Hello Voyeurs,
TIMMY! & Puff MDQ here. It is with great pleasure we announce that Trail 851 will begin from the Davenport Roadhouse with Religion nearby. There’s a parking lot directly across Highway 1 so large that even Hugh Heifer will be able to park without hitting anything. All bets are off though when she goes to leave. You will remain on the first tier of the coastal steppe which also means you will encounter copious quantities of poison oak and impressive stands of stinging nettles. So dig out a set of socks knee-high, or you will cry. TIMMY! & Puff will have Technu available for you after Religion…for a nominal fee. Trail may make the three mile mark but only if the hares get lost. Bring all the four-legged hounds you can find but remember they cannot enter the Roadhouse. The Roadhouse has an adequate beer selection, lots of wine choices and a hard alcohol bar too. I can’t imagine what else you’d need to know. Everything else is the standard pack of lies that hares have always used.
On-out,
TIMMY!
Puff MDQ

Last week’s trail was our anal lampshade hash, which started at Callahan’s on Water. Unfortunately, I didn’t see any anal lampshades… it appeared most hashers opted to wear them on their heads. The crowd at Callahan’s really had no idea what to do with us and I even saw some of them taking pictures of us, I hope we made it to someone’s snapchat or instagram with some clever captioning. #didtheyshowupdrunk hopefully they can do better than myself.

Our hares for the evening were Occassional Rapist and Shallow Hole, who said trail would be short but left out the part about the 1 mile YBF to start things off. As we were running the YBF I kept hearing dBASED saying that he was pretty sure we were on a YBF, but who listens to dBASED? He’s been oddly correct about trail recently. I don’t want to say that we might want to start listening to him, but…..

Once we reversed ourselves from the YBF along the levee path near Branciforte we crossed back over Water to the Medical Buildings across from Sake then reconnected with the levee near Ocean. Next we had to get across Ocean, which proves difficult even with a cross-walk. We have been feeling the tourists presence the last few weeks with Spring Break in full swing, so Ocean was jammed back with half-drunk and sun soaked tourists looking at their phones as we tried to cross. We all somehow made it! After the death crossing we hooked back up with the levee that took us back to River Street Lighting on Soquel where we take our traditional photo.

At beer check, we happened upon a homeless woman who was very interested in our lampshades… but mostly in our Manischewitz. She also tried to tell a joke, I didn’t find that it made sense or was very funny…. I am willing to laugh at myself, but only if it’s actually funny.

Back onto the levee we go and drop down Broadway into downtown. Running on Pacific is usually a pain in the butt, unless you have the pleasure of having Poon Doggy as your escort. I had the pleasure of running with this massive fur baby this week and people were literally jumping out of the way, parents were scooping up their children and the elderly were white-knuckling their walkers in hopes they wouldn’t get taken out by this guy. So, all the way down Pacific we go until we hit River Street and make a left towards highway 1. Right before the highway 1 cross-over we make a right onto Josephone Street where we found beer check.

As we are enjoying our cold beer in lampshades we see a child in a window who is waving at us. I bet he will grow up to be a hasher now. Not before long we were nicely asked by a parent to move it along, as we were keeping her child awake. Poor kid has to go to bed when the sun hasn’t set? I guess mom and dad need a break too. So, we walked down the levee to religion at the River St garage where we managed to not completely piss off the sword fighters this time.

RA for the evening was Dung Fu and his beer fairy was played by Genital Tongs. A few of us were called up for not wearing a lampshade, which included myself, Princess and Thmp (they did have lampshade shirts with A Christmas Story theme) and Genital Tongs. We also celebrated a miracle, Wicked made it to beer check! I think he even did trail! He can usually be found back at the bar or grabbing some dinner while the rest of us fools actually do trail.

Vaginal Repair Kit and CumFart Zone were given down-downs for sex on trail. I celebrated my 75th hash, I should really get a life. We sang Happy Birthday (fuck you) to Genital Tongs who survived another trip around the sun and of course, our hares were chided for another shitty trail.

As the pack dispersed Hangs Loose was nowhere to be found and his fur baby Poon Doggy was starting to wonder what crazy lady he was going to end up going home with that night. (I feel like that’s not too strange of a feeling for a hasher). Luckily, Shallow Hole and Hugh came up with the idea to call the number on Poon Doggy’s tag which immediately connected them to his human. Who would have thought that two Deadhead hippies would be so clever?

This week’s trail will start at Monty’s in Felton and have us in pursuit of Hugh Heifer and Genital Tongs. Check the page for more info.

May the Hash go in Peace!

On-on,
Ho to Housewife

This week’s hash was brought to us by Hugh Heifer and Pussy Galore who decided the pack had gone about playing games too long and needed to be punished with a fuck load of checks.

All the checks. It wasn’t so much the amount either but that each check had 1-2 flour puffs going in every direction so we couldn’t just get away with looking one or two directions. Checks that were almost always kicked in the wrong direction first before being corrected (actually let’s be real nobody corrected them). Checks that led us up and down and all around. So. Many. Checks.

With that rant out of the way, I can actually talk about other things, not that there is really anything else to talk about for this trail. We started out from Monty’s log cabin in Felton, I really like that place with their cool outdoor back patio, cheap drinks, and dart board that is definitely not hung at regulation height, turns out 6 inches makes a hell of a difference…

After the hares were off we gave their slow asses plenty of time to fuck with us. Trail was beautiful through Henry Cowell by where the train runs through. I think we heard something about a pastor convention going on in the facility by the train tracks but we decided to keep our sinner selves away from trouble and kept on going without harassing them. We finally got to beer check in the same place we had it last year at this time and had religion in the parking lot of Mountain Community Resources.

Timmy was our RA and wanted to get

that shit over with so it was quick and dirty and we didn’t get to name the many pups that showed up, Butters needs a name (I suggested “Slip n slide”) and Vaginal Repair Kit’s pup Charlie as well (My vote is for Suck on my Cocker Spaniel) we can’t let the fact that he is a COCKer spaniel go ignored! But alas Timmy veto’d our idea for that so perhaps next time.

The backsliders got theirs BarebackUnicrack, Trans-Cunt-n-Anal, Cum Lord and Pussy Galore (but when one hare drinks…). Trans-cunt-n-anal managed to make it to 25 hashes despite being a lazy bastard.

Virgin Tully brought to us by Tits-n-Game showed off his goods to the hornyharriettes. Finally we got some announcements, Wharf-to-Barf will have the theme “Jam out with your Clam out” and seems there will be a hook up at Kiva, but make sure to get hammered ahead of time as they don’t allow booze. Red dress announcements also made, make sure you sign up on the facebook event page! It will start at Callahan’s this time around!

Finally Religion was finished and we headed to on after at Cowboys which was a pretty cool joint! A lot of the crew went and it was a good time as always with you wankers.

On on,

Pussy Wood