Monthly Archives: March 2017

900: 9’s for days

Hash 900! The theme was 9’s including a fancy package boob check combo shaped like a 9. Fancy. Things got started at the Crepe Place by our hares

Wow. Much Art. Many Talent.

Wow. Much Art. Many Talent.

Twisted Fister and Thmp thmp and it was all downhill from there. We wandered the seabright neighborhood rather aimlessly and enjoyed a liquor check in banana bashers driveway along the way.

Puff’s house was the predictable beer check and religion was held in the lot behind Lillian’s. Founder Banana Basher was the first to the altar. He made a rambling speech alluding to the success Surf City has enjoyed. This probably refers to the fact no one has ever died on either a dBASED or Dung-Fu Grip trail. He was also given a nod for this 666th hash with surf City. Really Boring Bitch and Just Andy were busted for utilizing technology on trail

Wanker Hares

Wanker Hares

. Religious Adviser Dung-Fu Grip has just awarded award patches to Cumz Out My Nose for 250 trails and and Pussy Wood(Scribe Raiser..HA!…hey fuck you Puff) for 50. Later Cumz said she got this patch weeks ago! Virgins Nicole and Antonia mull over their options for Joke, Song or Body Part. No more pictures are required as both went the joke route.

Puff's Casa for Beer Check

Puff’s Casa for Beer Check

Just Alisha is posed a series of personal questions prior to her naming as she has just completed her fifth hash. However, a question she forced RA Dung-Fu Grip to rhetorically pose became her name. View on. Six of Nine was awarded a down-down not so much for dragging a bottle of vodka with him to the hash but more for not offering a swig to anyone during Religion. Cheap bastard! Here’s our newest member: goddamnit! How much dick do you need?!? (gonna be a l…o…n…g

necklace!)

Meet "Goddamit! How Much Dick Do You Need?!"

Meet “Goddamit! How Much Dick Do You Need?!”

And the hares… Thmp-Thmp and Twisted Fister. They were cited for excessively boring trail. Much as are they though now that I come to think about it…Somehow the last order of business became thanking the evening’s Beer Fairy, Pink Cherry Liquor. This is an indication of the disorganization experienced tonight.

 

On on,

Pussy Wood

899: Cum You May Not’s not so short birthday trail

Talk about lies. This trail was full of them. “Trail will be short!” They said. “It will be fun!” they said (actually I’m not sure they did).

Birthday girl and the man spreading lies (our hares)

Birthday girl and the man spreading lies (our hares)

What I do know now is never follow dBased and never listen to Accuprick.

Trail started at El Jardin. Then the bullshit ensued. Right off the bat a YBF to the left and then a long ass trek down 7th.

The second of many YBF's

The second of many YBF’s

We wandered around through parks and neighborhoods, over the railroad tracks to beer check where the hares were not present and it was weird. Then the “short” trail that was “A to A'” started getting further away from start…TCnA and I said “fuck that” and walked back to his house to eat and we were told later trail went on another few miles, definitely A+ decision making skills on our part to bail.

Party time

Party time

Relief trail is over

Relief trail is over

I’m sure festivities and stuff happened. Rumor has it (and puff’s hash flash confirms) porn was being projected on the big screen.

TIMMY!! assumed the reins as Religious Adviser and appointed Thmp-Thmp his Beer Fairy. Co-hares Cum You Will Not and Accuprick were accused of scrimping on the vodka in the Bloody Mary’s at Beer Check. Inexcusable! Virgins Chris, Rhonda and Harry were subjected to Joke, Song or Body Part. No pictures remain but there were two drop-trou and one joke. Cum Rash was punished as a severe backslider. Cum Rash may be a long-term backslider but it has certainly not reduced her drinking ability!! Shallow Hole and Hugh Heifer made the backslider list and were duly punished. And the hares… Cum You Will Not and Accuprick. They blamed trail length on a newly-installed and locked gate. It’s a poor workman that blames their tools! Genital Tongs announces trail was long and hard but she likes it long and hard. T.M.I.!

On on,

Pussy Wood

 

898: Confused hares lead to confused markings

The hash started at Beer 30 and Puff has apparently often wondered, when a rat goes out at night to look for food and spread horrible diseases and it looks up and sees a bat, does it think that bat is an angel?

