This hash trash was originally supposed to be written by Occasional Rapist. The day went like this:
1:06 My legs are sore. It’s going to rain. I have to help a friend with a project. Can you write the hash trash?
1:13 Never mind, I am doing the project now.
2:46 Even though my legs are sore, I am going.
5:26 I have too much work to do. I am not going.
9:00 Did you remember you are writing the hash trash?
I should have made Occasional Rapist be the scribe any way. Not attending is no excuse. This reminds me of many moons ago when I was the On-Sec for the Long Beach Hash. Back in those days we had a weekly printed hash trash. The scribe was different every week and back in the those pre-internet days I got the write-up in all sorts of interesting manners. One of my most frequent contributors was Doggy Style. She was quite good and always made her deadline. However, one week she fucked up. I happened to be in Boston the week of that week’s hash. So, I wrote the hash trash and every third sentence was “Fuck you Doggy Style”, in an attempt at humor. Some saw the humor, others did not. I got a Pie in the face from Riff Raff over that Hash trash. We had an “On-Disk” (97-Sex) who was in charge of mailing out the hash trash to members who did not attend. She considered my write-up pornography and tore it off every Hash trash that was mailed. This was later reported back to me and I think I was supposed to be upset, but I just laughed. (BTW, I am hoping Finger Nips reads this and gets it to Doggy Style – whom I am told she and Riff Raff still know).
Hash 893 was the lowest attended hash in years. Because so few of you attended, I’m sure this is likely to be the most read hash trash in years as all those that missed are curious to know what happened.
There there 14 humans and 1 dog (Junk Puncher). There were only 3 humans of the female persuasion, and one of them only made it to the beer check (Ho To Housewife – who walked there from her house and was a pseudo hare).
There was impending rain in the forecast, but we were sparred the rain, which did not cum until a few hours later. I’m sure if this had been a Dung Fu Grip trail the rain would have been upon us. Perhaps we need to have Shallow Hole hare more often as she seemed to be able to fold off flood waters.
The most interesting topic at the start of the hash is why people were not there. Occasional Rapist and Pink Cherry Licker were reported to have work obligations. Timmy was at some fancy smancy concert. New Kids on Cock, who works just up the street from the start, was apparently still recovering from the demolition derby caused by fallen trees at his house earlier that week. Du Fu Grip reported to me a few days something like, he just wasn’t feeling up to it, or he couldn’t get a ride, or something like that. I’m imagining that Deadleast Snatch and Rat Pussy were afraid the THE Scotts Valley would might simply fill up with water and they would either be trapped there or need to swim for safety.
We’ve not seen much of Shallow Hole of recent. She seems to think her elderly dog and sometimes her blind husband (Waxi Pad) have higher priority than us. Even her initial co-hare, Cum Pumper, abandoned her. Last we saw Cum Pumper she reported she had had a date in Scotts Valley and might have reason to see us more often. I’m guessing that didn’t work out, or Cum Pumper would have some how made it to Scotts Valley for her haring obligation. Shallow Hole’s priority to the Hash was on full display tonight as the distance of the hash matched the attendance. I’m guessing she planned it on a small cocktail napkin the night before.
Our special guest star tonight was Deep Stroke. She is a street walker this days. That is, she delivers the mail and says she is on her feet 6 hours a day. In spite of this, or perhaps because of it, Deep Stroke claimed injury and was told me at the start she was not doing trail. However, somehow she made it to beer check unscathed to the mortal eye.
Across the street is a newly formed residence of Shallow Hole’s employer – Kaiser Permanente. It is also a residence of my former employer – Embarcadero Technologies. Most of people I used to work with there were laid off in the past year and I wondered if everyone who remained now worked from home. However, as we left the start I saw lights on, so it appeared someone was home. A few minutes into the hash we passed the back side and I saw people inside – so I know it’s not just a facade – people really do still work there.
The start of this hash started with a button hook through a housing complex just behind Kaiser and Embarcadero. We then hit San Augustine Way with a check. Another check was found at San Augustine Way and Hacienda. I figured Shallow Hole had to throw in a hill or two, so I checked left. However, trail continued on straight and through the only bit of shiggy of the night with short trail that connect to Sandrays Heights Rd.
In this brief section of trail I had cause to discuss a notorious Hasher in my past, Fruit of the Loom, with Thmp-Thmp. Fruit of the Loom is kind of the Puff of the Long Beach Hash with one exception – no one likes him. When I left the Long Beach 25 some years ago, I got reports of him being punched out twice in the first 6 months I was gone. And that was 25 years ago. My children had heard me describe Fruit of Loom for years and the first time they did a Long Beach hash they picked him out of a crowd. Anyhow, somehow the discussion of staying on trail regardless of the conditions come up with Thmp-Thmp and I commented how Fruit does this religiously. His mantra is – “Try Hashing – you might like it”. I heard this a lot from him back in the day. It wasn’t too popular in a Hash were short-cutting was consider an art form.
A final check was encountered at Sandray Heights and Glenwood. Trail turned left on Glenwood, then right at the bridge that connects with Siltanen Park and beer check was found in the parking lot next to Siltanen Park. We were greeted with some sort of warm chocolaty drink that was yummy and found our hostest Ho To Housewife serving the drinks. Urban legend says that Scotts Valley has no regulations against open containers, yet Shallow Hole seemingly found one of the few places in Scotts Valley was alcohol is not allowed – because there is sign saying so as you enter the parking lot.
After all arrived, we departed for a location were alcohol was allowed for religion. That would be Siltanen part across the street. There was even an amphitheater. I recall two significant down downs of the night. First was when Princess Diarrhea led a song she couldn’t sing. I got brought forward as well as I couldn’t sing it either. The second was finally to our sausage fest when both our virgins showed their’s! Ladies – you missed it.
It was cold and the attendance was small, so down-downs were short. Afterward, many had to be directed as to where the start was and most walked back.