box with a bow on it.  It meant the guys should flash their package.  Hope she got some eye candy while she was 755trailsplitroasting in the noon day sun!  She was there to explain the strange marking which directed hashers to the tee number we had to go to, to find either the Eagle or Turkey trail.  The Eagle trail included multiple stream crossings, hills, hills and more fucking755trailcreek hills!  God, I hate hills!  We were hot and mighty thirsty by the time we got to the one and only beer check in the woods.  There was an abundance of great food and cold kegs of beer waiting for us when we returned to camp.  There was also a vodka infused watermelon!

Religion took place after the face feed.  Banana Basher was RA and Pink Cherry Licker was Beer Fairy.  Banana Basher drunken rambled something about old and new hashers.  Gm’s Thmp-Thump and Princess di (arrhea) received the first down down for their hard work organizing W2B.  They brought up the rest of the Shitty Committee who 755watermelonhelped.  Next was the W2B Watermelon Head Award.  After much debate, Under Mother Fucker won the Watermelon helmet for all his drunken antics on the pub crawl the night before.  He wore a chicken suit and tried to pick up pregnant women.  Hugh Heifer was a close second.  She got drunk (as usual), fell down and got kicked out of bars.  Your truly, Shallow Hole, drank to the Analversary of my 150th Surf City hash!  And Banana Basher thought I would never stick around!  Ha Ha!  He was wrong!  I’m a drunken degenerate just like the rest of you bastards!  We had a naming!  Just Chip was named Shameless Butt Plug for shamelessly promoting his T-shirt business.  His girlfriend, Electric Labia Land, didn’t want any part of the naming process, but 755namingBanana Basher brought her up anyway.  Welcome to the hash!  After that, Banana Basher turned over the RA reins to Dung Fu Grip to close out the hash.  There was singing, drinking and more drinking.




Sunday 7/27/14 Monterey Bay H3 Hangover Hash

Monterey Bay H3 is no longer in existence, but the traditional Sunday W2B Hash took place at Pearl Necklace and Last Call Norm’s house.  The day started for some with bloody mary’s at 7:30 am.  After the race, hashers met at Britannia Arms in Capitola for more drinking.  The hangover hash began at 1:00 pm at Pearl and Norms.  It’s typically a short, leisurely stroll around the neighborhood.  The goal was to finish off the kegs and leftover w2g3food.  Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp were Hares.  Under Mother Fucker wore his watermelon helmet and Chicken Costume.  Trail was a slow walk to Ocean View Park for a vodka and juice check.  There was a lovely view of the boardwalk and train trestle. The Wharf to Wharf race course passes below on East Cliff Drive and each mile is marked with balloon arches over the road.  We were just hanging out drinking, and spotted the remainder of the Mile 1 marker balloons below. A few of us got an alcohol induced idea, and decided to steal it!  We didn’t have a knife, but someone had a lighter.  Brilliant!  Dung Fu grip burned the string free and we all grabbed parts of the long balloon chain.  It was a sight to see!  And was w2b14witnessed by a shit load of traffic.  There was a Chicken Man with a watermelon on his head and a bunch of drunken hashers carrying the balloons up the hill. balloonshill




balloonsOnce we had the balloons, we had to figure out what to do with them.  So we paraded them through Seabright neighborhoods and delivered them to Surf City H3’s Founder, Banana Basher’s house!  No one was home at the time, so we carefully secured them to his front porch!

Once back at Pearl and Norm’s house, Dung Fu Grip presided over Religion.  Bloody Wanker was his beer Fairy.  The first down down went to the Racists who actually ran the race.  Achy Breaky Snatch, Yours Truly, and Dung Fu ran the race.  Dung Fu made a balloonsgroupfake bib with magic markers.  Priceless!  Six of Nine, Waxi Pad and Hogasm all drank for being backsliders.  There was chivalry on trail.  As hashers approached Ocean View Park, they carried stuff for some random picnickers.  Dog Breath, Under Mother Fucker, Last Call Norm and Pearl Necklace all drank for being too nice.  WTF?  Next, the balloon stealers were called up.  Dung Fu, Twisted Fister, Shady Curtains, Hogasm, Under Mother Fucker, Achy Breaky Snatch and Yours Truly.  Let’s make it a new Surf City tradition!  Under Mother Fucker, AKA Chicken Man, was congratulated on winning this year’s Watermelon Head Award.  Next were the acknowledgements.  Hogasm was called up for designing the W2B T-shirt.  The GM’s, Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp organized a great W2B!  Last Call Norm and Pearl Necklace for hosting the day’s festivities.  Last Call Norm celebrated her 375th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  Dung Fu Grip drank for wearing a racist shirt from the Relay.  Dog Breath, Last Call Norm, Pearl Necklace, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, dBASED and Six of Nine drank for being the last remaining members of the Monterey Bay H3.  Back in the day, for Wharf to Wharf, those crazy kids carried around a Giant Penis and threw condoms.  That’s how TIMMY!! found out about the hash!  He found one of their condoms!  And last but not least, the Hares…………….  Puff the Magic Drag Queen officially kicked the keg.  May the hash get a piece!

On On,

Shallow Hole