Start at Beer 30

Start at Beer 30

I don’t think our Rat Pussy sees anything other than Deadliest Snatch when HE looks up. It’s obvious neither of them looked up and saw the stupidity of their trail. This hare-pair became mired in a claustrophobic clutch of cliches.

I can only assume trail went this way and that way around Beer 30. I wasn’t there so I wouldn’t know. There is photographic evidence that that is in fact what occured though!

Quite the turn out!

Quite the turn out!

Analversaries: dBASED at 25 consecutive, Thmp-Thmp reaching 269 and Wicked Retahted up to 150 hashes with us. dBASED remained at the altar because he dropped and broke our Pig Bowl down-down dispenser. dBASED remained at the altar for a third consecutive crime. This time it was for not yelling the on-on until he was five marks past the check. Rat Pussy and Wicked Retahted were awarded downs downs. Rat Pussy for pulling Wicked Retahted out of the cooler after he fell in head first. (Who said ‘head’?) Flip Flops On The Rocks was punished for giving the on-on after just the first mark away from a check.

And the hares

And the hares

Just Wendy and Just Chuck were punished for their backsliding ways. Just Kem, whom has just finished his fifth hash, ponders the chance he’ll get a name he can tell his mother and decides it probably ain’t gonna happen! Just Kem can do nothing other than laugh upon hearing the name he will be saddled with throughout his hashing career. Allow Hash Flash to introduce our newest recruit: Real Boring Bitch. Welcome…ya half-mind! And the hares…Rat Pussy and Deadliest Snatch. They both appear well on their way to living up to Rat Pussy’s shirt: I’m drunk alot. Dog Breath, Thmp-Thmp, Princess Di(arrhea) and Accuprick line up at the counter for (in order too) beer and pizza. The last to surrender Trail 898 to the record books: Dog Breath, Princess Di(arrhea), Thmp-Thmp, Accuprick and TIMMY!! They got what they deserved.

On on,

Pussy Wood

897: Pink Cherry Liquor’d up for her Beerday!

PCL took another trip around the sun and thus the hash came out in force to celebrate!

Wankers enjoying libations

Wankers enjoying libations

We started at Pono where in true PCL fashion I had a fruity pink-ish cocktail of sort and it tasted better the further I got into it. Trail went off some long amount of time later. We wandered downtown, there was a sake bomb check at that sushi place down pacific whose name escapes me. We wandered some more. There were YBF’s, there were hills, there were plenty of checks that had the pack split in many directions and on the verge of giving up. But then, then there were dirty shirleys at “beer” check and all was forgiven.

Dirty Shirley Check

Dirty Shirley Check

Who doesn't?

Who doesn’t?

Religion was on the top of the locust garageTIMMY!! was busted for using technology during Religion. Today Is Monday’s crime? His acronym, TIM. Therefore, guilt by association with TIMMY!! Analversaries: Jizziki at 69 hashes and Princess Di(arrhea) with an obscene 250 demonstrations of the fact she has no life. Dung-Fu Grip was selected as this evening’s Beer Fairy. Religious Adviser Accuprick presents Virgin Andy with his options for Joke, Song or body Part. Sorry harriettes, Virgin Andy went the joke route for Joke, Song or Body Part. Even though Yellow Prick Load, Ska Skank Redemption and Today Is Monday have plagued our existence innumerable times, we still treat them as visitors. Busted as backsliders: Ho To Housewife, Cock Throbbin’ and Moose Turd Pie were justifiably punished. Moose Turd Pie broke into a rambling, drunken discourse about something only he could fathom. Here we see Beer Fairy Dung-Fu Grip handing him a down-down in hopes it will assist him in passing out dead-drunk.

Birthday girl!

Birthday hare!

The ones lucky enough to get a saki bomb before the wait staff was overwhelmed: Cock Throbin’, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Yellow Prick Load, Fap Jack, Baker’s Dozent, Dung-Fu Grip, Broke Bench Mountain, dBASED and Courtesy Flush. Dog Breath was mocked for complaining his bottle opener was worn out and no longer worked. It was then pointed out the bottle he was holding utilized a twist-off top! Speaking of ‘twisted’…And the hare… Pink Cherry Licker. She was thanked for the ‘party favors’ at Liquor Check and we look forward to having her as hare again…in a year! Moose Turd Pie, soon to celebrate another year alive, most likely anyway, joins Birth Day Girl Pink Cherry Licker in a Happy Birthday down-down.

On on on was back at Pono where shenanigans continued!

On on,

Pussy Wood