Hash Trash #891 Happy New Beer!

In their trail announcement for Hash 891, Pussy Wood and Trans-cunt-n-anal promised to set the bar very low for 2017 hashes. As a tribute to their outrageous offering and how low it has set the bar, I will now do the same for hash trashes.
Wankers ready to go
Wankers ready to go
Apparently that isn’t considered sufficient and I have to actually write something that has to do with the last hash.
Hash 891: Wherin our pack took over Eastside Brewing Company(and surely made them rethink their Pro-Canine Position!)
A break in the rain, Happy Hour, and promises of a trail that wouldn’t “be too long” ensured that there would be a large turnout. As usual most hashers only had one thing on their minds, sadly this Thursday that thing was to bring their dogs on trail. The pack very quickly outnumbered the quiet Thursday crowd, and shortly thereafter the number of canines outnumbered the staff and muggles! Both hares got everyone’s attention to talk about trail, then lost it about 15 seconds into their trail talk when they said fishhooks.

LC! Screwdriver that says "Screw 2016!"
LC! Screwdriver that says “Screw 2016!”
After an appropriate amount of time, the pack gave the staff a reprieve by bravely heading outside for a quick circle in the cold. In addition to our normal motley crew we had two visitors from San Diego(Shaka and Tinkerbelch), the return of the backsliding Edgar’s Girlfriend and 6(Farley, Posey, Junk Puncher, Poon Doggy, Roxy, and Short Stack!) canines tackling trail!
Trail started out fairly simply, heading out from the parking lot and turning left onto Portola. The first check on the corner of 17th saw the pack heading North past Shoreline and running through the parking lot towards Schwan Lagoon. As the pack got close to the entrance of the Swim Center, they spotted several Sherrif’s vehicles, one carried what looked to be a vodka bottle to a car. Pieces of broken glass littered an empty parking space and the smell of tequila filled the air. The pack kept their heads down and hoped that wasn’t their liquor check!
Beer Check @ Sunny Cove
Beer Check @ Sunny Cove
Exitting the parking lot the pack took a trail, ran through some shiggy and wound up on railroad tracks to discover their fears were unfounded! The hares had left their thoughts about the previous year in liquid form. Trail continued out from Live Oak onto Brommer, detoured right onto Chanticleer and followed Kinsley to Darlene Drive. The smell of barbecue filled the air and it proved to be too much temptation for some hashers, who stopped to join the festivities!
Poon Doggy was almost stuck to Timmy's car forever
Poon Doggy was almost stuck to Timmy’s car forever

For those who were able to resist the temptation, trail continued East on Brommer until 30th, which was when the group I was with met the FRBs who had found the fishhook. Down at the former Kong’s Market! Continuing up to Portola there were some discussion(more like agreement) about shortcutting trail for Hawaiian food. So again we set off! It was around this time that Short Stack started to get short-tempered, I figured she was tired and so soon found out she was very adept at short-cutting. It definitely isn’t one of her short-comings. I’ll cut these jokes short. She has little legs.

The hares + Angered fish hookers
The hares + angered fish hookers!

Whether by Portola or by 26th, people found their way to East Cliff Drive and then to the edge of the cliffs overlooking Sunny Cove for Beer Check! After (almost)everyone gathered, the pack headed back to the start for a cold and quick Religion. We were finally all back together as dBased and Timmy had ventured out to the barbecue after beer check to pick up Occasional Rapist, Hangs Loose and Poon Doggy! There were visitors, backsliders, private parties, many verses of “Beastiality’s Best”(including Hangs Loose adding 3 verses to his own Down-Down song), and of course, down-downs for the Hare-pair. As an attempt to appease the pack, pizza was supplied inside of Eastside Brewing. Something that proved to be fruitful as the pack was safely indoors when three police cruisers drove past en route to checking out the back parking lot!

By supplying food and ensuring no one got arrested the challenge is set for Twisted Fister and Thmp-Thmp, but with “Strange Trail Techniques” promised I’m sure we’ll all regret it either way.
Baker’s Dozen’t

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